FieCrier Reviews

Revontulien armoilla (2019 TV Movie)

somewhat interesting although flawed

[6/10 · 11 April 2024]

I liked this Finnish documentary in general. Early on there was an explanation of the space weather that contributes to the Northern Lights that I felt I was following. It also looked at some historical records of them, and discussed some old religious or mythological traditions.

It touched on other things I hadn't expected going in, like how whales might be disoriented by space weather, possibly contributing to beachings. There was also some conversation regarding reports of sound accompanying the Northern Lights and what might contribute to that, though it sounded like there's nothing conclusive found there yet.

At one point there's a storyteller at a fire speaking in English and it wasn't clear to me who he was, what people he represented, or where exactly they were. I had some concerns about moments throughout whether we were watching actual video footage of the Northern Lights or good quality digital animations.

Near the end there's a rather depressing account of one researcher and his old dog that really could have been left out, as it does not contribute in any way to learning about the Northern Lights. There is some spectacle to some of the footage there, but it was unclear to me if it was actual footage, a reconstruction, or what.

The Nun II (2023)

none too original

[3/10 · 31 March 2024]

I'd enjoyed the first one. I've generally enjoyed The Conjuring universe despite having nothing but contempt for the real-life Ed and Lorraine Warren.

This one was pretty dull. The look of it is OK. Still find Taissa Farmiga mesmerizing and wish the film gave her more to do emotionally. Lame jump scares and uninspired CGI. The idea of the newsstand magazines flipping pages was kind of cool but even that just felt digital and it might've been really memorable had it been accomplished with practical effects as I am sure could have been possible.

Much of the movie is set at a girls' school that is gargantuan in size but that has relatively few students present, and portions that are in decaying disuse. There's a basement full of scores of wine casks from when it had been a monastery that made wine. Somehow the girls avoid sneaking down all the time for a nip. However, the eventual use for the wine you'll see coming from miles away - it's repeatedly telegraphed.

The way a relic is hidden is... odd. Doesn't seem like a devoted Catholic would have done that.

Here's hoping the religious concept of the trinity doesn't in any way encourage them to make a third film.

The Retirement Plan (2023)

name actors, otherwise budget bin by the numbers dreck

[2/10 · 31 March 2024]

Even when Nicolas Cage is just cashing a paycheck he can still often be counted on to bring some character. Here, as some kind of ex-government assassin (CIA?) turned beach bum/absentee father he's just too dialed-down even if there are moments of action scenes. It's Cage emoting that tends to be more interesting, and there's not much of that here. Cage completists would be better off skipping this one and just pretending it doesn't exist.

In the beginning some characters steal a flash/thumb/USB drive. Despite that, throughout everyone calls it a hard drive. So often that if one had to drink every time "hard drive" is said, you'd be blotto well before the credits. There's at least a couple times where people incorrectly say "hard disk" and are deprecatingly told they're wrong, which just makes everyone calling the USB drive a hard drive that much more ridiculous.

Give Me Pity! (2022)

self-indulgent satire of self-indulgence?

[3/10 · 4 March 2024]

I can't entirely fault the filmmakers for trying to make something of this sort, or horror streamer Shudder for picking it up for distribution. The concept of some 70s/80s-ish diva's TV special gone wrong sounded like it had potential.

The appropriately dated-looking lighting and color effects gave it a certain authenticity.

It starts feeling overlong rather quickly, however. Dialog drags. Scenes drag. Each subsequent scene is not appreciably different from any that preceded it, other than wonky audio and color intruding more and more, and the star's scenes ending progressively more poorly.

The impression given was increasingly more of a one-woman theater performance crossed with experimental video or a video installation, rather than a vintage TV special. In the end it just frustratingly fizzles out, as though they had no idea where to take their concept. They could have, just as easily, had it end in analog broadcast static or a test pattern and that would have provided as much resolution: none.

An interesting attempt at something, but will be grossly unsatisfying to horror viewers as a whole, and perhaps even to more discerning ones who don't mind or even appreciate the campy, arty or experimental.

Thanksgiving (I) (2023)

original mock trailer was grubby goodness; this, tedious

[2/10 · 20 February 2024]

The mock trailer that had been part of Grindhouse (2007) worked, and it makes sense that an effort was made to develop an entire film out of it. At an hour and forty-six minutes or so, it really drags. The characters are unlikeable. The phony Boston accents (in Plymouth?) come and go. The motivation for the killer is nonsensical.

The sharp picture quality doesn't do it any favors. Keeping the grind house era aesthetic might've helped - a little. The main problem is at the script level, but casting and directing could also have been better.

It may well be too predictable to call it a turkey, but that's exactly what it is.

The Fantasist (1986)

is to the slasher what Wicker Man is to folk horror, sort of

[3/10 · 30 January 2024]

...in that both are surprising takes on their respective subgenres, but whereas The Wicker Man is a pleasure The Fantasist is largely a dud. Despite a shorter running time, it feels like the longer of the two. Nonetheless, a somewhat interesting attempt.

The men whom the lead Patricia meets in Dublin, while spending an experimental year teaching away from her uncle's farm that she's been picked to inherit, are all exceptionally childishly perverse in their own ways. It's unclear why she would give any of them a minute of her time, except that she herself might be "The Fantasist" of the title - not the killer, but out of touch with reality in her own right.

She enjoys making up stories to tell men in bars. Her story delivered to her virgin prospective roommate of having had a single sexual relationship with a man in college that was unsatisfying could likewise be complete invention. Patricia also says she wants a man who is an "imaginative rock," who is "inscrutable." That, at least, might be more on the mark.

The freeze-frame ending leaves some questions. One wonders if Patrick McGinley's novel Goosefoot is as open.

Onirica (2019)

great idea, terrible execution(s)

[2/10 · 14 September 2023]

I'm very much an Argento fan, having seen everything he's directed for film and TV from The Bird with Crystal Plumage (1970) to Dark Glasses (2022) I think except The Five Days (1973) and Dracula 3D (2012). Likewise I've seen almost everything he's written and/or produced, at least from 1970 onward.

I was very hopeful regarding Onirica. However, the look of the movie simply doesn't resemble Argento's style (certainly not his best pre-2001 work), and the murder set pieces similarly lack his panache. Some of what does stand out in Onirica isn't even an attempt at a poor imitation of Argento, but apparently quirks of Onirica's own director: repetitive shots of buildings, and a corny black and white hypnosis scene in which a character wears simplistic skull-like makeup, and dances about in an inverted shot.

Aside from that, the English subtitles seem to have been done by either bad AI or somebody with only some familiarity with English grammar who then made recourse to an Italian-English dictionary for word choices, often settling on something that was wrong. E.g. A detective saying "we may have a trace" when what was meant was apparently "we may have a lead."

Revisit your favorite Argento films, watch some of their DVD or blu-ray extras. Skip Onirica.

Nothing Underneath (1985)

spaghetti at a Wendy's in Italy?

[4/10 · 30 August 2023]

I'd seen the movie well over a decade ago, perhaps on VHS, and had at that time rated it a 4/10 but not reviewed it. Having now rewatched it online via Fandor's good quality 94 minute print, I was astonished to find that not a single scene was even slightly familiar but nonetheless think the rating I gave it still sounds about right. It's hard to understand how the movie could have been such a hit in Italy or why it generated two (thematic) sequels.

The Yellowstone National Park is underutilized as a location in the early part of the movie. Some strange visions and feelings are misleading. Much of the movie drags. Donald Pleasence doesn't have much to do.

That said, a scene set at a Wendy's that has a peculiar little salad bar island, and the sight of Pleasence eating plain, apparently sauceless, spaghetti that he evidently was served there(?!) was somewhat amusing. I guess maybe Pleasence wanted to be able to engage in the action of eating but not in a way that would cause him to have to eat too much over multiple takes or cause continuity problems.

Credit for a rather bizarre ending, though!

Witchcraft 14: Angel of Death (2016)

abomination with worst story, casting, locations, lighting so far

[1/10 · 31 July 2023]

I watched the 79:06 minute version on TubiTV, which might have had some scenes with nudity and sex cut, as the only such I recall is a brief medium shot near the beginning of a woman on a bed. Granted, it's not impossible I missed another due to a microsleep or stroke cause by the badness of it all.

About nine minutes are accounted for by the opening and end credits. Individual shots throughout the movie drag on needlessly. This was shot back-to-back with Witchcraft 15 and 16, and one suspects that there's really only a single bad movie's worth of material between the three, had there been better editing. Just staggeringly awful.

A deadpan young woman with huge eyes and a fake photography darkroom hobby that serves no purpose periodically inadvertently, unwittingly really curses people who make her angry. A couple detectives comment on a body that they say bled from every orifice that - as they are looking at it - clearly only bled from the mouth. Generic Hot Topic Will Spanner randomly shows up to be of little or no help every time. A yoga studio that is slightly bigger than a closet inside is the home of a coven that pretends to be a refuge for white magicians but in fact is interested in raising Kali or Samael or someone else - they seem to forget to use the same name from scene to scene. Maybe they decided it would be offensive to use Kali on top of the cultural appropriation of yoga, or to equate Hinduism with witchcraft - yet still couldn't be assed to redo that dialogue where she was already mentioned. Who knows.

Some external reviewers didn't absolutely hate this one, giving it a 3/10 or so. I can't fathom why. The average college TV production likely has better values, true even during the analog era. Perhaps if one binges the whole series with the assistance of alcohol it has an effect on the brain towards the end. But then not many have dared review the whole series anyway.

Even with 16 movies, Witchcraft isn't the longest horror series. Puppet Master is nearly there with 15, looks like and could eventually overtake it as Charles Band continues to be active. Shake, Rattle & Roll evidently ties it with 16, although SRR 16 is just a short. Troublesome Night evidently has 20 entries. Unfortunately, not all the entries of those two Asian series are all that widely available in the US or streaming internationally at present, AFAIK. The pseudo-series of Amityville movies, where they just throw the word in the title somewhere but don't deign to assign it a number (or necessarily even mention Amityville within the movie), is over fifty by some counts.

Here's an idea or two: have Witchcraft 18 (it will happen sooner or later, mark my words!) written, produced, and directed by actual practitioners of one or more forms of witchcraft, or by scholars of witchcraft history and witchcraft film history and folk horror.

Nutcracker Massacre (2022)

decent idea; not the best execution(s)

[3/10 · 31 December 2022]

Movie begins, oddly, with a delivery guy encountering the Nutcracker, then rolling back two days until the events get back up to the delivery guy. Unclear why that was done, other than perhaps to pad running time, or someone wanted a kill scene moved up closer to the beginning than the script had it.

Beatrice Fletcher and May Kelly have lovely looks and voices, and both are above average actors for what in many respects seems like a low-budget movie. The latter's (external to this movie) "Bacco" tattoo and modeling shots with cigarettes make one worry about her looks and voice! Get help with that, please; you should have a long life and career! Prematurely aged skin, lip pursing wrinkles, raspy voice, and deep phlegmy coughs aren't things to aspire to obtain.

Picture quality is decent for a low-budget Christmas horror movie. So many of them lack anything even close to top-of-the line cameras that they look cheap from the outset. Pacing was on the slow side, possibly compensating for lack of sufficient action and dialog.

The wobbling of the nutcracker when standing inanimate by the tree is impossible not to note. A dummy should have been used, or a post or preacher's bench for the actor to lean against.

The Nutcracker has two faces, a shattered "normal" one and fanged angry one. That look of a poor repair job to the "normal" head was peculiar: if explained, I missed it. Maybe they should have added some Kintsugi to the plot somehow to justify it.

There's no transformation between the two Nutcracker heads, just edits. A morph, or stop-action accomplished via miniature or something would have been a worthwhile investment; it could have helped. Maybe they should have hired Charles Band or the like for some insert shots. (Speaking of insert shots, there's a gorgeous foggy landscape one about 24 minutes in; stock footage, or actually by the cinematographer?) The angry head's fangs are, ironically, pointless in that the Nutcracker never bites.

A nut pick and candy canes are used as shivs. An ordinary V-shaped metal nutcracker is not used to crack nuts so much as... well, the man with the bag ain't Santa in this one, and he isn't with it for long though the shot does linger on it. Strangling by garland. But also hammer, knife, and gun which don't seem as Christmassy, not as Christmas horror-y, anyway. Slowed-down Nutcracker music periodically is effective; possibly more use should have been made of such recognizable, quality elements of the ballet.

I'd met one of the screenwriters, Joe Knetter, a number of years back; super-friendly guy. I do wish all involved luck on future projects, even though this one was largely a disappointment. Some more script polishing and fundraising could have helped considerably.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

decent production values; script runs out 3/4 or so through

[5/10 · 14 December 2022]

There's so many truly awful low-budget Christmas horror movies. This one had seemed promising from the trailer, and even partway into the movie. Some of the dialogue's decent. The star's got appeal. The Christmas lighting scheme works. The killer is powerful.

Though two versions of Black Christmas are referenced, arguably the movie takes inspiration from Chopping Mall and The Terminator, and for the final act Hardware (1990). It's that last where it drags: scream, attack, run away; then repeat, repeat, repeat.

Where are all the other people in the town? One gets the feeling from the very start that it had been evacuated except for a handful of police, and maybe seven residents. Everything's lit up, but nobody's around. Gunfire, screaming, and explosions get no reaction. That could've used some explanation.

Ratpocalypse (2015)

On a mission from Rat-God, or something

[2/10 · 17 April 2022]

Probably a minor thrill for the Oklahomans who worked on it and a paycheck for everyone else. Victoria Summer and Linda Bella are attractive. Casper Van Dien's a fit 50. The story's a mess; the "higher power" and repeated religious references throughout leave one wondering if a church was snookered into financing it ala Ed Wood's Plan 9 from Outer Space. Scenes with un-subtitled Russian dialog go on far longer than one would expect. The movie's end just happens, abruptly, roll credits.

What is the story behind the Russian writing, financing, and making of this movie? A making-of could be enlightening - and, of course, could hardly be worse than the flick itself.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

competently filmed but with a godawful script

[3/10 · 13 March 2022]

Cinematography, locations, gore effects - all fine. Aspects of the story were good, like the idea of entrepreneurs buying a ghost town. It might've made a fair standalone movie. As a sequel to TCM it's less interesting, and less reasonable.

Would wealthy influencers buying a ghost town to resell parts of it to other wealthy influencers be working on their own without a staff of their own, though? That's pretty doubtful.

The film has them arriving last-minute before the auction, and meeting (for the first time!) a local mechanic who somehow single-handedly spruced up the facades of the town. Dumb.

The survivor of the first movie, meanwhile, went into law enforcement and has spent the last fifty years looking for Leatherface. In all that time she never thought to check a ghost town in walking distance from the Sawyer family's farmhouse? Dumb. In fifty years has she worked on her marksmanship? No, she's a terrible shot at least half the time. Thought about what weapons would be most effective against Leatherface? No, she chooses a double-barreled shotgun over, say, a powerful handgun or a semi-automatic rifle despite the limited number of shots. Some kind of armor against chainsaws when chainsaw protective gear (helmet, visor, jacket, gloves, trousers, boots) is easy to come by these days? Nope. How about a partner, something her law enforcement would have impressed upon her the importance of having... again, no. She's been made into a Laurie Strode, except exceptionally stupid.

How about Leatherface? Evidently he's been twiddling his thumbs for fifty years, putting on weight in a house he supposedly never leaves and always not killing everyone in sight. Somehow he's otherwise supremely physically fit. He's also hidden a chainsaw behind a wall, to retrieve when needed. Never mind that the homeowner would have noticed the considerable work involved in hiding it, or the fact that he could have left it out in the open in the large house with other tools, or amidst clutter, and nobody would have batted an eye at it because ordinary people do own chainsaws. Or, if he still felt he must hide it, hidden it in a more easily accessible spot like a basement crawlspace. Instead, it's treated like he's John Wick retrieving his basement stash from under concrete with a sledgehammer when he needs to come out of retirement.

Aside from borrowing from Halloween and John Wick, there's a Shining scene, a Friday the 13th scene, and I'm sure others.

The ending is exceptionally inane.

Father Christmas Is Back (2021)

good cast fails to elevate terrible script

[2/10 · 26 November 2021]

It's reasonably Christmassy, I suppose, with an impressive home as the main location, but I'm hard-pressed to remember even chuckling once during it. Maybe one little smile at the early mention of toilet paper roll Christmas decorations, given my own family's 1970s felt Santa Claus ornament built up around a cardboard tube.

The music is particularly bad, frequently descending into comedy sound effects: never a good sign. It's also odd that a character was repeatedly working on, or talking about working on, or being talked about as working on, her thesis about The Beatles, and yet there would be none of their Christmas music. Rights clearance costs? Then why have them be written into the storyline at all? When said character asked carolers in Victorian costume if they knew any Beatles, that would have been an obvious spot for a cover.

Suicide Squad (2016)

Perfectly bad ensemble movie

[2/10 · 13 May 2020]

It introduces a fairly large number of characters in a terribly poor way. There's no reason given to care about anybody in the movie. The reasoning given to assemble the squad isn't credible. Action sequences mostly take place in darkness punctuated by fire that, if it isn't digital, might as well have been given that it looks like it. The Suicide Squad fight a bunch of CGI. Jared Leto's Joker is incredibly annoying every time he opens his mouth; the Joker was taken in such a different direction they should've made it an entirely new character. Adam Beach is totally wasted. Skip it!

All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

entertaining, just don't expect A Christmas Horror Story-level quality

[6/10 · 20 January 2020]

A relatively low-budget Christmas horror anthology - think Holiday Hell (2019) rather than A Christmas Horror Story (2015), and if you're OK with that you'll probably be entertained.

It's not an art film, or an artsy one; I'm not sure where anyone would get that. The wraparound story does feature a couple attending a play on Christmas Eve at a very small theatre without knowing what to expect. They're subjected to a few nearly identically-clad performers giving performances with only the barest of props and no sets, and certainly *that play* is arty, but done tongue-in-cheek by the filmmakers. Relatively little is seen of the play; just the beginning and ends of the play's acts, to bookend the segments of the movie's anthology. The two theatre-goers find it off-putting and somewhat funny; the few other watching are even less engaged. The performances are very stripped-down versions of the anthology's segments, to the point of abstraction at times. A neighbor's oppressively bright and loud outdoor Christmas decorations in the play become just a large red light and a large green light held in one of the performers' hands; blood becomes just red ribbons.

One of the sins anthologies can commit is having segments that might as well have been combined, but here the different segments of the movie have very different stories. With five segments and a wraparound story, none of them are especially long.

The directors had only done short films prior to this one. One might see this film as them continuing to develop their skills while making short films but using the anthology format to give those shorts more of a market. That's probably a good thing; one of the sins that low-budget filmmakers make is jumping into a feature when they clearly lacked the skills to make even a short. These directors show promise; I thought it compared favorably with Holiday Hell (2019), for example, and that movie had Jeffrey Combs to help it. The abstract theatre was a far more creative device than HH's curio shop, which is rather a cliché: Das Wachsfigurenkabinett (1924), From Beyond the Grave (1974), Friday the 13th: The Series (1987) (TV Series), etc.

Loose Cannons (1990)

comedy misfire

[3/10 · 28 November 2019]

1988, the year Loose Cannons was made, is held by many to be that decade's best year for comedies. To name a few: The Naked Gun, A Fish Called Wanda, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Big, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Beetlejuice. It's no wonder Loose Cannons wasn't released until 1990 just because of the competition - though in any year, it's hard to envision it having a chance at success.

Perhaps part of the problem was the screenwriting by the Mathesons. Both capable of great writing, but really not known for comedy. Then there's the matter of Ackroyd's character. A genius detective with a crippling fear of violence and multiple personality disorder isn't necessarily a terrible idea (though an idea with a high risk for being terrible). However, when the "personalities" are expressed just as very brief mimicry of TV and movie characters, it makes him seem more like an impressionist most of the time than someone with a psychiatric disorder. At one point, Ackroyd's character runs through many voices in no time at all (including multiple SNL characters like the "Mr. Bill" narrator, and the Church Lady), serving no purpose whatsoever.

I found the movie at a dollar store included on a double feature DVD, so it only cost me about fifty cents. I feel sorry for those who paid full matinee price back in 1990! People would be better off spending their time on rewatching better films by the leads.

Party Hard Die Young (2018)

Die, "Party Hard Die Young," Die.

[4/10 · 26 November 2019]

Credit to American video streaming services for picking up foreign movies, but this was a fairly unremarkable one - a by-the-numbers slasher. Characters were mostly indistinguishable. Motive was a common one for the subgenre. Police and security presence for a huge party seemed unrealistically small, particularly with one death after another. Some credit for the deaths, but when that's the main thing a horror movie has in its favor, that's disappointing.

Killing Gunther (2017)

under 100 reviews in two years; a deservedly little-seen movie

[3/10 · 31 October 2019]

The idea of a professional assassin who uses only poison because blood makes him projectile vomit is mildly funny. The intentionally godawful song over the end credits is almost mildly funny. Neither warranted a laugh, nor did anything else solicit one. Some people allegedly found this movie funny, but it's anyone's guess as to why - they themselves didn't specify.

Dark Crimes (2016)

American account of Polish crime filmed by Greek director as if Nordic Noir

[3/10 · 30 October 2019]

Jim Carrey can handle drama/thrillers (e.g. The Number 23). Here he was given a rather dull character and a poor screenplay; he does OK, no better or worse than anybody could have done.

Its hour and a half running time is fairly excruciating in its pacing; the limited color palette and flat dialog certainly didn't help. Seemingly it was attempting to imitate elements of Nordic noir, but the original ("extended") Män som hatar kvinnor (2009) was three hours long, and yet very engaging.

31 (2016)

why "31," someone asked?

[3/10 · 13 July 2019]

As to the title, presumably because the game of "31" is played every October 31st. Not a very inspired name for the game or the movie, which gets to the central problem of the movie: it's not very inspired.

I liked The Devil's Rejects; for what it was, it was extremely well-done. FWIW, I dig White Zombie too.

When it comes to horror, though, I don't care for retreads. A genre which arguably has a greater freedom to be transgressive than any other mainstream genre arguably should be taking advantage of that freedom. But just as many people with the freedom to vote don't bother to vote or even to register to vote, so too does horror often fail to deliver.

Part of the problem, I guess, is there's a lot of horror fans that DO like the same thing over and again. Rob Zombie was apparently catering to that.

Does he himself like the same thing repeatedly? It certainly seems that way. I'd be curious to see what he might do if he stepped out of his comfort zone: direct a film written by someone else (and not one written specifically for him), do not include Sheri Moon Zombie in the cast (have her work crew if he dislikes being away from her for too long), do not set the film in the 1970s, do not use clowns, do not reference Nazis, do not over-rely on blood & gore. Could it be done? I have my doubts, but would be delighted to be proven wrong.

Dead Awake (2001)

Dead funny!

[7/10 · 11 March 2019]

With, at the moment in 2019, IMDb having merely nineteen user reviews, 644 user ratings, and three external reviews for a film that's been available for almost twenty years, one is hardly primed to expect much. IMDb's owner Amazon had it offered streaming through its Prime service, buried deep among the Thrillers. The brief plot description, "an insomniac who walks the street at night. One night, he witnesses a murder, which sets off a strange chain of events" was nonetheless somewhat intriguing, and given some of the actors it seemed worth a try.

I found it a hoot! Described here as an "Action, Thriller" a Comedy Thriller seems more accurate. The weirdness of the characters and dialogue make it unquestionably a deadpan black comedy. It might be riffing to a degree on film noir or some of the odder giallo films, though some characters could have wandered in from the 1990s' Slacker and Bound.

Cutting between scenes in earlier parts of film is peculiar - it takes a while to make sense of it, which seems purposeful. Editing and cinematography are merely professional here, not exceptional - it could have been lifted to something greater, perhaps. The writing and acting really do make it fun, though, for those into something different.

De 12 van Oldenheim (2017)

twelve (hours) disappeared

[3/10 · 7 March 2019]

The production values are very good: cinematography, editing, audio - acting and writing are decent most of the time, aside from one character whose temper is repeatedly violent - it's hard to believe he wouldn't face consequences for that early on. I loved seeing the Dutch scenery and buildings. It's fairly involving, up to a point. I had high hopes for it.

The ending, however, is incredibly unsatisfying. Implausible and forced, it made the whole series become a waste of time. Even the ending itself is a waste of time, laboriously going back through every disappearance even though once the explanation is supplied it is totally unnecessary to do that. I certainly hope more Dutch series will make it to video streaming services available in the US, but please don't waste viewers' time again with such an abortion of a conclusion!

Willow Creek (2013)

an uncredited Blair Witch remake, substituting Bigfoot mythology

[2/10 · 7 December 2018]

I don't need wall-to-wall action or gore to like a horror movie; some of the ones I most love are more atmospheric than explicit. I really did not like the original Blair Witch Project though - but I liked the mythology created for it, and felt it was put to much better use in Curse of the Blair Witch, The Burkittsville 7, and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2.

Willow Creek is kind of a remake of the first Blair Witch, with Bigfoot mythology instead of a witch. Bulk of the movie has main characters filming themselves at length before they ever get into the woods. People warn them that the protagonists later worry might be messing with them in the woods. They get lost and walk around in circles. They hear noises. They run. Eventually someone is seen standing silently - something that calls back to something mentioned in passing earlier in the movie that viewers may or may not have remembered, and the camera drops. Major difference from Blair Witch: this movie has songs about Bigfoot sung by Bigfoot fans who are not decidedly not great lyricists. At least it's only 80 minutes long, though it seemed twice that.

The best things in the movie were the name of a woman who says she's part of a local Indian tribe: Shawn L. White Guy, Sr.; some of the scenery before they get into the woods; and the female lead was cute. Oh, and Bobcat Goldthwait probably made a decent amount of money on the film, which maybe good since I like some of the other things he's done like God Bless America (2011).

H. (I) (2014)

half-remembered mythology writ in the rust belt

[8 October 2017]

The film is apt to be somewhat fun to watch for anyone familiar with Troy, Rensselaer County, New York, though likely far slower and artier than the average viewer is apt to enjoy. There are lots of local businesses that appear, and roads that are recognizable like Hoosick Road, Oakwood Avenue and probably Farrell Road. The geography is a little confusing when it comes to the Lake George references. Lake George is more than a little than "just outside of Troy" as it's described - it's about an hour's drive north and two counties away.

The Helen statue's head that's seen floating along - that's not in Lake George as some viewers interpret it, but in the Hudson River that runs along the west side of the City of Troy.

The story? You're best off turning to interviews of the directors online. Childhood readings of Greek mythology, not revisited, contributed as well as some real-life things abut which they'd read, further influenced by the eventual choice of Troy as the primary shooting location.