This movie subverted my expectations because it didn't have a lot of the faults I associate with modern low-budget cinema. It was competently filmed and edited. The actors were well directed. They spoke to each other naturally and at times it felt like watching real people. So what's the problem then? Well, I don't want to give spoilers but let's just say that for a viewer to be invested in a film the viewer has to feel like they are watching something that approximates reality. OR if one is watching something that is supposed to be fantasy, one at least has to have a grasp of the rules that apply to that fantastical universe. Otherwise it would be a free for all, right? Anything can happen. Nothing means anything. Does anyone every really want to sit and hear a detailed account of someone else's dream? Probably not... but why? I would argue because there aren't any stakes involved. If your best friend show up at your door and says "A guy just tried to kill me." your reaction is going to be very different than if he/she says "Last night I dreamed that a guy tried to kill me." It is for that reason that I argue that this movie was dead in the water (heh heh) from concept. There is smart writing, funny writing and scary writing in this movie but the fabric that holds it all together is a massive dud. You can try to flesh out realistic characters with unique backstories all day long but if the promised entertaining events that happen to them don't make sense... can't make sense... DON'T HAVE ANY MEANINGFUL STAKES WHATSOEVER... well, you get it. It's an unfortunate dud.
Reviews
11 Reviews
Silent Night
(2023)
Painfully stupid.
14 December 2023
Painfully stupid, albeit fitting for the time we're living in.
I can almost hear the original pitch. This movie has a GIMMICK. Almost no one speaks a word of dialogue through the entire film. Does it work? NOPE. NOT AT ALL. Because film makers believe the audience is incredibly stupid, now more than ever. And without character motivations carefully explained through words all that is left to do is make every single action that appears on screen cartoonish beyond belief. I kid you not, what appears on screen in this film also works as a perfect parody of modern action movies. This film can be hilarious if you choose to view it from that perspective. I laughed out loud a lot.
I am giving it 3 stars because it is filmed competently. Visually appealing, well edited, well choreographed action. But without believable situations and characters to care about it all falls flat.
And, for the love of all things good, WIND UP MUSIC BOXES MUST BE BANNED FROM CINEMA FROM THIS POINT FORWARD.
I can almost hear the original pitch. This movie has a GIMMICK. Almost no one speaks a word of dialogue through the entire film. Does it work? NOPE. NOT AT ALL. Because film makers believe the audience is incredibly stupid, now more than ever. And without character motivations carefully explained through words all that is left to do is make every single action that appears on screen cartoonish beyond belief. I kid you not, what appears on screen in this film also works as a perfect parody of modern action movies. This film can be hilarious if you choose to view it from that perspective. I laughed out loud a lot.
I am giving it 3 stars because it is filmed competently. Visually appealing, well edited, well choreographed action. But without believable situations and characters to care about it all falls flat.
And, for the love of all things good, WIND UP MUSIC BOXES MUST BE BANNED FROM CINEMA FROM THIS POINT FORWARD.
They Live in the Grey
(2022)
A lesson in abysmal film editing
27 August 2023
Want a quick lesson in how to take an otherwise competent film and flush it down the toilet with bad editing? THIS IS IT.
I don't know if the editor or directors deserve the blame. Enough coverage should be shot that an editor can sculpt the film to a watchable pace.
Almost every single shot in this movie exists on screen 2-3x longer than it should. Every single shot becomes a form of torture for a the progressively more disinterested viewer.
Oh but "the tone" you say, "the TONE". The tone of this film is boring. A director needs to work exceptionally hard to create characters and intriguing situations that would warrant the long, drawn out shots this film asks the audience to tolerate.
What a shame because scattered throughout the film are some truly memorable and unnerving horror moments. Ruined by the fact that the creative forces either couldn't or wouldn't trim the fat and edit it down to a reasonable 1hr30m run time.
I don't know if the editor or directors deserve the blame. Enough coverage should be shot that an editor can sculpt the film to a watchable pace.
Almost every single shot in this movie exists on screen 2-3x longer than it should. Every single shot becomes a form of torture for a the progressively more disinterested viewer.
Oh but "the tone" you say, "the TONE". The tone of this film is boring. A director needs to work exceptionally hard to create characters and intriguing situations that would warrant the long, drawn out shots this film asks the audience to tolerate.
What a shame because scattered throughout the film are some truly memorable and unnerving horror moments. Ruined by the fact that the creative forces either couldn't or wouldn't trim the fat and edit it down to a reasonable 1hr30m run time.
Knock at the Cabin
(2023)
The word "CRINGE" exists for this movie
11 March 2023
Shyamalan has the logic of a 16 year old.
Movies about far fetched things have a burden in that they have to convince the audience that those things could be actually be happening. The audience needs to suspend their disbelief.
I have not read the book so I can't comment on it but I've seen enough Shyamalan films to sense his stink all over this. He insists he's smarter and more profound than he actually is. He thinks that if he emulates things he's seen in good movies, won't his movie be good as well?
No. It is hollow. It is juvenile. It is inexcusably silly no matter how dark and serious the subject matter at hand is.
The exposition through news footage is embarrassing and for once I am happy that the word "cringe" is so prevalent in the modern vernacular because, with it, I can describe these scenes and really the whole movie in one word. CRINGE.
Movies about far fetched things have a burden in that they have to convince the audience that those things could be actually be happening. The audience needs to suspend their disbelief.
I have not read the book so I can't comment on it but I've seen enough Shyamalan films to sense his stink all over this. He insists he's smarter and more profound than he actually is. He thinks that if he emulates things he's seen in good movies, won't his movie be good as well?
No. It is hollow. It is juvenile. It is inexcusably silly no matter how dark and serious the subject matter at hand is.
The exposition through news footage is embarrassing and for once I am happy that the word "cringe" is so prevalent in the modern vernacular because, with it, I can describe these scenes and really the whole movie in one word. CRINGE.
Pet Sematary
(2019)
Inferior to 1989 version in almost every way
24 July 2019
The original 1989 version may have some technical and stylistic shortcomings but it is a masterwork in efficiency in story telling. Every single scene advances the story and there's never a single dull moment.
This version is almost the exact same run time but is BORING, BORING, BORING.
It thinks that because it offers "creepy visuals" its okay that it omits almost of of the compelling human drama displayed in the original. It changes things just for the sake of changing them.
It sucks.
This version is almost the exact same run time but is BORING, BORING, BORING.
It thinks that because it offers "creepy visuals" its okay that it omits almost of of the compelling human drama displayed in the original. It changes things just for the sake of changing them.
It sucks.
31
(2016)
May be the single most stupid movie I've ever seen...
11 October 2016
and I love trashy, weird cinema.
This movie just reiterates what those of us unfortunate enough to have seen Rob Zombie's Halloween learned in 2007: Rob Zombie is an uninspired, painfully derivative one-trick pony.
One of the reasons I decided to watch 31 is because I just saw a very insightful 30-minute YouTube documentary called "How Rob Zombie Killed the Halloween Franchise". It's really well made and paints Rob Zombie in a very negative light by showcasing several conflicting interviews he's given over the years and eventually condemning him as someone who butchered "Halloween" for little more than a paycheck.
I thought I might give him one more chance to prove to me that he could do something other than his standard "trashy people get murdered by trashier psychopaths" genre. Wow. Nothing could have prepared me for how stupid 31 would be.
Rob Zombie thinks that if he makes his characters sleazy and they have a reckless attitude toward the threat of death the resulting movie will be "cool" and "badass". Unfortunately that's just not the case. It just comes off as STUPID. Combine that with a nonsensical, pretty much non-existent plot and now you're talking MEGA STUPID. Combine that with his wife's acting and you've got...
THE SINGLE MOST STUPID MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN.
This movie just reiterates what those of us unfortunate enough to have seen Rob Zombie's Halloween learned in 2007: Rob Zombie is an uninspired, painfully derivative one-trick pony.
One of the reasons I decided to watch 31 is because I just saw a very insightful 30-minute YouTube documentary called "How Rob Zombie Killed the Halloween Franchise". It's really well made and paints Rob Zombie in a very negative light by showcasing several conflicting interviews he's given over the years and eventually condemning him as someone who butchered "Halloween" for little more than a paycheck.
I thought I might give him one more chance to prove to me that he could do something other than his standard "trashy people get murdered by trashier psychopaths" genre. Wow. Nothing could have prepared me for how stupid 31 would be.
Rob Zombie thinks that if he makes his characters sleazy and they have a reckless attitude toward the threat of death the resulting movie will be "cool" and "badass". Unfortunately that's just not the case. It just comes off as STUPID. Combine that with a nonsensical, pretty much non-existent plot and now you're talking MEGA STUPID. Combine that with his wife's acting and you've got...
THE SINGLE MOST STUPID MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN.
Magic Magic
(2013)
Completely misunderstood masterpiece.
23 August 2013
Perhaps this movie only works if you've known someone with the kind of debilitating paranoia that Alicia (Juno Temple) suffers from. I don't know. All I can say is that I was glued to it from start to finish and I honestly feel that it was masterfully crafted and offers so much more than most people are giving it credit for.
I understand the backlash... it really is NOT a horror movie. But its not a showcase of intangible visual art-house dream-sequence garbage either, which is what I think people might imagine it to be when they read the synopsis. For me, it was never even the slightest bit boring.
If you want to see how mundane situations can be brilliantly transformed into nightmarish experiences for one character, while other characters awkwardly try to deal with it (and often provoke it), eventually watching this dynamic grow to high levels of darkness and intensity, well then this is the movie for you!
I wish more people could look a little deeper and appreciate the many layers and eccentricities of this movie! Like another reviewer mentioned, many of the scenes could be perceived as flat out hilarious. That is, if you can allow yourself to be simultaneously mortified and amused. This movie has the ability to provoke a wide array of CONTRASTING emotions. I've never seen anything quite like it.
It's not a movie for everyone. But if you read this review and still want to watch it, you'll probably think its pretty neat.
I understand the backlash... it really is NOT a horror movie. But its not a showcase of intangible visual art-house dream-sequence garbage either, which is what I think people might imagine it to be when they read the synopsis. For me, it was never even the slightest bit boring.
If you want to see how mundane situations can be brilliantly transformed into nightmarish experiences for one character, while other characters awkwardly try to deal with it (and often provoke it), eventually watching this dynamic grow to high levels of darkness and intensity, well then this is the movie for you!
I wish more people could look a little deeper and appreciate the many layers and eccentricities of this movie! Like another reviewer mentioned, many of the scenes could be perceived as flat out hilarious. That is, if you can allow yourself to be simultaneously mortified and amused. This movie has the ability to provoke a wide array of CONTRASTING emotions. I've never seen anything quite like it.
It's not a movie for everyone. But if you read this review and still want to watch it, you'll probably think its pretty neat.
Funny Games
(2007)
This movie sucks
22 August 2010
Watching the two young douche-bags torture the family in this movie is like watching someone taking candy from a baby. The family is helpless and useless. Not only do they not DO anything to help their predicament, they don't SAY anything. I cannot for one second believe that anyone would just sit in silence and let people terrorize them.
Even the title of this movie, implies that there are "games" involved. But there is NOTHING psychological about this movie. How much of a challenge would it be to hold a rock hostage? Or a chair? The movie is obviously supposed to disturb you but in my case it just bored me and made me want to see the useless family die faster. Not my idea of a good movie.
Even the title of this movie, implies that there are "games" involved. But there is NOTHING psychological about this movie. How much of a challenge would it be to hold a rock hostage? Or a chair? The movie is obviously supposed to disturb you but in my case it just bored me and made me want to see the useless family die faster. Not my idea of a good movie.
The Evil Woods
(2007)
Is this some sort of conspiracy?
9 August 2010
This is one of the most horrible movies I've ever seen. Almost every aspect of the movie is terrible... you name it, they blow it. Bad writing, bad acting, bad direction, bad camera work (it's a face-hugger), bad lighting, bad special effects, bad sound effects... I could go on and on. And the viewer is forced to be painfully aware of the fact that the filmmakers are trying their HARDEST to stretch every scene to make the movie reach an acceptable full length run-time. Heck, you might actually be able to make this movie watchable if you took the footage and edited it down to 30 minutes. But at 83 minutes it's excruciating.
But here's why I ask if this is a conspiracy: What the F++K is the director of this piece of crap doing directing a movie starring Bruce Willis and Forest Whitaker? Has the world gone insane? Click on director Aaron Harvey's name and you will see that he is supposedly currently directing a movie called "Catch .44" with all sorts of well known actors. How did this happen? What the F++K is going on here? I'm dumbfounded. This must be a joke or a mistake.
But here's why I ask if this is a conspiracy: What the F++K is the director of this piece of crap doing directing a movie starring Bruce Willis and Forest Whitaker? Has the world gone insane? Click on director Aaron Harvey's name and you will see that he is supposedly currently directing a movie called "Catch .44" with all sorts of well known actors. How did this happen? What the F++K is going on here? I'm dumbfounded. This must be a joke or a mistake.
Return to Sleepaway Camp
(2008 Video)
I can't believe how many bad reviews - I LOVE IT!!!!
8 July 2010
I am a huge fan of the original Sleepaway Camp, NOT the Michael Simpson sequels. In fact, I have never seen parts 2 and 3. I tried to watch part 2 several years back and actually shut it off because the original Sleepaway Camp is almost sacred to me and I didn't like the direction it was going.
This being said, as soon as I heard about a new direct sequel to the original by writer/director Robert Hiltzik I was excited. And then came years of waiting... But was the final product worth the wait? In my eyes: YES YES YES.
I am SOO used to being disappointed by modern horror remakes and sequels. But I LOVED this movie. I LOVE the film's ability to create a character that you simultaneously feel bad for and want to see die painfully. Alan was hilarious to me and unlike any character I've ever seen on screen before.
This movie continues the original story while paying tribute to what made the original movie unique. I never thought that I could possibly love this movie as much as I do. To me, it is already a modern classic. I hope someday I have the opportunity to meet Robert Hiltzik and let him know how much I appreciate the fact that he did what seemed impossible: create a unique, fun, worthy sequel to the one and only Sleepaway Camp.
This being said, as soon as I heard about a new direct sequel to the original by writer/director Robert Hiltzik I was excited. And then came years of waiting... But was the final product worth the wait? In my eyes: YES YES YES.
I am SOO used to being disappointed by modern horror remakes and sequels. But I LOVED this movie. I LOVE the film's ability to create a character that you simultaneously feel bad for and want to see die painfully. Alan was hilarious to me and unlike any character I've ever seen on screen before.
This movie continues the original story while paying tribute to what made the original movie unique. I never thought that I could possibly love this movie as much as I do. To me, it is already a modern classic. I hope someday I have the opportunity to meet Robert Hiltzik and let him know how much I appreciate the fact that he did what seemed impossible: create a unique, fun, worthy sequel to the one and only Sleepaway Camp.
Tell Your Friends