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Reviews
Firecracker (2005)
Absolute worst movie I have seen lately
Firecracker probably would have been watchable if I was a cinematography student since I could tell a lot went into the making of the movie from a director's standpoint. However, since I am not a cinematography student, I fell asleep in my lounge chair about halfway through waiting for something good to happen, which never did, unless you count the scene where the big brother enters the carnival trailer and assaults both the woman and his little brother. The screenplay was billed as suspenseful and Hitchcock-like on the movie jacket, but you knew from the first 5 minutes that big brother was buried under the storehouse. The only thing you didn't know, until about halfway through, was that mother actually killed him, instead of the younger brother who should have, except in fact he WAS a sissie just like big brother said at the dinner table. Don't waste your 3 dollar movie rental fee. I thought about actually asking for my money back when I returned the video.
Firewall (2006)
Hi Tech = Bad Technical Advisors
This is a spoiler - I would like to comment on the technical aspects of the movie - Firewall. I work on routers and networks for a living. At the beginning of the movie when Jack is "saving the day" from the brute force hacker by typing in a couple of parameters, the screen is showing a standard Cisco Router interface with an access list that denies a private address and then permits any and all access. His "rule" that he creates only says "rule activated", after the permit deny entry without anything else being typed - pretty lame. I don't know where the technical adviser gets his mumbo-jumbo about a "Black Hole" ISM that will slow the hacker down and block "false positives". I was saying, "yeah right, whatever". Also they needed to get somebody that knew how to type when they showed Jack's hands on the keyboard. Any VP of Networking that writes security software and programs routers isn't going to be hunting and pecking like Harrison Ford.
The most laughable technical aspect of the movie is where Jack takes a fax machine scanner head and plugs it straight into an Ipod. First, there is no way the scanner head would interface into an Ipod communication port and function, especially using the original electrical connector attached to the scanner. I think Jack tells Cox when he is "designing" this MacGyver invention that "Files are files, the Ipod won't know the difference". Taping the scanner head to the computer screen to capture the screen information is a joke and wouldn't work. Even if the scanner head was hooked up to the fax electronics, anything captured would be unreadable.
Aside from the ridiculous technical lameness of this movie I was aghast that after Jack thinks his wife is leaving him for his best friend he and his wife are still "in love" and go running up to hug and kiss each other at the end of the movie. I would have saved the children but gave the wife "The Boot". Also the dog's GPS collar would have been obvious to the crooks, especially since they had a Techie "Guru" with them. The dog would have been fertilizer before they even left the house. Any dog that barks incessantly for no reason would have been shot by the crooks. I have to say this was the worst Harrison Ford movie I have ever seen and I hope the producers weren't stupid enough to pay him the twenty million I heard he was getting per movie. I give this movie about a two, only because of Jack's milfy wife and hot secretary.