cloudsponge Reviews

Licorice Pizza (2021)

It kept me awake!

[6/10 · 22 May 2022]

This is a great movie. I didn't begin to nod off and fall asleep even once. There was always some unconnected and random dramatic kick in the eyeballs to skitch things up.

Things I learned: 1) With the right attitude, "Do you like peanut-butter sandwiches?" can make a great pick-up line. 2) There was some obscure bongo-drumming sculptor somewhere. I wonder what the story there was. Ha ha. 3) Running out of gas can be a thrill ride times over in the hands of the right director. 4) Aging out is a Hollywood inevitability: From child actors growing out of being children, to mature A-listers past their prime holding on to those long-past glory days by spouting dramatic nostalgic nonsense. Hmmm. You might say that "Jack" Holden was shown entering the Norma Desmond stage of his life: over the hill, yet still holding on; in his case literally but briefly. Or is that Holden on?

All-in-all a fun but disjointed Hollywood (via that area of the Valley) romp.

As an aside, I went to Grant High summer school in 1966. A lot of the boys were dog-butt ugly, and a lot of the girl students were knock-out gorgeous. It occurred to me that a lot of the fathers were financially successful Jewish businessmen, Sherman Oaks after all, and a lot of the mothers were gentile trophy wives. A correlation with their kids' appearances?

The Favourite (2018)

Execrable

[5/10 · 20 December 2018]

The art direction, set direction, costume design, and cinematography were all top notch. This, after all, is an art film. But of a particular genre that could only be called arty farty. There is nothing of substance whatsoever beneath the thin veneer of glitzy surface (albeit at times muddy). Nothing rings true. Nothing happens in a way that one could believe would actually happen that way. In fact, things happen, multiple things, for which there are no explanations. They just suddenly happen because they make good visual glitz. And happening they don't reach their logical conclusions. Premises are cast aside and ignored, basically slapping the thinking viewers upside their heads. It's not just the history that is wrong, it is certain explanations, character arcs, psychology; set ups and expectations that go nowhere, that just die as orphans in the pretty wasteland of this movie.

The Beguiled (2017)

The Virgin Homicides

[7/10 · 6 July 2017]

I saw this earlier today and was thinking of the Kirsten Dunst and Sofia Coppola relationship. Was The Virgin Suicides really 18 years ago? And doesn't it have a connection with The Beguiled? The predominantly female group of protagonists, most young?

I liked the direction of The Beguiled: at first. The slow camera movements, that kind of darkness. But they got repeated and overdone. I pulled away emotionally. There was just something cut and dried about this movie. It existed but it didn't live. Things passed. They were, for the most part, easy to take. Except the corporal's speed: in learning how to race with crutches so quickly, and a demise that lingered not at all. Kind of jarring to see such a lack of realism but they sure helped keep my eyes open.

Not just cut and dried, but something overall superficial about this. The acting (or should I say characters?) was (were) rather one dimensional. Lines were said in somewhat of a believable way, but not felt. At least, not by me.

I did like the minimalist soundtrack.

I plan to see the 1971 version as soon as I can to compare the two. I could see the potential of the story. Was it done better before?

American Playboy: The Hugh Hefner Story (2017)

Good Stuff

[8/10 · 8 April 2017]

Fascinating and riveting. As much as this presentation covers it still just scratches the surface, so there are any number of things that are not touched on, but what there is gives us an overview of his superlative career. There is a bit of hagiography going on so we see Hef only in the best light. There are things here that have expanded my knowledge and corrected some misunderstandings. Watching this I realize how deeply influenced I have been by Hugh Hefner and his empire. Sex IS good. War IS bad. We are all human under the skin: all races, nationalities, religions, sexes and sexual orientations. It isn't such a bad idea to let loose and enjoy life once in a while and have a good time.

I liked the structure, the mix of documentary footage and dramatizations slipping from one to the other as two different ways to tell the story

I realized how much I used to really love the illustrations in the magazine. Some of the best artwork and artists ever, in the past.

Naruto hichô (1957)

Summary

[11 December 2016]

The exciting story that this movie is based on is from Yoshikawa Eiji, one of Japan's greatest historical novelists. The Naruto Strait separates Tokushima from the islands of Awaji and Honshu. On Tokushima there is a mad lord Awa who dreams of attacking and defeating the Tokugawa shogunate. A mysterious swordsman named Noriyuki Gennojo crosses the waters of Naruto strait in an attempt to gain intelligence about the secrets of the Awa clan. His life is put in danger after he finds a testament of Awa's secrets, written in blood by a doomed man. Noriyuki is joined by a female ninja who is in love with him, and a woman who wishes to do him harm: the beautiful daughter of a sworn enemy. As you might imagine, Awa's minions do their best to prevent Gennojo from getting the testament into the hands of the Shogunate.

Café Society (2016)

An Artistic, Beautifully-Done Postcard

[7/10 · 17 August 2016]

I loved the ending. OK, as an artwork this was not high art done by a great master whose work belongs in the most prestigious art museum; rather, this is more on the lines of an artistic, beautifully-done, hand-painted postcard to eternity. In the past, I found the lines spoken by all the characters in a Woody Allen film to all sound like Woody Allen speaking. This movie's protagonist did, indeed, sound exactly like Woody Allen but some of the other characters did not. They had characters outside Woody's specific mindset. But they weren't fully-developed characters, just two-dimensional characters as imagined by Woody. They had no lives, thoughts, or reactions of their own, and as such they were flat, near caricatures. But I was OK with this for the reason I expressed in the second sentence above. This movie is a self-contained Woody world. In fact, this reminds me of the 1998 Hirokazu Koreeda movie: "After Life." Instead of someone in purgatory creating a single filmed scene to represent their lives for eternity; while watching "Cafe Society" I was thinking that all Woody Allen movies serve a similar function: Filmed, self-contained, artistic episodes representing the life and thoughts of Woody Allen, and that could last through time.

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)

I walked out of the theatre

[4/10 · 25 September 2015]

It was at the time of its release in the early 70s that I walked out of this movie. Striding down the aisle to the exit I passed an usher and said to her my simple reason for leaving: "Beach Blanket Bible." Totally cringe worthy. Banal, superficial, terrible schmaltzy music. Could there be anything worse than this movie for trying to depict some kind of spiritual truth? But perhaps I am wrong. Had I stayed surely I would have been thrilled by a spectacle such as the likes of Harvey Lembeck, riding his vicious camel, as the leader of a gang of used-camel salesmen in a scene of their camels tap dancing in sync with cleverly inter-maneuvering Israeli tanks. This while all are getting drunk on their butts from the water Ted Neeley turned to wine with his magic shepherd's crook, singing: "Hey babe, ya wanna boogie? Boogie woogie woogie with God!" Except maybe that really would have been worth staying for unlike the brain slap we were getting.

Tokyo Is Dreaming (2008)

Watchable, but Just Barely

[5/10 · 15 August 2015]

The best thing about this movie is that it reminded me just how little I want to return to Tokyo.

I hated the soundtrack. It made of this movie not so much about Japan but a non-Japanese use of Japan as background images, while never getting beneath the images. I was getting bored at the repetition after about 30 minutes. It just got worse from then on. The soundtrack was not always distracting, and inappropriate. Sometimes the soundtrack related to the actual scene. But more often you had stuff like rockabilly dancers in Yoyogi dancing to music by chindonya traditional old street musicians. I think all would be insulted by that. Then there were the komuso playing shakuhachi. Only they weren't playing shakuhachi. The only sounds heard was some kind of western synthesizer music or something. I could feel so little of Japan in this movie. But looking at Tokyo from a far, far distance, yes.

There were so many repetitions. I mean the film makers had carte blanche in what they could portray. They could show anything. But I found myself saying, "What? Another woman sleeping, more unhappy people, on the train? How boring. When is this over? There was some easy scandal if you could call it that with some shots of the Kawasaki (which isn't in Tokyo) Iron Penis Festival.

In summary, this is what you get: a bunch of trains in Tokyo. A bunch of unhappy people on trains. The above-mentioned penis festival (mostly people sucking on penis-shaped Popsicles). Some drunken Japanese guys. Some cherry blossoms. A few homeless or abjectly-poverty-stricken people. A couple or so short segments of live music performances. Some crows, not always cawing. Oh, some buildings, often seen from, guess what: a train. I finished watching this ten minutes ago and can't think of anything I haven't already mentioned. Not that I want to.

Boring. Almost painfully so. What a waste of time and money.

Rain (1932)

Love the Ending

[8/10 · 13 August 2015]

I love how the ending is open to interpretation. When the jazz music is pouring from the room after the death one assumes her religious conversion was planned and faked all along to entice and entrap the missionary on his own terms and she was gloating in her success at sticking it to him. But we see that her reversion to her old ways overnight could just be manifest from an attempted rape and resulting disgust. But can her wiles really be discounted entirely? She was a worldly woman and most likely knew quite well how to really get to the perv and could easily have planned what she did. Her shock and remorse at hearing the news of the death itself could be a further act or reaction to the way the news was delivered. "Oh, yeah, I should show some shock and remorse here, for their benefit." Both interpretations are possible: Her sincere religious conversion instantly cast off due to an attempted rape; or her faking the conversion and then toning down her display of successful revenge a bit.

My main quibble with this movie was the portrayal by Walter Houston. I think we should have seen more suppressed and sublimated desire for her as time went on. But we see him coldly spouting off his brain-washing propaganda with pure hard ice in the same continuous way until that drum scene where he, too suddenly in my opinion, turned all penile imperative.

His wife seemed to have understood all too well without our knowing why. Could she see his escalating obsession in the past few days? Did she hear love screams that final night? A battle repelling an attempted rape? Loud verbal abuse from Sadie castigating him for his vile hypocrisy?

Personally, I like to think her conversion was faked. "I am alright in the daytime but I suffer so much at night, and need and wish for you to be there with me to support me with your comforting strength which I so need and want," as it were. You know, that wanting him, not so much in the daytime, but at night business.

She might not have taken the Sydney escape route (via local boat transfers) the night before the death because her revenge was not yet complete. And chances are the ship would not be going directly to San Francisco from Pago Pago but would stop off in Honolulu where she could get off and meet up with old friends and maybe work old jobs. Or simply not get on the boat in Pago Pago in the morning. If she missed that boat from Pago Pago to S.F. neither she nor the governor could do anything until the next boat came - the one to Sydney.

I felt that her reversion to the good-time girl was too complete and easily returned to not to have been there all along. And it just makes for a more satisfying story to think that she had such depth, acting skill, and knowledge of male psychology.

This Is a True Story (2003 TV Movie)

More Questions Raised Than Answered

[7/10 · 22 June 2015]

The media promulgation of a connection between Takako Konishi and the movie Fargo, I felt, was just too creepy. So it was a relief that I found this movie that purports to set right certain misunderstandings. This movie has been done in an interesting style. There are interviews with some of the actual people that interacted with Takako and some re-enactments, especially with the actress Mimi Ohmori who portrayed Takako. There are filmed scenes interspersed with a series of stills. It all held my visual attention throughout.

But now I have so many unanswered questions. Why was she going around with only a coat over her underwear without any kind of dress, skirt, pants or other clothing over her panties? A hurriedly left assignation? A recent rape attempt? Was that normal dress in the Tokyo she came from? Or in the milieu she was of in Tokyo at that time? Mention was made of her leaving her Shinjuku apartment at midnight and coming home around dawn. Just the kind of schedule to either visit host bars or to be working in the demimonde herself. She was young, attractive, and without local family support. Just the kind of woman often recruited by the Tokyo demimonde. She lived in Shinjuku. Anywhere near the red-light district Kabukicho?

Detroit Lakes, where she was found dead, is said to be the hometown of the American in Singapore whom she talked to by phone for 40 minutes the night before she died (not likely Singapore because of the filmmaker's privacy agreement with the American). She had been to the Detroit Lakes area a couple or more times before. Detroit Lakes has a population of less than 10,000. Someone must have seen the American and Takako together the times they previously visited. Either family or friends. What actually was their relationship? Was it professional. You know, escort and client? Lovers? A piece on the side? Just friends? Former lovers? How did Takako get the American's phone number in "Singapore"? Why didn't she travel to "Singapore" instead of Minnesota? Or did she before then coming to Detroit Lakes? What did that tree mean to her? He would have to have been with her for whatever the experience was. Was the tree the site of a night sky with a great view of the stars?

How did she and the American meet? Where? Roppongi? Shinjuku? Kabukicho?

Of course the filmmaker could possibly answer some of those questions: he tracked the American down and spoke to him but was sworn to maintain the American's privacy.

As an aside, when she was pointing to her stomach and saying something in Japanese to the policeman it could have been "Onaka ga tsuiteiru," (I'm hungry). That "...ga tsuiteiru," might remotely sound like "cancer" to someone unfamiliar with Japanese (GA TSui tEiRu). For that matter, that tree could have been on the road between Detroit Lakes and Fargo. Thus her mentioning "Fargo." If the policeman made her feel bad about going to Fargo ("Fargo?! The movie?!") She may have said "Maa ne" ("Maa ne 【マーね】 – Used when someone asks you a question and you have an answer that's bad so you don't really want to say. 'How was the test?' 'Maa ne'") which sounds a lot like "money." I'm just sayin'.

To commit suicide in the American's hometown was a form of passive-aggressive hostility. Or expression of deep, hopeless love by someone incapable of expressing such a thing any other way. Or both. Or both and more. Or neither. What do I know?

So, without input from the American even this movie, in its way, is as incomplete and inaccurate as the media hype about Takako's connection to the movie Fargo.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

An Amusing Confection

[7/10 · 3 April 2014]

Cute, fun, capable of not infrequently forcing a smile, attention holding; but considering it beyond the final credits one realizes it has about as much intellectual sustenance as a Mendl's confection, which itself, come to think of it, has been known to serve as successful escapist fare.

A little known figment of trivia is that because of the extreme short notice Tilda Swinton was given to replace the suddenly unavailable Angela Lansbury, Ms. Swinton was forced to go on set immediately with but a minimum of makeup, unlike the hours and hours she usually spends in the chair being smoothed and powdered before going onto a movie set. Brava for this nearly naked performance Tilda dear. (If not now, when?)

Gravity (2013)

The More Things Change...

[6/10 · 16 January 2014]

I don't know whether to be reassured or disturbed that after more than a century a space movie like this has no more scientific verisimilitude than the 1902 "A Trip to the Moon" (La Voyage dans la Lune). Whatever it is: contempt for the audience, the arrogant ignorance of film makers, or the desire to cater to the 50% of people who are below average in intelligence, I find movies harder and harder to stomach, and in this case not because of the vertigo from motion sickness but from constantly rolling my eyes at the stupidity.

For those who enjoyed this movie I say, "Great." But don't broadcast your enthusiasm too loudly if you don"t want people to know which side of the bell-shaped curve your intelligence lies.

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress (2002)

Failed Ending

[6/10 · 10 June 2013]

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie up until the ending. There was a fourth major character whose vital importance to the ending was ignored, a character who intruded into their menage a trois: the gynecologist/abortionist. It was extraordinarily difficult for him to make that long trip deep into the mountains. Why would he do it, and risk all? Why? Because he found an attractive 18-year-old woman who was a known goer able to keep a secret whom he wanted to make into his mistress. He bought and took away one thing Ma had that most seduced the seamstress: Ma's violin. Did the doctor also buy all the books, or maybe just the Balzacs? Without these the two boys would be less attractive, less interesting, boring even, to the dishonest little seamstress (dishonest? Whose idea was it to steal four-eyes' valise of books?). When she left the mountains at the end the seamstress' statement to Luo that her leaving was due to Balzac was not necessarily entirely true. People do not always tell everyone the truth all of the time. In her case what was she going to tell her ex-lover, that she had fallen for the sweet talk of a more worldly man? What letters she and the doctor may have exchanged, or even further meetings they may have had after the abortion we don't know. But yes, the seduction of her by the words of Balzac led to her pregnancy, and that led to her leaving.

So this is the ending that should have been: A scene of her reaching town, being met in the darkness of night by the doctor and ensconced in some third-rate hovel where she would commence her temporary life as his secret mistress. Another quick scene or two showing either him or her, or both tiring of the situation and her going on to some factory in Shenzen. Then from there (different hair style and clothing) to Hong Kong. She could become a bar hostess at a Bar called Champs Elysees and, there, meet some French guy who takes her to Paris.

It is beautiful irony that the money paid to Ma for his violin went to pay for the sneakers she used to walk to the doctor and her "new-and-exciting urban" life. ("Don't worry. I'll be fine in town," she said to Luo with complete confidence. Confident that there would be someone there waiting for her to make sure she was alright.).

5 Centimeters per Second (2007)

Beautiful Backgrounds; Cringeworthy, Worthless Main Character

[6/10 · 16 May 2013]

The backgrounds were breathtaking: hyper-intense, super realistic. But the character animation was jarring in its contrast: like crude, two-dimensional, cut-out paper paste-ons. Furthermore the characters were far too close to the kind of characters one might find in an English-conversation class. I have had more than my share of those. Most men and women passive to a degree approximating catatonia, with the occasional bright star, usually female, who showed sparks of life. Akari, the main female lead in this movie, showed such sparks of enthusiasm with life but what was with her statement about the descent rate of cherry-blossom petals, which was also the title of the movie: "5 Centimeters Per Second." As someone said at the Message Board, that would be 300 centimeters, or 3 meters (9 feet 8 inches) in 1 minute. A cherry-blossom petal falls about 10 times as fast. So what is the false title telling us? That Akari made a mistake from point one or that the filmmaker is a dolt?

I found the movie watchable, often enjoyable even. But I didn't like the main character, Takaki Tono, who was a passive little drip. Who could possibly care about such an overly self-involved, self-destructive wuss? Even Akari came to her senses and dropped him. So does the audience, I am afraid. And they certainly should. Other than his own, self-pitying, sorry self no one could possibly care about him. There is no arc of character development. Tono was a drip, is a drip, and will always be a drip. Who cares?

Another couple questions: Why didn't Akari's parents call the police when she didn't come home all night that March 4th when she was still a secondary school student? Why do they later send her off to go to Tokyo and cook dinner for her fiancé before the upcoming wedding without mentioning attending the wedding ceremony? Those were a couple really strange birds. No wonder a child of theirs is incapable of doing the most elementary mathematics.

Skyfall (2012)

Puerile Pabulum

[3/10 · 30 January 2013]

Not having the mentality of a 12 year old I wasn't of the demographic the filmmakers were aiming for.

Another formulaic Hollywood travesty of senseless violence.

Summed up briefly this movie is just like all the other James Bond movies. An eccentric evil genius gets Bond under his power at his secret lair and instead of killing Bond instantly he decides to have a casual chat with him long enough for Bond to wreak havoc. Seen that, and been there too many times. It is old, stale, and as ridiculous as ever. In spite of all the flames, explosions, gunfire and killing, it is boring.

Apart from the music and production values Skyfall was constantly eye-rolling stupid. With Daniel Craig's one-dimensional, Gloomy-Gus characterization the only women that could possibly ever be attracted to him would be obsessive necrophiliacs. The one tinge of sex happened when he snuck up on a woman and as much as raped her in the shower. How did he get there anyway? So many elements of this movie had the quality of deus ex machina. Things happen not because they could or were remotely possible but simply because it suited the idiot filmmakers. No one falls from such a height as Bond did into water and survives. Hitting water from that height is like hitting concrete. That combined with being shot with a high-powered rifle makes his survival questionable. Wasn't she aiming to take a head shot? The question of how on Earth he could have survived wasn't touched on in the slightest. Why? Because the idiot filmmakers couldn't offer a solution. No. Just have him appear suddenly later. Same as his being in M's apartment. But of course, considering her position there would be no security so it would be easy for him to break and enter. Ha! Even if they were lovers (ha!) and she gave him a key to her place it would not be a simple matter for him to surprise M. The truly simple things in this movie are the simple minds of the filmmakers.

The Komodo Dragons were obviously computer added. As believable as 50-year-old blue screen. Step on a Komodo Dragon's back and it will wheel about, leap, and seize in its poisonous jaws the fool trying that. Oh, but of course, the Komodo Dragons were on the same drugs as the idiot filmmakers. Oblivious to all and everything, and so it just ignored Bond's assault upon it and kept walking as if in a daze. Just like the makers of this film.

The puerile fist-and-grappling fight scenes make these top agents look like the only martial arts training and experience they had were gotten on the school yards of high schools (secondary schools).

How could the antagonists be so certain Gloomy Gus was at Skyfall? He was off the grid, whereabouts unknown even to Q. Q was not tracking him he was trying to set up a false trail. If 007 and M really wanted Silver to follow them why did they have to change cars to eliminate the possibility of being tracked?

Why would a woman, as in Singapore, betray her dangerous boss for the sake of some harsh Gloomy Gus because he grabbed her wrist forcefully and pointed out the possible provenance of her tattoo? Why wasn't she being listened to by Silver's people as Bond and Moneypenny were listening to each other? Haven't the filmmakers done they're homework? Traditionally in fantasy movie situations like this it is after she makes love to or at least falls in love with the protagonist that such a woman betrays the antagonist. Oh, but Bond snarlingly grabbed her wrist. That certainly would make any woman fall head-over-heals in love, or seek to use him instantly, and in public, to betray, in his own den of henchmen, a killer . A killer who held the power of life and death over her. And what was the problem with her bringing him to the island? Bond wasn't supposed to be with her? So where was she thinking she was going on a boat controlled by Silver's men?

The movie was misogynist. Moneypenny was shown to be dangerously incompetent. The other two strong female leads were killed. What was Bond's reaction to the vicious cold-blooded murder of Silver's female compatriot? "What a waste of good whiskey." M at the end gets replaced by a man. What do the filmmakers have against women?

I could have done without the "Home-Alone"-shenanigans, with gunpowder, at Skyfall.

Not only was the escape tunnel useless in that it exited into an open field visible from miles around, but the escapees needed a flashlight to see where they were going in spite of the intense firelight illuminating all from the burning mansion. They would need a flashlight for only one reason. To give the idiot filmmakers a way for Silver to spot them. Just continual eye-rolling stupidity.

I like Adele's song. But having to listen to it as part of this trash ruins it. It is much better listened to on its own.

My favorite part of the movie was seeing the Aston Martin DB5. I laughed when Bond flipped the cap up to the red eject button. And, yeah, I was in high school when I first saw the DB5. I'm not now.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

Typical Formulaic Hollywood Scrudge

[5/10 · 9 August 2011]

Basically this was a rewrite of "King Kong." Ape gets imported from Africa and becomes too powerful for its handlers, and there is a shoot out involving high places at the end.

A lot of the special-effects ape movements were just about as realistic as those in the original "King Kong."

So what is the message of the movie? Feeling any anger? Suffered any abuse? Then the highest degree of violence, mayhem, and murder should do it for you. Bah!

In the original planet of the apes the implication was that humans devolved (inability to speak, for example) after suffering a major self-inflicted downfall. This movie implied that all humans would perish. Where we do see significant devolution in this movie is how low have become writing standards today compared with, say, 1933. I am sure there are chimps that could produce a better screenplay. And I wish they could have been chosen as screenwriters for what turned out to be this simpleminded simian slop.

13 Assassins (2010)

It Stinks

[4/10 · 9 May 2011]

The director's stated purpose was to see if "they" could make a classic-style samurai movie. He and "they" utterly failed. Having seen this garbled junk I would proffer the guess that his real purpose was not to make a movie but to get material to write a how-to book, one that could be titled: "How to Make a Samurai Movie by and for Idiots." It's not just the U.S. that is dumbing down, is it? Pity Japan.

Three-fourths of the way into the movie I mentally disassociated from it because the endlessly repetitive overkill became boring. Suddenly I could care less about the movie and began to wonder what it would be like going to a restaurant run by Takashi Miike. It would be, perhaps, somewhere in the foothills of western Tokyo. I would arrive at dusk and be welcomed into an old thatched-roof cottage converted into an elegant restaurant. The darkness of the interior would be softly illuminated in places by the warm glow of paper lanterns. Each dish would arrive one by one like scenes in a movie, one after another. First a lacquered bowl of miso soup would arrive at my table, wisps of wakame, a few green slices of scallions, and tiny cubes of tofu would be floating in it. Yum. Delicious. Then would be brought a side dish of thinly sliced lotus root, green soybeans, and hijiki. So far, so good. Then, about halfway through the repast, industrial fluorescent lights would be clicked on overhead, the purpose of which would be to destroy the deeply rich traditional atmosphere. Then, with about as much finesse as his scenes in the movie of ultimately boring, repetitive, endless crowds of slashing that went on and on and on and on. And on and on. And on and on and on and on and on, Miike would toss down a slab of cooked eel right on the bare wood of the table in front of me, not even bothering to use a plate. He would uncap a jar of powdered Japanese sansho pepper and dump the whole jar all over the cooked eel. Looming over me and wielding the bloodied thigh bone of a wild boar he would force me to eat this concoction with my fingers. Me, all along, thinking, like while watching the movie, that good cooks know that a dish of food can be ruined by using too much strong spice. The movie was made unpalatable by that boring, eye-numbing endless crowd slashing scene. Watching these scenes could be likened to trying to eat sushi that is more wasabi than rice or fish, or that eel above that isn't just tastily seasoned with sansho pepper but thickly submerged in it.

And that stupid ending. The guy doing a terrible impersonation of Toshiro Mifune's Kikuchiyo in "Seven Samurai," walks up to the only other survivor of the "total massacre" showing zero evidence of his having been stabbed through the throat and otherwise slashed by swords deeply. I was thinking perhaps they were both dead until I didn't care. The only meaning that scene had was Miike was messing with the audience. So it's like back at the restaurant, I'm finished; unsatisfied, nauseous, and with an enormous mental bellyache, but ready to pay the bill. Miike says, "Ha ha. You know that eel you thought you were eating? It wasn't really eel. It was just textured vegetable protein. Ha ha. Fooled you, didn't I?" Betrayed to the very end.

I mentioned idiots above. Whenever I see a movie this bad I look at the hundreds of people listed in the end credits and wonder how so many people can be involved in the making of a movie and not one of them with an ounce of intelligence. Today I got to thinking that movies are often not so much group efforts as mob efforts, and, after all, a mob has the intelligence of the least intelligent member, and the emotional stability of the most psychologically-screwed-up person in the mob.

Why was the evil Lord Naritsugu Matsudaira riding a horse when people in his position at that time would be carried in palanquins? Stupid. How did those 13 idiots carry tons of explosives by foot over those mountains they got stupefyingly lost in? They hardly had anything at all they were carrying. Stupid. What was that business with the jerk who had rows and rows of spare swords to swap with the ones he was using? To show him throwing them to amazing effect would be something to see, and an excuse to have a ready supply of them, but, no, he just drops the ones he's using, leaving himself briefly unarmed, just to pick up another sword. Stupid. That huge vat of dark-looking blood spilling from the top of a building that had neither precursory scene nor effect. Stupid. Those 13 jerks who have their quarry trapped like vicious barracuda in a barrel. What do they do? Figuratively get naked and climb into the barrel. Stupid. They didn't have to kill 200 armed warriors, they just had to kill one man. One man who was constantly in the open riding a horse. That they couldn't is just, well, stupid. Takashi Miike and his crew. Stupid. Me for wasting my money on this trash: The most stupid. Downright imbecilic. Thanks for making me feel that way Miike, not.

But is it possible that the film makers became so befuddled that this movie, beginning in a super-realistic way, at some point, in a totally confusing fashion, reverted to being something merely symbolic and representational in a ludicrous way? Exactly. Ludicrous. Way beyond stupid.

Buddha's Lock (1987)

A Different World

[8/10 · 6 May 2011]

I saw this in Japan in 1989 and it still haunts me. I couldn't understand but few of the Japanese subtitles, and what little English dialog there was at the beginning was ludicrous: obviously written by a non-English speaker.

The story portrays an American soon after WWII who ends up, not of his own will, living a good length of time among South-East Asian or South China hill tribes. There occurs a fascinating gradual acculturation/assimilation.

The images: colors; native costumes; different ways of living and behavior to what we consider normal; remote peoples; dramatic incidents; the "human" element, all fascinate.

Temptation of a Monk (1993)

A Comic Book of a Movie but a Comic Book of Genius

[8/10 · 21 March 2011]

Throughout, I felt that this movie had the sensibility of a comic book, but a comic book of genius. The visuals were ceaselessly stunning, every single scene change led to another beautiful surprise; both dramatically and with what we were allowed to gorge our eyes (and sometimes ears) on. Rather than call it "directing", or "photography," or "set design," I want to say that the artwork was breathtaking.

What are movies but comic books with the added dimensions of movement and sound? Both largely tell their stories with visuals, and dialog or narration. Too often I am a stickler for believability in movies but I could not help cutting this movie a lot of slack. "Yes, that is just how a comic book might treat the story but with nowhere near the impact," I found myself thinking throughout...

The Harimaya Bridge (2009)

Emotionally Enjoyable

[6/10 · 20 February 2011]

I allowed myself to be carried along the emotional track of the movie and enjoyed it. I like the scene where he told his dead son's ex-girlfriend what was and was not important. You could see his brain click when he realized its relevance to himself. I liked the use of editing on two scenes of a place on a mountain road: the second scene explaining the first. Some of the scenery shots were breathtaking. There were times I let myself get all choked up. This is some talented movie making.

Yet, the dialog was too preachy, especially during the first 3rd of the movie. I cringed at being lectured at. Writers are often told to "show, don't tell." There was way too much "telling" in this movie and it was irritating.

A key element in the movie was the "secret" marriage. There was no legal marriage. Marriages take place in ward or city offices, as I understand it. Cold but official. Shinto ceremonies do occur but they include both families, and are ceremonial for show or sanctification; not to mention expensive.

Whatever occurred between those two people and the Shinto priest was not a wedding. Perhaps the Shinto priest was trying to purify the defilement wrought upon his shrine by the mixed-race couple that "dirtied" his shrine precincts. It was not a marriage ceremony as any Japanese person would understand it.

Besides, non-Japanese men who marry Japanese women, legally, should be added to the family's temple registry. There was no indication of this in the movie. If the girlfriend's father was cognizant of his daughter's marriage to a black guy, which he would have to be if there really were a legal marriage, don't you think some connection would occur to him when the old black guy showed up at his door? But the Japanese father was oblivious, making the scene ridiculous.

Apart from those things misrepresented or that have simply been gotten wrong, what do we actually learn about Japanese culture and people from this movie? Japanese people take their shoes off when entering residences and places that have tatami mats. Beware of sadistic Japanese hosts bearing stinky (and putrefactive by design) bowls of natto. Japanese soldiers died in WWII. Some Japanese young people have an appreciation for American pop music. Not exactly deep insight, nor evidence of more than superficial experience, any of it.

Another quibble I have is with the house party scenes toward the end. He bought that huge house? What visa status did he have? He was too old to be working. Considering that his father died in WWII he would be way over the official Japanese retirement age of 60. Thus no job possible. Therefore no residence status and no way he could buy a house himself. One thinks of the Steven L. Herman case: a long-time resident of Japan who was a senior executive at a multinational media organization. To quote Steven: "I wasn't turned down for a mortgage. They refused to accept the application." The Japanese courts upheld the Japanese bank that did so. The enormous quantities of money necessary for Mickey's old man to purchase that house would not be the most difficult obstacle to surmount. Not by a long shot.

OK, so it's next to impossible to believe he could have bought that house himself. Maybe he gave tons of money to his dead son's ex-girlfriend to buy the house so he could be near his bastard granddaughter. I don't know about that...

Anyway, it was a great fantasy. A Japanese woman with a mixed-race kid has the kid's "grandfather" come to Japan and buy a huge house for her and her daughter, and then he forever after takes care of them with bottomless pockets, becoming in the process a kind of local hero or celebrity. Hmm. Whose fantasy could that be?

Yes, I had trouble engaging my "willing suspension of disbelief" but even with the cringing and guffaws the movie is kind of a nice ride. As a director, Aaron Woolfolk shows much promise. I wish him all the best.

Inugami (2001)

Attempted Hilarious Black Humor That Comes Off as Boring and Absurd Twaddle

[6/10 · 24 September 2009]

The natural images of forests, mountains, and lotus ponds were breathtaking, as were the interior shots of the traditional Japanese houses and workshops.

To call the story childish, however, would be an insult to children. To call the story eye-rolling, and bone-headed, stupid would be more accurate.

They should not rent or show this movie without asking for IDs to make sure no adults view it for fear that they may come down with regressive brain damage.

Think about it for half a second: "I don't care if she is a thousand years old and my mother, I love her and want to marry her." Black humor? Nah, it's not even remotely funny. None of the movie is. With such an inane and brain-dead story line what else could it have possibly been aiming for but humor? It utterly fails even in that.

April Story (1998)

A Subtle and Sweet Little Gem

[10/10 · 23 September 2009]

On first viewing I was reminded how Japanese people often use language not to communicate in words but to hint at deeper ulterior meanings. For example, when Uzuki asks how late the bookstore is open, what she is really asking is, "What are the chances I'll be able to see today the man I am in love with?" I felt that this movie was a lot like literature in that we had the opportunity to fill in a lot of details with our imaginations. With this in mind, the second viewing was a remarkable experience. Check out the group of people for whom the moving van has to reverse for. Here we have what will ultimately be (off screen and after the credits) the happy ending, but we see it implied at the beginning of the movie.

The name Mushashino itself (as in both the university and bookstore): It refers to the wide plains upon which Tokyo has been built. Even more than a thousand years ago, in what some say is the world's first novel, "The Tale of Genji," Mushashino was considered a poetic place of exile and romantic yearning.

That jarring samurai movie may have been well-chosen as well for its symbolic ramifications. It was about Oda Nobunaga, who was the first person to come close to achieving a unification of Japan until he was assassinated by Mitsuhide Akechi: A story of ambush and treachery, just as what was going on with the creep making moves on Uzuki in the movie theater. But in the samurai movie Oda Nobunaga, through trickery of his own, survived that ambush, as did Uzuki. Her fleeing brings to mind Ieyasu who, in the historical time depicted, rapidly fled that dangerous situation with the assistance of the ninja Hattori Hanzo. So we can even make this part of "April Story" into a kind of ninja movie if we wish, with the protagonist successfully fleeing danger and later establishing a grand unification (with her soon to be lover) of her own. Like the one passing in front of the moving van.

Not only the movie theater creep was a threat to her fulfilling her chosen destiny but also the leader of the fly-fishing club who wanted to "catch" her. He even got the hook of a lure into her sweater. But what did he want with her after all? He wanted to use her: "If you get one other person to join our club this reel is yours for free."

Here in the U.S. young lovers have been known to write or carve their initials within the outline of a heart. In Japan they write their names vertically under an umbrella, on either side of the "handle." And the color of the umbrella she chose: the Japanese character for crimson can be synonymous for passion.

I found that the movie resonates deeply if we apply some attention and imagination.

What a pleasure it is to watch it, and the amazing performance of Takako Matsu who expressed so much and so deeply with so few external manifestations.

By the way, if anyone wondered about the location, she rides her bicycle over a blue pedestrian bridge that had written on it that it was in Kunitachi in the western part of Tokyo next to Tachikawa.

Platonic Sex (2001)

Prophetic or Simply Truthful?

[7/10 · 21 September 2009]

This movie and the book it was based on, written by Iijima Ai, came out not long before I left Japan after a years-long stay. Recently I decided to check out the movie. I like it because it depicted elements of Tokyo I am familiar with. It had the best depiction of Tokyo I have seen so far. The main actress, Kagami Saki, did a great job and she was only 16 years old: Cute as a button, and both tough and vulnerable. Odagiri Jo's character seemed cool but not jaded yet maybe a bit precious for a bartender and DJ in the "mizu shobai" world. Abe Hiroshi, however much I usually like his work, came off as a buffoon, complete with a variety of particolored jester's costumes. Comic relief that wasn't funny?

As well as being simplistic, the story was hokey in the standard Japanese weepy way, but I like that. Why do I consider it simplistic? Narrowing down someone of her age (both topically and personally) into a kind of long-term, deep romantic relationship was ludicrous. If there was a DJ in Iijima Ai's past one can't help suspect that there were tens, if not hundreds of equally intense relationships and one-night stands. I just can't see the exclusiveness depicted in the film. After all, this was the time when Japanese young women began to brag about having multiple boyfriends: one a kind of main squeeze; another guy to treat her to dinner; the guy with wheels to serve as a kind of chauffeur; the one that just loved to buy her expensive presents... Yet, I can see the DJ character as pure fantasy. The relationship Iijima Ai would have liked to have had but never, ever, did.

Even so, I enjoyed, with reservations, the story.

The story was loosely autobiographical based on Iijima Ai's life as an AV (adult video: porno) actress. She later made it big in mainstream television which made her famous as the "popular AV actress who managed to carve out a broader career in the entertainment field."

She impressed many with her erudition, outspokenness, and breadth of knowledge.

Wondering if Iijima Ai had worked on any more movies I clicked on her name here at IMDb and was shocked to see that there was a date of death at the age of 36. She died 9 months ago as of this writing now in September 2009. Her body had decomposed so badly in the 7 days it had remained undiscovered in her enormous (by Japanese standards) 21st-floor luxury condominium that, at first, it was not possible to ascribe a cause of death. No one missed her that much for 7 days to want to check up on her.

Later, the official cause of death was said to be pneumonia. But isn't pneumonia one of the common causes of death for people who have compromised immune systems? Because of the Japanese anathema for truth, in general, I would tend to somewhat discount the official version of her death.

The actual cause of death could be anything. Suicide because of her reported deep melancholy and depression. AIDS because of her extensive unprotected sex with multitudes of promiscuous AV actors. The timing would be about right too, wouldn't it? Eighteen years after first entering the AV world. Her retirement due to "health" problems a year or so previous. Straight illness would be possible, I suppose, if she were extraordinarily lucky those years past. It could have been exacerbated by her depression. Pneumonia even. Murder. One reason for murder being that she was becoming an AIDS activist. If it became well known that she was dying of HIV-related complications then she would serve as an even greater hindrance to luring young women into the massive commercial sex industry in Japan as she served as promoter by being able to graduate from the commercial-sex industry into the mainstream (although commercial sex itself is nigh about mainstream in contemporary Japan). There must be countless young women who think when they are scouted, "Gee. Iijima Ai made it big after her AV debut. This could be my big break. Sure. I'll make some adult movies with you guys." But, understanding clearly the risk of lethal contagion, such thought would become much more rare and difficult, being supplanted by, "No way! Look what happened to the famous Iijima Ai!" The rich and powerful people behind that industry would look to lose recruits. It was also said that not so long before her death someone at her management agency embezzled something like a million dollars from her. Who is pursuing that now? Her death would be quite convenient, no? For someone with her background, nasty connections, and wealth, few causes of her death could be totally discounted.

Anyway, there was a scene in the movie where the lead character mentions to a friend how she just destroyed her own life and a possible chance for happiness by doing something irreversible, and in retrospect, foolishly rash. Much like making AV movies for the easy and copious amounts of money. We might say Iijima Ai had a propensity for self-destruction and shortcuts—ultimately leading to that shortcut to an early death.

The movie was prophetic. And chillingly honest in its exposure of one woman's soul. Or lack of one.

The Girlfriend Experience (2009)

Lacking in Verisimilitude

[4/10 · 5 June 2009]

Even the title is a misnomer. At no time did our cold-fish heroine seem to be anything but reptilian in her professional sex-for-money relationships. All the words she spoke came off as coldly calculated to be what she assumed her clients wanted to hear. Or was that the "actress" telling the director what he wanted to hear?

The lead character, a woman who sells sex for money, has a live-in boyfriend for a year and a half and suddenly he freaks out because she decides to go off with some "client" for a weekend? Yeah, sure. Yawn. So that's the most gut-wrenching dramatic development in the movie. Just totally lame.

The music was interesting, different, if not harsh.

The diary she was writing describing all the designer crap she was wearing while on the job showed something of the lead character's character but name-dropping has been done a thousand times over. Another yawn.

I didn't learn anything from this movie. About half of it was made up of how the writers and director think about this world with their mistaken presuppositions and fantasies. The other half was, naturally, just venal.

Sakuran (2006)

Stop it! Those colors are hurting my eyes!

[1/10 · 29 October 2008]

I just realized why the colors and sets in "Sakuran" were so flashy and gaudy, and just painful to look at. The story is about a high-class prostitute known as an oiran in Japanese. Their kimono were always flashier and gaudier than other kimono so that the oiran would stand out. But the director, Mika Ninagawa, had to make sure that the director stood out even more than the main character, or even the story.

What Anna Tsuchiya did in the movie just gave me the creeps. You couldn't call it acting. It was nothing more than catering to her flipped-out, high-school-girl fan base. Hey Anna, good luck on that one as you get older. Yeah, right, an oiran as a crude and vulgar, prone- to-violence, biker chick. Didn't we already see you portray this character in a more appropriate movie?

The story was painfully boring and predictable. What is the story of "Sakuran"? An obnoxious little bitch ever remains true to her self which is just that: an obnoxious bitch. She finds that, inexplicably, men are attracted to her and that she has an unexplained ability to manipulate men and becomes a successful, high-class prostitute even though she talks and behaves like she's a member of a female biker gang. This so-called seductive ability of hers is talked about but we never see it in action, probably due to the ineptitude of the main, pretend-phony-biker chick, I mean "actress."

The main character of the movie makes a wealthy and powerful man angry at her because she keeps him waiting while she services a much more lowly customer. Not very oiran-like, is it? How could such a woman ever become an oiran? Oh, because the previous oiran got herself killed and the house needed a whore that could demand a high price. Who would pay a high price for a slut so cheap? Rumors get around. How could there be no repercussions for what she did to the powerful guy? Because the screenwriters are dolts. They just made up a bunch of crap.

Then an even more wealthy and powerful guy falls for her (why?) and she throws him over for a penniless guy who is generally cold and distant toward her but respects who she really is (which doesn't make sense. How can anyone respect someone so worthless?).

Speaking of crap, it's like the director squatted down and took a huge, psychedelic-colored dump on the aesthetics, culture, and society of the Edo Period. What of such things as sabi, mono no aware, wabi, subtlety, elegance, a rigidly hierarchical society? All shat upon by a director who comes off as a senseless, nouveau-riche parvenu. The amazing thing is that so many other Japanese, in watching this movie, squatted down around the director and took steaming spoonfuls of this blazing-colored stinking crap and exclaimed how tasty it was.

Argentinean tango music with violin and bandoneon as backdrop for the Edo Period when Japan was totally isolated from the international world (except for the 3.7 acres of Dejima)? Why not just have Anna, the bad-ass-biker oiran, answer her cell phone and the rich and powerful daimyo character drive off in a hissy fit in his red Ferrari? The music we had to listen to was jarring and anachronistic (the same as the art design).

Near the ending, I liked that there were only two or three tiny flowers on the shrine cherry tree. But, earlier, the second she said she would leave the quarters when it bloomed, we all knew exactly what would happen. How boring, to telegraph the ending so clearly. But what's the point of the old tree blooming? That rich and powerful guy already made the pleasure quarters bloom in cherry blossoms like the mountains of Yoshino in spring. That didn't impress her at all? No, of course not. I already know that about whores. The guys that treat them nicely get kicked in the balls. Maybe it bugs the whores to have people idealize them when they themselves know the truth of who they are: just cheap and worthless.

Considering the director's obsession with goldfish, the second to last scene should have been of a goldfish bowl on a verandah accidentally knocked over. Two fish tumble into a stream which carries them off to escape beyond the walls of the pleasure quarters, belying how goldfish are stuck in their bowl and can't survive outside (just like the denizen's relationship with the pleasure quarters). Otherwise the talk of the fate of goldfish has no meaning.

In the final scene the cherry trees were full in bloom, but the brevity of the blooms is one thing special about cherry blossoms. I couldn't help thinking that soon enough dusk would wipe away all the soft pink color and warmth from the scene. The sky would go quickly from hints of shadow, into an ever- deepening gloom, and night would fall. It would become cold, very cold. And dark. That really wasn't a happy ending, was it? Romantic love (in the Edo Period?) could survive in the face of terrible poverty and being ostracized for about as long as those cherry trees bloomed. Maybe a few days, unless it rained sooner. But the unconsummated romantic love we see here? It's existence in this period is incomprehensible.

Anna Tsuchiya walking in the shoes of an oiran? She couldn't do it. Literally. Check out the scene of her "promenade" where she seems to have the correct footwear on but she has to hold on to some guy's shoulder to keep from tumbling on her ass.

I was going to give this movie two stars for the art direction but then I realized what that was all about: sick dominance on the part of the director. Those colors and sets are just the way the director has of screaming, "I'm the most important one here! Me! It's all about me!!!!"