dylanstaxes Reviews

Silent Night (2023)

Strangely unsatisfying

[7/10 · 25 December 2023]

My main issue with this is a weird one. I didn't get nearly enough joy out of watching the cartel members get shot in the face. Normally the satisfaction of these movies is that when the bad guys get it you think, 'He'd rather not be dead' or chopped up or run over or whatever. But I just didn't get that feeling for these baddies.

Technically, I thought it was an interesting Woo film. And I didn't mind the lack of dialogue. The mom not being equally an emotional wreck was a really stupid artistic choice but whatever.

And thanks to review bombers imdb now has a character limit. Fifteen characters.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)

Fun but flawed. See it for Wanda.

[7/10 · 19 July 2022]

If you finished Wandavision and are jonesing for more then this movie is for you. I enjoyed it but I can't give it an eight, especially compared to better mcu movies.

Doctor Strange is a unique comic book experience. An opportunity to see colorful bizarrities scrawled page after page. An overload of stylized forms. It's great.

This just doesn't impress when the medium is cgi. It becomes noise. Tiresome noise.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990–1996)

Disturbing on so many levels.

[8/10 · 5 June 2022]

Captain Planet is a wacky disjointed mess that somehow works. Let's discuss what makes it special.

1. The villains are so freaking evil. Let's torture kids. Kill kids. Mutate kids. Chop up kids. Blend kids into smoothies. No other cartoon attempts more horrific child murder.

2. The ecodisasters will give you nightmares. Blind sheep covered with tumors... Thanks for animating that captain planet.

3. The animation errors are constant. Hilarity ensues.

And then there's the sixth season theme song. The most atrocious thing to occur in animation apart from maybe that Scooby-Doo show with Scrappy but no Fred or Velma.

The Arrival (1996)

This is a Christian themed movie. That's my spoiler.

[7/10 · 12 April 2022]

I enjoy bad Christian Scifi and horror. But it's good to know what you're getting. This succeeds fully as both a cheesy tv b movie and as a bit of interesting religious propaganda. The actors are either chewing the scenery or just chilling out, depending on their mood from scene to scene. Not the craziest entry on the list of Christian Scifi but a solid one.

Knuckledust (2020)

More than it seems. I can't give away more.

[8/10 · 8 April 2022]

I watched this because I liked Camille Rowe in The Deep House. It was great how different she is in this.

This is a cool movie. A bit gritty, a bit fun, but not too much. I'm intrigued by modern British action movies, but they can get really, really gritty. So dark. This walks that edge quite well.

Not the best fights but totally worth a watch.

Ressha Sentai ToQger (2014–2015)

Toqger is my favorite sentai of all 45!

[9/10 · 11 March 2022]

Yes. I know it is also the weirdest and most atypical of the sentai seasons. I have a thing for the theater of the absurd and Toqger throws a heaping pile of it into the regular sentai recipe.

IMAGINATION!!!!!

It's so nice and fun! The characters are very likeable. The theme songs are good. The foot soldiers are nicely designed. The filler stories are great.

Maybe not the best sentai season since it's so different. I think that might be Kakuranger. But it is my fave.

Santo in the Wax Museum (1963)

What did I just watch?

[8/10 · 3 March 2022]

This was my first masked wrestler horror movie and it blew my mind. I'm giving it an extra star because I recognize quality even if it's bizarre to me.

Half of it looks like a gorgeous forties horror classic. Half of it is wrestling. Complete matches of wrestling. My mind is blown.

My first Santo movie but definitely not my last.

The Guardians of Justice (Will Save You!) (2022– )

It's a better Batman than the Snyder cut.

[7/10 · 2 March 2022]

This is a thoroughly entertaining take on superheroes. Weird, gory, silly, cartoony. It is strange that people are annoyed because it's too cartoony. Too comic booky. Their roots are in four color funny animal books. Cartoony and silly is appropriate.

Pui Pui Molcar (2021– )

I am a better person now. Thank you, Molcar!

[9/10 · 27 February 2022]

Wow! Wow wow wow! So cute. So funny. So clever. So weird. It's a car but it's a Guinea pig but it's a pillow and IT'S GENIUS!! Imdb needs me to write more. Ok. I want to live in Molcar village!

Ultra Q (1965–1967)

Amazing series.

[9/10 · 23 February 2022]

Watch Ultra Q. For the entertainment value. For the gorgeous sixties aesthetic. For the fun. For the monsters. For the historic value. Just watch it.

It's not much like the rest of the ultraman series. More like an action oriented x files for kids.

Watch the sequels ultra q: dark fantasy and neo ultra q for more ultraman free trippy glory.

A Man Called Hero (1999)

Great if you don't compare to comic.

[8/10 · 22 February 2022]

Cool magic kung fu action with lots of weirdness and cgi. This story has basically zero to do with the source comic. But it's a fun silly kung fu romp.

Gosei Sentai Dairanger (1993–1994)

Seriously terrifying. Great sentai.

[8/10 · 18 February 2022]

My gosh Japanese kids must be tough. Kids getting eaten, decapitated, tortured, kidnapped, brainwashed and that's by episode 2. If you can handle the constant stream of nightmare fuel it's a great sentai with an old school feel. The costumes and zord are nice too.

*** this series has really cool looking foot soldiers. The foot soldiers really don't get enough credit for how much they affect a sentai season.

The Legend of Hanuman (2021– )

This is amazing! I love it!

[9/10 · 7 February 2022]

Time for me to express my delight. I love this show. I can't stop watching and I hardly even notice I'm reading subtitles.

The characters are so wonderful. Such true heroes and villains. The messages are clear too. And it's gorgeous. Usually. That naga in the first episode is as colorful as anything I've ever seen animated.

Gun Crazy: Episode 1 - A Woman from Nowhere (2002 Video)

A solid 7. Extra stars for being a good nineties action dub.

[7/10 · 4 February 2022]

Solid, no frills, nineties Japanese gun action. Definitely enjoyable. I liked the main character. The gun action is weak by modern standards. And there's hardly any ornamentation to the story. Except for a couple smirks from the MC. So it's a seven. But it should be on your list if you're looking for old dubbed action. Just maybe not in the top dozen.

Journey to the West (1996– )

Amazing

[9/10 · 22 January 2022]

This is on YouTube in English. It's crazier than all the nineties cheezeball shows we ever had in the US. Crazier than Xena and Mortal Kombat, and every wildly costumed ripoff combined. This show is so wild. I'm obsessed with this cheesy splendor.

Triple Threat (2019)

Ok. I guess.

[6/10 · 15 December 2021]

This is a decent straight forward old school action flick. But yea the cast is totally wasted. I was so excited to see JeeJa Yanin. I was so disappointed. She never once looks cool or cute and only fights for about fifteen seconds. Seriously, eff you movie!

Constantine (2005)

Totally acceptable but miscast.

[7/10 · 14 December 2021]

This is a fun popcorn movie. But it so probably annoy you if you are a die hard Constantine comics fan.

John Constantine was modeled on an older version of Billy Idol. A blonde spiky haired brit most often described as a b@stard or a dirty son of a b!tch. And Chaz is a middle aged laborer that looks like he's caught a few chairs in the face. And delivered a few chairs to other's faces too.

The Wrath of Vajra (2013)

Decent action movie. With a few notes.

[7/10 · 13 December 2021]

The action is quite good.

The main actor is cool.

The plotting is decent with a couple exceptions.

The concept is interesting.

The story is simple. Really simple.

If I was Japanese I'd be totally offended. As is, it was gross political propaganda that Japanese are disgusting death cultists.

The word vajra means wisdom, or decisive action; an energy that can be distorted into anger. Idk if people actually use the word all stupid like in the movie.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)

Ok.

[6/10 · 27 November 2021]

I snickered a couple times at the dialogue. It felt like a real movie. I watched the whole thing.

It was sad to see Woody in such a weak performance. You have a chance to ham it up Hannibal Lechter style, why something so weak.

The only part of the movie given any attention was Brock and Venom's relationship. The rest just flies by until the movie is done.

And seriously, no explanation for Carnage's existence?! Laziest writer ever!

Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)

Not A Paranormal Activity movie but still good.

[8/10 · 9 November 2021]

No way you slice it this doesn't connect to the canon. But it was creepy and scary and well shot. In fact my friend hated how well shot it was. It's such a fake found footage movie. No spoilers but I liked the end. Anyways, the damn trailer gives away 70% of the movie.

But I still like it. More a 7.5 but I'm feeling generous.

Don't watch this if you hate found footage movies.

Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)

This is bad.

[3/10 · 16 October 2021]

I like bizarre arty movies. I like Nicholas Cage nonsense (I did enjoy Willys Wonderland). I like cartoon violence. I like Asian imagery.

This should've been an easy win.

It stank. Go watch Bunraku instead.

The Empty Man (2020)

Amazing.

[9/10 · 15 October 2021]

People are whack. This is a better movie than we deserve.

This is a trippy horror thriller. And there's lots of smart references if you're an ex Buddhist.

Read the comic too. It's wild.

People's reviews are so stupid. But there are critiques that are valid. This movie can feel like eight movies squished together. I think it succeeds but I see how that might drive people crazy.

You may end the movie having no idea what happened. Good luck.

You know how people said Annihilation was so intelligent and complicated but it actually wasn't. Finally we have a movie that is.

But given its atrocious release we probably won't get many more soon.

The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)

Ugh

[5/10 · 10 October 2021]

I really didn't enjoy this. It strings you along with a handful of great bits but the movie is not good.

First ten minutes are great. If the rest of the movie was edited into another ten minutes this would be an 8.

Trese (2021)

Fun, simple, pretty, and fast.

[9/10 · 4 October 2021]

That's my review. Now for vaguely related whining.

I totally don't understand the people that focus on voice actors. I think it might have a cultural origin. Nobody here sounded like Tiny Tim or Gilbert Godfried but almost every negative review focuses on the voice acting. I don't get it. Is the voice fandom about being able to think about human bodies when you're obsessed with anime?

Baki Hanma (2021–2023)

Manga accurate

[9/10 · 2 October 2021]

Baki is still the best fighting anime. Yea it's different than the tournament parts and there are a couple political messages. But it's manga accurate.