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slasher921
Reviews
Netherbeast Incorporated (2007)
Didn't care for it
I had this movie described to me as a vampire comedy, so I figured I'd like it. It isn't, and I didn't.
The thing is, these creatures aren't vampires - they're a new type of creature that I hadn't heard of yet. Which is great, 'cause we need some original ideas in a world of remakes and sequels. Unfortunately, though, since these are new creatures the filmmakers spend most of the movie explaining to us who they are, their history, their likes and dislikes, how they live, how they die, etc. This goes on . . . and on . . . and on. It constantly interrupts the movie. The filmmakers try to make these scenes of exposition visually interesting but it all comes across like a Powerpoint presentation.
Exposition aside, the story itself is pretty good but I would have liked to have had things explained in a more sophisticated way.
The comedy is there in spurts but it is too uneven throughout the film. The opening scene and the film's climax are the two funniest things in the film. Throughout the rest, though, it felt like a big inside joke that I wasn't in on. Some scenes fall completely flat, some resort to toilet humor, and some make no sense.
As far as actors go, Darrel Hammond is funny doing what is essentially his Bill Clinton routine from SNL. His opening scene is hilarious, but unfortunately he takes a backseat quickly. David Foley is completely wasted in a flat role. I couldn't believe that they bothered to cast one of the funniest men alive and have him do nothing interesting. Jason Mewes pops up for a pointless buddy role halfway through the film. Judd Nelson definitely steals the show as the movie progresses and is at his best in the film's climax.
My other gripe is that the chemistry between the lead actor and the main girl felt very forced. I didn't buy their relationship for some reason.
Overall, it provides a few laughs but feels like a missed opportunity. I would suggest it on DVD only to fans of independent cinema who can get over things like horrible lighting and camerwork. This is one of those movies that will probably get a cult audience but everyone else will hate.
The Lonely Ones (2006)
Deserved a bigger budget
As other reviewers have already pointed out, this is a low budget movie - the listed budget is $100,000 I've seen movies with a tenth of that budget and similar production value. With the grainy digital video, bad or non-existent lighting, bad acting, muddled sound, and cheap-looking FX in the first twenty minutes I figured I was in for yet another microbudget waste of time.
Then, an amazing thing happens, and the movie suddenly finds its stride about 1/2 way through. Right as I was getting ready to write this one off, the focus shifts from the melodramatic coeds (there's one giggle-inducing scene where the main girl shows her ex boyfriend the shirt of his that she's kept - LAME!) to the lonely ones - a group of creatures that live in the forest. The flat film-making suddenly steps up as the victims start getting picked off and from here on out there's actually some good camera-work throughout the rest of the movie. Even the performances and FX pick up, and as someone who has seen a lot of shot-on-video productions, I can safely say that the second half of the film carries it above most of its peers.
I won't ruin anything for the viewer, but there is a very well-built story here that is worth checking out. What I thought was a boring and drawn-out setup (honestly, it could have been trimmed down here and there) actually ties in to the film's payoff and unlike some other movies I've seen, the movie's loose ends are actually tied up very well in the finale. There are some twists I didn't see coming, and some of the characters' actions surprised me as well.
Unfortunately, the very good story is hampered by the low budget pitfalls described earlier. Also, one of fights between a lonely one and victim plays out like a lame backyard wrestling production, and some of the kills should have been more graphic. The main thing is that the monsters in the film aren't much more than people in fake blood and rubber teeth. I know that the movie was concentrating more on the creatures' personality and stuff (a novel concept for today's horror movies), but this would have been a better movie if the makeup effects had lived up to the descriptions we get of the monsters during the setups.
I wish the filmmakers would have tried to get a bigger budget before filming this because the potential is there for a really good movie, but it seems like they bit off more than they could chew with this one. Still, the story alone is worth the price of a rental so long as the viewer can get past the production value. One of the websites said this movie hits more often than it misses, and I agree there.
Rest Stop (2006)
missed opportunity
I really wanted to like this movie! I mean, here you have the rare straight-to-video horror film that's not shot on a digital video camera by a group of amateur filmmakers - that's something to be excited about, right? Unfortunately, the high production values do little to save the meandering script that takes the movie in several different directions without ever deciding which path to take and settles on a ridiculous ending that ties absolutely nothing together. The movie starts slow, finally seems to hit its stride in setting up the final battle, and then limps through its finale and head-scratching epilogue.
I think most of the problem has to come with the main characters. We don't get to know anything about her, her boyfriend's only distinguishing characteristic is his use of the f-word (good drinking game is to drink every time he uses it - you'll be toast by the ten-minute mark!), and once he disappears and she's left to her own devices she doesn't give any inclination that she's capable of fending for herself the way she suddenly will in the last act of the film. I think a lot of this falls on the lead actress, who doesn't deliver a performance that sells the character.
There are also a few musical montage sequences that feel lifted from a CW network TV show (go figure - the filmmakers have quite the resume in TV) that bring the movie to a screeching halt. Despite the main girl downing a bottle of whiskey in one of these montages she is incredibly coherent and coordinated the rest of the film.
The two best parts of the movie are the inclusion of a previous victim locked in the cleaning closet of the rest stop and Joey Laurence (yes, that Joey Laurence) as a highway cop. Both of these actors give performances that blow the lead girl out of the water (seriously, when you're outacted by Joey Laurence it's time to question your placement as a lead character). Even if Joey Laurence's cop is allowed to give unnecessarily long speeches that distract from the movie, you actually come to care about his character.
There's a very creepy family in a RV that appears out of nowhere, creeps out the audience, and then disappears just as quickly. Their appearance could have possibly been a highlight of the movie and instead falls into one of the many "WTF?" moments of the film. In the hands of a better screenwriter all of these moments could have been tied together in a great ending that would have made this a damn good movie, instead the lack of any explanation left me upset at sitting through the movie.
Moral of the movie: rest stops are explosive.
So overall I have to give this a 5/10 because the movie had its moments, I was into it up until the end, and the makeup effects were good. Too bad it joins the list of forgettable straight-to-video horror movies.
Feast (2005)
strike three for Project Greenlight
I haven't seen the first two Project Greenlight movies so I can't comment on them but from what I've heard (and what everyone on this site seems to agree on), they were both pretty boring movies centered on character development and coming of age. Seeing as neither film proved marketable for Miramax, they decided that for the third (and final) Project Greenlight they'd go ahead and do a movie with absolutely no character development that was marketable. Looks like they succeeded! I have to say that after watching this movie I have to question how bad the rest of the scripts were that this one was chosen the winner. The setup is cliché, the characters are bland and undeveloped, and the dialog is bad. I know that the writers were going for humor, and there are some parts to the movie that are genuinely funny, but a lot of the humor relies on sight gags and a rubber puppet humping things. This is acceptable for a standard horror b-movie, but how did this script get selected over the thousands of submissions? Were the rest of the projects really that bad? The saving grace of this movie are the strong performances by Clu Culager, Henry Rollins, and Balthazar Getty and a good job of direction by John Gulager. He definitely has a good eye and I liked his 8mm opening shots.
Unfortunately, no matter how well-made the film itself was, I didn't care about 90% of the characters, the two "heros" gave laugh-out-loud bad performances, and when the credits rolled I was left with so many questions (what exactly were the monsters? How did people have time to barricade all of the windows when the monsters were dragging people out of them? Why did people bother boarding up the windows anyway when the monsters punched through a wall?) that I thought about re-watching the movie before realizing I didn't care about the answers.
And with this movie, Project Greenlight goes out with a whimper.
Machined (2006)
another bad DTV from Lion's Gate
This one at least had some aspirations of grandeur behind it, but it still goes down as another bad shot-on-video horror film that Lion's Gate seems to be releasing too many of nowadays.
A collector of serial killer memorabilia (the always memorable David Hayes) accidentely runs over a huge guy (Jose Rosete) and takes him home and turns him into a serial killer. If you're willing to suspend your disbelief for this starting point, you are obviously the target audience. The biggest problem I had with this is that this starting point (from intro to big guy being outfitted w/ his costume) takes all of ten minutes of film, leaving us with an hour and twenty minutes of tedious film left. If they would have developed MotorMan Dan, established who he is and how he can afford all this serial killer memorabilia when he lives in a junkyard and why he would want a serial killer of his own it could have been cool, instead they plow through this and then the film becomes yet another plodding, boring movie.
One of my biggest beefs w/ the movie were the kills. You would think that if Motorman Dan went through the trouble of creating a killer and establishing an arena for it to kill in, there would be plenty of grue to be had, right? Wrong. Instead the film consists of this hulking guy with a ridiculous costume creeping up behind people and stabbing them in the back. No decaps or disembowelment's or slit throats, just lots and lots of backstabbing. Yawn.
The film-making itself is pretty good for the most part. The lighting (and the lack thereof) is very effective and the use of shadows works well in the environment. Motorman Dan's set is very impressive and the film makes good use of it. There are some cool camera tricks and editing pieces but there are also some pointless fade outs and aggravating editing tricks where the light is supposed to be flickering.
Unfortunately the director's eye and the production value are overcome with a slow moving and formulaic script and some bad acting from everyone except the main characters.