Human_Remains Reviews

Stacy: Attack of the Schoolgirl Zombies (2001)

Today I fell in love with a Zombie

[10/10 · 9 September 2008]

This ultra low budget zombie flick has somehow wormed its way into my rotten heart. Set in the near future teenage girls between the ages of 15-17 have been dying and re-animating as flesh hungry zombies! A special "Romero Repeat-Kill Squad" has been sanctioned by the government to kill these zombies nicknamed Stacies. Parents and loved ones are also urged to kill the zombies and special designer chainsaws called "Bruce Campbell's Right Hand 2" are sold via infomercial (Stacies have to be cut into 165 pieces to be killed). But the heart of this story lies in these poor girls who just want to find love before they die. Their greatest happiness would come from the one that loves them the most to repeat-kill them. This is a truly unconventional zombie movie that is really more of an insane love story. If you're looking for something different that has a few laughs I'd suggest this for hardcore zombie fans.

additional comments: Fans of Asian cult cinema will no doubt recognize a few faces here including Natsuki Kato (Battle Royale 2) and Shungiku Uchida (Vistor Q).

Thriller: A Cruel Picture (1973)

Exploitation at its finest!

[10/10 · 9 September 2008]

"They call her 'One Eye'. She used what was left to repay every blow with her own terrible form of revenge!" I don't think I'm overstating myself that Thriller: A cruel Picture is the epitome of exploitation. A Swedish entry into the rape/revenge sub-genre that even Quentin Tarantino calls " the roughest revenge movie ever made".

A young girl is growing up in the country at a young age she is stricken mute by a sexual assault but she does fine tending the farm and living with loving parents. On her way to the city for a little time off she misses the bus and hitches a ride with a suave man in a sports car. It's not long before she is drugged and taken to his apartment. This man plans to get her hooked on heroin and turn her into a prostitute for money. She refuses at first only to have one of her eyes gouged out. Now it looks like he's succeeded but then she learns of her parents death... apparently letters have been written to them under her name that have been saying awful things about why she "ran away". These letters give her parents such heartache that they end up committing suicide. Smuggling what extra money she can get from her prostitution she soon learns to shoot,punch,kick and drive a mean getaway from paid lessons in self defense, rifle training, and race car driving. What follows is a woman on a war path killing everyone that did her wrong.

Thriller: A Cruel Picture has quite a reputation for it's XXX scenes and eye gouge (it has been confirmed that this was done on an actual corpse). It also has slow motion shot-gun blasts and karate action that is a little over-the-top. But still this film owns a place in history with other exploitation films of the 1970's.

Beyond the Darkness (1979)

A Joe D'Amato masterpiece

[10/10 · 9 September 2008]

Aristide Massaccesi better known as Joe D'Amato is an interesting director whose work crossed genres from XXX pictures to horror. A few films even mixed the two like "Erotic Nights of the Living Dead" and "Porno Holocaust" but today we are watching "Buio Omega" which many people consider his best horror piece (others insist on it being "Anthropophagus").

A young man mourns the death of his lover but a taxidermist by trade he isn't ready to say goodbye just yet. Stealing her body and preserving it with careful attention to detail he is unable to part from his love. Little does he know his maid is the reason behind his loss and madness it seems she has had her eyes on him from the start. Dealing with his twisted feelings and pain his thoughts turn to rage and anyone that stands of the way between him and his beloved are murdered. The maid helps him cover up these atrocities but not before long a woman comes between them once more his dead lover's sister comes to visit and shes's the spitting image of his lost love.

This film is atmospheric and disturbing with graphic scenes of torture and the now legendary scene of embalming which spares no detail (it was once rumored that an actual cadaver was used). Recommending this film to the average viewer would be hard to do but for the seeker of grisly Italian horror this is one that you might consider watching.

Fire Dragon (1994)

Amazed at the FX and then falling on the floor laughing! What more can I ask for?

[10/10 · 15 April 2008]

I came across this movie an odd way. I was at a local comic convention and won this movie along with some other stuff as a door prize. When I popped this DVD in I could barely believe my eyes. What I was watching was some crazy stunts and fx. Then a really interesting story comes in about a corrupt general and we learn the story of this woman assassin who works for him (only I get the feeling she's not to thrilled about serving him. But she seems to be in debt to him for his teaching of the "fire stance") Then to top it off we get some HUGE laughs that had me rolling on the floor. I don't agree with some of the other commenter's that think the plot is boring or the humor bad because so far I'm enjoying every moment of this wonderful tale. The only way I can describe this film is like you are watching a live action cartoon. Sometimes I feel like I am watching anime but I'm shocked to see live actors!It achieves this surreal experience through two things: a) Stunning special fx that leave you asking "how'd they do that!" and b) Off the wall comic jokes and characters. My opinion: How could you go wrong with this one? 10 stars and I haven't even finished watching the movie!

Darkened Skye (2002 Video Game)

Surprisingly a fun game and it offers a bit of a challenge.

[10/10 · 19 January 2008]

I bought this game recently for $4.99 and was completely hooked when I put it in the system. I played for hours and by the first night I was already on Zen'Jai. Don't let that fool you though It's a heck of a hard game and that's why I adore it. It's a challenge. The Ogmire Archiepelago and The Sky Pirates camp were the hardest levels. Mostly in the jumping and navigating department. Don't let the fact that you get your magic from Skittles fool you this is a fun and challenging game with a wicked little sense of humor. Hadn't had this much fun with my Game Cube since Summoner: a Goddess Reborn. If I had to make one complaint about Darkened Skye it would be about aiming the "pulse" spells. The controls are a bit jerky in that area and a first person option would have gone a long way.

Dagon (2001)

dive into the slimy depths of horror and find GOLD!

[10/10 · 18 November 2007]

Hidden in near obscurity is this gem of a horror film. A story about "fish-people" might sound absurd but one read of H.P. Lovecraft's "Shadow Over Innsmouth" (which the bulk of this movie was based) will change your opinion! One of Lovecraft's more action filled and lengthy stories that lends better to screen adaptation And who better to give it to us than our star team of Stuart Gordon,Brian Yuzna, and Dennis Paoli ("Re-amimator", "From Beyond"). This is not your average horror flick! It's intelligent, shocking and surprisingly well acted! No Jeffery Combs is not in this picture...that had me a little down at first till I saw the performances! Ezra Godden ("Band of Brothers" and another Gorden, Paoli Lovecraft adaptation "Dreams in the witch House") delivers a solid performance throughout other highlights were an old man, Ezequiel, who tells the tale of the village played by Francisco Rabal who is sadly no longer with us and of course our fishy maiden and cult leader Uxia played by an absolutely stunning Macarena Gomez. This film also had a GREAT dark atmosphere taken from the terrific descriptions Lovecraft gives us of Innsmouth (called Imboca here). Lovecraft fans tend to shoot down Gordon's films as they tend to update and add to the material but I've read a lot of H.P. Lovecraft and I can tell you this film stays true to the spirit even including a hotel scene involving a lock that is straight out of the story (fans will know what I mean). Though of course obvious differences from the Lovecraft tale pop up often (ie. inclusion of women, changing of location to Spain, a particularly gruesome face peeling scene, and invoking Cthulhu when they are meant to be worshiping Dagon)Lovecraft fans should sit back and enjoy this film and be noncritical since they probably know what to expect from Gordon. Fans of general horror do not need to be "in the know" with Lovecraft to appreciate this buried treasure either. Just know that it will be like nothing you've seen before and will stay with you for days (do not plan seafood anytime soon)! In conclusion a top notch horror flick that soars up there in my top favorites. Eight tentacles up! And a rising yell of "Cthulhu fhtagn!" Two possibilities... when Gordon made this movie he was either drunk or totally F**king insane which are good things! Very disturbing!

Judge Dredd: Dredd vs Death (2003 Video Game)

In this city justice comes at a price...That price is freedom!

[10/10 · 14 August 2007]

Why the bad comments? I loved this game. It's one of the ones I always come back to. And face it Block War is awesome! I liked shooting zombies in the mall...sure it wasn't part of the comic but who cares It's zombies in a mall ala Dawn of The Dead! Arresting people is awesome "you're going away for keeps!" I love the voices in this game too. I'd have to say it's one of my favorite games. I mean where else can you lock someone away for a month for having a goldfish or a hamster without a proper license! This game and Timesplitters:Future Perfect are my life! God I just love the lines and voices in this game! "You're in the wrong hood lawman!" Oh yeah and check out Serious Sam: The Next Encounter as well another fun and quirky FPS.

Drock!

Nightbreed (1990)

It's Shangra-La on Dope. I love it!

[10/10 · 14 August 2007]

Don't ask me why I love this movie so much...Maybe it came at a time in my life I desperately wanted to fit in, maybe it is the amazing monster effects, maybe because I enjoyed the novel "Cabal", but It's probably because I LOVE Clive Barker. I think it's fair to warn you the movie and the novel have no true resolve and like me you'll probably have a WTF moment at the end. At least two sequels were planned but never came about due to the fact the movie flopped for a few reasons. The studio made drastic cuts to the film cutting a good 30 or so minutes out of it and they did a HORRIBLE job promoting it. The adverts made it look like just another cheap slasher showing mainly the "Button face/Mask" Decker character. This is a movie about the monsters! About fantasy! About a place called Midian! It's a story where the monsters are the good guys. There is truly nothing else out there like it! It's not a movie for everybody I suppose but it stands as one of Clive's many great works. Sit back and be prepared to be taken to Midian - where the monsters are.

Bride of Re-Animator (1990)

top-notch sequel

[10/10 · 14 August 2007]

Yes Dr. West is at it again. A top notch sequel that will having you both laughing and going for the barf bags. "Re-animator" was a top notch horror flick that has everything you could ever ask for including Ah-nold Swartzahoweveryouspell's body-double as a zombie and "Bride" doesn't disappoint. This one goes for a more Frankenstein type theme - Herbert West discovers that he can revive parts so he decides to take re-animation a step further into creating a life: ah yes a woman for the ever smitten Dan Cain using what else but Meg's heart. Dr.Hill reappears ala re-animated head which is a real treat...he even gains some bat wings. Yes thats right Hill's head survives the Miskatonic Massacre along with West- You see Dr.Hill didn't have the "guts" to kill him.

Pieces (1982)

Absolutely hilarious

[10/10 · 18 March 2007]

I had to give this a 10! It was the most funniest thing I've ever seen. Over the top, ridiculous, insane...etc. This movie made my day! So bad it's good. If you take it serious you'll think it's terrible. If you don't have a dark sense of humor it's terrible. The lines and the bad dubbing are the most hilarious part. A must see for fans of bad horror movies. And gore...well gore galore! The surprise ending is a thing to witness! I doubt the intention was to be funny but that's the only way to take it and enjoy it. I was fully entertained. possibly the most funny slasher flick ever made. A must see in my book! "the most beautiful thing is smoking pot and *beep*ing on a water bed at the same time." WOW what a great line! Where can I find a girl like that!!!!!!!!

ps.watch out for bad chop suey!