Change Your Image
crazyhorsefc
Reviews
Dracula 2000 (2000)
Truly Awful
I am not sure where to start with this one. The film makers have taken a strong narrative and totally destroyed it. It's not the modern twist per se but the execution, with acting so bad that the actors rival the stakes in terms of which part of the film is more wooden. Gerard Butler is woeful, Justine Waddell is weak and Johnny Lee Miller simply doesn't cut it as an action hero.
On the positive side, Christopher Plummer manages to turn in a fine performance among the dross while Jennifer Esposito manages to put the vamp into vampire.
But these performance are not enough to save the film, which reaches a nadir with the pun about Dracula not drinking coffee. A joke that the writers must have laughed long and hard about between themselves but merely serves as a reminder about how woeful this film truly is.
The Punch and Judy Man (1963)
A flawed beauty
Having conquered radio and television, cinema proved a tougher challenge for Tony Hancock and The Punch and Judy Man was his last star turn. It's failure at the box office had less to do with the film itself and more to do with the British public's inability to accept Hancock outside of his 'half hour' personality. It's box office failure, couple with poor reviews from an equally unforgiving press, meant this film has been overlooked and underappreciated since its release.
In truth, it is a gentle observation of a traditional seaside town in England in the early 1960s with some wonderful performances, particularly from the supporting cast that the star has assembled around him. Hancock turns in a fine performance as the titular character whose wife wishes to climb the social ladder while he is happy with his station in life, happy to go against the grain of what is considered the norm.
There are some great little moments in the film, with some tender touches, and definitely worth a viewing.
Everest (2015)
One of the most boring films ever
Tedious, dull to the extreme and completely devoid of tension. Because everyone has a thick beard and wears a big coat, it is impossible to tell what's going on half the time but giving it my best shot it is basically a film where two-dimensional but extremely flawed and ill-prepared climbers go up a mountain, fall down a mountain in a snow storm and then either die or survive while tent flaps blow in the wind at base-camp into the face of concerned supporting cast members. A that's it. I have experienced more excitement watching grass grow next to a freshly painted wall.
Spy (2015)
A comedy with not many jokes but a lot of profanity
The problem with this film is that both the star and director made it under the misapprehension that swearing a lot is funny by itself so have therefore seemingly dispensed with putting any effort in when it comes to actually constructing comedic scenes and delivering punchlines. Relying on famous faces saying "fuck" every five seconds loses any impact quite quickly and stops being funny soon after. That said, Jason Statham sends his hard man persona up quite nicely and the film picks up whenever his on screen but its little and far between.
The film is also extremely violent for a comedy - with several minor characters suffering quite horrendous wounds and deaths in the "name of fun". Having a character suffer multiple gun shot wounds, stabbing a woman in the hand and having a man have his throat melt after drinking acid may be funny to director Paul Feig but he doesn't have the skill nor the competence to handle "Tom & Jerry" violence and misjudges the tone of the film completely. Is someone throwing up on a dead man really the height of comedy?
Finally, their is an underlying tone of racism (offensive Italian stereotypes, racist language etc) throughout that arguably leaves a worst taste in the mouth than the aforementioned acid.
Birth of the Dragon (2016)
A film about Bruce Lee that's not about Bruce Lee
This film as issues, a lot of issues but the main problem is that the supposed central character is nothing but a bit part. By concentrating the action on an underdeveloped, fictional and quite frankly dull character, the producers have missed an opportunity to explore a far more interesting story. The character of Steve McKee is totally pointless and drags the pace of the film down whenever he is on screen. Conversely, scenes involving Bruce Lee and/or Wong Jack Man while not wholly accurate bring the movie to life, except at the end where they team up as if they are starring in another addition to the Rush Hour movies. Worth a watch if nothing else is on but not one for repeated viewings and definitely not historically accurate.
Zombie Women of Satan (2009)
Awful, just truly awful
This is quite possibly the worse film I have ever had the misfortune to see - and I've seen Hope Floats with Sandra Bullock.
The acting is truly terrible, the script is weak, the direction amateurish and the "comedy" just plain bad. In all respects, it is a typical weak "British Zombie Comedy Horror" that has no saving grace. To make matters worse, it is chock full of pointless nudity, which was probably only inserted because it was the only way they could get that much needed 18 certificate. Whoever financed this movie should not only ask for their money back but also fine all those involved. They say a little talent can go a long way but the makers of this film have tried to stretch no talent even further.
Avoid at all costs.
TrashHouse (2005)
Well worth the wait
I finally got to see this movie over the weekend and it's well worth a watch - especially if you're a fan of zombie flicks.
The script is very inventive and has some very funny lines. However, don't go along expecting to see Shaun of the Dead - this has more in common with the original Dawn of the Dead than anything, with just as much bite and originality.
There are some strong performances too, especially from Richard Collins - who steals the show with his evil turn - and Sam Burke as Della. Comedian Gary Delaney also turns in a very impressive cameo.
Writer/Director Pat Higgins can be extremely satisfied with his debut and I am already looking forward to TrashHouse 2.