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Michael-voorhees
Reviews
Dracula 3000 (2004)
Retarded
Considering the fact that this movie deals with Dracula in outer space is a major letdown. The movie starts with Captain Abraham Van helsing telling us about his crew there's the Blonde robot chick who makes no sense, a not so smart professor, a navigator, a tall black man named Humvee( his dad must be called SUV) and a man named 187 who apparently used to be super smart until he became addicted to drugs. The special affects look like they were made on a computer used by babies. This movie deals with Dracula who is played by English actor Langley Kirkwood, he looks extremely dumb with his face painted white and a long black coat with the collar up to add dramatic affect. At one point in the movie when Coolio(187) is turned into a vampire he referes to him as 'master'. At one point Langley Kirkwood(Orlock) gets his armed taken off by a door and screams like a girl. There are lots of plot holes in the movie i.e trying to fly towards the sun to kill Orlock, aside from the fact there are no windows on the ship to let light get in. The ending is the worst bit, Udo Kier has given his last speech about the ship coliding with the sun, meanwhile Humvee and Robo blonde make love in the back room. Then out of the blue the ship crashes with the sun, cue end credits. My rating 1/10 awful!
Lookin' Italian (1994)
It's okay
I bought this movie a couple of days ago in a three movie pack for $2.99. I quite enjoyed this film, But apparently this is Matt Leblanc's first film because he is credited as 'Introducing' him in the main titles at the beginning. What can I say about this film that hasn't been said, the acting is pretty bad, laughable shootout at the beginning. Jay Avocone is pretty good as Vinny the brother of Anthony( Matt Leblanc). Overall this film is pretty bad, but I quite enjoyed it. It's much better than Ed with Matt Leblanc which is a piece of crap. My friend thought it was pretty good too. I give it 4/10 my friend gave it 5/10.
Urban Menace (1999)
It gets worse every time I watch it
I bought this movie a few days ago from Ezy DVD for $9.90.I saw names like Snoop Dogg and Ice-T on the front cover and after reading the back it seemed pretty good, I was very wrong! The badness in this movie begins even before the movie has started with Ice-T producing one of the worst and lamest disclaimers ever, saying things like if blood and guts offend you don't watch this, there is barely any blood or guts in this film, but as coarse language goes they got that right, there's heaps, every second word is the F word basically. As for the film it looks like it was filmed on camera from the early 1930's, and weird images like people shooting other people for no apparent reason, the story makes no sense. The dialouge is crap, Snoop Dogg doesn't really say or shoot anything until the end of the film. Ice-T is barely in it either and he rants on about things which have nothing to do with the movie. Do not buy this film, it's crap it's obvious Snoop Doggs stunt double is in some scene's.I give it 1/10
The Foreigner (2003)
Pretty good
I bought this movie on VHS from Video-Easy for $1.95, Despite all the bad reviews this one's pretty good. Steven Seagal plays Jon Cold a ex-Cia agent who is hired to deliver a package from France to Germany with help from a guy named Dunoir. Unfortunently some baddies want the package and this starts all the action like shooting and fighting you know like most Steven Seagal movies. Like Out for a kill there are things wrong with the front cover like Exploding helicopters, there are no helicopters in this movie, Also it shows Steven Seagal's cut out head on a thinner man's body.Also theirs this weird black English guy who talk's funnily. There is some good action here like shootout's etc. Personally I liked this movie and give it 8/10
Out for a Kill (2003)
Don't buy this!
A few nights ago I was at Big W and saw this 3 movie pack with Submerged,Out For a Kill and The patriot for $15.90 I bought and took it home. That night I watched Out for a Kill and I have to say it was crap! The story begins with two cops investigating a shootout at a bar they find out it was a Chinese gang, the story then switches to a dig site were Steven Seagal and his assistant are finding artifacts after this a weird dude comes and steps on a artefact after discovering cocaine or is it Brown sugar the men kill his assistant which is pathetic CGI after a while some stuff happens Steven Seagal wants revenge and so on. The point is this movie sucks! It's so obviously fake oh look at that fake backdrop, the fight scene's are Crap! Michael Oblowitz movies suck! Do not buy this! 1/10
The Mangler (1995)
You got Mangled
I watched this movie a few nights ago thinking to expect the best because Robert Englund was in it as he my favorite actor! After a while of watching this film I didn't know what to think? On one hand it was pretty good but on the other that ending was so stupid and weird! I showed a friend this movie and he felt the same way. Robert Englund is fantastic make no mistake but Ted Levine isn't very good. The gore is very high and Tobe Hooper directing would seem like a good thing but this isn't his best after The Texas chainsaw massacre none the less I enjoyed this film and bought it for $7.99 from JB-HI-FI I recommend it because it's way better than part 2 which was crap! I give it 5/10
Mortal Kombat (1995)
A very good film
This film is without a doubt the best video game to movie. Why you might ask? I'll tell you the fight scene's are very cool the acting is great especially Christopher lambert as Rayden The story begins with A group of people Learn of a Competition Known as Mortal Kombat where two people fight to the death. That's the main plot but aside from that I really enjoyed this movie I picked it up on video for $2 and it was worth it! I showed it to a friend and they also agree this is a very good film Paul WS Anderson did a good job directing this and I thank him. I haven't seen the second one but have heard good reviews about it! I give this film 10/10 a very good film!
The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1994)
The Texas no chainsaw Massacre
I like to start by saying WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! this piece of **** makes Gigli look good! This movie is nothing but BAD! I recently watched all the Texas chainsaw massacre movie's and I enjoyed them. I picked this one up from my local video store and saw a R rating and thought it would be full of violence! But I was mistaken the film starts off by seeing two teens fighting after leaving angrily a girl and her friend get lost in the woods and are Chased by the weirdo Vilmer(Mattew Mchougany) who if any of his fans see him in this role would make fun of him forever! He chases and supposedly kills some of them. I won't tell you any more not to ruin the surprise. But get the point here this movie is plain bad! The two main stars must have needed cash badly to star in this one! Turning Leatherface into a transvestite The title says The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Chainsaw check Leatherface check Stupid teens check massacre NO WAY! No violence charters being stupid Kim Henkel directing! A plot that doesn't make sense! A stupid Vilmer dies via Plane which seems to come out of nowhere this could have just been rated PG for just plain stupid a Crap van vs Towtruck scene I Hated this movie and give it 1/10
BloodRayne (2005)
Good but not very good
The 3 Uwe boll movie based on a video game. After Alone in the dark It thought Uwe would never make a movie again! But this one is quite good even though you might disagree totally! But I thought it was good for many reasons. Firstly I like to say this has the Best cast ever! with truckloads of gore and violence!But there are a few faults about this one. The terrible sex scene! I seen old people have better sex than the bang the cell door Scene which I have to say more nudity would be nice! But aside from that everything else is Great! Michael Madsen is great as Vladmir and Ben Kinglsey is good to! Even after receiveing poor reviews I quite enjoyed it Uwe boll has had his badly critcised before. But honestly House of the dead was Great! Unlike Alone in the dark which was a pile of CRAP! I Give this one 8/10.
Gigli (2003)
Crap with a capital C
The worst movie ever made! I rented this one from the video store looking at the back and seeing names like Al Pacino and Christopher Walken. I thought this would be excellent but Iwas wrong, very wrong! this piece of crap is so BAD it be called the worst movie ever made. The waste of 54 million dollars! on this! Ben Affleck's bad acting and one scene cameo's by the STARS of this one who got their money easy. Martin Brest should be ashamed of himself! for this piece of CRAP stick right away from this one! Jennifer lopez on the other hamd is the worst actress ever! thisone sunk deserdly! And next time Martin brest should make a better movie I give it 1/10 what a waste of 54 million dollars!
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
My favourite in the series
The 8th Installment in the Friday the 13th see's Jason Making his way to Manhattan via Boat,The boat is filled with young college students who on a vacation as a part of school take a trip there. Despite all the bad reviews This one's Quite good. Kane Hodder is superb as Jason Voorhees my Favourite in the Friday the 13th series were Jason Goes to Hell, Jason X,and part 4. If you see one I recommend you buy it. My only criticism was not enough Manhattan but this is made up by the appearance of Jason killing those stupid teenagers and the grumpy old teacher who thankfully dies at the end. My friends seem to agree this is a very good film I give it 10/10 great stuff!
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Th Absouloute best!
WOW! everyone must be racist to scientoLigists! How the Hell? Couldn't you enjoy it. The story is the best,The acting is superb,excellent special affect's. Iloved it and ALWAYS will, John travolta is as Cool as ice as Terl, Barry pepper is Great and Forrest Whitaker is WOW! WHY! is it on the worst movie ever Made list That the biggest piece of B******* I have ever heard! I loved this movie and was APPALED to see so many bad reviews. Everyone must be racist! to the poor scientolgisits. The story is great I thank Roger Christian for directing this wonderful piece of MAGIC! The story begins with our hero Barry pepper being taken hostage by the phyclo's but I won't give it all away to not ruin the surprise. All my friends and agree if we could control the 250 best movies of all time CRAP like the godfather wouldn't be number 1! Who the hell! put that there! This movie is excellent and SHOULD be number 2 on the best movies ever made list I give it 10/10.
L.A.P.D.: To Protect and to Serve (2001)
The best ever!
I Absolutely loved! This movie it was excellent,Michael Madsen was great the story was great,The sex was superb seeing her wonderful tits, If you see this movie anywhere you must buy it! Without a doubt the action is the best, The shootouts. Despite all the bad reviews this is the third best movie I have ever seen! If you love Michael Madsen watch this NOW! It should be at number 3 on the best movies ever made list! COME ON! how couldn't you love it Michael Madsen HUGE fan! The story is the best. Great sex,Great shootouts, Ed Anders directing is the best! Anyone who disagrees is Mentally insane! I payed $14.95 for it it's worth every penny.This movie is pure exellence and all my friends agree with me. I give it 10/10 the BEST!