topclaw Reviews

Notte prima degli esami - Oggi (2007)

Crowd Pleaser but not exactly deep

[6/10 · 25 February 2007]

To start, let me firstly inform you that I speak very little Italian. I'm an Australian exchange student staying with a family in Northern Italy (ha, I swear every second word I've heard within the entirety of Italy is 'cazzo'). Anyway, I attended this film with my host families son and couple of his friends. Despite speaking very little Italian I can confidently say that I understood this film completely and could understand fully what each character was communicating to each other through their tones and actions. I have to say that I found this film to really be nothing special as I have seen these situations in both American, European and Australian films before. I feel that although this film was a crowd pleaser (epspecially within the slapstick moments)it is essentially a one-in-a-million film and it will surely fade into obscurity. Of course it would be pointless of me to make a firm comment on the quality of the dialogue (considering I had nil understanding of it) but from gauging the cinema audiences' reactions as well as the characters' annotations it was easy enough to be able to guess that the comedy of this piece is more face deep then anything and that witty writing was not particular within this movie. Having said that I didn't find the movie boring despite a lack of comprehension of the dialogue and can honestly say there were enough visual sight gags to keep me entertained. It could be argued that my lack of understanding could be considered an advantage in some aspects as it allowed me to escape the inevitable cheesy patches of dialogue and jokes that I'm sure would have been present.

As I said before, while this film makes an ideal light comedy for teens and above, I didn't find this movie to be anything special or as anything that would be particularly remembered.

The Master of Disguise (2002)

You idiots! How can you hate this?

[8/10 · 26 November 2005]

I thought this was a great film, I laughed my ass off! Can't you pinkos sit back and enjoy the finer points of this...dare I say it? Classic. I mean sure, like any other film, it had its rougher elements such as Pistasicios mother who I disliked immensely (and who was a voice in a cartoon I can't put my finger on) but I though this hardly affected the plot. I especially liked the villains' farting jokes (yeah, that's right) not to mention the Lincoln speech, man that bit cracked me up. But what confuses me is that you people couldn't handle the silliness of the film, the weight of your reality has destroyed your viewing pleasure. You might have gotten used to your linear life of work, family, weekend leisure in a constant cycle, but perhaps you don't realise the damage it has done to your mind and soul. Also being your inability to appreciate the humour of a child (I'm 15 so it hasn't escaped me yet fortunately) A good film, not a perfect one mind you yet still worth watching if you have the soul.

Robots (2005)

Byoki desu Domo Arigato Mr Roboto

[28 March 2005]

Easter holidays, nothing to do but see a movie. We checked the cinema guide, Be Cool, Don't wanna see that. Ring 2, Nah, I read it was a cash-in sequel. Robots? Hmm. That might be fun. Nope.

As I watched the laughter of young children filled the cinema, yet I'm a teenager and I found this movie quite uninspired. Yes, it does too many big named stars in it to bring the viewers in , and it did have one or two adult tipped jokes to keep them at bay. But in reality it's nothing new. Just like Monster's inc (and to a lesser extent it's predecessor Ice Age) it makes those jokes which compare the movies civilisation to the human mass. Yet, there was nothing new in these jokes. They only struck a cord of unoriginality. Like 'Shark Tale', it pumped out 'them young person' tunes like Britney Spears and Nelly, call me a realist or a perfectionist if you will, but Robots would not listen to this music. Too many movies are trying to be human. They are trying to be humans in different skins. Shark Tale was New York underwater only with freakier looking characters, Shrek Two was Los Angeles with freakier looking characters, and this too is another human with different skins romp, only this time it's robots and their mass transport services are powered with some kind of kinetic mechanical engineering. I hate to be like everyone else and praise 'Finding Nemo' and the other Pixar/Disney movies, but in admitted truth they remain (at least at the time of writing) the masters of the genre. Finding Nemo had it's human moments, but the bulk majority presented them as what they were - talking fish. Even Madagascar, which at the time of writing has not be released looks to humany, it's a frickin' cartoon. Let loose.

On another note, Robin Williams really was dragged down by the substandard writing. Why didn't they unleash his full potential.

Such is life I guess, I only hope Ice Age 2 can make a better statement.

Le divorce (2003)

Le Crap

[5 October 2004]

Le divorce...le crap. Why do I find this film crap, why does it make me want to shave my retinas with a sharpened metal file, why does it activate my vomit reflex...it doesn't. I haven't seen it. And I don't plan to see it. In fact the only reason I am critiqueing on this movie because I feel that the One line description Le Crap is quite clever. Plus the fact that Naomi Watts and Kate Hudson are both hot. In fact, I urge all readers to watch Mullholland Drive so that they, like me can admire Naomi Watts naked breasts. (That's right, she is naked from the waster up).

Final Rating: N/A. I can't really rate this little baby without seeing it. Ah well...

Driv3r (2004 Video Game)

Good...not Great

[30 September 2004]

As far as this game goes, I say all but one word - meh.

I suppose you could say it's alright. I mean, it is better than that Bruce Lee game, and it is better than that Beach Volley ball game, but still, it's missing something, something that makes the GTA series or to a lesser extent the True Crime games shine. It's hard to describe what but you know what I mean. Right?

The game has several characters voiced by famous actors. In fact, the main character is voiced by Michael Madsen - is there anything he isn't in? He's made appearances in both True Crime: Streets of LA and GTA III. He's also making appearances in the next driver game and some other game I forgot the name of...anyhow, enough about Madsen and on with the game.

The graphics are okay, although often it looks like Tanner has a form of mild constipation, plus the cops AI are as dumb as a sedated rabbit.

The plot's okay I guess. it's about Tanner infiltrating a gang that's smuggling 40 cars to some other country.

Overall, this game's okay. On a score of 1 to 10 1 being the lowest 10 being the highest I give this game a 10 - just kidding. An 6. Keep reaching for that rainbow Atari.

Scrub Me Mama with a Boogie Beat (1941)

What the...

[29 December 2003]

I managed to obtain this racist gem on a very cheap DVD in a bargain store, it is very racist and stereotypical. But hey, while this crap wouldn't pass off now, this was made in the forties when African-Americans sat at the back of busses. Several of the women sound like men and the bald guy who plays the piano solo oddly looks like a monkey.

Anyhow, it's only mildly racist and won't make anyone particually upset. If you can obtain it and are prepared to part with seven minutes of your time- I suggest it for some stereotypical entertainment.

2002 (2001)

Good, not Great

[8/10 · 4 December 2003]

Alright, this film wasn't the best in the world. In fact, it probably ranks in the bottom half. Most of the film wasn't very good or inspiring but the bit that caught my eye was the sequence near the end were Wind and Fung were battling it out in the rain. That was probably the best bit. Some good Hong-Kong Wire works but no Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

Untalkative Bunny (2001– )

Beautiful Journey

[9 November 2003]

Untalkative bunny is a about an autistic nameless bunny. In the show his family has been killed somehow leaving the little untalkative bunny to fend for himself. His only companions are an Orange Squirrel (who's obviously imaginary) and his TV. The show is good because it promotes awareness through metaphors about various things including autism and silent mute syndrome (he never talks) racism (the humans despise him) and schizophrenia (the orange squirrel) and TV obsession. It shows even though he struggles, he gets by.

Ring of Fire (2000)

It's like tripping without taking drugs

[25 July 2003]

I have one word for this. What?

It was strange, I didn't understand any of it, all I knew is that there was a cowboy and some kind of... other cowboy. I'll give it a six for weirdness...

Mom, Can I Keep Her? (1998 Video)

The Ballad of the Fake Gorilla

[21 February 2003]

To be honest I only watched it because it has the Kid from Malcom in the Middle. The Grollia is so fake it's kind of Freaky, and it feels so weird that in this Justin is a sweet Twelve year old but in Malcom in the Middle he's a roughy toughy punk.

Something that really Puzzles me is that why did a guy who directed a God Awful B-Grade Politically Incorrect Pornographic Horror Film. (Evil Toons) direct a sweet Family Movie starring an odd looking Gorilla. Well, I guess some things should be left unexplained...

Evil Toons (1992)

What...The Hell.

[1/10 · 21 February 2003]

Four Sexy Young Girls? Oh Please, For one thing the Porn is not even necessary, Who the heck wrote that in. For a second, None, and I mean none of those Woman could act, for a third, They got the Title Wrong, It should be Evil Toon (The Toons in the book don't count). The only guy who could really act was the manager, and unfortunately even he sucked. And the Icing on the Cake was that the animated Monster looked like crap. I'm sorry, but this Film IS the worst thing I have seen, go back to writing comic books or what ever the hell you used to do 'Fred'. (if you're even still alive).