coneicus Reviews

Justin Bieber feat. Ludacris: Baby (2010 Music Video)

MY FAVORITE SONG!

[10/10 · 3 December 2022]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I CAN CONFIRM THAT THIS IS THE PSYCHOPATH ANTHEM. EVERY MORNING WHEN THE PSYCHOPATH CONE SOLDIERS RISE, THEY LISTEN TO THIS SONG. ROSE ICUS DIVORCED ME AND TOOK THE KIDS, BUT AFTER LISTENING TO THIS SONG, A NEW BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SHOWED UP IN MY LIFE. HER NAME? CONE ICA! AND SHE UNDERSTANDS MY LOVE FOR JUSTIN BIEBER. SHE IS MY BEAUTIFUL PSYCHOTIC BABY. ALSO, THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHEN I PULLED A BEAUTIFUL JUSTIN BIEBER STOCKING OUT OF A BAG. THEN...IT GOT STOLEN BY SOME SKELETON MAN! I HAD TO GET IT BACK, SO I CONSULTED A MUSHROOM MAN WHO SENT ME ON A QUEST TO FIND A WISE MAGICIAN. THAT MAGICIAN WAS ABLE TO GET MY STOCKING BACK. I THANKED HIM BY TELLING HIM HE DOESN'T SUCK!

Leo the Lion (2005 Video)

VEGETARIAN ICUS

[10/10 · 13 November 2022]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT YOU SHOULDN'T EAT MEAT. YOU SHOULD CUT IT, AND EAT THE MEAT'S SOUL. SOULS ARE CRUNCHY AND DELICIOUS. THEY TASTE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY GOOD. YOU KNOW WHAT ISN'T GOOD? ROSE ICUS. SHE TOOK MY KIDS AWAY FROM ME DURING OUR DIVORCE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS NONSENSE. TBH, WHO NEEDED KIDS ANYWAYS? THE ELEPHANT CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE BEEN POACHED. LOL. BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS REVIEW. I HAVE MOVED ON FROM ROSE, BUT SHE JOINED A PRIVATE GROUP THAT I AM THE LEADER OF, AND HARASSES ME CONSTANTLY. CONE ICA IS MY TRUE LOVE NOW. YOU'LL HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT, ROSE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS FILM SO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR CHILDREN TO HAVE A STEP-DAD THAT IS A PUNY VEGAN.

Matilda (1996)

CONE ICUS LOVES DANNY DEVITO!

[10/10 · 18 May 2022]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I CAM TELL YOU THAT DANNY DEVITO IS A BRILLIANT BUSINESSMAN. HE KNOWS HOW TO RAISE HIS CHILDREN WELL! EXCEPT FOR MATILDA BECAUSE SHE IS DUMB WHILE DANNY IS SMART! MATILDA IS TOTALLY WRONG! UGH! STUPID CHILDREN! KINDA REMINDS ME OF THE CHILDREN ROSE TOOK FROM ME! I AM WITH A BETTER PERSON NOW WHO WILL HELP ME RAISE CHILDREN TO GROW UP AND BE LIKE DANNY! IN FACT, WE ARE GOING TO BUY A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF DANNY DEVITO FOR OUR LIVINGROOM! IF I WERE MATILDA, I WOULD USE THOSE PSYCHOKINETIC POWERS FOR MUCH WORSE THAN BRINGING A KID BACK THAT WAS THROWN OUT THE WINDOW. ONCE A KID GETS YEETED OUT THE WINDOW, THAT KID SHOULD JUST STAY YEETED. I HAVE PSYCHOKINETIC POWERS MYSELF, AND TRUST ME. I STEAL ALL THE PIZZA AND PULL EVERY PRANK I CAN. #PSYCHOPATH #PSYCHOKINESIS.

Cool Cat Saves the Kids (2015)

THE COOL CONE REVIEWS COOL CAT!

[10/10 · 19 October 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, THIS FILM HAS BROUGHT ME JOY. I FEEL WARMTH WHEN I SEE A CHILD WITH A GUN. I THINK ALL CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE GUNS FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. MY KIDS HAD GUNS AND THAT WENT REALLY WELL. THE BULLY STOLE THE CANDY, WHICH IS WHAT I DO IN MY SPARE TIME. (I CAPTURE PEOPLE FULL TIME, BUT WHEN I'M NOT, I AM STEALING ALL THE CANDY FROM THE ORPHANS) MY EX-WIFE ROSE HATED COOL CAT, WHICH IS WHY I WANTED A DIVORCE. COOL CAT SOUNDS LIKE A POLITICIAN WHO IS RUNNING TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER'S ADMINISTRATION. HE SAYS HE LOVES ALL KIDS, WHICH HE DOES NOT. HE IS A LIAR JUST LIKE ME. BTW, IF HE LOVED ALL KIDS, HE WOULD HAVE USED THE KIDS AS TARGET PRACTICE SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE WORLD AND WATCH THE DESTRUCTION OF EARTH. MY NEW WIFE CONE ICA (OTHER THAN BEING JUSTIN BIEBER'S #2 FAN-#1 IS ME) IS AN ENVIRONMENTALIST. SHE LOVES THE PLANET BECAUSE SHE COULD DESTROY IT WITH ME. THE CHILDREN OF EARTH HAVE NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO HERE, WHICH IS WHY ALL OF THE COOL KIDS ARE GOING TO MARS.

Fateful Findings (2013)

I FOUND THIS FILM AND WAS INSPIRED TO HACK MY EX'S COMPUTER!

[10/10 · 4 September 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I LOVED THIS FILM. I LOVED THE SUICIDE, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED OBVIOUSLY. WHEN SHE SHOT THE CAR FULL OF HOLES...I WAS SHOCKED! I LOVE THIS FILM. THIS FILM GAVE ME THE STRENGTH TO PURSUE A CAREER AS A PROFESSIONAL HACKER. I HACK ONLY FOR PSYCHOTIC PURPOSES. MY EX WIFE ROSE'S COMPUTER WAS HACKED BY ME SO I COULD SEND HER EVIL MESSAGES THAT WILL DISPLAY ON HER SCREEN TOMORROW MORNING WHEN SHE WAKES UP. I CAN'T WAIT!

Edit: OMG! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON HER FACE! SHE WAS SO SCARED!

Edit 2: SHE WASN'T SCARED! SHE WAS JUST PRETENDING TO ANNOY ME!

Edit 3: Hey. It's Rose here. I hacked into Cone's computer long ago to make sure he doesn't hack me.

Edit 4: mmmmmWHHHHAATTT?

Edit 5: Yes, Cone. Now just please stop this.

Edit 6: NO! I WILL NOT STOP!

Edit 7: I'm done with all of this from you two. I am putting an end to this conversation!

*Edward Snowden has disabled editing*

Caillou Gets Grounded: The Movie (2017)

CONE ICUS APPROVES OF PSYCHOPATHS!

[10/10 · 29 August 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I CAN TELL YOU THAT THIS FILM MEETS MY STANDARDS. THIS FILM IS WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IN MY LIFE. I STILL FEEL LIKE I'M NOT WORTHY OF VIEWING SUCH A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. I THOUGHT THIS WAS A JOKE, BUT THEN REALIZED MY PSYCHOPATHIC TENDENCIES ARE NOTHING ON THIS FILM. I HAVE SEEN THE FULL POTENTIAL OF THE PSYCHOPATH GODS, AND THEY HAVE TAUGHT ME HOW TO TREAT MY BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN, WHICH ARE IN MY EX-WIFE'S CUSTODY!

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011)

CONE ICUS-JB'S #1 FAN!

[10/10 · 28 August 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I REALLY ENJOYED THIS MOVIE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND, CONE ICA! THE MOVIE ITSELF WAS EQUIVALENT TO WATCHING THE FACE OF GOD FOR 105 MINUTES! I THEN DECIDED TO SURPRISE MY NEW WIFE CONE ICA WITH JUSTIN BIEBER TICKETS WHILE ON OUR HONEYMOON! WE SAW JUSTIN BIEBER IN CONCERT, WHICH IS WHEN IT ALL WENT DOWNHILL. THE LEAD SINGER OF METALLICA SHOWED UP AND MURDERED JB ON STAGE AND WE WERE BY HIS SIDE WHEN HE DIED. OUR KIDS ARE TRAUMATIZED BECAUSE JUSTIN BIEBER IS THEIR IDOL BY CHOICE. WE DID NOT FORCE OUR KIDS TO LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER AT ALL!

Donkey Kong Country (1997–2000)

CONE ICUS IS BANANAS FOR THIS SHOW!

[10/10 · 28 August 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I CAN TELL YOU THAT THIS SHOW WAS DEVELOPED BY A WHOLE TEAM OF THEM! THIS SHOW HAS THE BEST PLOTS AND IS A SHOW THAT ONLY INTELLECTUALS COULD UNDERSTAND! ROSE TOOK THE KIDS WITH HER! HOWEVER, I NOW HAVE CONE ICA WHO WILL EAT CHERRY ICE CREAM AND WATCH THIS SHOW WITH ME! DONKEY KONG SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO REDEEM HIMSELF FOR HIS OBVIOUS ACTIONS THAT HE DID. THAT IS THE ONLY THING I DISLIKE ABOUT THIS SHOW. I'LL STILL GIVE IT 10 STARS!

Back to the Future (1985)

BEST TIME TRAVEL MOVIE OUT THERE

[10/10 · 25 April 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I AGREE WITH THE FARMER SHOOTING THE GUN AT THE ALIEN MAN. I ALSO LOVE DOC BROWN BECAUSE HE REMINDS ME OF MYSELF. ESPECIALLY THAT ONE TIME I PULLED A BIG BRAIN MOVE ON WALGREEN'S AT 1:03 AM. I PULLED UP IN MY DELOREAN AND BOUGHT A POSTER OF MYSELF. I REALLY WISH MY DELOREAN COULD TIME TRAVEL, THOUGH. I'D GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP MYSELF FROM PLAGIARIZING FINDING NEMO. MAYBE ROSE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME. WHERE WAS DOC WHEN I NEEDED HIM MOST?

Finding Nemo (2003)

GREAT STUFF, SHARKS ARE COOL

[10/10 · 25 April 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I RELATE TO THE SHARKS, THE GIRL THAT SHAKES THE FISH, AND THE GUY THAT CAPTURES FISH. I TRIED TO CAPTURE SOMEONE IN A FOREST ONCE, AND BOY...HE WAS TOO POWERFUL. *CREE* OH YEAH, AND MY WIFE LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T TELL JOKES. I PLAGIARIZED MARLIN, WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD BE COOL. SHE DIDN'T LIKE IT. AND NOW, WE ARE DIVORCED AND SHE WATCHED FINDING DORY IN THEATERS WITH MY KIDS WITHOUT ME.

Joshua and the Promised Land (2003 Video)

THIS FILM WAS DUPED OUT OF AN OSCAR

[10/10 · 25 April 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH, I WAS NEVER BROUGHT UP RELIGIOUS. HOWEVER, THIS FILM CONVERTED ME. I NOW BELIEVE IN SATAN AND SATAN ONLY. THIS FILM IS SO STUNNING AND PROVIDED ME A GOOD TIME WHEN MY WIFE ROSE LEFT ME. GETTING A CALL FROM MY EX. BRB. NVM, I HATE THIS FILM BECAUSE ROSE LEFT ME...TO GET WITH JIM LION HIMSELF. IF I HAD KNOWN HE WAS SINGLE, I'D HAVE GOTTEN WITH HIM INSTEAD!!!! SO YEAH, MY EX APPARENTLY LOVES THIS FILM, TOO.

Boohbah (2003)

BOOHBAH, A TV SHOW FOR KIDS DEVELOPED BY A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH

[10/10 · 25 April 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH MYSELF, I CAN TELL YOU THIS IS WHAT I THINK ABOUT DAILY. I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING ILLEGAL TO MY HEAD, BUT IF I DID...THIS IS WHAT I WOULD EXPERIENCE IN A MORE POWERFUL FORM. BOOHBAH IS CREATED BY PSYCHOPATHS FOR BREEDING PSYCHOPATHS. MY CHILDREN LOVE THIS SHOW. SADLY, THEY ARE WITH THEIR MOTHER ROSE MOST OF THE TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG AND WHY SHE WON'T LET ME SEE MY KIDS. THEY WILL WATCH THIS SHOW ANY CHANCE THEY GET. EVEN WHEN THEIR STEP-DAD IS WITH THEM INSTEAD OF ME.

Titanic (1997)

CONE ICUS REVIEW OF TITANIC!!

[10/10 · 25 April 2021]

AS A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOPATH LIKE MYSELF, I FELL IN LOVE WITH JACK AND ROSE. MOSTLY ROSE BECAUSE MY EX GIRLFRIEND'S NAME WAS ROSE UNTIL SHE LEFT ME. SHE CHANGED HER NAME AND GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME. BUT THAT'S OK. WHO'S COMPLAINING? I CAN WATCH THE GLORY OF THE TITANIC SINKING ALL BY MYSELF. I ALSO LOVE CELINE DION. SHE HAS THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL.