Change Your Image
ij-holmes
Reviews
Santa with Muscles (1996)
Only in a movie this awful...
...could you find a wrestler playing a millionaire who thinks he's Santa Claus sword fighting a guy in an astronaut suit with a crystal broken off from a mine underneath a church. When you have that picture in your mind, you've already seen the only part of this movie worth watching, if you can even call it that.
Don't watch this movie.
Don't rent this movie.
Don't stay on the channel on which this movie is playing.
Forget this movie exists.
If you must see it, make sure you are compensated financially for your trouble. If you can avoid seeing it, AVOID IT.
You'll be doing your brain a favor.
Once (2007)
A musical that is both fresh and compelling
This is a movie musical like no other. It's hard for me to explain exactly what was so captivating about it: every song in this incredible soundtrack sounds more beautiful every time I listen to it, but the vulnerability and believability of the romance surprised me, too.
I'm told Glen Hasard and Markéta Irglová fell in love in real life while filming this movie, which is no surprise to me. Their stories are so tangible that you will forget neither of their characters are named (I forgot this the first time I saw it even after reading it in Roger Ebert's review of the movie).
It's inspiring to see a work of art made in this day and age 17 days, without special effects, and with two brand new faces. Everyone who can see this movie should do so as soon as they can.
Hell's Kitchen (2005)
Yes, a Reality Show CAN be entertaining!
Hell's Kitchen isn't a show about learning how to cook well. It isn't a How-to show in cooking. The whole appeal is in Gordon Ramsay tearing people apart. Either you enjoy that aspect of the show, or you don't. It's an acquired taste (no pun intended).
Ramsay's purpose is not to teach people how to cook better; he assumes their ability in the cooking department is already exceptional. He is taking them a step further by teaching them to work as a team and, at the end of the season, work in a position of power in the kitchen. The show is very successful when you take into account what it is attempting to do (other than make money, which it is still successful at). It places these already incredible chefs in a situation of becoming more than a great cook, which is why the focus is not on the food but the people.
Without Ramsay, however, this show would be yawn-worthy: he adds a certain spice to it (ok, that was intended) that any other reality/chef show can't hope to compete with. For a reality show, it certainly isn't a disappointing romp, and if you were bored at 9:00 on your Tuesday nights (like me) it certainly had its appeal.
King Kong (2005)
A beautifully shot film...if only it were beautifully edited
Let me begin by saying that there is much that Peter Jackson should be commended for in this film: solid performances across the board (especially Naomi Watts' Ann Darrow), a wonderful screenplay that is faithful to the original film, and some of the most amazing CGI that we've seen or will see for the next three years (as I am writing this in 2008).
There is, however, one huge reason why it missed: the editing. The film is just over 3 hours, and boy does it feel like it. There certainly are long films that don't FEEL long, but this isn't one of them. There were so many perfect moments for trimming: the sunset scene where Kong and Darrow stare poignantly into each other's eyes, although poignant, could have been shorter. The later scene on the streets of New York where Kong and Darrow stare movingly into each other's eyes, although moving, could have been shorter. Finally, the scene where Darrow and Kong stare longingly into each other's eyes on the top of the Empire State Building just before Kong plummets to his death could have been MUCH shorter. Jackson took so much time with these moments I just wanted to shout "Enough! We get it! Move on please!" Watts' performance was praise-worthy just for holding our interest while doing nothing but staring into a CGI ape's eyes for about 30 minutes of the film. Or at least that's what it FELT like. I have been told that Peter Jackson wanted an EPIC epic, but the poor editing comes off as yawn-worthy.
Impressive CGI cannot distract from a flawed movie. This movie was so close to being something of excellence, but Jackson did not respect the need for editing when it was clearly asking for it.
I'd say rent it, but make sure you give yourself an intermission around the 1:30:00 mark.