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hectic25
Reviews
Second String (2002)
A Spectacularly Horrible Movie I May Not Ever Recover From
I don't normally write reviews, but this "film" was special. I couldn't turn it off. I don't believe I've ever seen a worse movie, but there I sat, watching. It was like a horrible car wreck with blood flowing all over the highway. It was disgusting, but I couldn't turn away. Where do I start? The movie seems to think it's a sports thriller, but it's so utterly ridiculous, it can only be a comedy, but it's not funny, not even in a dumb/silly way. It's like watching your cousins try to act out a skit on family get-togethers. It's painful to watch, but at least it's only for a minute or two. Second String went on for over an hour.
Whoever was involved with making this movie should not work again. The writing, directing, acting, and everything was just terrible. The problem is I can't describe how bad it was; you just had to see it. And I'm sure this will NEVER be shown again, so unless you saw it, you're out of luck. I mean it was almost worth seeing just for the fact that it gave me some appreciation for every other "bad" film I've seen over my lifetime. And for every film I see in the future that I can't stand, I will think to myself, well, at least it wasn't bad as the Second String.
Men in Black II (2002)
Avoid at all costs (unless you're a boy ages 6-13).
Not funny enough to be a comedy, not realistic enough to be a drama, not interesting enough to be a fantasy, Men In Black just may possibly be the worst movie I've seen in the last year. Essentially this is a kid's movie. But MIB tries to be more. And it fails terribly. I don't understand how any adult mind can be entertained by this stuff. The plot is utterly ridiculous. I would explain in greater detail why it is ridiculous, but I fell asleep during the middle. It saddens me to know that millions of ADULTS will be truly entertained by this movie. The only way to possibly enjoy this movie is to have the mind of a seven year old. If you haven't seen this movie yet, don't. See something that will stimulate you. This movie was just awful.
The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)
Another Classic Woody Allen Film
This film has drawn quite a lot of negative reviews from critics who complain that Woody Allen is too old to play a "leading man," that his material isn't as fresh or funny as it used to be, and that the film in general does not compare to his earlier works. This commentary will tackle each of these issues. Regarding whether or not Woody Allen should stop playing the lead roles in his own movies; I believe those who say this are uncomfortable with the idea of a 66 year old man having romantic relationships with women in their 30's. I find this line of thinking to be extremely narrow-minded and stereotypical. Do all leading male actors have to look like George Clooney or Mel Gibson? Why can't we accept the fact that yes, some woman are attracted to a person's character (as opposed to their physical appearance,) and that they don't have to look like the typical Hollywood sex symbol? Furthermore, I belive that critics are deeply offended by Woody marrying his step-daughter, and they seem to hold a personal vendetta against him. I've read many reviews which have been unnecessarily cruel and harsh against Mr. Allen. No other film maker would receive reviews that blatantly attack the person rather than the film maker. It's not fair, and it's unprofessional. Now for the criticism that this film is not as fresh or funny or inspired as his previous films. I've seen almost every Woody Allen film, and this film is just about on par with the best of them. It's funny, witty, smart, and yes, inspired. Critics tend to romanticize the past, and the fact they aren't "inspired" by Woody's current work is more a reflection of what's going on with them personally rather than with the actual material. For example, Star Wars was extremely inspiring when I saw it when I was 8 years old, and of course the recent Phantom Menace didn't inspire me much because I'm just not in a position to be inspired by that kind of film. Does that mean Phantom Menace is less inspiring than Star Wars? Probably not.
The Curse of the Jade Scorpion is an excellent comedy with a touching underlying story. The plot, while a bit hokey, is still interesting and mostly believable. Forget the critics, see this film and decide for yourself!
Ghost World (2001)
Best film of the year (so far..)
Since this is a "commentary" and not a "review," I will not go into the plot elements or character development etc. Rather I will explain why this movie should be as highly rated as it is, and attempt to account for those who did not like this movie. The movie is excellent because it is very funny and depicts contemporary reality in an interesting and creative way. It also examines the coming of age in a refreshing humorous way. However, the movie relies on in-jokes for most of its humor. Now, if you're not "in" on the joke, the movie will not appear funny to you, and of course you'll say it's boring. Now, as far as who's in and who's not... The movie (Thora Birch's character mainly, who is in essence: "the movie") makes fun of people who are pretentious, dumb, ineffective, and essentially: 'not cool.' Obviously, if you are one of these people, the movie is attacking you! Now this is not meant to sound elitist, I'm not saying that anyone is better than anyone else, but if you get the jokes, then you're in on it, and you don't have to worry. If you found it long, boring, or something to that effect, well, some self-examination might be in order. This movie is for smart people who prefer to see a unique movie to a familiar one. If you like movies where everything is neatly tied up in the end, and you don't have to think too much, don't see this one.
The Opposite of Sex (1998)
A Superbly Hysterical Film
If you like Christina Ricci, you'll love The Opposite of Sex. Don Roos creates an excellent dialog which never stops being funny. The issues are pertinent, and the movie tackles many homosexual stereotypes. Ms. Ricci was amazing, as usual, but the film benefits from outstanding performances from all, especially Lisa Kudrow in a very un-Friendsly role. This movie remains Mr. Roos' best work to date, and this is a far better film than Bounce. If only we all could go back to the year 1998 when indie film was in its pre-adolescent stage... This film receives my vote for Best Screwball Comedy of All-Time, and simply of the best films I've ever seen. (Buffalo '66 is number 1).
Buffalo '66 (1998)
The Best Movie Ever, period.
Vincent Gallo has made an incredibly good movie featuring himself and the glorious Christina Ricci. Every second of this movie is perfect. It is a work of art, and a priceless one at that. Christina Ricci gives the best performance of her life. The film is transcendental; it transcends reality. It is superb. I've never been so inspired after watching a film before, ever. The movie may be too realistic for some, and too painful for others. But, if you can handle a portrait of a dark reality, you won't go away unsatisfied. God is a woman, and her name is Christina Ricci.
Sugar & Spice (2001)
The dialogue is brutally funny, and this movie never bores.
This black comedy sets out to make fun of cheerleaders and pop culture, and it succeeds in doing so. The dialogue is brutally funny, and this movie never bores. It could of been an excellent movie had it abandoned its target audience of teens, and allowed it to obtain an R rating. This would of enabled the film to be even more sick and twisted (read: effective)and placed it in the category of Heathers. Yet, even with this severely edited version, it was still fun to watch, more in the sense of Airplane! than Jawbreaker.