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jim bowie
Reviews
FleshEater (1988)
A truley bad zombie flick POSSIBLE SPOILERS
Hmmm, flesheater, I , like other people on this page have never heard oh this movie being referred to by that name. Anyways, on with the review. So if your reading this you either A. Accidentally stumbled across this page and aren't going to read this anyways, B. Love zombie flicks, or C. Like crappy movies. Well if your answer is C then you are in luck, because is an extremely crappy movie. It's number four on my list of worst movies I've ever seen, being beat out by Jack frost 2, horror planet, and the insanely bad Boarding House, but hey, it was #1 until those came along so here goes.
Some drunk kids, presumably high school or college age go on a hay ride to drink some beer and make some sex out in boonies, well where dropped off in the woods and the farmer heads back to town to get the kiddos some beer. elsewhere, a farmer is pulling up a tree trunk and discovers, gasp! a coffin, (cue dramatic music) well the coffin has a little plaque on it warning people that if you open this thing up all sorts of bad things are gonna happen, and well, the moron opens up it up to reveal. that guy from night of the living dead! well, the zombie kills the farmer and the other farmer (hayride farmer) and wanders off into the woods after the group of teenagers, well, i'll start summarizing it from here on out. some of them wander off to do it, and end up getting eaten and turned into zombies themselves, some of them retreat to a farmhouse (hmmm, sounds familiar)but that lasts all of ten minutes, the only halfway smart ones manage to elude the undead for quite sometime, eventually the cops, along with a bunch of good ol boys (now this is really starting to sound familiar) are dispatched to take care of the undead. Towards the end is another scene completely ripped off from night of the living dead and it leaves it open for a sequel.
Highlights? Well there is alot of nudity, but in this case it's not really that great of a thing, especially the afro white girl who gets her heart pulled out through her stomach she's just flat ugly. They attack a party, and it's completley corny. And basically this whole movie is just bad bad bad. Oh yeah and the cop that's supposed to look eaten, I think they just covered him in sausage links and old ketchup.
As I mentioned earlier, this movie is a complete night of the living dead rip off nad an extremely bad one at that. The acting is the worst I have ever seen, it is simply non-exssitent. This movie has nothing to really recommned it, even if you absoloutely love zombie movies avoid this one and look for something else.
Boardinghouse (1982)
the very epitome of extremely bad cinema. "spoilers"
Word's simply can't describe how atrociously bad this movie is. It is beyond stupid and it is almost indescribable, but i'll do the best I can.
OKay, here we go. For starters there is this guy, strangely enough he's the reason i rented this movie. You see I was going through the horror section at my local rental place, and I picked up the movie box and looked at the back. Me and my friend wih me fell to the floor laughing. You HAVE to see the look on that guy's face, it was so freakin hilarious we rented just to see what he was looking at. Anyways the plot concerns this goofy looking guy who for some reason reminds me of sting. He buy's a house and rent's it out to a whole bunch of women who like to get naked quite often, yes, it's really close to being a straight up porn.
Well, going on, bad thing's start happening, the girl's are having hallucinations and harming themselves in the kitchen. All the while our "hero" is sitting around in his room practicing telepathy while sitting around in a leopard print speedo (if anything the movies worth avoiding so you don't have to see that horrifying sight over and over) and occasionally banging one of his boarders. Theirs also the gardener who's this nam vet who looks hilarious. I didn't bother to stay and see the end, but my friend told me something about a telepathic battle.
The effects are extremely bad. For starters there's a disclaimer at the beginning of the movie (after about 25 minutes of previews for other paragon releases) that tells you that this film is equipped with the patented "horror vision". This cheesy effect uses a weird sound effect and then a gloved hand in front of some early eighties computer graphics to warn viewers about the gory scene that's about to be shown, it is so freakin stupid. Then there's the incredibly bad superimposed spectre that appears every once in a while, which was utilized using early eighties computers so it's of course bad. The gore is so bad I won't go into it and the acting is nonexistent.
Do yourself a favor, avoid this and any other paragon video. Or if your so d#mn curious go rent this and then proceed to beat your noggin against the wall. Enjoy.
Nightbeast (1982)
Can I take My shirt off?!
Those who have seen this incredibly bad movie know what the one line summary is referring too. The incredibly cheesy sex scene between the sheriff and the deputey. I mean it is dumb, just like the rest of this garbage. Admittedly, the opening credits with the laser blast's are kind of cool (I'm guessing that's where all the money went). The acting is bad. The gore is flat out stupid. The alien is a guy in a thite shirt with a cheap mask and gorilla hands that you buy at a novelty store. Oh and the music, You know that sound that those big flexi straws make when you twirl them up in the air? That is exactly what the music sounds like!!! And what is up with this stupid subplot with "drago" dumb dumb dumb. It is good for a cheap laugh, but that's about all. I warn everybody against renting or buying anyhting with the paragon home video name on it. This is not the worst. The criminally bad "Boarding house" is. But I'll write a review for that piece of horse crap later. Oh, go ahead and rent it if your so d*mn curious, you'll regret it though.
Le pacte des loups (2001)
A great French Monster, mYstery, Martial arts, action, and romance Movie!
I was really surprised whe I borrowed this movie from a friend to watch it. I must say that it was one of the Best movies I've seen in a while. The characters were intersting. The fight scenes were amazing. The plot, while a little predictable, was actually quite good. The monster was alright, although I was expecting something a little different. It was by no means a perfect movie. But it's definately worth owning. Also the camera work was out of this world, it was nothing short of awesome!
Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
Horrible movie. This movie beat out revenge of the living zombies for the WORST movie I have ever suffered through. What the !@$% were the morons who made this film thinking. Was it supposed to be scary. Because man let me tall you it wasn't. It was so dumb it wasn't funny. We all know that tropical islands are the natural hunting grounds for killer snowmen. And those stupid baby snowballs. Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid. Fake snow and lousy actors. OH and frost looks nothing like he does on the box. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME. REnt it and destroy it.
The Last Man on Earth (1964)
in a word: grim POSSIBLE SPOILERS.
this is a tale of a guy whho's sittin in his big house going crazy afeter a killer plague has decimated the world. Anyways one thing I was wondering is why does he never try to shoot them (the zombie vampires) just because tey have vampire tendencies doesn't mean they are. Not a bad movie, just depressing especially since he lives 100 yards away from a police station that has an armory in it. Not bad not bad
The Sentinel (1977)
one freaky flick
I just got finished watching the sentinel, and it was one of the wierdest movies I have ever seen. The name confused me at first but it made sense after I watched it. In a nutshell it's about a model who moves into an apartment building that is the gateway to hell. What follows is a whole bunch of freaky stuff (especially her 2 female neighbors). I really can't recommend it because I thought it was poorly done, but if you like freaky movies, rent this one (don't buy it unless you've seen it).
The Monster Squad (1987)
A pretty lousy movie
I rented this movie because I had always heard how good it was. Well, to say the least I wasn't impressed. The plot was unclear and dumb, the acting was lousy, the costumes looked like something you buy at your local department store, and sfx were definantly subpar. Plus it takes to long to get into the action. And haven't these people ever heard of hand grenades. What is with all the dynamite. Not worth your time.
JB
The Wraith (1986)
Pretty cool car flick.
I rented the wraith when I first started getting interested in cars. I'm glad I did because it had ton's of neato cars including: a blown firebird, a hoopity little barracuda, a hopped up dodge daytona, a hot rodded corvette, and of course the awesome dodge interceptor that the wraith drives. The plot, however, does have holes in it, but the acting is pretty good. If your into car or sci-fi flicks, give this one a shot.
The Birds (1963)
Why is this movie a classic!
I saw this movie a while back on cable and sat down to watch it mainly because I had always heard what a great movie it was. YEAH RIGHT. It was boring, it made no sense, and was their really a character that was really likeable, no. Unless your a total hitchcock fan avoid this boring flick.
Robot Wars (1993)
Not a very good flick.
I bought this movie at a flea market mainly because it had a neat box. It's really not all that good. Let me put it this way, the title is misleading. The giant robots are pretty cool. But you don't get to see them that often. This could have been a good movie but it isn't quite good enough to bother buying (or renting) unless your a hardcore sci-fi fan. Oh, and the acting is pretty bad, too.