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Reviews
Cruel Jaws (1995)
Utter sh-ark
I was made aware of this film having watched Sharksploitation (which is great, go watch it).
It was mentioned during the documentary, and the seemingly well-documented rip-off nature of the film made very apparent. Blatantly 're-purposing' footage from all the Jaws franchise (which this film has not connections with, despite it being titled 'Jaws 5' in some places).
Wow was In for a treat. Bad (and I mean high school drama class bad) acting, awful sound, to the point that you sometimes can't hear the dialogue over the ambient/background noise. Beyond amateur editing (early on involves a scene with four people stood in shot, stationary, and you can virtually see when the 'director' says action as the four actors start walking. Utterly awful.
Admittedly I didn't last very long into the film, but I've seen all four Jaws films, so likely I've seen 90% of the rest of the film...
Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)
I watched it. I think.
If I were to sum this film up in a couple of sentences - it's like Maad Max meets up with the Power Rangers, both of them on some heavy meds, and convince each other that this is a good idea.
Nicolas Cage doing what he does best - being bonkers. The highlight for me, and I'm surprised if it's not already a meme - him shouting "TESTICLE!"
I've no idea what the plot was, whonthe characters were or how it ended. My mind wandered, and I probably found something more interesting to do.
Fight scenes were a little wooden, the effects were plastic and generally unimpressive.
Parts of the film and dialogue were subtitled, which did nothing to add anything - I guess the intention was to add some authenticity, but fell short, just became annoying.
Studio 666 (2022)
Fun Foo Fighting Frolick
You have the Foo Fighters acting as themselves in a comedy horror.
If you're expecting anything other than a slightly camp, B-movie style film, then you're gonna feel cheated.
I love the fact that these guys don't take themselves too seriously, and just have fun making a film that just pokes fun at themselves.
There are a few scenes that hark to classic gore-fest films, and a few nice kills.
Pat Smear is hilarious - ai sincerely hope he's no different in real life.
Two "Pearl Jam high fives" was a perticular highlight for me (a PJ fan since their inception).
It won't win any Oscars, but it'll make you smile aplenty. Just enjoy it for what it is.
Blood Vessel (2019)
Too slow to get going
I don't mind a slow burner as long as there's light at the end of the tunnel - a plot you can invest in, characters you care about, but after 35 mins of this film I had no desire to continue.
As a few have said, the acting was hammy in parts and dialogue just dull.
I like to give a film at least 30 mins before I start to sway, and some pull it back from the brink, but this just seemed, as some have already said, predictable - which can be great, as long as you have other elements that hold the film up, but this did not.
If you want a fun film with Nazis and Christopher Kirby, Iron Sky is a much better watch.
Sorry folks, a no from me.
Fear Street: 1994 (2021)
A great playlist does not a soundtrack make.
I'm at a bit of a loss. I enjoyed the film - but in that not really paying attention because I don't have to, and it's something entertaining to watch kind of way.
First things first, this film has a great playlist - and I say playlist because that's what it is - it's no soundtrack. In an era where the majority of music consumption is single focused, skip and forget, I guess it's no surprise that a film based on a teen horror series of books (something that completely passed me by) has a current teen mindset when it comes to music.
Which leads me to something else - this is an 18, but is clearly aimed at the mid teen audience in terms of plot and story line. Ok, that's the certification bodies responsibility I guess, but still I found it jarring.
The tracks played are accurate in terms of era, but they don't really add anything to the scenes, and they don't gel as a curated list of songs - we found ourselves commenting more on the quality of the tracks, not so much the film. As a result, I'm now listening to the playlist on a well known music streaming service whilst working. It's like someone actually used a well known internet search and typed '90s music' and just picked some at random - with a couple of curve balls thrown in.
The film was ok - watchable, but I'm not sure I'm excited enough to watch the rest of the series.