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3 Body Problem (2024)
Apparently
It was based on a book, i dont care.
Gave it three episodes until i decided this was just a lot of drivel, i never saw the original show either, so from an "outsiders" perspective this was just badly paced, with uninteresting plot events and characters. Episode 2 did give me a laugh though, probably the only reason i saw the 3rd episode. But im not staying for more.
The extremely infamous writers "D&D" are behind this, which are probably the reasons why this show is what it is.
"from the creators of game of thrones" is not a sales pitch, its an obituary. And the funeral has been postponed.
Cant wait to see what else they are involved in, so that i can avoid that too.
Damsel (2024)
Dumbsel
What a stupid movie, if the word "cliché" was a movie, this would be it. One hundred percent predictable throughout and with an incredibly stupid opening dialogue.
The way the prince in this movie is presented, hes the good guy, but they never do anything with him, theres no character arc, no acts of heroism, nothing.
They might as well have removed all characters except the dragon and the princess, kept a short short SHORT intro like 5 minutes or so, where you are given basic background story and the rest of the movie could have been an hour of suspense in the darkness, but there is no darkness, even in what's supposed to be a pitchblack abyss, theres always some light that removes the illusion.
At least the dragon at times look really good, i also like that the fire it spews is 50/50 liquid and gas, so it sloshes around the caves, i thought that was really cool, the dragon should not speak however, talking dragons is a big no no.
They could've, should've done better.
Instead of saving a princess, save yourself from watching this piece of excrement.
No One Will Save You (2023)
Paint is more entertaining.
This... was the most boring film i've seen in a looong time, and i've sat and watched paint dry. No dialogue can be fun sometimes if done right, in this movie however i was anxiously waiting for some dialogue to just spark an interest in either the protaginist or why people looked at her in a certain way, but nothing not even news articles gliding across the screen, i gave it half an hour before i gave up.
Apparently King gave it a thumbs up, but thats not the first time hes done that, a few reviewers i follow on youtube also gave this movie approval, but im gonna say they were all wrong, this is not a good time spent.
Gen V (2023)
At first
You get your hopes high up, then, you watch the first episode only to be met by out of date references, bad characters, bad writing and some really bad slander towards real people.
This is unbelievably disappointing, i wish i could leave the review like that and be done, but im forced to use 350 more characters to try and disway you from even starting to watch, but go ahead, give those 3 first episodes a go, see if you can get through the first 2. It will test you.
The only thing this show has going for it, is the occasional gore, but even on that point they dont have the guts to go all the way.
If you like "The Boys", stay away from this one, let it stay untainted.
The Last of Us: Look for the Light (2023)
It had its chance
But i could never recommend this show to anyone. First episode is still fantastic though so that would probably be it, after finishing the entire series i kinda wish i had stopped at 2 cause that episode as good as it was, wasn't nearly as good as the first, the quality took a nosedive in comparison, the 3rd and 7th episodes can be skipped completely, because they bring nothing to the story, they are completely pointless.
I never played the game the show is based upon, and after experiencing both the show and the fanbase, i know for sure i will make efforts in avoiding it.
Again, the first episode is fantastic and is the only thing i can recommend, but a full watch of the entire series is a big no no.
This last episode sent the show off with a wet fart.
The Last of Us: Endure and Survive (2023)
what happened?
Episode 1 was incredible, i had not rewatched an episode within the same week since Peacemaker, it was tense, great story telling, and that snippet from that 60's interview was so well done, it was white knuckles from the start. Then we got Episode 2 and it was basically more of the same good stuff E1 had, where we got to follow Joel and Ellie as they moved out of the city to start their adventure.
Then we got.... "episode 3" i put that in quotation marks, because only the first 15 minutes and the last 14 were of any sort of relevance to the overall story and everything in between felt like a filler. A feeling further hammered in when Episode 4 was only 40 minutes long, while E1 was 1.4 hours, E2 50 min and E5 50 min. They knew exactly what they were doing with that: controverse, nothing else (either that or someone got a fetish of some sort).
In Episode 4 we got three new characters to "care" about, but much like the filler episode they were just oneoffs, the feeling i get from these characters is: "hey you! Watch these people we didn't write well enough for you to start caring about" *BLAM* gone. "oh? Were we supposed to care about them?" rince and repeat.
I never played the game this show is based upon, and experiencing the fanbase i have absolutely no intentions of ever doing so, not to mention that the entire show isn't even out yet, so that would spoil the rest of the story if i did.
Episode 5, (out of 9) here we got something almost good again, but i just cant take the resistance leaders actress seriously, she cant pull that role off, i'm gonna assume she's supposed to be threatening, but i get none of that, i feel nothing. We did however get a really awesome scene that felt like Startship Troopers for a moment, i thought that was probably the best scene since E2.
So yeah.
E1, E2 = Great (fantastic even)
E3 = filler
E4 = back on track
E5 = but still not there.
Still gonna continue watching, but with 4 more episodes i'm not sure if it's gonna be able to make it.
1899 (2022)
Slow, sure.
But when the only interesting thing that happens in each episode is within the last 15 seconds, then it's suddenly dumb. It's just another one of those shows.
I cared not for any of the characters, the mystery snippet wasn't a big enough hook to get me to watch the next episode (stopped at 3).
Children being weird is a cliché and never a good thing, Omen, Children of the Corn etc. Etc., they're kids, just punch 'em and they're gone.
I never watched Dark, trailer didn't interest me, but i kept hearing about how good it was and how people compared this show to that, and i can say that 1899 probably did Dark a disservice cause after this dump of a show i'm defintely gonna skip Dark.
Medieval (2022)
The poster
I remember the poster for this movie, back in i think 2019 might have been 2018.
The poster just sold it to me, with the shot of a castle siege over the shoulder
of some really cool looking high-medieval armour, the armour reminded me of the first
act of Excalibur (1981), with the blackened armour and the sieges/battles there.
Then i waited, and waited and waited, i saw the role list and it had a lot of names
i recognized both from very famous actors and actors from smaller productions.
The hype over this movie was on the level of the entire '13th Warrior' movie,
big battle scenes from 'Kingdom of Heaven (Directors Cut)' and
the beginning of 'Gladiator (Directors Cut)'.
And then i waited some more, 2020, '21, '22, until i finally saw it.
Turned out it was way overhyped, the poster was definitely the wrong type of poster
to use, because it sold the whole "siege war" type of movie i thought it was going to be,
with historical armour and everything that comes with it.
In my opinion this movie is barely above shoestring budget types of films.
The Jan Sizka story is an interesting story, but i have personally seen more than 3 movies
based on his story, so it gets a bit gnawed upon, not only that but there are pc games
utilizing it as well, to even further hammer it in.
Ofcourse the big names in the role list do the best work as one would suspect, but even
they can't hold this up to any high standards.
The movie is also very bleak, blue filter with desaturated colors, im probably gonna say this
a million times more in my life but they had sprawling colors in the middle-ages, they loved
that sh*redacted*t, painted armor, shields, banners, coats, clothing, shoes, boots,
you name it, there was color.
The last 25 seconds of the movie, is what this entire 2 hour movie should have been,
i'm not gonna say what, but when you see it, you will understand.
All in all, despite everyones effort, this came out as a mediocre piece of cinema.
Demonic (2021)
a short wouldve been better
On the youtube channel he's got a lot of really good shorts of varying quality and this movie felt like one of the bad ones of those shorts, but stretched out to one hour and fortyfour minutes.
It would have been better of being one of those, cause most of this movie was redundant and lengthy in the worst of ways. It was barely watchable.
It definitely felt like a Blomkamp project, but not all of the soul was there. What he did with Firebase (on youtube) would have made a better feature film. But even Firebase would've needed a more fleshed out story.
As it is, Demonic, is barebones, almost a student project. With dry dialouge (which is all too common with those) and a medicore execution.
In my opinion, the low budget doesnt matter, i've seen no budget movies do better.
Kateo (2022)
Occasionally really cool
This movie had a lot of potential with its cool action scenes, choreography and sometimes really good camera work. But this feels very disorienting to watch to a point it's actually unwatchable. My eyes got exhausted after about 30 minutes and i had to skim through the rest to somewhat understand where the plot was gonna go.
It's like 'Hardcore Henry' on meth, see that movie instead, and avoid this one if you are easily disoriented.
A shame really, cause the action was well done.
The Sandman (2022)
wow
This was incredibly boring to watch, i managed to slog through 7 episodes though before i gave up and it often felt like each episode were two parts, where the first half was slow as hell and second half was sometimes a lot more interesting. But man, this is disney levels of boring. Very hit or miss with each episode, mostly misses though.
The Terminal List (2022)
Yes, it's true
They CAN still make good shows even in the 2020's.
This whole year has been a mediocre slogfest with disney, CW and what have you, but here comes a Chris Pratt produced action series that will grip you from the first episode and not let go until after you've finished. Excellent action, good thrills, well written characters and plot development. What more can you ask?. MORE OFCOURSE !
Prey (2022)
Noodle fights beefmountain and wins
So, we all know 'Predator' and 'Predator 2' will always be the good ones, they will never be surpassed with how things are going in the movie industry these days. This does however not mean that the sequels wont be entertaining, But with that said 'Prey' falls into bracket of being more entertaining than the 2018 movie (which is a horrible piece of work) but less than the 2010 movie.
What i'll say next will either delete the review (which happens very often on this site for a lot of people) or get a lot of negativity in the review field (i wont read any reviews personally), which has turned into a comment field with extra steps, but it was bound to happen after they removed the forums several years back, people don't have a place to blow off steam in nowadays.
The noodle in question is the short and weak looking main character, who dreams about being a warrior but is always told by those around her that she cant.
Obviously in 2022 we cant have that, so she goes and kills a Predator like it was Tuesday, outsmarting it in every way possible, it wasn't even a threat to begin with considering how easy it was for her to kill it, all the men are the bad guys even her brother, although he realizes he wasn't woke enough so he kills himself towards the end to woke-redeem himself.
And it ends with the noodle carrying the head of the predator back to the tribe.
She does all of this without any good character build up beforehand (like Ripley in Alien or Sarah in Terminator and many more better female characters), we don't see her grow at all, apart from attaching a leach to her flint axe (which seems to be made of adamantium).
The suspension of disbelief is through the roof.
But some of the Predator moments are good, the gore is good, but there's a lot of awful CGI.
All in all, its a very average movie for a seemingly average decade, everything is average.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
First, lower your expectations
Then lower them some more.
By the time you hit rock bottom in expectations, this movie will surprise you in how much lower it can go, this was a crap version of the original Jurassic Park, with too many cast members, hairline thin script, and heavy leaning on the nostalgia machine (which just like McD's icecream machine, was broken).
The plot was nearly identical to the only good Jurassic Park movie (the original one), which is a masterpiece, a magnum opus, Even Lost World and JP3 look good in comparison to this dumpster fire.
There is nothing else to be said other than, avoid it, you have been warned.
The Sea Beast (2022)
Flip a coin
If you haven't seen either this movie or "how to train your dragon", the movie you see first will greatly reduce the other, But i'd recommend "how to train your dragon", you get 3 movies from that.
To me, who saw HTTYD first, this was predictable throughout, because this was basically that movie but on water with water-"dragons"
Senior Year (2022)
You can clearly tell
That they had fun making this movie, cause i had fun watching it, a really funny feelgood comedy. Chris Parnell was hilarious as a super laid back dad and Rebel Wilson nailed most of the jokes. I havent had this much fun watching a comedy in years! Its like a genre resurrection. I'm not sure i would want to see a sequel though, but we'll see if they will do it or not and if they manage to pull that off as well. But yeah once more, they must have had a really fun time making this.
Morbius (2022)
.
Well, the trailer lied.
It's boring, no gore, no horror. Its like a kids movie that takes itself too seriously. But i guess thats just the way DisneyMarvel is today, making movies for no one. Can wait for more.
The Bad Guys (2022)
Underwhelming
Nice but spastic animations and almost all characters are likable, but the story it self is very predictable, i could point out almost everything before they happened.
And it was a bit too long for what it was at 1h 40m, so some scenes felt a bit drawn out.
Oceans 11 (human heist) crossed with Zootopia (animal main characters)
Ambulance (2022)
Well
It's a Michael Bay flick.
You're either gonna hate it or be entertained.
Made 2 hours feel like 20 minutes, Bay always had a knack for action even though most his movies are hot garbage.
Umma (2022)
Saw the whole thing
But was it good? Not really, a very generic below the line horror. People are scared for different reasons but for me this movie was the least scary one i have ever seen in a long time, what kept me going throughout the movie was the search for atmosphere and things to be scared of, but alas no goosebumps were had.
Bland.
Moon Knight (2022)
Decent Start
Decent start after the first 3 episodes.
Good action, intriguing main character, however the female side-character could be removed from the show and we wouldn't lose anything of value, she's just there and that's about it, i never read the Moon Knight comics, so maybe she has super powers as well in future episodes.
So far, much better than the other Marvel garbage.
Vikings: Valhalla (2022)
A prime example
Of "go woke, go broke".
And also, here i thought the original Vikings show was historically incorrect, but this new spin-off takes the cake.
This is pure fantasy with a few historical names thrown in there to check boxes or something, especially one of the jarls, who never existed and was only made specifically for this show.
If you liked History Channels Vikings, you'll probably not like this (but you never know, give the first 3 episodes a go and see if you do).
If you came for historical accuracy, run, as far as you can.
If you came for a good story.....
The script is mediocre at best, and the acting isn't good enough to hide that fact. But some of the scenery is nice.
It had the potential to clean the slate and make something accurate and interesting, but they squandered it. Everything went down the drain.
Peacemaker (2022)
DC Rising
DC showing how its done when making comic book tv shows.
Trudging through the garbage wasteland that is marvel, here comes Peacemaker.
This is so damn good, extremely entertaining and i cant wait for more of the episodes.
This is just as good as The Boys perhaps even better.
Don't Look Up (2021)
came out of nowhere
Ka-blam! And then this movie showed up.
It made me angry watching this movie.
It wasnt about a possible future, this is the society we have today.
Excellent satire.
Hawkeye (2021)
thumbs down
They put about as much effort in the show as they did with eye color consistency.
When shes a kid, blue eyes, when adult, brown eyes.
At first i thought it was another character.
Well, apart from that, everything is shot in the dark so if theres "action" you cant see it. I was kinda hoping this would be better than the dumpsterfire called "marvels loki" but it just the same stuff all over again.
The show isnt really about hawkeye either, a character so boring that even his own tv show puts him in the shadow.