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Music (2021)
Swing from a Chandelier
Bald, female, ex-junkie + kindly neighbor + poorly played autistic girl = one sick mess of a movie. It is hard to believe that Hudson was nominated for an Oscar 20 years ago and Odom just this year. The girl who played autistic was an insult to all autistic people - buck-toothed and moaning "gaaah" for 90 minutes. The music was terrible and the costumes were ridiculous, making the dream sequences nearly unwatchable. All involved in this awful attempt should be ashamed. Someone needs to swing - by the neck - from a chandelier for this movie.
If Anything Happens I Love You (2020)
If Anything Happens, Watch This!
I'm not an animation or a short fan. I may be now. This flick was emotional without saying a word. It was sad, sweet, loving, heartbreaking and it deserves the Oscar it is going to win next week. This is for anyone who has kids or anyone who has friends or anyone who lives in a community or anyone who loves someone - period. Wow, just wow! #RememberSandyhook.
The Midnight Sky (2020)
Random thoughts...
Good visual effects. Good sets. If Clooney's beard was fake, it looked real. Clooney told the girl to never take off her breathing mask - 10 minutes later, neither of them were wearing masks and never did again. Slow moving but decent. Oyelowo always looks like he's constipated. Clooney's orange coat, which he left in the sinking trailer, reappears after he got out of the water. Girl is going to be a big star. Why can't people wear regular clothes in space? Okay, that's all.
Breaking News in Yuba County (2021)
Can you put your t!t away?
Hilarious dark comedy! Terrific lines (like the one used as the title for this review.) Janney excellent, but the stars were the supporting players: Awkwafina, Wanda Sykes, Ellen Barkin, Juliette Lewis and especially Bridgette Everett, who tore her scenes to shreds and owned this movie in limited action. If you don't normally enjoy this genre, you will either not like this movie or simply won't get it. If you do, enjoy the sarcasm, satire, and mean- spirited fun. Don't laugh too loud - you'll miss some great lines!
Eternal Beauty (2019)
"Life...is a state of mind."
Jerzy Kosinski said that. "People who label mental illness as comical are mentally ill." I said that. With that out of the way, here is my review... Excellent sets, cinematography, score, editing and writing enhanced Sally Hawkins' terrific performance. (Usually, I am unimpressed with her.) The 2 songs, "Blue Skies" and "Blood Red River," were perfect choices. If you're going into this movie in search of a laugh riot, this is not it. If you watch it and find it to be a laugh-a-thon, please seek professional help. Rating: 9 out of 10 stars.
Hillbilly Elegy (2020)
Like books, huh? Read the dictionary.
Look up the word "adaptation." I think you'll find that it means a changing to fit a particular situation; an adjustment. That is what an ADAPTED screenplay is. It is NOT the book. How can people be so silly as to go into a movie expecting to see the book? It has been ALTERED. Take it for what it is. "Hillbilly Elegy" is a good movie with good acting and realistic, although cliched, scenarios. Oh yeah, Amy Adams was great, the make-up was awesome and can someone please give Glenn Close her Oscar?! If you do not like my review, go read a book and prepare to trash the next adapted screenplay you see.
1917 (2019)
I Usually Hate War Movies, however...
1917 wasn't your average, soldiers-are-heroes, flag-waving, god-bless-the-military, good-guy-vs.-bad-guy, propaganda piece. This was a cinematic work of art. Roger Deakins is a god among men and will win his second Oscar. Thomas Newman deserves his first for his soaring, amazing score. Dennis Gassner's sets, well - no words. George McKay was terrific in the lead role and the supporting players were all excellent.
I once read that the top two reasons people go to the movies are to laugh and to scream. Those are probably the blithering idiots who gave this film one star, calling it "boring." You people have no idea what you just watched.
Cats (2019)
Cat on a Not-so-Hot Tin Roof
This film was exactly what I expected. The costumes, sets and make-up were terrific, the visual effects were decent and Jennifer Hudson owned "Memory." Judi Dench was spectacular as always, saying everything with her eyes. I loved Ian McKellan's limited role. The rest was difficult to endure: long, drawn-out production numbers of very cheesy Broadway tunes, Jason Derulo's horrible singing, Taylor Swift's even worse singing (and getting A-list billing,) James Corden's unfunny performance and Rebel Wilson inability to keep her legs closed. Overall, the first half was very rough, but the movie was saved by Hudson, Dench, McKellan and the marvelous eye candy.
The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019)
The Redneck Rain Man
This movie had such promise. The first 45 minutes were funny, sweet, sad, touching - everything I thought it would be. The second half turned into a dumbed-down, redneck, rasslin' in the back yard, beer drinkin', rollin' around in dirt, crap show. Explain how a kid with Downs Syndrome goes days with his medication. Explain why no one, including his healthcare professional, doesn't stop the wrestling match when he is getting beat up. Explain how that same healthcare professional would just leave her car, get on a raft with the kid and a total stranger and travel down the river. Explain how, no matter how strong he is, a kid could lift a man who weighs at least 280 pounds, over his head, locking out his elbows, and then send him flying, literally flying, into the air. Finally, explain how a ward of the state is allowed to cross the state line and go live in Florida. See what I mean about dumbed-down? What was Rule #1 when this movie was finally over? Party.
The Irishman (2019)
What are we celebrating?
I love De Niro, Pacino, Pesci and Scorsese. I love really good old age make-up, good acting, great sets, period costumes, tunes that set the mood of the era, and fine cinematography. This film contained all of these elements. What it didn't have was believability, for one. De Niro and Pacino, well into their 70s, were playing guys in their 40s to 50s. The special effects used to "de-age" them, and Pesci, were ridiculous. It made De Niro look like Yul Brenner from the original West World. And Pesci calling De Niro "kid?" Gimme a break! Okay, another issue was the very forgettable, cardboard cutout, cliched cast. Paquin walked through scenes like a zombie, Romano is a t.v. actor who belongs on t.v., Cannavale and Keitel didn't have enough screen time and everyone else, like I said, was forgettable. Thirdly, the 3 1/2 hours running time seemed longer than that. Long films are fine, if they're good, if they move along and if they are interesting. This one was slow and plodding, featuring silly, nonsensical exchanges and scenarios. There were scenes that could have easily been chopped. Heck, the director and three leads would all have to take two bathroom breaks each if they sat through this. The Irishman may very well be Scorsese, De Niro and Pacino's celebrated last hurrah, however, is it being celebrated for what it is, or for who they are?
Good Boys (2019)
Don't blame the movie!
Okay, so here's the reality: Pubescent boys experiment with dirty language and are probably horny 24/7. Don't blame Hollywood or politics or society if you can't handle that or don't know how to talk to your kids about it. It's not the fault of a movie or its producers, writers or stars if you didn't research it before taking the family to a Saturday matinee. Remember "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" from 1967, with its shocking subject matter (for its day?) I bet some of your parents and grandparents reacted then the same way you are reacting now. Times change, what is socially acceptable changes and people change and grow - just like the characters in the hilariously written story. If you think the movie sucked because it wasn't funny or boring, etc., I get that. But, to totally dismiss it because you can't handle modern times? Don't blame the movie! (Bean Bag Boyz for Life!)
The Mountain (2018)
Why, Tye, Why?
Poor Tye Sheridan. The kid is appearing in such weak films since he became an adult. As a juvenile, he showed such promise with "The Tree of Life," "Mud," and "Joe." Since then, he's chosen haughty, boring, moody, artsy crap like "Entertainment" and "The Mountain." I'm not saying Sheridan needs to be a movie star for the popcorn-munching idiots, but it would be nice to see him featured in a film where he could again show his acting talent. It would be a shame if he were to end up like Emile Hirsch, for instance. (Oh, "The Mountain" was the epitome of a borefest!)
Vice (2018)
A Dick Indeed
I always knew that "President Cheney" was one of the biggest terrorists in history and "George the Idiot" was the biggest joke ever played on the American public, so this film really told me nothing new. With that said, politics aside, Christian Bale and Sam Rockwell nailed it. Amy Adams could upset Regina King on Oscar night. Oh, and Greg Cannom is a genius! The movie isn't a comedy, it's more of a tragedy that's comical. (By the way...Isn't it ironic that the two categories Vice is expected to win, MAKEUP and FILM EDITING, are being given out during the commercials? Leave it to the old, rich, white Academy members to sweep the dirt under the rug.)
Permanent (2017)
I'm 14 all over again!
Arquette's hilarious performance leads a cast of unknowns (except Wilson) through 1982, small-town Virginia. The writing is spot on and the characters (many local, untrained actors) are as believable as can be. Nena Daniels, a local, steals every scene she's in. This is not a typical 80s, Hollywood, high school angst movie. There is nothing Hollywood about it and school life is only half the story. The other half is family - your family - no matter how quirky, weird or embarrassing they may be. If you went to middle school or high school during this period - like me - absolutely everything in this film will strike a chord. You will watch it and say, "I knew a kid like that! I had a teacher like that! My parents, my weird neighbor, our kitchen, my school, those eye glasses, those outfits, those horrible hairdos, the local beauty college, the goofy townspeople - I remember that stuff!"
*****10 stars for 90 minutes of quirky fun and memories (and 3 minutes of School House Rocks!)*****
Mom and Dad (2017)
"I don't get it." Well, too bad.
'Mom and Dad' is a twisted, maniacal, hilarious, original, outrageous, WTF black comedy that asks no questions and provides no answers.
This is one of those movies that doesn't lay things out for popcorn-munching idiots. You know, movies set up as if to say, "This is when you're supposed to laugh. This is when you're supposed to cry. This is going to be a scary part. This is the happy ending part where everything is explained to you."
What was happening with televisions, computers, hospital equipment, etc.?
Was Nicolas Cage's character a nut job before the whole thing started?
What drove parents to want to kill their own children?
In the end, tied up in the cellar, did Mom and Dad 'come back' or were they still intent on killing their kids?
The answer to all these questions: Who knows?
My interpretation: Who cares?
'Mom and Dad' is 90 minutes of pure fun, with Nicolas Cage owning every scene. Its as if 'Suburbicon' married 'Get Out' and the wedding was officiated by the Coen Brothers.
Hey, whatever. Interpret it for yourself!
Lucky (2017)
The Man in the Moonshine
Have you ever seen 1999's "The Straight Story," directed by David Lynch? Do you remember the character played by Wiley Harker? This film could be a fictional account of that character's life.
Instead, it is a love letter and a tribute to the life and times of one of the greatest real-life characters ever, the late Harry Dean Stanton.
The film is simple, straight forward and less than 90 minutes long. You won't find action, adventure, visual effects, sordid affairs, chase scenes or laugh-out-loud humor. You will find a man, alone, sometimes scared, set in his ways, living
his simple, daily life on his own terms. He doesn't try to impress anyone - and neither does this film. It is what it is - take it or leave it - like it or not.
Stanton is, of course, excellent, as are the supporting players. The soundtrack is gratifying - highlighted by Stanton himself singing "Volver, Volver" in Spanish at a 10-year-old's birthday party. ("The Man in the Moonshine" is the other great track - at the end of the credits.)
Overall, whether you liked Harry Dean Stanton or not, this film is a perfect celebration of his life!
(10 out of 10 stars)
The Shape of Water (2017)
Hands Labyrinth
Okay, first, the good stuff:
The sets (which deserve an Oscar) and the cinematography were eye-poppingly-amazing. Desplat's score was moving and beautiful. Richard Jenkins stole every scene he was in - as always.
Now, the bad stuff:
Sally Hawkins masturbating in the bath every single morning while the eggs are boiling (hence the title of this review) added nothing to the story. Michael Shannon buying a new car added nothing to the story. The Astaire-Rogers, song-n-dance, black-n-white dream sequence completely ruined any magic that had been established.
Look, I know this is a fantasy, but, fish sex, really? Not only that, she went to work and played kiss-n-tell, describing the fish dick to Octavia Spencer (who, sadly, has become typecast.) The writing was just weak. Every character was a cliched, cardboard cutout. The love story read like a bad Harlequin Romance paperback meets The Creature from the Black Lagoon meets Splash meets Mr. Limpet.
Overall, I would say, if you are a serious filmophile, see this for the eye candy. That's all there really is to this fantasy.
If you are a lonely, looking-for-Mr. Right, 40-something dreamer, this could possibly be your favorite movie of all time.
Wakefield (2016)
WEAK-field
"Hi Honey - I'm home! And I've always been home! Surprise!"
This movie was ludicrous, a word whose definition is: so foolish, unreasonable, or out of place as to be amusing; ridiculous.
WEAK-field was just that.
A rich, privileged lawyer, with a beautiful house, wife and family, decides to take a vacation from life - in his own detached garage's attic, ten feet from his family.
For a movie that spanned a few months, Bryan Cranston ended up looking like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
He scrounged for food, shoes and other necessities in garbage cans, dumpsters and neighbors' trash, yet, he had a wallet full of money and a nice watch.
The whole special-needs kids angle was manipulative and unnecessary.
He watched his crying wife, bitchy mother-in-law and teen daughters live without him - with everything happening either in the driveway or in front of 2 or 3 big windows without drapes.
Speaking of windows... Why did no one ever happen to glance up and catch him out of the corner of their eye?
Why did the cops only visit the house once, and, why didn't they search the property? The guy was in the freakin' attic!
Finally, why, one day around Christmas time, does he decide to go back?
This movie was indeed ludicrous and weak(field.)
Money Monster (2016)
Money for Nothing
Ugh - what a letdown!
Jodie Foster, whom I love, needs to get back in front of the camera if she is going to continue to direct predictable, poorly written, movies-for-the-masses filled with over-used, unbelievable scenarios, cardboard cut-out characters and clichés fit for television.
Money Monster was just that. It seems that most of the budget was spent on Clooney and Roberts, while skimping on the writing and the other bland, boring, bad actors.
This is not "A Movie for Our Times." Rather, it was a waste of time.
To quote Bob Dylan: "I see people who are supposed to know better standing 'round like furniture."
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)
Craptastic Waste and Where to Find It
Okay, so I watched this just to see the Oscar winning costumes and Oscar nominated production design, hoping I would find more. I didn't. Colleen Atwood's and Stuart Craig's work was awesome. Otherwise, this was total crap. It was overblown dreck; so full of itself that it forgot to tell a watchable story. Eddie Redmayne was out of place, as were Colin Farrell, Samantha Morton and Jon Voight. Voight has become nothing more than a washed-up, irrelevant actor, willing to do anything for a paycheck. Morton and Farrell are so much better than this. The visual effects were nothing new or spectacular and the "cute, little beasts" were ugly and irritating. James Newton Howard's score was just average.
So, other than the sets and wardrobe, this movie sucked. Two stars for Atwood, two stars for Craig, zero for the rest of this silliness.
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk (2016)
Misfire!
Two-time Oscar winner Ang Lee + two-time Oscar winner John Toll + Mychael Danna's score + Mark Friedberg's sets + Steve Martin = a good film, right? Not even close.
This take on a true story came off as a made-for-broadcast-television movie. All of the talent associated with this project stooped down to Vin Diesel level - and that's pretty low.
Chris Tucker was over-the-top irritating - as usual. Heavier since his last on-screen performance 4 years ago, he looked like Rodney Peete and E.T. had a baby and named it Chris.
The makers of this mess either couldn't, or wouldn't, use the name "Dallas Cowboys" or their logo. They also couldn't or wouldn't use the name "Jerry Jones." Speaking of Jerry Jones, the WORST part was the casting of Steve Martin in the role. What the bleep where they - or he - thinking?
Finally, of course, there was the "band of brothers" propaganda. Gotta recruit the kids who feel they have no other choice in life but to join the military. You can't forget to leave that crap out.
"I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." Gimme a break!
This sucked...3 out of 10 stars...and that's pushing it.
The Confirmation (2016)
I tried to like it, but...
"The Confirmation" tried waaaaay too hard to cover all the bases - and missed every one. If Bob Nelson, the writer/director, had just focused on, say, three aspects, the movie might have been better. Instead, this movie tried to deal with divorce, step-parents, science nerds, alcoholism, meth heads, burglary, kids playing with guns, dead beat dads, questioning the validity of the Catholic church, scary priests, unemployment, eviction, teaching your kid to box, your kid teaching you to play video games, different music styles, car repairs, being stopped by the cops, trespassing, daddy issues that are solved in 1 day - it goes on and on. Jaeden Lieberher, the kid from "St. Vincent," was much better in that than this. Maria Bello has always been a second-rate actress and proved it once again by standing around like furniture. Clive Owen, who I like, tends to make bad choices - quite often. This was one of them. His accent changed from sentence to sentence and there was no chemistry whatsoever between him and the kid. Patton Oswalt, Robert Forster and Matthew Modine were a waste of space. I tried to like this movie - I really tried. Unfortunately, it was just too clichéd and too crowded with unbelievable scenarios and weak acting.
What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
It Sucked (in a good way)
Christopher Guest is alive and well and living in New Zealand! This mockumentary is absolutely funny as hell. The gore scenes are over-the-top and outrageously silly - because they're supposed to be. The arguing with roommates scenes and petty jealously scenarios are downright hilarious. This movie is not a technical marvel, however the make-up is very good. If you're looking for eye-popping cinematography, a moving score or Oscar-worthy acting, you won't find it here. The star of this film is the writing. It carries every scene, much like Christopher Guest's "This is Spinal Tap," "Best in Show" and "A Mighty Wind." One such example was the thumping coffin lid - brilliant. Another was the May-December romance at the end. "What We Do in the Shadows" is slowly becoming a cult classic, is the funniest movie of 2015 (USA) and is one of my favorite movies of the year!
The Young and Prodigious T.S. Spivet (2013)
On the fence on this one
Movies told through the eyes of a child - movies that capture the joy and wonderment of childhood - simply warm me to the bone. I love 'em. Three of the best ever are Millions from 2005 and The Cure from 1995 and E.T. from 1982. With that said, T.S. Spivet tried hard, but just didn't do it for me. It was good, held my attention and moved along nicely, but there was just something missing. The story was rather silly and filled with plot holes, but I tried to excuse that because a kid was telling us the story. Judy Davis was very good, but Helena Bonham Carter was too old for her role. Kyle Catlett, our little brainiac T.S., was engaging, but came across as a bit irritating at times. The cinematography, sets and score were excellent, by the way. I would recommend this movie for kids - not their parents who may be trying to recapture the magic of growing up. (6.5 stars out of 10)
Gran Torino (2008)
Eastwood is a joke!
This movie can be summed up with one thought: Dirty Harry and Archie Bunker had a baby. The writing is ridiculously clichéd and the acting is performed by mannequins. Worst of all, Dirty Archie tries to sing: "Engines hum and bitter dreams grow. Heart locked in a Gran Torino." Gimme a break! The Hmong-Americans should be ashamed to have let this man exploit their community for his own personal agenda. The big shoot-out scene at the end looks like something from a police training course, where cardboard figures appear in every window and doorway. Don't shoot - he's only reaching for his lighter! Making a movie like this, it's no wonder this man talks to furniture at political conventions. Get off my lawn, huh? Get off my movie screen!