Change Your Image
johnhenrik
Reviews
Rock Star (2001)
What's up?
OK movie, but come on. Where's the mirrors and the blades, the white nostrils? Without it, the band & their entourage would be passed out & sleeping on the floor a lot of the time, that is, when they aren't onstage, backstage, or talking with their managers, crew members, fans, etc. Also, the floor would often be in a bus, a van, a delivery truck, or in somebody else's motor home in a parking lot on the way to, or at the next stadium or theater or wherever the gig is. I think the hint that Steel Dragon's PR lady, "Tania Asher", is probably a tranny, is a funny part of the entertainment industry. It is not at all uncommon, at least on the west coast & in NYC. But, please Hollywood! You've got plenty of real tranny actor's, actress's, or whatever you want to call them ready for work everyday. I have known several of them, all XY transforming to XX. You can find them all over LA. They are bartenders, waitresses, "T-women of the night". Many of them are incredibly talented & some of those females, uh... males, are, hummm; you would never have known! I looked up that actress, Dagmara Dominczyk, & she really is a woman. If you wanted to touch the real world a little more, there were quite a few already established performers. Why couldn't you make offers to Jahna Steele, Vaniity, or an intersex actress like Eva Robin's? Eva & other ones you could have hired might need a dubbed over voice, but what's the biggie? You could have also looked for some tranny singers to add some spice to your "Hair-Band" theme. I'm not sure about when this movie was made, but now you could get people like Harisu. And, let me tell all you overly MACHO Heteros out there, Harisu could scare you. Was your pretty girlfriend born female? "Rock Star" showed a condensed version of the rock world of the 80's, but it was quite sanitized & Hollywoodized. The movie needed to show more of the real stress & extremism of that world, that insanity, that speckled reality. Oh yeah, I guess the REAL WORLD is not Hollywood.
Dancing at the Blue Iguana (2000)
Can it look real at all?
I've been to so many adult establishments. I've had friends who were strippers. Why does Hollywood always show a strip joint that doesn't look real? The only real aspect to this movie's depiction of a strip joint is the great discomfort a huge percentage of people have in these places. The strippers I've known are not living great lives, but the job's a job. They go and do it, handle whatever trivial sh** comes along, and that's it. I don't know if all strippers are also prostitutes, at least occasionally, but my friends were. I remember one saying she had to do it with the man who owned the building the club was in, that is, if she wanted to work there. I'll admit, it's been years since I've been to one, but this movie looked quite fictional and overacted.
Drowning Mona (2000)
White trash brings it on
I finally figured out why so many people consider this movie to be a piece of crap. It's a comedy about 'white trash' and the people who can't find humor in it are from that group of 'white trash'. They can't laugh at their own miserable existence, or even recognize it, so how can they catch the jokes in this movie? "That's your problem Phil, you don't think!" Morbid humor is far past the limited range these people have in their pea-brains. The side-line humor is endless in this movie. It never stops being hilarious. OH RONA is great, along with the super-intellect police, the influenced priest, and all the other side characters. So you 'white trash' limited ones out there, keep laughing at each others racist/sexist jokes and Jay Leno. People with brains more advanced than the New York Times can enjoy humor that requires some thinking, some memory, some intellectual analysis of the human condition, and so on. You people probably can't even get the humor in Dr. Strangelove.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Genius concept, no follow through!
I rated it 4 because the style was original. It wasn't totally commercial (product placement, etc.) and upon it's release, without public knowledge that it was a totally fictional movie, actually scared the hell out of lots of people. I don't care if some say it's based on a true story. The movie is 100% fictional. I made films in college more than 30 years ago and always did well. The potential this movie had to be a knock out success was there. Soon after the trio gets lost, the movie loses it way. Then it gets irritating. Then if falls flat on it's face, or should I say, the camera falls and we are left to speculate. Was it the witch? Was it that psycho killer?... Who cares? I lost any sympathy for the characters when their only main response to the confusion was bitching and moaning and blaming each other and using the "F..." word with every breath. Here's some suggestions on what could have helped this movie immensely. 1.) A little more evidence of something out of the norm could be found in the mornings after they hear spooky sounds in the night. 2.) Heather doesn't sound so ridiculously sure of herself when the map just ain't cutting it. 3.) The trio spends some logical time discussing what they are experiencing, then turn on the camera and focus on one or more of them giving a speech in regards to it, referring to notes. I really can see this as a way to build the tension. 4.) A gradual unveiling of the trios growing insanity, that even though they are walking in generally the same direction, they are coming upon nothing; impossible. How could that be? And they would video each other commenting on it. Even in the midst of death, filmmakers in war zones are dedicated to their art! These college kids, the future leaders of society, are making a documentary. At least that's what they're supposed to be doing. Their emotional outbursts in this movie is going overboard. 5.) Why doesn't just one of them try to start a fire? That would get some rangers and more. 6.) A little nudity would have helped. Come on Heather, what else is there to do? 7.) A little more controlled handling of the video recorder would have been nice. The camera work was no better than a bunch of stoned high school kids screwing around. The movie had great potential, but it was as if the scriptwriter and/or filmmakers just ran out of ideas. Well, I know this is a good cheap formula for film-making, so I'll use it in the next film I make with my nephew. He'll be in college soon. I think the quality of this film suffered when most of the money for it's production was used in the avant-garde television advertising.
Red Dawn (1984)
Mommy, where's the popcorn?
I'm sure GWB watches this movie at least once a week. The script is about as believable as saying that Stalin never died, and is the incarnation of Lucifer himself. Just picture that poison ivy Bush watching the film and saying, out loud, "Yeah Mommy, we're gonna get those evil-doin' pinko commies and put them where they belong." "Look what they tried to do to Colorado!" "We sure show'd 'em, eh?" "Mommy, I love the wolverines. I wanna be one. Can I, please?" Imagine, all the wonderful citizens of our country who would believe this movie to be a valuable instruction tool for the youth of today. 'We are the infallible country that has the right, and obligation, to police the entire planet, and UNIVERSE, when the time comes, from all people who don't believe in Free Trade, NAFTA, the second amendment, the Patriot Act, etc..' Give me a shot of Heston logic, with a Cheney chaser, and a gun so I can go hunting and golfing with my friends... And I'll be SUPER, SUPER, SUPER-DUPER PROUD!!!!!!!
Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)
Good picture for the times.
Many people didn't like this movie because of the ending. I saw all 5 of these movies together when I was 14 and I thought this movie was the climax. Even at 14, I felt that this movie was the end of the story. I can understand Hollywood wanting to suck every last bit of the blood they can from the first movie. It was a money maker. But the last three movies go so far out of reality, comical on purpose frequently, that they get boring. Yeah, they 'should'a, could'a, would'a,' produced a more enjoyable future for Taylor and the BABE, but this was the 1970's. The useless war in the far east was still happening and the media was not quite as pro-military-contractor as it is now. They were showing the dark side of life in many of the movies made then; RACE WITH THE DEVIL, EASY RIDER, THE OMEN, THE OMEGA MAN, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, most horror flicks and political based movies, etc. The blowing up of this planet with such a sick batch of homo-sapiens on it was kinda expected; DR. STRANGLOVE prepared the older people for it... This was a decent movie, as any movie with Linda Harrison had to be. --what a BABE!!!!!
All Night Long (1962)
Classic -- I must find a copy!
OK, maybe it's not perfect, but, this movie is so pleasingly NON-Hollywood. There are two mixed-race couples and it's never mentioned even once, WOW!. Then we get to witness two pot smoking musicians, with no COPS waiting in the wings to destroy their lives. Most of these musicians are good actors. There are no ridiculously stupid idiot characters, who could never make it in the real world, no bombs, guns being fired, car chases, stupid macho heroes defying all of the laws of physics, totalitarian law enforcers killing 'evil-doers' to protect the national security. The movie follows an outdated plot (even if this was made 46 years ago), but it flows and there's never a boring moment. There are some great jazz tunes and jams going on throughout most of the movie. And, of course, the movie had to made in England, since Hollywood has been, and still is, so scared of going outside of their own collection of simplistic formulas. Therefore, I must have this film.
Batman (1989)
What was the intent of this movie?
Was it comedy? It sure looked and sounded like it was attempting to be at times, but I never laughed, and I can laugh pretty easily when a movie is funny, even if that's unintended. Was it drama? I gained no sympathy for, or familiarity with any character. They were dull, meaningless and such unreal people. Was it horror? The special effects were impressive, but I felt no fear, nothing at all. And I mean NOTHING AT ALL!!! There was not one element of this movie that dragged me in. Kind of like just a boring commercial that's easy to forget. There were some good, seasoned actors in this movie, who I've enjoyed many times in other productions. I'm not even sure if saying 'miscast' is the right way for me to express my disgust. There was no script for them. Keaton is good for comedy and even drama at times, but he's no batman. Jack looks like The Shining repeated, in a boring way. Kim is like the cute girl that most guys with brains wouldn't want to be around. She looks like an irritation. I liked the old TV show, which is slapstick. And, I know that the comic books are more serious, which I don't mind. But this movie is DARK DARK AND DARKER. The last painful part of this movie that I'll mention is the music. It sounds like it would be good in some movies, but in this one it's just pure agony.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Someone has to be optimistic!
Come on people. You can say this movie is a pure example of a Hollywood FIASCO. But can all of the people involved in the making of this film be that brainless? If you decide to see it, watch is as you wood Commando. This has to be slapstick. Most of, or all of the characters in this movie are caricatures. The script is a collection of black humor skits. It acts serious, but I was hyperventilating, i.e., gasping for air. It was non-stop laughter. Can anyone believe this story to be plausible? Does anybody think that the scriptwriter was using any authentic, creditable sources in the world of science? I can see how this movie might upset some people, but that's only if it's taken seriously. Then it would be straight up trash! Otherwise, enjoy the satire, the absurdities, this absolute preposterous farce of a movie. I am a bit curious about what the genuine followers of Scientology really think...?....
Hard Ball (2001)
Entertaining, even if it is total FANTASY!
How many bookies are out there who will take a word of mouth bet from somebody who owes? For that matter, how many gambling idiots have thugs after them?--we will beat you up an kill you if you don't pay us now-- This movie is entertaining and does touch on some important subjects, but the clichés just don't stop. Innocent people die frequently in lower income neighborhoods from stray bullets that are from gang activity. It would have made some sense for us to see more police in the movie. But I guess that would take away from the plot. Plot?....A loser white guy is called on to help the inner-city black kids in South Chicago's projects? I guess Hollywood believes there's incredible funding for the children in America's ghettos. OK Reeves, get to work dude, like, these kids in da hood are like, counting on you. Now Ms Lane is still insanely pretty, but her placement in the movie is hard to believe. That's not to say that there are no white people working with black kids in the inner-city, but think about it. I've worked in an inner-city school in California and just helping the kids during the school day was a challenge. For outside of school activities, ridiculous amounts of preparation had to be worked on. Now, maybe Chicago doesn't have as many communication problems that California does with non-English speaking parents, but just being able to talk with parents who speak English takes time and often doesn't go well. Try getting the older daughter, with a mother who works three jobs, to set up a time, for the teacher, or coach in this case, to talk with the mother about her 11 year old son's need to start paying attention. This movie doesn't even go near subjects like that. I not too put off by Keanu's acting ability in this movie, though I still think he's a one-trick pony, and there were no tricks in this script for him to do. He still seems likable. But, a white guy who's a ticket scalping, gambling loser coaching a little league team of poor black kids in the projects....??? I guess Hollywood still thinks that the lives of poor black kids in the inner-cities can only be improved with help from caring white people (even if these are white people with shady backgrounds). There's no need to mention that just shopping for food in the low-income communities is sometimes impossible. Maybe an already made sandwich from the corner liquor store will satisfy the kids hunger, but the city bus line to that one suburban-like big grocery store in the neighborhood one and a half miles away has been canceled and Mama's going to have to figure out another way to get some real food that's affordable. I'm sorry, but although the movie hits some subjects that need to be discussed in our society, the script needs some major work. Why can't these ultra-rich studio executives consider getting input from the social workers in the inner-city, some active residents, teachers, youths, some freshly out of jail young men who are working on cleaning themselves up, etc. Sickeningly rich movie producers just have no idea what the real world is like for most working people. But, this movie is still fun to watch when I've got nothing else to do.
One Day in September (1999)
Educational, though biased and 'so very' incomplete.
This 'so called' documentary is too much like a Hollywood suspense movie. It's supposed to be about the real event that I vaguely remember when I was a kid. It doesn't cover enough of the background information regarding the motives of the 'terrorists' (otherwise referred to as Arabs in Hollywood), or the German Government, or the Israeli Government. Also, for them to insist that the Olympics are meant to foster good relations between people from different countries, is ridiculous. It's competition between countries, that is truly intended to show superiority of certain nationalities over others. THE OLYMPICS ARE NOT DESIGNED TO PROMOTE PEACE! That said, I also have to mention that the Rock music in the movie (which is music I Love) does not fit the scene. The innocent athlete's who get killed from this horrible event are not honored by the music. It just distracts from what happened and the possibilities of why it happened. The constant downgrading of Germany in the movie is disturbing also. The leaders of Germany were obviously not the only ones who wanted to continue the Olympic Games. There was, and is so darn much money that's at stake in advertising and other aspects of these global media events, that no matter what happens, they'll want to continue! As far as the 'terrorists' (or evil-doers, as our GWB would say) are concerned, they are made to look insane and evil near the end of the movie when the 3 survivors get interviewed. Slow motion can do that! This movie needs a lot of work. Israel was not created through peaceful events. Some information about that might explain things a little better. Nothing excuses terrorist events though. But people should realize that terrorist can sometimes be leaders of countries also. Hummm......world...police......????
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963)
An OK collection of somewhat funny scenes.
I'm amazed at how many absolute fans there are to this movie. I was young when I first saw it on TV. I've seen it a few times since and when I do, I try to analyze what it is that makes it so popular. It is a slapstick piece and you never stop getting the gags thrown at you throughout it's "3 hours".... Now I'll admit that it is somewhat funny a lot of the time, but that's because you have some of the greatest comedians in the early years of audio/visual entertainment. Several of them were around before televisions existed. And these "were" the early years. Most older people from that time period remembered the days of no television and many of them still had no TV. Some of the slapstick humor in this movie was new to a lot of people, even though much of it came from the silent movie era. But, that was because not that many people had seen a decent number of silent movies. In any case, these comedians were able to take a simplistic script and shape it in a funny way. I never laughed really hard during this movie though, because the jokes are not new (even back then) and it takes too long to get to the point on most of them. Also, certain gags are stretched for way too long. Now it's fun to watch certain scenes, like the airplane flying (which is one of the most impressive flight scenes ever), but it's just not really funny. Dick Shaun is funny no matter what he's doing. As far as I know, he was a 'one-trick-pony', but he's hilarious to watch. Actually, most of the comedians had their plus sides, but the script limited them greatly. The cameos are a nice part of the movie, but that's about it. The movie is just way too long. I grew up in Southern California and I love to see the scenery of the desert and the ocean highways, the towns, and the buildings (so much is not shown in movies these days because of release forms that need to be signed). But there's no deep characterization or plot structure in this movie. That's one part of this work that makes "3 hours" a damn long time. Of course, how can you develop a character from a plot that can be described in a few words, "Dying man tells where to get lots of money. Everybody's greedy side comes out" - in a funny sort of way. What I can say that's good about this movie, is that many of the scenes have their funny little moments. But, as I've read from other reviewers here, almost everything is quite predictable. The moral lesson at the end of the movie actually hurts it considerably. I can think (as many people could) of many other possible ways to build to a climax that could make this movie infinitely better. One of these ways is definitely to shorten the movie. I would say that this is kind of like a SNL show. It has some skits that are funny, but there's not a real story that connects them.
PlayMania (2006)
Seriously questionable!
The female hot numbers on this show are breathtaking. They can also talk like there's no tomorrow. Otherwise, this show would go into the toilet quickly. How much money do they make on all the people who text in, with that hope to be called back to win, $100.oo, or whatever. Boy, now that's a scam!!! Can I buy stocks in this money maker??? Let's face it, with the technology of now, thousands of people could be calling every minute. And, with ten thousand channels and nothing worth a crap on, thousands of people watch this show. "Oh, I know this answer!", is probably a super common line among the listeners. With these super hotties constantly saying the 'lounge' needs callers, I think it's a bunch of B.S. Frequently, someone who does get through, sounds amazed that they're actually talking to the host. Many of them sound depressed and worn out by probably waiting so long and trying so many times to get on and score some pocket change. Wow, the producers must be just raking it in. No wonder there are so few commercials. Commercials are only on to give time for more (primarily losers) to text in and wait, and hope, and dream, and fantasize about--- what? --- winning enough money for a tank of gas and a dinner at Mc..something? I only watch it now & then on my brothers TV, because he likes to watch it when he's on the computer. I'll sit there for 15 to 20 minutes and look at Mel (one of the tastiest looking women on TV) and laugh at the scam that's in front of me. Then, I have to leave; even if I don't! People who have an active life, can only take this show in extreme moderation. Mel, get yourself into the movies, or TV sitcoms, or something. Many of us are infatuated with you! Even with the super cu-ties, I'm amazed this show is still on!
The Poseidon Adventure (2005)
Racist beyond belief! And, was this a real movie?
The incredible lack of soul in this movie makes me wonder why I endured about an hour and a half of it. It's like a horrible training movie for homeland security agents; distrust and despise those who look Arab, and/or, not quite white! I question if this movie was constructed to activate racist fears in the people who are uneducated in regard to world events. Or, could the producers of this movie have connections with some secret agency that wants to irritate everyone who has an IQ higher than some of our high-level elected (or selected) government officials. The worst CON-ARTISTS in the world are smarter than any producer who would even consider making anything out of this script. Of course, I've got to try to believe that they have some ulterior motive. What could that be??? Oh GOD, please save us from these hate filled, sick people.