Vincent_B Reviews

Zombeavers (2014)

How Sad IMDb! You guys took this movie serious?

[8/10 · 25 May 2015]

Excellent horror spoof to view with your friends. The production quality is actually rather well done using puppetry and makeup instead of resorting to low grade CGI effects. This movie is not to be taken serious at all. It has all the elements of those raunchy rowdy horror movies of the 80s that was all about guys and half naked girls getting killed in a backwoods cabin.

There was a lot of campy dialog but two of the funniest conversations is Smyth the hunter and Myrne Gregorson. I applaud Rex Linn for his over the top "creeper hunter" Smyth. His role might be a bit part but his conversation with girls was funny. I believe this should have a higher rating but some people here can't tell horror from spoof comedy.

Left Behind (I) (2014)

"Airport 2014" Disaster Movie Cheese

[1/10 · 29 January 2015]

This wasn't a big budget movie, more like made for cable or direct to video. I am surprised they not only got Nicolas Cage and Lea Thompson to appear, I was also astonished that the film was shown in theaters. Low budget, poor effects, dialog, and daytime soap acting are not the only plagues upon this film.

I am not here to preach about various religious beliefs or the beliefs of atheists. I know for a fact, not all Christians believe or promote the idea of a rapture. There are many views among Christians regarding the rapture which is never mentioned in the Bible. The older Christian denominations do not believe that a group of people is left behind on earth. This is a fairy-tale, only told by the evangelistic movement.

But I can suspend my disbelief for some good fiction any day. However this is not good fiction. It is at best a disaster movie with a Christian candy wrapper on it. Take away the rapture and toss in the "alien abduction theory" and you have the same poorly made disaster film. The movie has no message or hidden agenda or meaning, other than to make some money.

Some of these reviews said it was promoting religion, but not once was anyone told what must be done to become a Christian. I found the hospital scene very curious saying that 100% of all the children were taken. Catholics and various other religions believe even as a child we are born into sin. It amazed me that no children were left behind. They tacked on a 17 and under clause in there. In my opinion, the movie was created to generate profits not convert anyone.

This is not the first stinker that was funded by a religious movement. "Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)" and "The Jupiter Menace (1983)" was also created by them.

Absolute Zero (2006 TV Movie)

Zero? Yes! But One Dimensional Characters Abound

[1/10 · 22 January 2015]

None of the characters have any depth, back story, or motive. The dialog was written by a child. The entire movie lacked any action. It was like watching a rock and waiting for it to move.

1. Dr. David Kotzman returns from the expedition where he and Dr. Aldaron found some cave paintings. He walks into Dr. Veet's office and asks him, "What happened down there?". Really? Dr. Veet didn't go on the expedition, how would he know anything more than Dr. Kotzman?

2. Nerds in love, AJ Carmichael and Phillip (no last name) sit in a truck and ask each other, "You got any family?". Not only are they both without living relatives, they both are dirt-bags when it comes to pets.

3. Both Sophie and her daughter Bryn show no remorse for the dearly departed spouse and father. I suppose they knew Dr. David Kotzman was replacement dad. Also Bryn is said to be 8 but the actress at the time of filming was 12 and it really shows.

4. Pointless, dull, and dimwitted is the only way to describe the action or suspense. At the beginning some lifeless characters are tossed about in a quake. One man falls into the crack after warning others to stay back. The climactic ending is people running for a door as a timer reaches zero. Dull conversation and news stories cover events without disaster.

5. Science is never wrong, is said too much in this movie. Almost as much as the title is mentioned. Science is not wrong or right. The line isn't used to make any point other than, to tell the audience, "This movie is never wrong.". To illustrate; I have issue on one scene, where the nerds are typing on a PC in a building without power to restore the power. I don't know how to restore power to office buildings, but I don't think you run upstairs and type on a PC. I would think it requires maintenance men to go fix and repair fuses and wires in someplace like the basement?

I watched this on Netflix because I was bored. I need to remember to cancel my Netflix account.

Oblivion (I) (2013)

Predictable Average Sci-Fi Flick

[5/10 · 2 January 2015]

This movie was a little too easy to figure out and has issues with character motivation. Too many clues are given to the plot in the first few minutes to think otherwise.

Lots of visual "eye candy" make up this film. But I am not entertained by a two hour fireworks display either. Over all this could have been told in an hour on TV such as the Outer Limits or Twilight Zone.

A few scenes in the movie seemed like forced acting. For example; A lot of Vics scenes lacked motivation. Jack's deception at the end seemed rather lame. No Oscar performances here.

It is worth a look, if you have nothing else to do. It is better than just sitting around picking your nose. Here are some of the movies "flaws" if you want to call it that.

DEAD GIVE AWAYS: I am immediately made suspicious of any "superiors" who demand a mind wipe for being the janitor and repair man. Jack and Vic never seem to question the Tech 49 and Tower 49 naming convention for the only 2 people remaining on a dying world. Finally I find is very odd that anyone or anything can copy a human flawlessly, however can't completely remove those memories. Alien AI never heard of geostationary satellite orbit, but then again they had to orbit the planet the to talk to the countless other Jacks and Victorias.

Fright Night (2011)

Build Up for a Let Down

[5/10 · 30 December 2014]

I am not going to compare this movie to the original release, simply because the original film was there first before the remake. Everyone likes originality.

This movie fails all on its own. The vampire kills his local neighbors. Where was this vampire on day one of "vampire 101" class? Every decent vampire out there knows you hunt victims away from home and bring them to your lair. You don't incite the neighbors with dumpsters. Above all else you don't stare at people like you are some serial killer pedophile stalker. That is all he does in the film is stare at them.

About 90% of the movie is just suspense moments and I would file it under suspense, not comedy and not horror. Nothing very funny happens, nothing real scary occurs, and the action (if you call it that) is in the last 20 to 30 minutes of the film. Touchstone is Disney so it is vampire with lite-horror moments. Honestly if they toned it down they could of got the PG-13 rating they were shooting for in the first place.

The only redeeming character was the spoof on Chris Angel. He didn't have a highly original role or background just the only one I cared about. Maybe the actor was just that good he could pull it off, but the rest of the cast I wouldn't give a job working on a TV commercial or maybe their role was too thin. Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Dave Franco was in the movie all too brief, so I really can't tell you anything from a cameo performances.

I didn't care for Colin Farrell's acting at all. It seemed like any moment, he was just going to pull a tub out in the middle of the neighborhood and bath in blood. He may not have been so bold as to state he was a vampire but he gave off creeper vibes every time he talked to people. The only interesting scene was him blowing up the house in a very unique way.

The movie by itself is just your below average vampire picture.

A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Actually Better Than Ted

[5/10 · 25 November 2014]

This Seth MacFarlane film is the same comedic style; sex, drugs, racism, and bathroom humor. So why did I say it is "better" than Ted?

Unlike Ted this adult humor film doesn't pander to children the same way that the man's cartoons and magic talking teddy bear does. Call me a prude, if you like. I have issue with anyone who wraps something visually attractive to a child, which in all reality is meant for an adult.

I see other people expected this movie to be a gut buster. I haven't found many old western comedies to be gut busters. This is not Mel Brook's "Blazing Saddles", John Astin "Evil Roy Slade", or even Don Knotts "The Shakiest Gun in the West". Even Kirk Douglas in "The Villain" is better than this camp. While all these movies and more have entertained, none are what I call a gut buster.

The plot is overtly obvious, the jokes are retold and recycled, but I appreciate the effort made by the cast and crew to make an adult western comedy. Most of the story is a love story or love triangle told inside a comedy. It seems they could not decide to be serious or funny, both seldom works. "Blazing Saddles" worked because nothing was taken serious right down to breaking the fourth wall.

I hope Mr. MacFarlane will continue to make adult comedies for the big screen and not adult cartoons on TV.

Ouija (II) (2014)

Nothing to Be Scared Of

[4/10 · 26 October 2014]

I was "abducted" by my friends to go see the movie a few hours ago and I am just getting back. I told them that I own an Ouija Board™ and have never been able to get it to function. The funniest thing about this item is its history. They were called "spirit boards" and regarded as a harmless parlor game unrelated to the occult until American Spiritualist Church founder Pearl Curran popularized its use to speak to the dead. So in effect, a Christian church made them popular. In the past, I have spoken to several members of the Spiritualist Church and they seem to have no clue about the history of their church and the board. They still practice speaking with the dead but reject the board due to popular beliefs.

Later in the mid 1960's, Parker Brothers took the trade name Ouija, which is French for yes and German for yes. They sold a few before the more popular horror movie "The Exorcist" came to the screen. After that event, churches and uninformed people began burning them and making up urban legends about the game board. So I find it ironic that a mere fictional movie caused all the hysteria and hype about this parlor game.

Now as to the movie, the board itself was no more than a prop for this movie. Much like the VHS tape was for "The Ring". It was more about a mentally disturbed mother who tortured her daughter. The movie was basically a jump scare film and only one caught me off guard, but it didn't scare me.

This week I have been watching some old 1980's horror movies like "Hell Raiser" now that is classic and very scary. They depend on old school effects and not computer generated ones. They used great makeup and well dress props besides having an original plots. I tried very hard to get my friends to stay at my house and watch some old classic horror movies on Netflix. In the end, they paid for my ticket and I would have had more fun staying home.

Gotham (2014–2019)

Completely Pointless

[3/10 · 4 October 2014]

You might as well watch any other police drama similar in nature to "The Shield" or "Criminal Minds". The writers fall upon Detective James Gordon meeting four of Gotham's future crime bosses in just one episode. In a city of millions, that is like winning the state lottery six times in a row.

Let's face it, the early teen years of Bruce Wayne and Gotham City is like watching the early years of Pompeii or a series called "The Building of the Titanic". This is just pointless and you shouldn't be seeing a young Bruce Wayne jumping into action.

I understand the focus is on James Gordon as a rookie detective, but again, he is not about to put on a mask and fight crime. It is only made worse when you realize, no matter what peril becomes him, he must always escape danger. That kind of character is dull and lifeless.

I know there are fans who will watch and cheer this show just because it is related in name only to the franchise. I ask you, please, take a step outside the box. View the pilot and episode two once more. This time without preconceived characters in any nameless city. Now ask yourself, if this show is any different from the countless other crime dramas offered?

Age of Tomorrow (2014 Video)

The Most Horrible Way to Die

[1/10 · 30 September 2014]

From the opening scene this movie it blows chunks. This movie is so bad you can watch the first 10 minutes, skip to the last 10 minutes and the rest is cannon fodder. Now that concludes my review of "The Age of Tomorrow". Should you care to stick around I am now going to give some major points as to why this movie is so lousy. The rest would be considered as "spoilers", if that were actually possible.

Opening scene, fireman and concerned father is driving on the LA freeway talking on his cell phone. California law bans all drivers from using hand-held cell phones while driving. Of course we then hear him tell his wife that he left the teenage daughter home with the dog and she will be just fine. After that he places another call to his juvenile daughter (still driving) and tells her not to come home drunk again. What an upstanding character for this movie!

Scene two has some very low budget military and we get to see the two name actors "Kelly Hu" and "Robert Picardo". Sadly they both look like they are in pain for taking Asylum's blood money, but they need to eat too. Apparently in this scene, physicists who are both employed by the Pentagon and are expected to arrive, don't have clearance to see Generals and are detained by security.

Dr. Gordon explains the asteroid one fourth the size of Earth's moon is going to collide with the Earth in just 48 hours. This is very typical of most movies to make killer asteroids much bigger than you need. Since the moon is roughly a few thousand miles wide that would mean the asteroid is about 500 miles wide and going to kill us regardless. We have no bomb big enough to blow up a rock that size.

The next scene is fireman Chris Meher and his buds at a fire. Either the firemen in the scene have jedi powers or someone tossed axes at them and they actually caught them. Firemen are not safety minded people in this movie. They proceed to rescue a woman from a burning building. Meher's partner breaks his leg and is carried back to safety while Meher returns to show off more awesome jedi powers by leaping out an exploding window on the sixth floor and landing with the victim on a parked car not even denting the trunk.

There are serious unrealistic acting flaws such as unprofessional character in both military and firemen. Such as whooping it up when you find out you are being paid $3 million to save your world from an asteroid collision. Whining about weapons to go on the mission. "Great we got tickets to the end of the world and we don't have any damn guns." The shuttle interior and spacesuits look like they were decorated by Doctor Victor Freeze. There is far too much gravity on the small asteroid there was no attempt to make the actors appear weightless. Later when the firemen and Major Blake are pinned down, Chris Meher states his plan to go rescue his teenage daughter. Two of his fellow firemen state his daughter is not worth it and she is not that cute.

Science and the laws of plausibility are chucked into a dumpster when the asteroid rescue team discovers that the asteroid is nothing more than a prelude for alien invasion. They get teleported to the alien homeworld yet can make some type of call for help. Assuming the alien homeworld is as close as 4 lightyears away such a signal would take longer than 4 years to reach Earth. The age old joke of removing your helmet and saying, "Good there is air here." hasn't made me laugh since forever.

Finally about 52 minutes into this movie there is a pathetic scene on the alien homeworld. Captain James Wheeler is freeing an unknown and healthy female captive and she is distraught and begs him to kill her. Everyone knows that people in a crisis think clearly so... the Captain stabs her slowly in the gut. Yes, he kills her in the most painful way imaginable. What a hero. Yet moments later he is faced with a fellow soldier who is obviously been tortured and dying who is denied the same sympathy or indifference.

Watching this whole movie is like getting stabbed in the gut by Captain James Wheeler.

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014 TV Movie)

Once Again, SyFy Excretes Yet Another One

[10/10 · 9 September 2014]

"Sharkcano" the story of how Michigan is attacked by flaming sharks when a nearby volcano erupts... no maybe not, but I can keep suggesting it right? This sequel to the masterpiece is without a doubt the best made for cable movie you will ever witness on the SyFy network. As Winston Churchill once said, "Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things." This movie is just like criticism, you will be in great pain. Yes, it is that awesome!

Some facts I learned while watching this movie. Alligators in New York sewers are a fact. The head of the Statue of Liberty is a lot smaller than I thought, roughly the size of a small truck. New York cab drivers are psychic. "Shark fall" can be measured by inches just like rain. Gun shops don't exist in New York but automatic rifles can be found in the trunks of any car. Lightening rods require schematics and have both positive and negative leads and don't just run to ground as I had assumed.

As I called the original a "freakish child" of Asylum Films and SyFy Network, it has spawned something that mere words cannot describe. It is as if a mutant child gave birth to a killer cyborg and it grew up to become ruler of the world. We can only hope and pray that this new creation will somehow spawn yet again another movie or maybe a short lived series.

Haven (2010–2015)

Put This Back in the Barn!

[4/10 · 4 September 2014]

This series is pretty typical work of the Syfy network. The premise is based on a small town in Maine called Haven, where some people get supernatural powers for unknown reasons. After a while you get the feeling you are watching some version of X-Men and Heroes mixed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You know the show you are viewing is in trouble when they start casting pro-wrestlers in the second season. I continued to watch up to the third season on Netflix but it refused to get better.

Saying the show is based on a murder mystery by Stephen King, is like saying, Gilligan's Isle was based on the Titanic. The dialog and plot go nowhere fast. They can't seem to pull off the "I've got a big secret." no matter how hard they try. The series has a lack of suspense. Almost all the problems are solved by talking them out. Very few seem to have ethical issues even when innocent lives have been lost.

So if you haven't watched Haven, you are not missing anything life altering or even thought provoking. I watched X-Files, Warehouse 13, and Eureka. This one pales by comparison to those shows. I would call Haven one better than a night time soap opera.

Werewolf: The Beast Among Us (2012 Video)

Much Better Than Expected

[7/10 · 14 July 2014]

Let's face it, werewolf movies saw a peak back in the early 80's with great titles like "American Werewolf in London" and "The Howling" before CGI replaced makeup, animatronics, and other special effects. I won't grade the movie on the use or quality of CGI.

However these movies didn't depend on the great special effects to carry the show. "Werewolf: The Beast Among Us" doesn't depend on special effects, tormenting gore, or other clichés to carry the show. The style is very well thought out and could take place just about anywhere. The era is steampunked to give your brain a rest as to when it is taking place. Accents are varied as much as ethnicity does. This adds to the "other world" quality of the format.

Acting and dialog are great, keeping the viewer pondering who the werewolf could actually be. In the end, the real twist on this plot is not the identity of the werewolf, but the all secrets kept and the final objective. I watch movies for content and story value, which this movie has plenty. If you don't mind a few jump scares and you are not into "eye candy" this movie is worth the look.

Witches of East End (2013–2014)

The Waste of East End

[1/10 · 6 July 2014]

Many have called this a carbon copy of "Charmed". I don't think it is a carbon copy, more like a color Xerox. The novel is actually quite a bit different but not much better. But I am not here to review the book, just the ten episodes I managed to endure on Netflix. I don't think I will bother with viewing season two.

First the dialog in this is horrible. I don't know anyone who attends a fancy engagement party and opens a conversation with blood sacrifices and satanic orgies. Most of the time the dialog has no subtext, it is flat and boring. There is so much repetition, in just the first few episodes, it gets hard to count how many times you hear someone say, "I lied." then the other person respond, "You lied to me?!". Finally exposition abounds in this series.

The characters are transparent as glass. The players are a bit too bland and obvious. There is no good guys to cheer for or evil villains to taunt. Most everyone are homicidal, nut jobs, vengeful associates, or partners trying to coerce each other. This is normal fodder for any daytime soap in my opinion.

Now as for similarities to "Charmed" two sisters who are not told of their true nature, suddenly find out they are magical creatures. They have evil past lives. Witches can't do just any old magic spell, they have special abilities. Sort of like "X-Men" they are portrayed more like mutants than witches. They live in a manor house similar in layout both interior and exterior right down to the color. Rules on magic are the same, spells of personal gain causes a backlash. A good criminal attorney is not only evil but immortal. I could go on but then I would have to attach a spoiler warning.

In the end, "Witches of East End" is a waste of time. As I said, I only endured the first season to write out an honest review. Many series can have a poor episode or two per season and I didn't want to base this only on the pilot or a scant few. This series is awful from start to finish.

When Aliens Attack (I) (2011 TV Movie)

Bad Speculative Documentary

[2/10 · 25 June 2014]

The title is what initially caught my eye. So I sat down to watch a "When Aliens Attack". Personally I try not to grade movies on bad CGI so I won't do that here either. However I didn't care for them running an endless loop or using stock footage of riots. I would have preferred they just interviewed the experts. I don't care for the "edutainment" value of their production.

Now on to the "experts" they interviewed. David Bartell seems to gravitate to the documentaries, he appears as a expert in several off the wall "what if" scenarios. As far as I know, he is a science-fiction writer and not an actual scientist or psychologist. The documentary has a serious lack of experts in any field of research. I would like to have heard from political sciences, astronomers, biologists, and sociologists. They make it sound like Dr. Stephen Hawking is part of the panel. Instead they quote one line from him and move on.

Nothing is expressed about plans other countries outside the US and UK might have. No scenarios are given for China, Korea, Japan, Egypt, etc.. Instead it plays out as another bad sci-fi movie where it is up to the US to save the day. And they don't even express a no win scenario. Apparently we can defeat anything given the ambition.

For the entire run time the viewer is told exactly how it would happen but is not told why it would have to happen this way. Survivalists are interviewed and give their opinions about food, water, etc. but this advice can be found in most boy scout manuals. They insist that resistance cells would reemerge and come up with terror attacks against the aliens.

The probability of this is extremely low, but I am not expressing any opinion on the topic matter. This is just bad production value. It contains no information any person with common wouldn't already know. Bad advice and ridiculous plans are given throughout this film. I would rather pop in any old 60's sci-fi movie over this any day of the week and you might learn more.

Neverland (2011)

Sucks the Fantasy Out Like a Vacuum

[1/10 · 16 June 2014]

This is a portal science version of Peter Pan. The story explains away all the fantasy with logic and reason. Instead of J.M. Barrie's "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning." You find an ancient scientific invention and get teleported to a planet called "Neverland".

Peter Pan the never-ending male child adventuring on the small island of Neverland as the leader of his gang, the Lost Boys, explained away as street gang of old England.

A Native American tribe found the device and poof! Pirates found the device and poof! Even the "fairies" are explained as the native lifeforms on the planet. Fairies don't need to be explained away by science, they are the stuff of childhood fantasy.

So after watching this on Netflix, I came to the decision this was written by the same mean man (Nick Willing) who you see in parks popping children's balloons, stealing their ice cream, and telling them there is no Tooth Fairy.

Peter Pan remains a great book for fathers and mothers to read to their children. Childhood fantasy is what makes us dream of better worlds and enhances the imagination. This movie is a stale "adult only" remake, made to suck the life and art out of the masterpiece.

Merlin (2008–2012)

First Episode is the Last

[1/10 · 5 June 2014]

Today I decided to give the series a look on Netflix. I am sorry I looked. First there is no effort made to make this appear set in days of old England. We see a clean, well dressed boy hiking through the woods and his clothing looks new and contemporary. This is suppose to be a younger version of Merlin.

Next we hear he is heading to Camelot.., wait what? Wasn't Camelot built and ruled by King Arthur and his knights of the round table? No. This one was built by Uther Pendragon and everyone was enjoying 20 years of peace. Beheading evil magicians and witches because they are bad. Maybe it is not the "real" Camelot? All the peasants looked very clean, there was a complete absence of filth.

Later in this first episode Merlin bumps into the King's son Arthur and... oh wait, he knew he was the king's son and the King had not died and left that sword in the stone? That's right! Next we see other people who shouldn't exist or exist in the wrong fashion. Lady Morgana you would know her as Arthur's half sister which he fathered Mordred. Thank God he didn't make an appearance!

Gwen was played by a black actress who was a maid, not a maiden, a house servant maid. Wasn't Gwen married to King Arthur and cheated on him with Sir Lancelot? Which at this point I thought Arthur was going to say to Merlin, "Dude! Let go down to the corner and hang with my best bud Lance.". Lance would then turn out to be of Asian decent.

Merlin then goes down to the dungeon to see the "evil" dragon imprisoned there by Uther. Cool! Not so cool, I try not to judge or rate CGI, but honestly people this looked like the dragon from the video game "Spyro". Paint it purple and orange and they would be twins! Then it told Merlin that it was his destiny to save Arthur and change the world.

Then minutes later Merlin saved Arthur. The End. What?? That is it? That was more than enough for me. I couldn't watch another episode knowing that this was no better than the ramblings of some 12 year-old child's version of the King Arthur and Merlin story.

Upside Down (I) (2012)

Good Visuals and Premise

[5/10 · 19 May 2014]

I guess I enjoyed the movie to a better degree than most. However inconsistencies in the story brought me back down to Earth. The writer couldn't get the facts straight. Matter heats and burns when brought to the opposite world unless cooled. This fictional "fact" could have been removed to make the script and story much easier to follow.

For example; stamps taken to the other world didn't start heating up like candles. Meanwhile metal bars used for weight (assuming lead) heated up in their world of origin? Did this really matter in the plot? No, it had no bearing on the plot and is the biggest flaw in the story.

The characters were under developed and "evil" corporation scenario is just too cliché. A better division between the realms would have been a conflict or war than the given rich versus poor. No matter what, you always have the rich and the poor.

The movie could have been better with some plot twists. Overall taking out the visuals, you just end up with a poor boy meets rich girl love story, and that has been told at least a thousand times over.

Space: 1999 (1975–1977)

Quasi Science at Its Best

[7/10 · 26 April 2014]

On September 13th, 1999, the Earth has stored nuclear waste on the Moon. Moonbase Alpha with a colony of over 300 is placed in grave danger. Magnetic radiation builds up on the base causing the Moon to blast out of the Earth's orbit, flying out into deep space. The moon colony is forced to face the unknown adventures in space on their moon, coming across strange new life forms and strange civilizations.

Silly science inaccuracies aside, the acting is better than average for any series in that era. The effects are also quite better than most offered on television in that whole decade. Even "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century", that came out a years after this one, didn't have much better effects or plots.

If you are not all discriminating about pseudo science, watch some Space:1999. I consider some of the episodes such as "Earthbound" to be a lot better than most of the original "Star Trek" series. The other space operas I equate this show with would be "Battlestar Galactica", "Lost in Space", "UFO" (same creator), and "Farscape". All held their fair share of viewers back in the day.

The Sorcerer and the White Snake (2011)

Not a Bad Movie, Poor Story Definition

[6/10 · 22 April 2014]

After watching this movie, I read what the original story and opera is actually about. I won't rate based on the original story. If you want the original, go read it or see an opera. I don't base my rating of this movie on its CGI. If you want "eye candy" go watch fireworks. This movie is a martial arts film with a great deal of action from the start. There are moments of comedy that I found very funny. Overall it is a forbidden love story.

I don't understand if the Buddhist monks are supposed to come off as being jerks and idiots or not. In the very first fight scene between White Snake (Shengyi Huang) and Abott Fahai (Jet Li) he issues an ultimatum to leave but gives Xu Xian (Raymond Lam) a dagger knowing it could kill Xu Xian's wife. White Snake, at this point in the story, has done no harm and even saved a whole village from a poisonous curse.

Cutting White Snake no slack, it would seem, the monks attack her in the home in the very next scene. I know that Buddhism is a philosophy of life, but these monks, in this story, come off as being close to sanctimonious zealots. It is here that the tale becomes a tragedy and I never cared much for Shakespeare either. But I don't lower the rating for that reason as well.

I gave this movie low ratings for showing a serious lack of character motivations and development. I seriously didn't understand the motive for continued interference by Abott Fahai. The movie dropping the unfinished subplot of Neng Ren, only to inject it once again at the end seemed abnormal and out of place. The "forbidden love" aspect and whole premise to any kind of moral is not explained. At the end of this story, you are left with a big question mark over your head, and wondering if you understood the plot at all.

Lunopolis (2010 Video)

Another Mockumentary

[6/10 · 4 April 2014]

This is just another independent mock documentary film in the same vein as Blair Witch Project, District 9, This Is Spinal Tap, Paranormal Entity, Dark Side of the Moon, the list is endless. I fail to see anything other than another slightly above average film.

The acting for the most part is well thought out. However I thought some scenes were off the mark. Such as the film maker brandishing a pistol in the church? The motive was initially just curiosity and it would seem this changes in the documentary from that to "it is up to us to save the world".

The time and space paradox is never well explored. The plot is not that hard to follow but has some real silly scientific holes in it. For example; The part about "painting" over the moon photos, when anyone can clearly see the moon with the aid of a decent telescope or a pair of quality binoculars. Making a great deal of the film hard to swallow.

Jack the Giant Killer (2013)

Crap the Movie Killer

[1/10 · 4 April 2014]

Why did I watch this again? I think it is out of the dark corner of my mind, that same need to see a house fire or why the police have a building surrounded. I honestly wish I knew why I watched this movie. It is not like anyone paid me.

No one in this movie is anything close to resembling an actor. Vicki Glover had little to say, but when she did, it looked as if she was about to vomit. Then she would mumble something you couldn't hear or comprehend. Harry Dyer spouted out his lines, he seemed to question himself, constantly with a look of puzzlement on his face. Maybe he was wondering if there was going to be a paycheck or not. Jamie Atkins obviously slept with the director to land this role. Jamie is still inside the paper bag. Then they tossed in Ben Cross and Jane March. Who? The most "talented" movie extras they could find. Good thing there was no nudity or I would have to remove the one point from the movie I am forced to give them.

I don't rate the CGI in a film. But really they should have gone with a model village and wrestlers in rubber suits and that would have been better. The props look unbelievable and the one scale model of a cannon on a freight car is so tiny that the focal blur gives it away.

This movie was so bad, don't even jokingly give it above 2 stars. There is nothing to redeem this movie or the people who made it. Instead go watch a house fire down the block or stand out in the rain for two hours with a cardboard sign "This Space for Rent". Either one would be better than watching this movie.

The Italian Job (2003)

Above Average Action Crime Movie

[7/10 · 4 April 2014]

I have to give them credit for making an original plot and not falling back on a remake of some tire 1960's film. However the plot was transparent from my point of view. There are no big moments of jaw dropping "Wow! I didn't know that was going to happen.".

The Italian job starts in Venice Italy and thus the name. After that the remainder and majority of this film is in sunny California. It is your basic revenge action robbery without police interference. Personally I think it was a wise idea to not show police, in this "style" of film, where you are cheering for the criminal to win.

Good cast and acting, along with great stunts and effects. While this was my very first viewing of the movie on Netflix, I quickly noticed that many scenes have been duplicated in the video game "GTA V" right down to the buildings. I was sitting there and looked at my brother, "Hey! We played this on GTA.". So you know the movie is cool when people plagiarize it.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

Percy Jackson: Ocean of Bad Movies

[3/10 · 20 March 2014]

First this movie was not "action packed", rather boring, the poor dialog and phony emotions left a dry taste in my mouth. I am not comparing the movie to the book, since I never read the book, this movie was bad all on its own.

The first scene I find questionable is; all the demi-gods (aka half bloods) at a hero training camp, scatter like frightened mice, as the mechanical bull busts through the protective barrier. This leaves only three of the demi-gods to fight and destroy the bull.

When the oracle tells Percy about the Titan Kronos, she tells a poor history lesson that Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon killed Kronos when Greek mythology mentions five of six children were eaten by their father and Zeus alone saved his siblings.

The prediction by the oracle was pretty clear, yet Percy claimed not to understand what it meant. Also the movie is full of product placement. Hermes runs the UPS store and just happens to hand them two items they will need to complete the quest. There is a pointless scene just about getting coffee. I didn't catch the name of the coffee shop but I am sure that was the point.

Continuity fell asleep at the switch, several times, for example; During the escape from the yacht, the scene quickly shifts from night to noon daylight. The plot was transparent, I suppose this movie was made for a younger crowd but I give them more credit than the writers.

I won't get into the CGI quality, because I don't care for any movie that depends so highly on the CGI to carry the show. But they used some lower budget effects to reduce the amount of CGI needed. Such as a pair of sunglasses (also didn't make sense) and tight shots of some characters from the waist up. As a personal note, I much prefer to see animatronics and puppetry such as the work of the late Stan Winston.

I can't complain too much since my friend rented this one but I wouldn't spend a dime on this movie.

21 Jump Street (2012)

Enjoyable Police Comedy

[8/10 · 20 January 2014]

First I want the reader to note that the community "average rating" is a seven so I liked it a bit more than everyone else did. Not being part of the 1980s pop culture, that obviously enjoyed the TV series, I seem to have enjoyed the movie for what is was meant to be. The movie is a hilarious police comedy. The TV series (what little I saw of it) was a dull action drama with teen issues and teen fans too.

This movie parodies a lot of the typical things we see --far too much of-- in today's action films. The movie shows two young men who despite being polar opposites join the police academy to see action, explosions, car chases, and bullets flying. Yes, they join for all the wrong reasons. After their first big bust, they are assigned to 21 Jump Street because 7 years after high school they still look very young. But they are assigned mostly to be punished.

The acting is above par for this kind of film. The dialog and plot are great. The gags are over the top. It is funny to see two adults return to high school after 7 years to find out nothing is the same as before. If you get a chance watch it with your friends and not your mom and dad or anyone else who is a "fan" of the TV series.

The Core (2003)

The Core is the Size of Mars!

[4/10 · 9 January 2014]

This movie is about many impossible things. Things like building a bullet train to Hell. Hacking the internet with a virus or whistling in a cell phone with a gum wrapper to give you unlimited minutes. Successfully landing the space shuttle in a LA reservoir qualifies your team to pilot the bullet train to Hell. It should have been named "Mission Impossible" but that was taken.

The story really is least of this movie bad points. The acting degrades as the story progresses. Bad sciences, poor acting, lousy character development, makes the movie stink on many levels. I will be kind and generous giving the movie a 4 out of 10. At least it wasn't shot in someone's garage with a shaky cam.

Moral of the story... nothing can stop America from saving the day, not even science or the laws of physics!