pyewacket Reviews

Going the Distance (2010)

Surprisingly Awful

[1/10 · 6 September 2010]

What a surprise this movie turned out to be. Likable stars and the one good review I read duped me into thinking I'd have a great time.

Instead, it's a stinker almost from the get-go. For a couple with major history, Barrymore and Long have zero screen chemistry. In fact, no one in the movie has any chemistry with anyone else. It's a case of "Let's pretend we know each other on camera for the next several shots!" The movie is profane - while sex talk is normal, I don't know anyone who actually speaks the way these people speak. You grow weary of hearing the profanity - if it were in the service of genuine comedy and laughs it would be one thing, but there's at most two laughs to be had in this entire misbegotten film.

A real stinker!

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (2009)

A Great Mystery

[3/10 · 22 August 2010]

This is, indeed, a movie with a great mystery. The great mystery is why on earth Michael Douglas did this pathetic film. The other talent are all television names, Peter Hyams is a C-rate writer/director - this could never have been anything but a C project at best (as it is, it's a D effort).

Jesse Metcalfe has never been much of an actor, and does nothing here to prove otherwise. Joel Moore and Amber Tamblyn can act, but don't have the skills to rise above the dreadful script. Many years and bad movies have gone by since Hyams' one decent effort, "The Presidio."

So why did Michael Douglas take it? Did he need the money that badly? That is a mystery which the movie never solves.

Poirot: Hallowe'en Party (2010) Season 12, Episode 2

One of the Best Poirots

[10/10 · 26 July 2010]

The quality of the Poirot series lately has been very iffy, but "Hallowe'en Party" is a grand return to form.

Zoe Wannamaker on hand as Mrs. Oliver is always a good thing, and the story (set by Christie contemporaneously in mid 1960s) fits perfectly in the late 1930s setting of the series, thanks to Mark Gatiss' excellent screenplay. With a creepy ambiance from the get-go, Charles Palmer's direction is tight and moody. Sophie Thompson, Fenella Woolgar, Macy Neiman, Ian Hallard, Paola Dionisotti, and Deborah Findlay are all excellent.

I thought this was a much better take than the more-hyped "Murder on the Orient Express."

The Final Destination (2009)

Worst Movie of -- Oh, Ever?

[1/10 · 1 September 2009]

As a fan of the first three FD films, I was looking forward to this one. Unfortunately, it's a pile of crap. Eric Bress should have his Writer's Guild card revoked -- the plotting is inane, and the dialogue is sophomoric dribble.

The 3-D looked spectacular in the preview for "Scrooge," but it completely wasted in TFD. Very unimaginatively used -- and the big disaster is a disappointment (the second one in the movie theatre/mall had more potential).

The actors -- if they can be called that -- are terrible, every single one of them, but I'm not sure even Meryl Streep could make something of that script. These kids don't even have what it takes for TV soaps, much less the big screen.

Time Machine: The Journey Back (1993 Video)

Sentimental and fascinating

[16 June 2003]

This addendum to THE TIME MACHINE DVD/video is interesting for its tenacious follow-up on the fate of the actual "time machine" built for the movie -- but it's remarkable for the short "postscript" of an epilogue to the original motion picture.

What's particularly amazing is that 74-year-old Alan Young looks almost exactly as he did when he filmed the orignal movie back in 1959. It almost makes for an eerie effect -- like time itself *is* being fiddled with -- to see him back with his red hair, bushy moustache and Scottish brogue -- it almost seems to be an outtake from the original...

Moonlight Mile (2002)

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch

[1/10 · 3 October 2002]

One of the really bad films of the year. It would be tempting to blame it on writer/director Brad Silberling, but no one in this film acquits him or herself admirably. Susan Sarandon struggles to bring her usual fiery passion to a

dully-written part, Dustin Hoffman looks great but is otherwise a bore, and

Jake Gyllenhaal comes across as an annoying Tobey Maguire clone, but

even more annoying than Tobey.

The nadir? Possibly this line from Sarandon: "You've given us all a big

truth enema." Yeah, there's eloquence for you! Gyllenhaal whines his way

through an unbelievably bad courtroom scene that provokes a desire to

smack him one, and Holly Hunter looks embarrassed as a district attorney.

A low mark for all concerned.

Feardotcom (2002)

The Bottom of the Barrel, But a Great Mystery

[1/10 · 5 September 2002]

Well, what ever else can be said about FearDotCom (and there is not much

to say about it, really, other than "AVOID! AVOID! AVOID!"), it

absolutely provides the biggest, juiciest mystery in years, to wit: Why on

earth would a solid, well-respected actor like Stephen Rea lower himself to

the level of this piece of trash?

Like I said, it 's a first-rate mystery, and unfortunately one that won't be

solved until Rea spills all. Suffice to say that a group of usually-clever

actors (including, in addition to Rea, Stephen Dorff, Natashca McElhone

and -- looking older-than-God -- Michael Sarrazin) sinks with the film -- no

one acquits himself honorably in this mess. But how could they, with a

ludicrous and literally unintelligible screenplay and by-the-numbers

direction?

Is it a ghost at work? Or a scientific madman? You'll be amazed that you

couldn't care less as you look at your watch and curse the fool who talked

you into seeing this top contender for "Year's Worst Film."

Signs (2002)

One more strike and Shyamalan's OUT

[1/10 · 27 August 2002]

I loved THE SIXTH SENSE -- even felt it deserved the Best Picture

nomination it got. And when Shyamalan's UNBREAKABLE came a

cropper a year later, I thought it was a noble failure -- everyone's allowed

one of those.

But with SIGNS, my goodwill is gone. I'm beginning to think that, like

James Cameron, Shyamalan desperately needs a WRITER. SIGNS is a

mess -- full of "aliens are coming" gobbledygook, cringeworthy lines like

Rory Culkin's protestation that he wants to stay in their home because "it's

where Mom was" and excruciatingly poor acting from just about everyone

but Cherry Jones, who does her best to hold her head up high and not be

embarrassed by this dreck that is her biggest shot yet at big-screen renown.

Everyone knows the plot essentials by this point, suffice it to say that

their are loose ends and plot holes big enough to steer a spaceship through, and when it's all over, you can only wonder why the aliens were so intent

on terrorizing and/or killing this boring group of rural Pennsylvanians.

Weren't there bigger fish to fry in the United States?

(Possible SPOILER): Every seemingly minor element that is introduced --

Joaquin Phoenix's sports past, Culkin's medical problems, the daughter's

obsessive/compulsive relationship to water -- might as well have a big

"Deus ex machina" sign announcing it, as each is obviously being

introduced for a payoff later on, without feeling in any way organic to the

plot or the characters.

Save this one for DVD on a night when there's absolutely nothing else to

do -- or better yet, just skip it altogether.

The Glass House (2001)

This "Glass House" deserves stones thrown at it

[1/10 · 18 September 2001]

Truly awful. "The Glass House" has the air of something that has been sitting on the shelf for a while and is now being "snuck" into theatres. The script has so many holes in it, it could pass for Swiss cheese. The dialogue is pretty cheesy as well. Unfortunately, some very talented people get wasted here. Leelee Sobieski, normally an impressive young talent, plays one note here -- no, not even one note, one-half. Stellan Skarsgaard's American accent impresses, if not his acting, and Diane Lane seems to be in despair. Kathy Baker looks unrecognizable from the leading lady of "Picket Fences," but Trevor Morgan has some nice moments as Sobieski's younger sibling. I'd say "wait for the video" but it won't even be worth it then.

Baby Steps (1999)

Sharp, moving directorial debut from actor Nauffts

[10/10 · 4 September 2001]

Actor Geoffrey Nauffts makes a sharp and assured directorial debut with this moving short film about a gay schoolteacher applying to adopt a child. Kathy Bates is excellent as the head of the adoption agency whose own family has a surprise element, and Nauffts is sweetly nervous as the teacher who is eager to adopt a child. The camerawork is smooth and unobtrusive but keeps the static setting from becoming oppressive. Worthwhile for the performances and the promise shown by an actor stretching his wings.

Evolution (2001)

Julianne Moore's Serious Lapse in Judgment

[1/10 · 10 June 2001]

Easily one of the worst films of the year. This is the kind of film

that makes you wonder who on earth read this script and thought it had

potential? It's easy to see why David Duchovny, Ivan Reitman and Seann

William Scott would sign on to dreck like this: none of them is

exactly first in line for anything "A" list. The mystery is why

Julianne Moore would enlist in such a lousy project. Virtually devoid

of humor -- virtually devoid of ANYTHING interesting, for that matter

-- this throwback to goofy sci-fi like GHOSTBUSTERS has none of the

wit of that film, and is a sure waste of bucks. Avoid it like the

plague.

Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

Wow! Easily the best thing so far this year!

[8 April 2001]

I came to BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY without having read the book(s), and had no particular expectations (other than hoping Zellweger aced the accent -- American revenge for GONE WITH THE WIND!). To my complete surprise, this charming and utterly hilarious film hooked me from the very beginning. Zellweger is adroitly comical as Bridget -- in a completely different way from her spacey take on "Nurse Betty." And how refreshing to see her with a "normal" body, rather than the usual Hollywood stick-figure. Hugh Grant, back in another "charming cad" role, is equally well-cast and Colin Firth is super as Mark Darcy, stalwart and slightly quirky. The pace never lags (a danger with comedies), and the ending is genuinely affecting. This is a don't miss -- for all birds and their blokes.

Reflections of Murder (1974 TV Movie)

Gripping remake that surpasses original

[10/10 · 4 January 2001]

It may be heresy to say so, but this gripping remake of DIABOLIQUE actually surpasses the legendary original. The film benefits from the eerie Puget Sound locations, and the dynamic chemistry between Joan Hackett, Tuesday Weld and Sam Waterston (but especially Hackett and Weld). The script is clever, and the "twist" at the very end is far more chilling in this version. The original is still a great film, but the 2nd tv remake (with Melissa Gilbert) and the 1996 movie with Sharon Stone and Isabel Adjani both pale in comparison to this unfortunately forgotten but superior version.

Vertical Limit (2000)

REALLY SUPER ADVENTURE FILM DELIVERS IN A BIG WAY

[19 December 2000]

Most of the major media have weighed in with so-so reviews of this film, but don't let that stop you from seeing it (as it almost did me).

This adventure spectacle is everything THE PERFECT STORM should have been but wasn't. I can't think of the last time a nearly 2 1/2 hour film reached the end and I was ready for more.

While the photography is breathtaking, the film works because the characters are compelling and the story logical and uncluttered. And although Chris O'Donnell is the nominal star, it's really an ensemble film, with colorful performances from a gallery of well-known and new-ish character actors. Izabella Scorupco is particularly noteworthy as a mountain-climbing nurse.

O'Donnell, not one of my favorites, is terrific here; sensitive and forceful at the same time, qualities he usually doesn't project on screen convincingly. This time his youthfulness is edged with sorrow and later desperation -- he perfectly matches Scott Glenn's cagey mountain-climbing veteran.