Made me think of euthanasia FOR MYSELF rather than staying sat in front of such BS. How on earth so many fine actors could be so flipping annoying'??? Only Mia Wasikowska showed humanity and some heart in this superweird film, where all they do is tick cliches, looked like they had a whole list to get done, it was sad, but not for the story, but waste of talent. The hubby, Sam Neill, throughout looked like he didn't give a toss about it all, the scene where he cries they do not even show him cos he was probably froating some onions, Sarandon, oh well, looked healthier than meself at my healthiest and the hubby of Kate Winslet, I was never sure if he had 30 IQ or became mentally impaired or the actor was never given a script,, or judging by his form ate it for breakfast. I give this a 3 cos Mia W- was brilliant, they should all have handed their wages to her cos is the only who did any actual work here.
Reviews
32 Reviews
The Master and Margarita
(2023)
THE MASTERPIECE and (THE PRETTIEST) MARGARITA
9 February 2024
The Master and Margarita (2023) is simply the best film I've seen released in years, visually stunning, the iconic novel is adapted in the most thought-provoking perspective & grabs your imagination instantly. What I loved the most is that, IS NOT about the political prosecution of the author/protagonist; but about how the love of Margarita totally frees him, more than his muse -he writes for her, aware that the manuscript will probably end up in the fire- is the force that binds the book and his world together. Reality and fantasy are beautifully intertwined, and the writer can't tell what goes on in his mind from the outside world. All actors (incl. The cat Behemoth) are fantastic; particularly Yulia Snigir as Margarita, it is simply impossible not to fall in love with her from the moment she appears on the screen. The Devil / Voland here is also playful & more than perverse brings much needed humour, like a fellow who enjoys taking the piss ruthlessly at any price. So people keep comparing it to the series of 2005, well, i do not compare all love stories to Casablanca or Gone With the Wind, each period has different takes and creative freedom, I like this film more even than the book, which, let's face it, was an unfinished draft assembled by Bulgakov's widow, so let's stop slagging masterly done stuff when the original story wasn't even finished. Do not miss, real cinema lovers!!!!
Sputnik
(2020)
it's title shouldn't be SPUTNIK, but what'S da PUTO POINT.
15 July 2023
I should not be writing this. I should be writing to the director asking for compensation. This film makes no sense. The first 20 mi are promising. But after that, it was as if there were the Special Effects crew, and the director just put some random takes together. I only somehow coped because I am a massive fan of Oksana Akinshina, bless her, and her paycheck, cos this drivel is just a horror show, not in terms of evoking anything, but wanting to crash the remote to the TV screen. Give 2 stars cos Oksana even though looks thinking Why da heck did I accept this crap? Still looks hotter than jalapeños. Beyond dreadful.
The Sacrifice
(1986)
Tarkovsky's day OFF
12 June 2023
I honestly did not get what was the point of this film. I love Tarkovsky more than anyone else in cinema's history. But, what da heck was he on about here???? I personally believe he should never had left the USSR, where he produced one masterpiece after another. Perhaps not working within his own natural habitat, Mother Russia and its beautiful language screwed his mind a bit. I give it a 5 out of 10 only cos it's Him, but, Andrey Who Art in Heaven, what da hell was this bout????? The characters seem to be in a WHO IS THE MOST OBNOXIOUS competition, plus the whole film is like an emergency call to Save the Children for nobody bleeding knows where's the child throghout the entive movie. I'd like to discuss the plot but it is mix of predictable and chaotic, for the author of the BEST film in cinematic history with "Mirror". Going suddenly all religious seems like a poor taste joke, or maybe wanted to pee off the Soviet authorities. Oh my, I 'd rather have a nuclear Armageddon that watching this ever again.
Teen Spirit
(2018)
Equally real & magic
29 August 2022
Watch it not expecting much, a billion time told story, TV Talent shows which I loathe.... But every film deserves you to watch with an open mind. This film was like a gorgeous box of posh chocolates, and whichever you chose was bettering the one before. Elle Fanning is superb. The script with all the twists that left me hooked till the end. I simply never expected it to be this good. A great cocktail of music, suppressed feelings, broken dreams and biggest of all, HOPE. Max Minghella has really honoured his iconic father (I am forever a fan of The English Patient) and I cannot wait to see what he does next. Great entertainment, full of kindness,
Mirage
(2018)
Awesome Adriana, AWFUL male partners
13 August 2022
I watched this film ´cos of Adriana, can´t lie. The plot is interesting, the script accomplished , but the lads in it, jeez, the skeleton of that murdered wife has more expressivity and acting skills than any of Adriana´s husbands in the movie, they just have no idea what to do, where to look, seems like they are gonna shout "line please!" any moment just embarrassing, you could sense their struggle pretending to be acting. If the male cast had been half as decent as the female, could´ve been a superb film, but I think they spent all the budget hiring Adriana and J. Gutierrez and just got some mates´ friends. Adriana -5 Lads (alleged actors) - 0. And I´m being generous with that 0!!!
The Banishment
(2007)
INCREDIBLY GOOD, a poetic, thrilling journey.
15 May 2022
This film has mesmerized me. Zvyagintsev is, undoubtedly the finest European director by very, very far. This time an almost idyllic family tale turns into a debacle with the most shocking consequences, as usual you get hooked to the story and nothing else will matter for you while viewing, some real magic that nowadays few can achive. No intent to give away anything, but how come this film isn´t aclaimed as a masterpiece will leave me even more dumbfounded that its male protagonist.
The Laws of the Border
(2021)
BORDERLINE MASTERPIECE
27 January 2022
If you ever watched cine Kinki, equivalent of film noir with real crooks as actors from the early eighties, this film actually betters most of them. The advantage of having proper actors is that, ironically, makes it more multi-layered, you almost fall for such intriguing baddies cos they act so unbelievably well. Being a cine kinki fan, I was initially reticent about seein this, thank god I did, cos the journey the Gafitas goes through, from bullied kind boy to basically a full blown robber -and almost killer- inspired by his kinki Dulcinea, a girl next door if she were hotter than jalapeños and next door were a crack house, is mindblowing. An absolute must watch, like Gafitas, won´t leave you indiferent.
The script might've been damaged during WWII
5 September 2021
Most boring episode EVER
3 September 2021
Sister of Mine
(2017)
SURPRISINGLY GOOD!
28 August 2021
I haven't seen a modern Spanish film this good for a long time. Plot has really good pace, the acting is outstanding and the intrigue almost mesmerizing. I kind of worry I feel sorry for Oliver, he is in need of help way more than his sister. And honestly. Cannot believe how originally done this was. Makes you wonder., why do we FOREVER crave the forbidden fruit? Don't give it a 10 because the supporting characters are (probably intentionally) a bit undone, they all seem quite black and white which drives your interest to the main two only.
Please Stand By
(2017)
A TRULY POWERFUL STORY
27 August 2021
Which reallly touched my heart. Ms. Fanning is OUTSTANDING, and makes you want to get inside the film and help her, all cast is pretty good, how she didn´t get an Oscar nomination at least beggars belief. And the dog, Pete the Pup, is a much better actor that most of all the fat paycheck alleged actors playing superheroes so in fashion, these sad days for quality cinema such as this. A simply beautiful film.
Smilla's Sense of Snow
(1997)
Mr August POOR SENSE OF EDITING
17 May 2021
The film starts off REALLY WELL, but little by little the plot gets too messy or badly explained, and Smilla´s struggle against the choice of keep getting laid with Gabriel Byrne & finding out who he is & what is going on made me lose sympathy for her cause. At the end I honestly didn´t care if their ship sank and the goodies and baddies die. Poor editing and worst script.
Mirror
(1975)
GREATEST FILM EVER MADE
15 May 2021
This film is sheer poetry. And as such, it is laughable of me to try to describe with words such a mindblowing experience. The plot, a dying man remembering his childhood, is an excuse to dig deep into the subconscious, and pose the most important questions, why are we here? What is real love about? What is real and what is not, can be apply to any given day, how our minds play tricks on us, and are out to get us. The narrator is the soul of the man, trying to make sense of anything for a last time. AN ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE.
touching
8 May 2021
Realive
(2016)
better die than watch this
4 April 2021
Where to start? Main protagonists simply despicable, plot almost improvised, senseles scenes and the editing seems like done by a 3 year old playing... The love story is almost a hateful couple that you couldn't care less for, then a totally silly plot, and all the people in 2084 dress like Don Johnson in Miami Vice in 1984. This film is a clear example that you SHOULD NEVER write and direct a film unless your name is Orson Welles. I give it 2 stars rather than 0 because Oona Chaplin was hot and the rest of the characters were able to put their clothes the right way around.
I'm Your Woman
(2020)
I'm your torture
10 January 2021
Really wanted to like this film. i usually enjoy just about anything on Amazon. But the script, of this thing called film... I honestly dunno whether it was edited ramdonly because the plot is so poor that I kind of found myself wondering if I would survive another minute. Actually I couldn't even finish watching, though after an hour and a half of insurmountable torment, I believe I should be entitled to tax breaks, or euthanasia, or both. Nevertheless, I gave it 2 stars because: 1) the actors were able to put their clothes the right way around and 2) the protagonist Rachel Brosnahan is hotter than jalapeños.
Chyornyy tsvetok
(2016)
INTRIGUING, SMART. It hooked me!
25 December 2020
I found it very engaging. Far from perfect script, the acting makes up for it. Then the actresses seem to want to out-gorgeous each other. Perhaps got a bit on my nerves the nagging Elsa, how suffering Leonas managed not to stab her in the eye with the kitchen knife, I will never know. Then when a character is in Intensive Care, the room looks like a cheap hostel, seems that the run out of budget to borrow a real or good fake unit? Cos the poor bloke almost dying is just lying quietly with 0 tubes. Due to that flop give it only a 7, 'cos is very decent TV.
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
(2020)
Sacha nailed it
23 December 2020
Tbh, I found it in many ways even better than the first, when he caught everyone offside and was easy to perform in a way. This time it was a tougher job and he did brilliantly. In many ways the jokes are smarter, I'd give it 8,5 but is not doable. The girl is also brilliant and the framing of Giuliani, a work of art on how to show the man's true -stinky- colours.
Summer Clouds
(2004)
VÓMITOS DE VISIONADO - Post-watch puking
18 November 2020
This film is so bad, that actually feel watching till the end I found myself heroic, like after finishing a Marathon or finish a run at 6am. Where do I begin? characters with 0 chemistry, actors so poorly directed that you will want to kick your screen and crush it to bits-don't do, they are too dear. The editing seems randomly done, as if they forgot the order of each cut, the plot, well, a 5 year old would have come up with something smarter, the ending, I just ended up with suicide ideation -metaphorically- for putting up with shuch CRAP. The only positive, worth the 1 rating is the actress playing Marta , she is REALLY fit, but not worth 2 hours of my life. An absolute load of garbage.
A Rainy Day in New York
(2019)
A gloomy day 'cos of this film
18 September 2020
Mr Chalamet returned his paycheck ´cos of whatever, and it was poetic justice 'cos his character is one of the most uninspiring in film history. Truly looked like a pound-shop Woody Allen, no vulnerability or lovable dodgy traits, + the other character he apparently fell for (was it Selena something? and has anyone got her agent's number?) had less sex-appeal or screen magnetism in the scenes with him than a day-old dog poo burnt by the sun. Nevertheless Elle Fanning was actually quite good, I mark it a 4 'cos of her, I always watch a film with Ms Elle on it with intrigue. The rest of the cast, like a bunch of mates on a day out that improvised the scenes, perhaps that's the reason of that kiss mock scene. Anyway, Woody, do something good or retire peacefully, it wasn't fair the Farrows-induced crucifixion he has suffered, but honestly, the man who did Annie Hall shouldn't waste his precious time doing this crap.
Eastern Promises
(2007)
Promise delivered
9 August 2020
I took ages to watch that, in order to avoid the classic "Russian bad guys" cliche, and finally saw it drawn by the actors. And Naomi Watts, Mortensen & Cassel do deliver the goods. They are absolutely outstanding. Cronenberg at his best. It´s more of an universal subject,, the trade and abuse of human beings, particularly girls, by the most rotten evildoers, & the ones caught in the crossfire. I strongly recommend, regarding the subject, "Lilya 4-ever" (2002, Dir. Lukas Moodysson) that film sadly stays with you forever.
Hotel Danubio
(2003)
POINTLESS WASTE OF TIME
28 July 2020
Looks like a bunch of mates got together for the sake of it. MENUDO BODRIO repleto de ENCHUFADOS sin un ápice de talento. I don´t think this crap is worth of another line. Give it 2 stars ´cos the actors were able to put their clothes the right way around.
An Unfinished Life
(2005)
Highly enjoyable
22 July 2020
Gladly surprised, thought a film with J. Lopez was synonymous with bum-centeredness, but she is alright, as all the cast, Redford and girl relationship really touching, only an innocent child brings the love outta him. I would give it a 9, but the fact that this is a film in the West, with baddies and tough blokes where nobody smokes, not a trace of a ciggie, c´mon, get real Mr. Hallstrom, nevertheless doesn't stop the bottle of whiskey from appearing with old cliches. The bear has also a strong performance, isn't him on the billing? a much more accomplished actor than many A-list tough plonkers.
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