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Beast (2022)
Not bad, but way to unbelievable...
Im not that sort of person, that can just switch their brain off...
Every human in this movie is dumb as f... And so is the poor lion.
A ranger that knows theres a maneater around, goes in the underbrush alone, without backup or a radio connection to a ranger station or something, he sees 2 salt water crokodiles slide into the water, next thing he does is... he goes into the water... In reality, the crocks would have a free meal there and than...
The porchers are as stupid as him, they hunt a maneater, at night and follow him into the bushes, no traps, theyre not hunting him from the safety of their vehicles, theyre not doing something remotely intelligent. Of course they all get killed.
The poor old lion is also not in the best shape, except when the plot needs him to be of course. Otherwise he seems to be blind, deaf, stupid and lost his sense of smell... Cause 2 times he cant spot the human being 6 feet above him, or 2 feet beneath him... Poor old lion, at least they gave him plot armor till the end, cause he got soaked in gasoline and set on fire and doesnt have a scratch.
Enough spoilers already, lets just mention a bit forced diversity. Of course our protagonist and his daughters are poc. The ranger that could have been a good character, but unfortunately is a white guy, gets "slightly damaged" right in the beginning so he cant take away the role of the hero. At least he gets a decent death.
The boss of the bad, evil porchers, of course is a white guy, i think in this day and age i dont need to mention that, cause you know, white men are evil...
Last thing i need to say, Idris Elba has lost both of his arms and a leg in the man vs beast fight against the lion... And died within minutes of bleeding to death... Leaving behind 2 orphan daughters...
No wait... he got this plot armor on, so he survives with a couple of minor scratches....
The end.
The School Nurse Files (2020)
Watch Anime instead
This series is the exact reason, you should never ever ever never ever make Anime into real live action movies or series...
Theres a lot of nonsense comedy animes, theyre actually quite funny sometimes, its even its own anime genre.
But what works in drawn form, i say that every single time they try to make live action animes, it just doesnt work in the real world.
I dont know what makes the difference, but in a fictional drawn world, it makes more sense and just feels right. I bet this series would have been quite good if they just made it into an anime.
So i have to tell you, go and watch some good animes instead...
Only gave it 2 stars cause the CGI was decent and the acting wasnt horrible, but not good either...
Jurassic Domination (2022)
We need a petition to stop Asylum
What can i say, i seem to be the most stupid human on this planet. Or maybe im clinically insane. The definition of being clinically insane is: you do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
So im watching the Asylum movies over and over again, hoping and praying, that they will at least create one movie, that is bad in a funny way, as the whole sharknado franchise is...
But as always, its just bad bad, not funny bad, not theyre trying but failed bad, not if they had more money bad... Just plain bad
As with most Asylum films, i watched about 10-15 minutes of this utter garbage before almost falling asleep and started to play bubble witch on my phone instead...
Its the Asylum, do i really need to say something about acting, the effects or the script? Im pretty sure every person on this planet is aware by now, who the Asylum is and what they stand for... The worst stinker ripoffs you can imagine.
So im proposing we start a petition to Joe Biden. So he will personally stop that company from producing any more "movies"... If neccessary bring in the military and shut it down with force.
Anybody else thinking the Asylum can only be a big money laundering sheme??? Theres only so many grannies on the planet, that can accidentally buy the wrong movies for their grandchildren...
They cant really make money with this "movies" right? RIGHT?
The Princess (2022)
Once upon a time...
... there was a princess, that fought the patriarchy for 1,5 hours. She spoke like a man, drank like a man, was tough as a man, but she was a girl... Some people say...
Ok thats where the story ends, time to get serious. People, its 2022, did you expect anything else than woke garbage? Be honest to yourselfes.
Of course a 5' 4" 100 pound woman totally destroys all of the kingdoms best warriors. Plot armour is thick in this one.
Her tiny spindly arms can of course hold a longsword and swing it like a berserk. Of course she can jump 10 feet high like a freakin ninja and give the bad patriarchy a kick in the balls.
I thought if i just switch my brain off i might enjoy it... But the fighting is over the top, the "comedy" isnt funny and the rest like choreography, dialogue and story are non existent...
Safe yourself the time, if you wanna see good medieval action movies, theres enough good ones out there.
If you wanna see historically correct ones, theres also good ones out there. And if you wanna watch a medieval comedy,.. ill give you a hint:
"All right, we call it a draw..."
Don't Look Up (2021)
Satire... Comedy... words the producer and scriptwriters never heard before
Before i even start the review, im willing to start a crowdfunding campaign, to hire a hitman, to get rid of Jonah Hill. For gods sake, why is someone still hiring that idiot? He was never funny and will never be.
I'll keep the review short, promised. Its garbage, has nothing to do with "Comedy" or "Satire", didnt even make me grin a single time.
Its just annoying and bad, not even DiCaprio (one of my all time favorites) and or Jennifer (Hunger games, never heard of that, but ive seen her sextape) Lawrence could save that one.
I looked forward to that cause of Leo... cause hes not really "busy" these days, but was horribly disappointed.
Inside Job (2021)
Get woke, go broke...
Did torture myself through some episodes, not laughed a single time, not even a smile, a grin... just raised an eyebrow how low the standards have sunken for something to be called "comedy" nowadays.
I dont know how long Netflix is willing to lose money with one woke bs series after the other, but they dont seem to be broke... yet!
Have just given it 2 stars because at least the animation isnt ugly and the voice acting is quite solid.
War of the Worlds (2019)
There's no aliens in this alien series...
The humanoid aliens take our clothes and our weapons, so what you're going to see in this series, is humans shooting at aliens, that look like normal humans with a tattoo on their wrist.
If i want to see humans kill humans, i go watch Band of Brothers or The Pacific, cause that are masterpieces.
Lets talk about the century old question of, what motives could an alien race have, to come here? The series gives the aliens the most rediculous motive you can imagine. The aliens need help, cause their species is going extinct, so they need human DNA to fix themselves. So, instead of contacting us and asking us for help, of course they're just gonna wipe out humankind and collect the "leftover spareparts" laying around. What a stupid mess that motive is. Thats the same as if you were starving to death, theres only one supermarket on this planet, you see people inside, that look like you do and seem to be friendly, than, you burn down the supermarket, killing everybody inside and after it has been burned down to the ground, you go and collect the bits of food that havent been burnt.
Thats the most retarded plot i could ever imagine. Why don't the aliens first contact us and ask for help? They're not that hugely more advanced it seems, so they must have checked our military and stuff and came to the conclusion, that they maybe start a war with a species that technology wise, is on equal footing, that can fight back and will do so. So why the hell, start a stupid war, that you might actually lose, when you could simply ask for help first? Cause of course the aliens need to be bad, because reasons... Thats just lazy writing.
There are some alien robots, that of course, happen to look exactly like the US militaries robot dogs, cause of course they do.
So again, you see aliens (that look like humans) and alien robots (that look like human military robots) killing humans.
And the point where i reached the conclusion to give it 1 star, was when a girl jumps from a bridge, onto an alien ship in the water, that of course looks like a human submarine, from what i would guess were easily 20 feet, without even bending her knees when she lands. That was the point when i said "enough is enough".
Theres to many plotholes to discuss, i don't want to wreck my brain any longer. The characters are mostly unlikeable and the dialogs are stiff and boring. The story is boring. The aliens are boring. Everything about this series is boring. So do not waste your time on this series.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
If you find a plothole, you can keep it...
Its your average CGI spectactle with some good acting, some bad acting, some good dialogues, some cringeworthy dialogues and so on. But its an enjoyable movie. Its even good paced and the boring parts doesnt stretch too long.
But: To some degree, i am very willing to just switch my brain off and enjoy a movie, however... there were things i just couldnt oversee cause they literally gave me a headache.
So lets summarize the major ones: They send civilians without telling them what theyre even fighting against, theyre basically useless cannonfodder. Even worse, theyre basically sending free food for the aliens.
Why not wait, build thousands of drones and C-RAMs and send them instead of cannonfodder? Have you ever seen a C-RAM in action??? Watch it on youtube and than tell me if the aliens would stand a chance, against that and drones dropping incendiary bombs or mininukes all day. And they all can be operated by humans far far away from the battlefield or even work autonomous, so not a single soul needs to die while fighting the aliens.
Why dont they send us some dead aliens? In the future theres no scientists and laboratories left, accepted, but were in the present now and if the worlds scientist would come together, im sure the figure out a biological weapon in no time and here it can be mass produced.
Last but not least: You found the alien ship on earth, but you tell no one cause youre affraid no one will believe you? (movies explanation, not mine)
Future humans came out of a wormhole, time traveled in the past cause they are fighting against f...ing aliens in the future, everybody on earth knows that than, every government knows that than. Everybody knows it will happen in 30 years and everybody doesnt know where the aliens came from.
If you would tell them, by the time the 30 years passed, the aliens would wake up, with their ship burried deep underground in a concrete dome, surrounded by all the worlds military forces and scientist already waiting to stick cables and hoses in every of their holes... If the aliens not already wake up, strapped to a table ready to be experimented on.
And lets not forget the decades old discussion, could zombies, mutants, dragons, creatures, aliens overrun all the worlds military forces? No, the answer is simply no. Cause we humans, stupid as we are, have perfectioned every possible way of killing each other, so that applies to every other living thing too, if it lives, we can kill it, for sure.
Sweet Tooth (2021)
Who is the target audience???
I would have actually loved to give it 10 stars, but there is one problem, this show doesnt really know which audience it is targeting.
Its age recommendation is 12, but for that i think its too violent sometimes, people are getting killed, theres swearing, theres a lot of topics that are way too complicated for children of that age, they just wont understand the plot. Theres clearly some dialogue written "easier" so children could understand them. But as an adult you feel like youre getting talked with like you were a child, or stupid. Just makes you cringe a lot of times.
But for older ages, lets say 16 to adults there will be a lot of scenes that are just cringeworthy, boring and almost, i dont know how to call it otherwise, too much like Disney family series. Loving father drawing books for his son, jumping and running around, chasing geese, playing games and so on. We all know that overexaggerated, unrealistic picture of the "perfect family" Disney likes to use.
Yes, that would fit in a family friendly Disney series, but also in the next scene somebody gets an arrow in the shoulder and one guy gets killed with a sniper rifle.
So they really dont know what target audience they are aiming at.
Same goes for the plot, some plot points are made easy so kids could understand them, but some are that complicated, theyre clearly adressing an older audience with them.
Best example is the villian. Hes your stereotypical, dictator, crazy, bearded, military guy and hes doing evil things, cause hes just plain evil.
Ok, that works for kids, cause they are not likely to ask about the motivations this evil man has.
But for adults that just seems to be lazy writing. He has no backstory, no intentions, no motivations, we never see why he is evil or crazy, what turned him this way? Was he like that before the outbreak, or was he a decent human that experienced a lot of bad things happening? We dont know and never get told.
For that reason i just couldnt give it 10 stars. Seems to me the series isnt yet sure in which direction they want to go with it, targeting children or adults. At this point theyre stuck in between and this for me ruins a otherwise very enjoyable series.
I liked it a lot and i hope they figure it out to make it even better.
2067 (2020)
I cant understand all the bad reviews, honestly...
Its a low budget movie, ive seen better and ive seen far worse to be honest. And i actually watched it all the way through, far more than i can say of most low budget sci-fi movies. Yes, there are cringeworthy dialogues, there is bad acting, theres a lot of crying and even a bit forced diversity. The story and the antagonists are predictable, but its 2021, were long over the point movies can/could come up with stuff we havent at least seen once already. But its not a bad movie, it just isnt. Forget all the bad reviews and just watch it.
I dont want to complain too much about the people rating this SCI-FI movie badly, but youre really hypocrites. Honestly, you think about plotholes, continuity and an unscientific story... in the same breathe you would rate a movie easily 10 stars, where SUPERHUMANS fight an ALIEN cause hes about to use a MAGIC MACGUFFIN to erase half the universes population. Stop that hypocracy in your reviews...
Its a SCI-FI movie, its as "realistic" as most Sci-fi movies are, that contain Aliens, Spaceships, AI, Robots, Time travel, Wormholes, Lightsabers, Spacewizards and so on.
Pacific Rim (2021)
Don't ignore the bad reviews...
Does anyone remember what animes used to look like? Pieces of art, unique, beautiful. And this is what we get nowadays. Horribly cheap 3d animation mixed with equally horrible and cheap drawing. I know its all made on computers nowadays to save some time and money, i know that, but it can be done so much better and better looking.
The creators should be emberrassed how disgustingly cheap this looks, my guess is that they rushed it or just didn't get the budget from Netflix to make it look good or both.
The story is boring, the characters stupid (i mean it, they make terrible descisions throughout the series) and for gods sake, i haven't seen such unlikeable or unrelateable characters in a long time. Im not invested in any of them, they could all immediately die and i couldn't care less.
I really really honestly tried to like it, but if youre an anime fan for decades, this is just the bottom of the barrel, it can't get worse than that, i hope.
Tobol (2019)
One of the few good russian movies
First, i dont know the book or anything about russian history, but im not an author, nor a historian and im here to rate a movie, not the accuracy of it.
And the movie is absolute ok. The scenery is good, the actors are decent, the dialogues are ok, i think in russian they are actually a bit better due to the difficulties of translating russian into german or english.
At least they put a lot of effort in the locations and outfits (nothing looks fake or cheaply put together), im not sure if theyre accurate, but as i told, im not here to rate accuracy, so for me the locations are made good, the costumes look good and everything seems to fit for that day and age. The CGI is good enough for that kind of movie. The action and fighting scenes were good too.
I think this movie really is worth watching. Ive seen far worse russian movies. So this movie gets a solid 8 of 10 for the decent effort they put in it.
Iron Sky: The Coming Race (2019)
This is no Sequel, the Plot is a mess
To start right with what i hated most, in the first movie, they clearly showed the Mars in the endcredits, so of course i expected the "sequel" to be Mars related, but man was i wrong...
There was so much potential, a bigger, even better Nazi Mars base, better weapons, more developed ships, maybe a whole city on Mars, build in a huge dome, thats what i expected.
And what did i get? Reptiloids living in the hollow earth that are aliens and came here long before humans evolved. This plot is absolute garbage and is absolutely non related to the first movie. Its an entire different movie on its own, slightly reusing characters from the first one.
And i could even life with that, if the plot wasnt that rediculous, theres so much plotholes, nonsense, stupidity, its hardly bearable.
Lets discuss the plotholes and nonsense a bit further: Why are the aliens so upset? I dont get it, yes they nuked the "outer" earth, but they have a working copy "inside" to life in, with water, food, sunlight, air, no radiation. They are supposedly immortal, so why not just wait till the outer earth is habitable again, they can presumably life for millions of years, so who cares. And if they are so freakin bored down there, why dont they just leave? They had to come from some planet some time ago, why not get back there, of course it never gets explained why not, or what happened to theit planet that forced them to leave. And why to hell do the humans not try to life inside the earth as soon as they see its habitable, they could either try to coexist with the aliens, or wipe them out, they clearly have some ships left that got a load of weapons on board, the aliens inside earth seem to have bronze age weaopons only and maybe a handful of guns, so wipe them out and life happy in earth 2.0 aka the hollow earth. Instead they are stealing the "holy grail" that produces the sun 2.0 inside the hollow earth and so destroy the sun 2.0 and doom every living thing inside it to die a horrible death of starvation or freezing to death, aint that nice? They get a second chance on a new earth and simply destroy it. Stereotypical humans.
On that point the plot just started to get unbearably painful, from that point i just fast forwarded till the end. I couldnt bear any more nonsense for a day.
Summary: Some nice special effects for the budged, some good actors, some bad actors, sometimes very wooden and forced dialogues to push the plot, the popculture references werent funny, the whole movie wasnt funny, the whole dark and dystopian feeling just didnt work for that plot, for me that ruined the whole movie.
This movie doesnt belong in the Ironsky universe. Dont waste time on that piece of garbage. If youve seen the first one, youll just be horribly disappointed.
TripTank (2014)
If you like to laugh, this is not for you...
This is just crap. Theres really not much to say about it, a bunch of crap put in a show and called comedy. I tortured myself to watch more than one episode of this, still hoping to get something from it, but i got badly disappointed. I did'nt laugh, i did'nt even grin a single time, i did'nt even think once "ok that was kind of funny". This show is just a nonsensical, badly put together, not funny at all, piece of crap.
I have the feeling with that show, comedy central reached the bottom of the pit, they must be really desperate.
Brightburn (2019)
Deep character development, creative new story.... nah, just kidding
My expectations were pretty high, but i got dissapointed horribly. Theres so much you could do with this story, but nothing of interest was actually done.
Three major things were missing to make this movie watchable and good.
First: An antagonist
Second: Chracter development
Third: A backstory
The backstory can easily be explained in one sentence, alien baby lands on earth, gets older, hears voices presumably from his alien race that come out of his ship, than turns evil for no good reason whatsoever. Where does he come from? Why does he got superpowers? Whats his reason to turn evil? Nothing is explained and not even hints on whats going on.
The character development is so flat and dumb, it almost hurts. So he finds out about his superpowers and hears a voice that tells him to take earth and thats it, he turns evil cause... reasons. No struggeling with his human upbringing and his conscience, nothing. He just decides to be evil now and kill everybody, thats so flat and uninspired. The movie shows definately that he has some kind of human feelings, he feels bad and insecure cause he gets bullied, he falls in love with a girl and even tries to be some kind of romantic. But than he just starts killing people and doesnt have any problems with that at all. His character develops from a kid that struggles a bit with growing up and managing difficult situations, like first signs of puberty, to a dull and stupid robot without any feelings that just wants to kill everybody cause they're weaker. Thats really flat and stupid and not a single percent what anybody should have expected of that movie.
And last but not least, the antagonist is missing. Yeah i know, thats a point where oppinions split, cause maybe in the sequel we will see something like an antagonist, maybe a second alien kid, maybe the military finds out about the spaceship thats made of a material that could hurt/kill him (His personal Kryptonite, sounds familiar somehow?). Im not a movie director, but that could have been solved with a 5 second scene, his spaceship was blinking red when telling him to take earth and turn evil, to show evilness they turned the ships lights red, cause red = evil. How about showing a 5 second scene at the end with a spaceship that lays around somewhere blinking blue? Cause blue = good.
That would leave viewers interested and would indicate an antagonist will show up in the second movie.
Now, the end is just stupid, they show him starting to destroy the city, we all have imagined what would happen if superman got bad, answer is simple, he destroys everything and moves on to the next planet or he makes humans his slaves, end of the story... conclusion: boooooring....
No antagonist, no reason to continue the story, thats my oppinion.
Every good superhero has a villian antagonist, or they wouldnt be needed and just be normal people working in the tax office and having superpowers they dont use cause they dont need them. How exciting would that be???
So why does that bad superhuman boy doesnt have an antagonist? Cause i explained above how the story would end and that leaves no tension whatsoever for a sequel and what would happen in it. No tension = no reason to watch the sequel, its that easy. No cliffhanger = no interest.
Could really have been a good movie, but its just flat and the story is written badly and uninspired, no creativity at all.
Acting was solid and the special effects were halfway decent, so no complains about that. But for the lack of creativity just 4/10