jacks_smirking_revenge Reviews

Horrible People (2008– )

An Hilarious Internet Soap

[10/10 · 19 March 2008]

Horrible People is an on-line soap that revolves around the engagement party of Margaret and Carter. In each 5 to 6 minute episode, we get revelation after revelation about these 'horrible people'.

Can Carter keep his secret addiction secret? Will 'Mother' finally get her inheritance she so desperately wants and needs? Will Margaret make it to her champaign toast? Can Michael get revenge and find a new mother for his baby? And what ulterior motives Amanda have? All these questions and more are revealed during the first season of Horrible People, a must see for anyone in need of a good laugh. It's funnier than most comedies on the television at the moment.

Cabin Fever (2002)

They don't make 'em like they used too. Or at least until now...

[7/10 · 29 March 2004]

Cabin Fever makes a welcome return to those old 70's and 80's horror films with heaps of gore, violence and nudity.

However Cabin Fever give a new spin on that. Instead of the boring masked killer stalking these kids holidaying in a log cabin, its an inescapable virus in the water supply...

Director Eli Roth does great things with his cast. Who'd have thunk the perky breasted Foreign Exchange student from Not Another Teen Movie could actually act!?

As for the strange ending involving an apparently racist shop keeper and three black teens walking towards his establishment, blame his friendship with David Lynch... Never before have i laughed so hard over a pointless joke in a film before.

Things are looking up for horror. With this, Texas Chainsaw Massacre not sucking and 28 Days Later, we have been spoiled. Here's hoping that Wes Craven's Cursed doesn't suck...

Silent Number (1993)

Nicely made short - too bad its all been done before

[5/10 · 23 March 2004]

Silent Number was made as Jamie Blanks' final short for the VCA (Victorian College of the Arts). It tells the story of a babysitter who receives phone calls wanting help. When a man knocks on the front door covered with blood needing to use her phone, she becomes freaked out...

And while the film looks slick (as Urban Legends and Valentine do also), the story has been done to death. Think When A Stranger Calls, Are You Alone In The House, When A Stranger Calls Back and countless other shorts that most of us have seen too.

Jamie Blank has talent, he just needs a clever horror script to show his potiential. His previous 2 features have been trashy films, that said, they both were enjoyably trashy films.

As for Silent Number, its probably too cliched to be considered good, but is is a sign of things to come.

Teknolust (2002)

What a stinker!

[1/10 · 8 September 2003]

Although I didn't really expect much from this 'film', Tilda Swinton normally knows how to pick her movies (bar Vanilla Sky of course). With The Deep End, The Beach, Love is the Devil, The War Zone and her small part in Adaptation, Ms Swinton picks great characters to play. Unfortunately, her multiple roles here are really tragic.

In Teknolust, she plays Dr Rosetta, and her three dumb ass clone, Ruby, Olive and Marinne. To keep alive, Ruby must venture out of their colour coded basement to collect sperm from willing males, which is then injected into the three girls hands. Without this life saving sperm, they cant survive. Things get complicated when Ruby becomes a wanted women for infecting these pathetic guys with a mysterious virus that leaves a bar-code on their forehead.

Apart from that, the film is incomprehensible. Jeremy Davis proves once again what a poor actor can do with a poor script, and Lynn Hershman-Leeson reminds us why films go direct to video.

On the plus side, i must say it did make me laugh. Try not during the scene where the clones have learnt a 'dance' and perform for their creator. Its the worst green screen attempt I've had the pleasure to witness...

Punch-Drunk Love (2002)

Can this guy do no wrong?

[10/10 · 6 April 2003]

PT Anderson is a genius. After that cinematic masterpiece that was Magnolia,

one would have thought he wouldnt be able to reach that same heights.

But on seeing Punch Drunk Love, he had produced not only a completely

different film, but one that comes very close to matching Magnolia's high

standards.

A well deserved Best Director winner at the Cannes Film Festival, it was very disappointing that he wasnt even nominated for an Oscar. He deserved to be

there ahead of some of the nominees (no names, but Gangs of New York

springs to mind...)

And Adam Sandler. While he has already returned to his usual character in

Anger Management, for once he is a joy to watch. Yeah, he still has his

trademark outbursts where he smashes stuff up, only this time there is a reason, and its dead funny too.

A sure contender for most original, if not best, film of the year,

A perfect 10

Dark Realm (2000– )

Eric Roberts is the host, so that should be warning enough.

[1/10 · 12 February 2003]

The show is basically a poor mans X Files, with every week being a different story that involves the supernatural.

Out of the episodes I've seen (its on at about 2am), the Curse of the Tiger Gang episode would have to be the funniest. A woman is bitten by a tiger (in her office mind you) and begins to grow nasty. A tatoo appears where the bite should be (although it jumped around from one side to the other) until she becomes a TIGER!!! What clever writing.

And it would be Dark Realm without Eric Roberts mind boggling summaries at the end. Not only does it not make sense, but doesn't even fit what the show was about.

If you like a good laugh at the expense of washed up celebrities, or just like really bad shows, then trust me, this is for you.

Donnie Darko (2001)

What a film!!!

[10/10 · 21 November 2002]

Donnie Darko took over a year to reach us in Oz. Its a shame because not only is an extremely original film, but up there with the best films release of the year.

Its everything Vanilla Sky tried (and failed) to be... Its a mindf**k that doesnt let go and has a twist that, unlike Vanilla Sky, works even if you have to suspend some disbelief.

Kudos to Drew Barrymore and her 'Flower Films' for helping get this mini-masterpiece out to an audience who wants more than just remakes and high concept films.

What a debut from Richard Kelly. I can't wait for him to make another movie. Lets hope it doesnt take as long to get here as Donnie Darko did.

*****

Bloodlust (1992)

Without a doubt in my mind, THE WORST MOVIE EVER!!!

[1/10 · 13 April 2002]

I didnt think it was possible, but i have found film worse than 'Body Melt'. This film is really really bad! And what makes it worse is that its another Australian film...

Shot on what looks like VHS, and with a terrible 80's rock soundtrack, it just keep getting worse and worse, which is hard to believe seeing how bad the beginning is (skinned male hanging up-side-down in a white tomato sauce sprayed room anyone?).

And why do their accents keep changing? From bad New York drawl, to prissy english, then pure Aussie! And it happens to the whole cast!

This film also claims to have won some film festival on the cover (i believe it was the Utah Film Festival). This has to be a lie because no-one in their right mind would nominate this for anything (perhaps the Golden Rasberries but i thinks its too bad for that aswell).

Come on guys! This film has to be number 1 on the bottom 100!!! It has to be ten times a bad as those films already on there.

Well done to the "film" makers of this trash, for proving there is a reason not to see films..... 0/10

Meet the Feebles (1989)

Repulsive...but a classic

[8/10 · 3 January 2002]

Before Peter Jackson was beginning to get bigger and more famous over the world, this was the type of movie he made. Movies that are so disgusting, that they are funny. Forget the classiness of 'Lord of the Rings', or 'Heavenly Creatures', this film is gross!

This was a film i had seen the cover to a thousand times, but never felt the interest to see. But when i finally rented it, boy was i suprised...

Everything in this film works. The puppetry, well a little dated, is hilarious, and the script successfully 'takes the piss' out of family directed puppet shows such as The Muppets.

This wont be for everyones tastes, like Jacksons previous movies 'Bad Taste' and 'Braindead', but for anyone who finds cats giving oral sex under the desk to a giant walrus, or a hippo going on a revenge rampage with a machine gun funny.. THIS IS THE MOVIE FOR YOU!!!!

Well done to Jackson for having the balls to make a film that could have easily become lame and pathetic. I applaud him and the studio exec how gave this the green light...

8/10..... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Life Support (2001–2003)

brilliant satirical look at the ridiculous world of 'lifestyle' television

[25 September 2001]

I happen to have caught this program on SBS after hearing several ads on the radio for it.

I'm pleased to say, it surpassed my expectations.

The actors are right on the mark, and are in on the joke to perfection.

Check this out if you can.....you wont be sorry (unless you get offended easily or dont actually get the point of it)

Body Melt (1993)

The worst film I've ever seen!

[1/10 · 12 August 2001]

This is by far the WORST film ever made..... It makes me a little embarrassed to be an Australian. On my 'TOP 10 WORST MOVIES' list,there this film will be, sitting proudly on top. Not only is the acting fifth rate, the special FX crap, and the script a sespool of junk, the direction is absolute garbage! I dont know if anyone knows this, but there are a few actors in this film who are rather big in Australian TV. Lisa McCune..... Harold from Neighbours....... this movie gave me an extremely low opinion of these people that they will never be able to win back. All Australian films aren't this bad, I promise you. Instead of this &%$, check out Moulin Rouge, The Dish, Chopper, Romper Stomper, Dead Calm.....or even Looking For Alibrandi(if desperate). I know i had to, to remind myself ...... IT AINT ALL AS BAD AS THAT!!!!