Change Your Image
tinchimp
Reviews
Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)
how exactly do these films get financed?
Maybe im a little bias, due to having also watched the totally rocking "One armed boxer vs master of the flying guillotine" in a 24hr period, but ive got to say how appalled i am at the fact that this movie actually made it past a screenplay (that is if there was one! Im sorry, but people making silly noises for minutes at a time constitutes neither script, nor comedy)!
The feature is culled from the Jimmy Wang Yu movie "Tiger and Crane fists", spliced with new footage, overdubbed with new dialogue and shaped into a new "plot"
This "movie" would have been more appropriately placed as a 2minute sketch on a comedy show. The "joke" prevelant here, its safe to say, is that the formulaic cliche ridden HK martial arts movies, when distributed stateside, were treated poorly and dubbed by people who seemingly had no idea as to the original language thus baring no relevance sometimes to the onscreen action... Ha ha... okay, good joke - so lets see the movie? Oh, there isnt one?
Get the picture?
I gave it a 2 for the cow scene, otherwise it would have had a 1, no questions...
Du bi quan wang da po xue di zi (1976)
WOWSERS!!! ONE ARMED BOXER IS DA BOMB Y'ALL!!!!!
Aside from the Bruce Lee Classics and Story of Ricky, i wouldnt consider myself to be a bigtime Kung-Fu flick fan, but One armed boxer vs Master of Flying Guillotine has just made a believer out of me!
It seems, that 2 assassins O A B defeated in a previous adventure were the students of the Master of the Flying Guillotine. Fully enraged, he heads off to settle the OABs hash, killing any one armed fighters he encounters along the way, including mr "Killed 7 with one hand" (a personal favourite moment)... While this is happening, The school of eagle claw style are holding an open tournament, in which different schools of martial art disciplines are competing - resulting in a number of classic encounters - SEE Capcoms inspiration for Dhalsim, as the Yoga discipline is used to lethal effect against Tornado Knives... MARVEL at how braided long hair can be put to use against Mongolian Wrestling! (The fights contained here-in totally rule!!!)
Anyhows, its not before too long, that at the appearance of another One armed fighter, MotFG appears on the scene, bringing an abrupt end to the tournament. Upon his intentions becoming evident, the remaining mobile fighters try to aid MotFG in his quest to bring an end to the OABs legacy. However, our hero hasnt gotten his rep from flower arranging, and sticks it to em!
This movie totally rules! Kick azz fight scenes, a mad soundtrack (MotFG theme was freaky as hell!!), brilliant characters (lets play find the generic kung fu fodder) and some totally memorable set pieces (was it me or was the OAB/Thai Boxer fight a little sadistic?!?!?) make this one well worth the money! If you can, the HK DVD is cheap as chips, original lang w/eng. subs and has a rockin trailer too!
Hell, i want the original OAB now!!
If you like Martial arts flicks and havent seen this, do so now!
If you like films that rule, consider this a mighty big recco! If you like Oscar winning films, why are you reading reviews for a movie like this!? Go watch a Rob Reiner film or something...
Oh yeah, it seems i wasnt the only one to notice how it could make a totally rock n roll video game! Namco could clean up with this one, Braided long hair all the way baby!!!
Lik wong (1991)
Rock and Roll Baby!!!
Having just checked out a few comments based in its UK release - I've got to go on record and say that I think that rather than Rickys UK release being promoted as a dark sinister movie, it should have been advertised as the outrageous splatter-toon a la Bad Taste that it is. Upon reading the blurb on the DVD it seems the movie is being promoted as up there with Untold Story and Dr Lamb in the hardcore, severe CAT III material.
Ricky is not like that.
What Ricky is, however, is the ultimate kick @ss party movie. If you, or your friends appreciate slapstick, gore, kung fu, action or comedy, you really cant go wrong with this! Pop it on in front of a bunch of semi intoxicated friends and you have the makings of a great evening!
Ricky is a bit of a superhero, blessed with superhuman strength, type who has been incarcerated for murdering the sleazy pimp who in turn murdered his girlfriend. Ricky just wants to go about his time peacefully it seems, but is unable to turn a blind eye to the evil regime of brutality of the Warden and his "Gang of Four" - a group of semi super powered badguys. So Ricky does what any super strengthed kung-fu baaadass would do - Kick mucho @ss!!! Ricky takes on the Gang of four and the warden in a maelstrom of Blood, guts and other interpersonal mayhem!
If taken seriously, this film will more than likely disappoint, but taken as a 90 minute piece of entertainment, if the idea of a Kung Fu Splatter-toon takes your fancy, you wont find it done better elsewhere! (or anywhere! If you know different, let me know!)
If you know what you're getting into 10/10 If you're a proper movie critic and want crouching tiger... go see crouching tiger!
Honey Britches (1971)
This movie reeks of excrement.
I bought this movie, as in paid over 10 English pounds for a film called Demented Death Farm Massacre: The Movie. I got Honey Britches. Okay, let that sum the disappointment in one line? The blurb sounded a total undiscovered gem, with the desperate Jewel Thieves hiding out with a clan of psychotic rednecks - ends in a brutal battle for survival.. Sounded almost like a wild combo of Dusk till Dawn and the Chainsaw massacre! The phrase polishing a turd springs to mind. Unfortunately, in the instance of buying videos a turd can be polished very nicely and sold under a groovy title to unsuspecting horror fans. To say the blurb is misleading would be an understatement. Lame people can be jewel thieves too.. just as psychotic rednecks can be goofy rather than aggressive... ARRRRGHGGGHHHHH
LAME LOSER JEWEL THIEVES VS GOOFY JERK OFF RETARD FARMERS WHO DON'T KNOW A CHAINSAW FROM A MICROWAVE!!!!
For the record, this movie was released in the UK as Demented Death Farm Massacre The Movie. Why, I have no idea.
If you too ended up seeing this, please accept my commiserations... If you are reading up on this, please heed my warnings and avoid like the plague.. this doesn't have a 1.7 mark for nothing!!! (Probably worse than that coz its about to get a 1 from me!!!)
Judge Dredd (1995)
A slap in the face to Judge Dredd faithful - A waste of one of the Comic book greats
As much a fan of 2000ad and Judge Dredd as i am, I've avoided seeing this until it was shown on Network TV this weekend just gone... If only i could have gone for another 40 years, id have hopefully have died with JD still an Icon of mine...
Admittedly, the opening scenes, flying over the Mega city were pretty awe inspiring, but we are rapidly bought down to Earth with a bump when Sylvester Stallone makes his on screen presence felt... "I am ... The Law!" - Ohhhh dear...
Lesson no 1 for film makers, when attempting to portray the finest the future of Law enforcement has to offer, FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN SPEAK!!!! Sorry, but Sly Stallone is a terrible choice to portray JD, his on screen presence is pretty cool, but JD is kinda like a futuristic Dirty Harry, as in he's pretty articulate, whereas SS comes across as ... well ... slightly challenged. Bruce Willis, Steven Segal, Bruce Campbell - the list goes on, action Heroes can be literate!
To base my hatred for the film soley on Slys presence would be a little shallow, so, we'll continue.
Okaaaay, now, if they wanted to do a film about futuristic Law men, then go ahead, but please not at the expense of one of the Comic Book greats! Once a Judge has made a commitment to upholding the Law their personal life ENDS. Remember cadet Giant telling his father to go flake coz he was a judge now and didn't have time for him? If i remember correctly weren't there Judges facing getting the boot coz they were in love? Didn't JD get an admirer confined to a Psycho cube? Well, we get JD getting it on with Judge Hershey and being branded a freak because he devotes his time to being a Judge.. Hells Bells! If this was the Mega city there'd be a few people on a one way trip to Titan! The amount of inconsistencies with the JD we know and love is upsetting to say the least. True, certain artistic licence should be taken in bringing comic book heros to the silver screen, but to reinvent...
I am sickened..
Oh and the script is just bad! Terrible dialogue! Absolutely cringeworthy! I had to leave the room it became so embarrassing! I'm sure i didnt miss anything don't worry! The guy who played "Fergie" (excuse me, wasn't Fergie a 7ft tall Neanderthal with a Baseball bat - King of the Smellies??) is 1995s equivalent of Jar Jar Binks...
One small saving grace was the appearance of Mean Machine Angel, who looked pretty gnarly - he didnt get stuck on 4 1/2, but in context with the state of the rest of the film, i count my blessings... Otherwise the Angel Gang are completely wasted in the film...
Overall, if you love the Apocalypse War, Judge Death, The Judge Child Quest and the Cursed Earth, please try and ignore this film... it really isn't worth tainting you image of JD. If you like cheezy Hollywood action films and have never heard of Judge Dredd, you may get along with this...
A terrible waste of a great license 2/10
Sang faa sau see (1998)
Rare Little Gem
Although not the standard zombie splat-fest which i had hoped for, I've gotta say I totally enjoyed this quirky little flick. Apparently made on a shoestring, the whacked out, neon dripping, Plaza setting offers an almost halucinatory overtone to the proceedings. The story throws a small group of young HK shopkeepers into a siege by the undead. Kind of plays as a combination of DOTD and Night of the demons, helped by a heavy dose of HK youth culture and comedy, very reminiscent of that in other HK comedy-horrors (Mr Vampire springs to mind.) Despite wanting a bloodbath, I couldn't help but to appreciate it for what it is - entertainment.
By no means up there with DOTD, The Beyond or any other of the slew of late 70's early 80's zombie cannibal chunk blowers - but still, more than enough of a breath of fetid air to keep zombie fans ticking over. To summarize - Great 90 mins worth. Not taxing on the mind. Entertaining characters (great subs!). But if you want gore - it's back to an umpteenth viewing of "The Beyond"... Well worth seeking out if you're looking for something different. Well, I liked it anyway...
Save the Last Dance (2001)
A Dire Dirty Dancing for the new Millennium
If you like a thoughtful, well crafted piece of entertainment which tackles tough modern days issues, without prejudice, resorting to stereotyping, dragging up Cliches or having to resort to tired, predictable plotlines - SAVE YOUR MONEY!!!
Sorry but this was probably the biggest waste of £6 I have ever had the misfortune to be part of. I'll avoid leaving spoilers or plot (HA!!!) details, but rest assured, If you have a taste in films beyond the maturity of "Dirty Dancing" then avoid like the plague. If however, you are one of the hundreds of thousands of pre-teens who lap up their candy-coated fantasy worlds ...
A 1 was too generous, I feel offended that the film has moved me to write this slating....
Please don't see this film, demand more substance from your entertainment.
Dèmoni (1985)
Demons is great!!!!
Demons is one of the greatest movies ever, due partially to one of the greatest portrayals of pimping that I have ever seen (Bobby Rhodes). There is very little in the way of either plot or logic- but if you want that sort of thing, go see Gone with the Wind! Its violent, its dubbed, except are on the soundtrack. Demons is a winner everyday of the week!!!!