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Reviews
The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course (2002)
Better than a Hatful of Turantulas
If you've read any professional reviews of this cinematic feature, you've probably been told about how thin the plot is and how silly the film is. What you may not have heard is how great it is!!! What must be remembered about this film is that if you are going in looking for the action of True Lies, or the superb screenwriting of Crocodile Dundee, you're going to be disappointed. If you go in with a love of the Crocodile Hunter (and how could you not), you'll be treated to a side-splittingly funny film about one of the Hunter (Steve Irwin)'s typical adventures with a not-so-typical twist. There is plenty of time devoted to Steve admiring the world's deadliest creepy-crawly things at close range, and brazenly jumping into a river with a giant croc, favorite staples of his cable show. And if you pay attention, you'll learn a few things too! This is combined with a fluffy spy sub-plot (actually including a smaller spy sub-sub-plot, a croc hating Ozzie sub-plot, and a flirtatious spy love sub-sub-sub plot). All in all, an enjoyable film full of laughs that is over before it has a chance to get old. Just remember one thing- leave your brain at the door.
New Crime City (1994)
A High-Quality Rip-Off of All Your Favorites
Compared to the decently-budgeted films this movie rips off (Escape from LA/New York, Mad Max, The Running Man etc.) this one is sub-par. But as far as dumb movies good for a night of rootin'-tootin' yuks go, it's top-of-the-line. Rick Rossovich poorly but acceptably portrays a convicted felon sent to Crime City to sabotage a villain's (Rick Dean) devious plan to kill everyone with a deadly virus. Oh yeah, it's also reminiscent of The Rock. Along the way he meets Sherry Rose and has sex with her in a brief but high-quality nude scene on her behalf. There are plenty of laughs (both intentional and unintentional) and interesting plot twists, a cool if pointless shot of an exploding statue of Mary, and more Mexican extras than you can shake a stick at! Hell you couldn't swing a dead cat by the tail in this film without hitting a Mexican extra. Summary: If you like bad movies, or good B-Movies, check this one out. And if you like it, you'll like Angel of Destruction even more. 2 Thumbs Up.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Ho-Ho-Horrible
If you like horror at its most terrifying, Santa at his most traumatizing, and scenes of kindly old priests getting killed, then you're in luck, because this movie has two out of three. Unfortunately, It's not terrifying. At all. The film starts out promising, with a hauntingly chilling performance by Will Hare as Grampa that will have YOUR hair turning white. The movie quickly goes downhill from there though, becoming a mess of cheesy 80's music, silly storytelling, and a total goofball of a villain. Despite all this, it is worth a rent if only to hear three memorable lines ("Two Ball in the Center Pocket!" "Punish!" and "Naughty!") and to see a wicked awesome shot of a dome getting sliced off.