Change Your Image
Vaseal
Reviews
The Pink Panther (2006)
Why isn't Steve Martin funny anymore?
I really don't understand Steve Martin!! First he tries dismally to revive the late great Phil Silvers character "Sergeant Bilko" and now he also has tried to revive equally dismally the late great Peter Sellers character "inspector Jacques Clouseau".
Now don't get me wrong, I am a fan of Steve Martin but as I was checking out his movie history it dawned on me that he hasn't been funny in almost twenty years! If he had retired after "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" he would have had almost the perfect movie career. And would now be remembered as a legend of comedy just like Sellers and Silvers.
But as with most actors, he doesn't know when to quit and he has now starred in two decades of Turkeys. Bowfinger is perhaps the only exception.
Now back to the Pink Panther. It is a truly an awful film. His performance is lame to say the least. Peter Sellers Clouseau was a masterpiece; Martin is comparison a pale imitation. The problem is Martin has run out of original ideas. Like an aging pop star that has ran out of original material, he has reduced himself to singing covers.
But in the Circus that is Hollywood one should always seek the high wire and never be the clown. So therefore perhaps its time Martin called it a day.
Underworld (2003)
What Kate did. Oh dear look what Kate did next..
I had the misfortune to endured 15 minutes of Underworld last night. Not even the lovely (but talent less) Kate Beckinsale in Leather could hold my interest. I kind of liked the Vampire V Werewolf theme (When I was reading the synopsis in the telly guide), but the acting was terrible, the characters unbelievable and the plot absurd.
To be fair, perhaps it improved as it went on, but I doubt it. A master class with Laurence Olivier wouldn't have improved the acting in this movie.
I would be the first to admit that Kate Beckinsale is a babe, but her acting always leaves a lot to be desired. They say she is good in the aviator. As I haven't seen that film yet I can't comment but really all this lady is eye candy and shouldn't be a leading lady in any movie.
Sorry Kate, but the truth hurts and she gets paid big money to deliver and seldom if ever does...
I can accept Vampire firing silver bullets to kill Werewolves, but werewolves firing bullets mad of sunlight to kill Vampires? Give me a break..
And this technology was developed by pre-historic werewolves living in dirty cellars under subway stations.
So avoid this movie, you will be glad you did....
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Kill Bill.... I wish someone would..
Now where do I start? I am often amazed at the hysteria generated by a movie made by Tarantino. Granted Pulp Fiction was a decent effort in a confused disjointed way. But Kill Bill Volume one needs to be taken with an almighty pinch of salt. If this film was made by Golden Harvest in Hong Kong it would never have seen the light of day in western theatres.
I was impressed with the standard of martial arts in the first fight scene when our heroine bride fights to the death against Vernita Green. But the whole film lost the plot for me after that scene with its chopping backwards and forwards. And the main fight scene in the nightclub when the bride takes on over 100 screaming samurai welding gangsters beckons belief.
I understand this is a tribute to martial art films of the 70's and should in no way be taken seriously but it is possible to have believable martial arts and still have a solid story. I have always loved Martial arts and I have studied Tae-Kwon-do for many years. So I guess with a heavy heart I must give this film the thumbs down.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Deeply moved by this experience....
I have to admit I was actually scared as I sat in the cinema waiting for this film to start. I was sitting there as if his ordeal would be mine. It was. I found the film brutal at times but I had no idea what his great man went through to save us from everlasting sin. I am not a Church goer, I don't even consider myself religious but I was immensely touched by what I witnessed on the screen. I have never been so moved by a film in my life, I feel I have not the words to describe how I feel about this whole experience. I just know I witnessed something very special. I am not going to go on about the story but as Cecil B Demille once said it is, 'the greatest story ever told'
A lot of credit should go to Mel Gibson for making what was always going to be a very difficult film because of the very nature of the work.
Cruel Intentions 2 (2000)
Awful Awful Awful
It often amazes me that film companies will pump good money into such drivel. Without a shadow of a doubt cruel intentions 2 has to be one of the most pathetic, unimaginative, cheesy messes of a movie I have seen in a long time.
It is a prequel to the original teen flick Cruel Intentions. (which wasn't much better) The pointless sex scenes are played by mindless teens that obviously haven't a clue how to play them. They fumble from one pathetic encounter to another. The film is suppose to be about seduction and the lost of innocence, not mindless teens fumbling for each other's zippers. You would see more seduction on a visit to Old McDonald's farm.
I wont bother mentioning the cast because without exception they were all awful. The script was awful, the direction awful. In fact everything was awful.
Avoid this movie at all cost.
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
A Classic tale of greed and corruption
If ever there was story about greed and man's ability to achieve an almost divine state of corruption, then this is it. This is a tale of three friends who in a bound of friendship set out to find gold in the Mexican Mountains. This friendship soon turns to hatred as the three prospectors develop an intense paranoia of each other.
One of the prospectors Fred C dobbs (played by Humphery Bogart) in the space of two hours undergoes an incredible metamorphosis, changing from a rather personable down-and-outer to a homicidal maniac willing to kill his closest friends.
This film was directed by John Huston and shot entirely on location at Jungapeo, Mexico. It cost an incredible $3 million to make, much to the despair of Jack Warner. After seeing a prelude of the film he exclaimed, they're looking for gold alright .. mine. He also did not like the fact that Bogart's character was killed off in the end, he felt it was a mistake. He was proved right as the public in 1948 did not like film, and it became a flop at the box office.
The critics though love it and hailed it as a triumph for Huston and Warner pictures. Strangely enough everybody was honoured except Bogart. Perhaps seeing the hero of Casablanca and the Maltese Falcon as the degenerate, murdering psychopath was more than the academy could endure. He was not even nominated for a Oscar.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Inspired Movie Making
I had often wondered why I had never read The Lord of the Rings books. I was always amazed at the enthusiasm, dedication and loyalty of the countless people I know who absolutely adore these tales. I said to myself 'what's all the fuss about? They are only silly childern's books!!
Well I could not have been more wrong!! The LOTR is a tremendous story, which totally captivated me for three very short hours! It paints a huge canvas of a totally alien world filled with Hobbits, Elves and giants! An alien world but at the same time a world which has many similarities to our own. There is Good V Evil, Friend V Foe, Love V Hate. And at the centre of all is the most unlikely of hero's, a four foot tall Hobbit!
J.R.R. Tolkien was inspired to write a beautiful tale of friendship and loyalty in a harsh world of betrayal, death and damnation! With the odds firmly stacked against them, this fellowship of unlikely companions (four Hobbits, two warrior humans. a dwarf, an elf, and an old Wizard called Gandalf) battle the Evil Saruman and his forces of darkness.
It is a tribute to this fabulous story that I have not yet mentioned the special effects, which are truly outstanding! Director Peter Jackson has made a wonderful film co-ordinating what was a massive project! Three films made back to back!!!
The cast we are all excellent, especially Elijah Wood as Frodo Baggins (Our Hobbit hero). I particularily liked Sean Bean as Boromir and Ian McKellen as Gandalf the Grey!
There is not much left to say only **DO NOT MISS THIS FILM** It is the movie experience of the new millennium!! Roll on next Christmas and The Two towers!!
One Ring to conquer them all, has been rewritten to one film to conquer them all!!
Pearl Harbor (2001)
Changing the facts and never for the better!!!
Make no mistake! This is a poor film. I will start by saying the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour is exciting if not accurate in any real historical context. Pearl Harbour doesn't work for the following reasons,
1) Remember the Japanese Empire attacked at 7am. So how come kids were out playing softball, people were playing golf etc. It was like Sunday afternoon. Corny
2) Poor acting (very poor acting) I cringed in my seat during some of the acting in this movie!! Ben Affleck was terrible, Josh Hartnett was brutal and worse of all was Kate Beckinsale!! Where did these people learn to act!! They were so wooden. Was it with Keanu Reeves in the `"Pinocchio school of Acting". Corny as Hell!!
3) The Love Triangle (Less said about that the better) Corny corny corny!!!
4) The sentimentality of this movie!! Was it supposed to make us feel sorry for the Yanks and hate the Japanese!! It totally failed because it was not objective! It was not a balanced view of what really took place. It portrayed events in a one-sided biased manner aimed at American Film goers! Being Irish and not American (and well read on the events of December 3rd) I found the whole movie tiresome, inaccurate and boring! It was a film that was made by Americans, for Americans!
This film is not a true depiction of what happened at Pearl Harbour! It is as inaccurate as was Braveheart was with the story of William Wallace. The true story of Pearl Harbour was compelling, moving and dramatic (as was the story of Wallace) so why do Hollywood always insist on changing the facts! And never for the better!!
Highlander: Endgame (2000)
CRITICS GET OVER IT. This is not a bad movie.
Well I have to say I am not as horrified as I thought I was going to be. Highlander Endgame as action movies go is not at all bad. The film has a nice pace; the acting OK, and the actions scenes are pretty good. (Best I have seen since the original Highlander) Overall this movie is pretty enjoyable.
Now that I have got that out of the way, what exactly annoys every film critic that sees this movie? Which is after all just a harmless piece of escapism. OH I've got it!
. the story!!
What difference does it make that the Highlander movies did not follow each other? Why have the critics such a problem with the lack of continuity that is the enigma of the Highlander story.
Take them all as separate entities, DIFFERENT STORIES with the same characters. Like the TV show Sliders. I do see anyone having a problem there.
These movies are supposed to be fun. They are not going to change your life. And if you feel there are holes in the story line, just explain it to yourself as Conner did in the Highlander Endgame.
What is their reason for being?? Who knows, THEY JUST ARE?
Virtuosity (1995)
Had its moments but.....
Oh dear.... I have to say I am a little disappointed with this movie. I felt it promised much but delivered little... It had great visual effects, good actors but the story was totally unbelievable. I would like to comment further but I just feel I have wasted enough time on this movie already.
Gallipoli (1981)
poppies and white crosses
One of the most realistic anti-war movies I have ever seen. You would have to be made of stone not to be touched by this gripping presentation of World War One. The story does not centre on the battle scenes (such as Saving Private Ryan, Platoon) but on human relationships and their frailties.
These innocent young men of WW1 were fooled into an imperialistic war they did not understand. For God and Country, we'll all be home for Christmas. And some of them were, in Hospital ships filled with wounded. Most though were left to rot in some far away battlefield in mass graves, filled with poppies and white crosses.
Ben-Hur (1959)
Simply the Greatest epic ever made
Set in the time of Christ during the height of the mighty Roman Empire, Ben-Hur follows the lives of two former childhood friends Judah Ben Hur (Charlton Heston) and Messala (Steven Boyd), who become the bitterest of enemies. As they grow older, the latter shows unswerving blind loyalty to the Roman Empire. After Ben Hur refuses to help Messala round up what he perceives to be enemies of the Empire, he is framed for a crime he did not commit and is sentenced to a life of living hell on a galley ship as a slave.
His blind belief in his fate coupled with a thirst for vengeance helps him to survive this torturous existence. For three years, he is chained to an oar until during a battle with Greek pirates he saves the life of the Roman commander Quintas (Jack Hawkins), who takes Ben-Hur under his wing and frees him from his life of bondage. He becomes the main trainer of Quintas's stables and in the course of time his adopted son and heir. Believing that Massala has killed his mother and sister, Ben-Hur exacts revenge by challenging him to a chariot race.
The 40-minute race took three months to shoot, in an arena that was a year in the making, and was one of the most ambitious sets ever staged by a major Hollywood studio. It forms the focal point of the movie.
El Cid (1961)
For God, the King and for Spain
El Cid, Samuel Bronstein's epic movie masterpiece is a tribute to one of history's greatest legends. The Cid of Bivar who freed Spain (a war torn unhappy land, half Christian and half Moor) from the clutches of Islam in the 11th Century. This dazzling spectacle with huge sets and a cast of thousands, fills the screen with action and romance.
It was directed by Antony Mann (who also directed 'The fall of the Roman empire') and stars the great Charlton Heston as the noble hero. It is a role that Heston was born to play and as such he gives a riveting performance. A special word should be said of the beautiful Sophia Loren who radiant beauty captures the screen and the audience in a trance.
This great film was shoot entirely on location in the land of Spain where this epic tale took place. It also has a fine supporting cast including Herbert Lom as the evil and sadistic Ben Josef.
Enemy at the Gates (2001)
impressive
Enemy at the Gate is the story of two top snipers duel during the WW2 battle at Stalingrad. It is very Realistic, especially the start when the Russians were been ferried across the Volga (The Stuka's attacking the boats is frighteningly realistic.) Ed Harris is very good as the German sniper (clinical and deadly).
I think they captured the mood of Stalingrad pretty well. The set of ruined buildings is genuinely impressive. There is even a short scene with Paulas telling Major Konig that they will all be home for Christmas 1942 (Paulas did not get home until 1955).
The downside to this movie is the love story but it does not interfere with the story too much.
Highlander (1986)
Who wants to Live forever ..
They are immortals who are destined to live forever. They must duel down the ages until only one remains. Only decapitation by sword can released them from there age-long battle for an incredible prize-Power beyond imagination.
From the Scottish Highlands to modern day New York they war for the prize. If the forces of EVIL win mankind will have to suffer an eternity of darkness. With mortal man's fate in the balance it is left to a lone warrior to save the day. Enter Conor Mcleod from the Clan Mcleod.
For in the end there can be only one...........
As you may be able to gather from my review I love this film. I would also like to pay my respects to the late great Freddie Mercury who's with Queen provided the sound track. Most of the tracks were written by Brain May. He wrote the wonderful 'Who wants to live forever' in the back of a taxi cab.
Freddie's version of New York New York is truely outstanding.
Rush Hour (1998)
Enjoyable Romp
Very Entertaining, Great Martial Arts (as one would expect from Jackie Chan) and a young Eddie Murphy (in the shape of Chris Tucker) Enjoy this Movie with a bottle of bud and a Chinese takeaway. I did !!!!
Watch out for Chris Tucker when he meets the brothers in the pool hall. Its a very funny scene.
Payback (1999)
Mel as a bad guy?????
Mel Gibson as the bad guy. Well there you go, I have seen everything. I can see Mel as an uncaring guy (Max Max) a psychotic guy (Max Max), even a misunderstood guy (Max Max), but an out and out bad guy .. Give me a break. The film is pretty good in that I enjoyed watching it. But totally forgettable in that I only watched it last night and already I am forgetting the plot. Not that there was much of a plot. I seem to recall something about $70000 and his obsession in getting back this money, which he insists throughout the movie belongs to him. Now I was under the impression that it belonged to the Chinese whom he stole it from????.
Perhaps Mel forgot the plot too. Ant that for me is where this movie falls down. Its is very enjoyable but if you are looking for something that is meaningful and may change your life. This movie is not it.
Watch it on cable or wait for it to be shown on TV
Highlander (1986)
Who wants to Live forever ..
They are immortals who are destined to live forever. They must duel down the ages until only one remains. Only decapitation by sword can released them from there age-long battle for an incredible prize-Power beyond imagination.
From the Scottish Highlands to modern day New York they war for the prize. If the forces of EVIL win mankind will have to suffer an eternity of darkness. With mortal man's fate in the balance it is left to a lone warrior to save the day. Enter Conor Mcleod from the Clan Mcleod.
For in the end there can be only one...........
As you may be able to gather from my review I love this film. I would also like to pay my respects to the late great Freddie Mercury who's with Queen provided the sound track. Most of the tracks were written by Brain May. He wrote the wonderful 'Who wants to live forever' in the back of a taxi cab.
Freddie's version of New York New York is truely outstanding.
Spartacus (1960)
inspired movie making
This is one of the greatest epic movies ever made. It would never have been made at all if Kirk Douglas had been given the role of Judah Ben Hur in William Wilder epic masterpiece Ben-Hur. Burt Lancaster had also been considered for the role but turned it down. Kirk was offered the role of Messala opposite Charlton Heston but he turned it down refusing to play second bill to a young upstart such as Heston.
Douglas made Spartacus purely to get back at MGM and William Wilder. This need for revenge drove Douglas to make what is a truly great film.
The Direction given for Anthony Mann and Stanley Kubrick is excellent. The cast is also flawless. Kirk was clever enough to cast all the Americans in the film as Slaves and Gladiators including himself. The English actors in the Film were all cast as Romans, Olivier, Laughton and Ustinov. This made perfect sense as the Romans and Slaves now sounded different. This makes the film all the more believable.
This film is one of my all time favourites, but I often wonder if kirk had got his way and had starred in Ben-Hur, would this film have ever been made ???
A final word on the lovely Jean Simmons. She is one of the most beautiful women that has ever graced the silver screen
Gladiator (2000)
Wonderful Stuff
What we do now .. echoes through history...
A true masterpiece from director Ridley Scott, Gladiator has everything a epic movie could wish for. From the battlefields of Germania to the Gladiatorial contests of the coliseum.
It stars Russell Crowe as Maximus, a brave Roman General who is betrayed by the evil Emperor Commodus. Left for dead he is rescued by a Gladiator trainer( played by the late Oliver Reed) who trains our hero as a Gladiator. He eventually fights his way to the Coliseum in Rome when he confronts his enemies and his destiny
Everything about this movie echoes pure class. The battles, the sets, the direction. The cast is superb especially Russell Crowe, Oliver Reed and our own Richard Harris as the dying emperor Marcus Aurelius.
What the author really loved about this film was it's authenticity. Ridley Scott shows the filmgoer what Rome must have looked like at her height, decadent but wonderful. This film is a must for anyone who enjoys real entertainment, after all isn't that why cinema was invented.
In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
Had potential but somewhere it all seems to go wrong.
As much as I am a fan of John Carpenter and his film-making. I especially liked "the Thing". I was left with a feeling that this film could have been much better. It had everything a horror story needed including a great director (Carpenter), a great cast which acted superbly, Sam Neill in particular. It even had Charlton Heston in a small role. It even had a story line. So what was wrong? Maybe its just that there has been one too many of these kind of films done and we are all a little bored.
This is a film that is ok to watch on Video on a night when you have absolutely nothing else on.
Khartoum (1966)
Wonderful Movie
This has to be one of the most splendid movies ever to come out of Pinewood Studios. Beautifully directed by the late Basil Dearden this sweeping epic is throughly a classic in every sense of the word. Charlton Heston is masterful as the heroic Chinese Gordon defending the Helpless city of Khartoum. A fine English cast include Ralph Richardson and Laurence Olivier (as the Mahdi) support Heston in what (except for Ben_Hur and El-Cid) is his greatest role. It is amazing that this film got almost no recognition from the Academy. Heston and Oliver should have been nominated for their performances.
This is a film that one will always watch again and again. History may never have been like this, but it is the way I would like to think it was. Heroic and majestic to the last - just like Gordon.