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Twin Peaks: The Return (2017)
The best reboot of all time.
In a culture of TV show reboots, this one manages to say something meaningful about how the TV audience engages with media in a post-Twin Peaks world. Out are the old days of the long-running soap opera with backstabbing twists and love triangles galore and in are the days of supernaturalism, police procedurals, and gritty realism. The show adapted in the best way possible to the format of modern prestige television and set a high bar for any prestige drama to clear far into the future. There is a meaning in all of it, but the show understands when to give the audience that message rather than spoonfeeding it. Keep your detective cap on and solve the mystery of Blue Rose.
Blue Velvet (1986)
David Lynch's Cinematic Thesis Statement
This is probably the most consistent, grounded, comprehensible film that David Lynch has directed, maybe with the exception of The Straight Story, that hits all of the notes his filmography typically wants to highlight. It's a film about Reagan's America that appreciates the idyllic beauty of the concept, but meaningfully criticizes the misogynistic, dark, violent elements just beneath the surface of it all. It's also a good coming-of-age film about a man's exploration of the Light (represented by Laura Dern's character Sandy) and the Dark (represented by Dennis Hopper's terrifying Frank Boothe), and his gradual understanding of how his life works. (Trigger warning: this movie contains a graphic depiction of sexual assault, so if that's something that will make you uncomfortable, stray away like Roger Ebert did in 1986.)
Final Destination 3 (2006)
The Best in the Series
It's appropriate that the film's opening death-event sequence is a rollercoaster, because this movie doesn't take itself all too seriously and knows exactly what tone to take at the right moments. As a fan of the Final Destination movies, this is the one that managed to absolutely nail every good element of a Final Destination movie and even improve in some areas: fun kills and gore, a bit of character drama, cut out the police subplot, and even add in a human villain (who really isn't all that much of a threat, but he's a fun enough Christian Slater from Heathers knockoff to just barely work). Mary Elizabeth Winstead is also giving a Class A performance as the protagonist character and might have more star power than any of the other series protagonists combined, hence why she went on to have the profile she did. If you're looking for a cheap mid-2000's Halloween thrill ride to watch with your friends while drunk, you can't really do much better than this.
Room (2015)
The Only Correct Way to Direct This Script
I can't imagine a better movie coming out of these ingredients. The story itself is heart-wrenching, but in the hands of the wrong director, could be turned into exploitative garbage that actively denigrates and diminishes the traumatic experience the protagonist actually went through in real life. However, with this film, the director smartly chose to focus almost exclusively on a mother's relationship with her son- how she feels responsible for him, how he learns and grows from her, and how they depend on each other to continue on with the great difficulty of life and changes. This is a must-watch for just about anybody.
The Scary of Sixty-First (2021)
This was terrible.
A film about radicalization from the hosts of the Red Scare podcast that doesn't manage to say anything of substance about how people fall into conspiracism. I'm pretty sure the underlying message of the movie is that people who adopt conspiracy theories as central characteristics of their personality have some kind of void in their lives- which would be a fine theme on its own if it was well-executed at all. But the problem is that as a horror movie, it isn't scary. As a drama movie, the acting is poor so you don't get a good sense of the characters. As a work of satire it doesn't work because the characters are too close to real-life nutjobs, robbing the script of any agency or purpose. As a work of political art, it comes too dangerously close to calling the thing it's attempting to warn against somehow noble. To call this QAnon Eyes Wide Shut is frankly spitting in the face of Kubrick.
Superman (1978)
Am I just too young to ever find this good?
The structure of this film is ungodly misbalanced. The first act accounts for over half of the movie's runtime with a serviceable second act and a shortened conclusion. Unlike many other viewers, I didn't really have an issue with Superman turning back time by flying around the world (mostly because I think it works on a metaphorical level- Superman righting the wrongs of the past and defying the limits of the world), but what I had a pretty severe problem with was the awkward dialogue and bad pacing. Lex Luthor was fun, but Superman was dreadfully boring and any scene with Marlon Brando really felt like he was phoning it in. The first 20 minutes of this movie are visual Nyquil- if you need to sleep fast, just go watch it and you'll think Krypton's superhero is actually the Sandman. I'll just say it: Superman Returns and Man of Steel are better than this film.
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)
A Fun Satirical Slasher
What happens when you shut off the power and take away zoomers' access to the internet? The same narcissistic, destructive and hedonistic impulses they act with online spill over into reality. As a Gen Z'er myself, it was incredibly satisfying to watch a movie centered around Gen Z characters that didn't insult the intelligence of its audience and central characters, but instead raise serious concerns about how we communicate with one another. The weaponization of psychological language, divisive paranoia and reliance on substance abuse is something I see among my peers day in and day out and it's good to finally watch a movie that cuts the crap and says "maybe you're a little too online." I highly recommend this to people between the ages of 18 to 23- but the issue is that if you're anywhere older than that, you're definitely not going to understand it and you probably won't like it. I can understand why some older viewers don't appreciate the film, but this was some great satire.
The Many Saints of Newark (2021)
Truncated and Awkward
I don't even know where to begin with this one, and I won't spoil it for anyone that's interested in seeing a Sopranos prequel, but hopefully this will dissuade you from watching the film altogether. It feels like three different movies rolled into one without the runtime to justify the three separate principle characters. One character's plot is about the Newark Riots, the other's is a standard mob movie, and the other's is a coming-of-age supervillain origin story. None of them get the time to properly develop, and thus none of them are worthwhile. There is a common theory that David Chase wanted to make a film about the Newark Riots, but Warner Brothers (and thus, HBO) were saying the film couldn't be made unless it was a Sopranos prequel, so the script had to be chopped up and spliced with your average member-berries reboot nonsense. This movie is like an erratic driver on the highway: can't pick a lane and going nowhere fast. The awful Sopranos: Road to Respect video game has a more structurally-sound script than this film. Skip it and pretend Made In America is the last Sopranos-related piece of media that's been made.
The Last of Us: Endure and Survive (2023)
Decent, but many changes made for the worse
Before I say anything else, I should lead off by saying I'm a fan of the games (both TLOU1&2), and so far, I've found the show to be a pretty good, faithful adaptation. The alterations made to the source material seen in episodes like Bill and Frank's were actually positive and led to one of the more hopeful moments in the entire series, so even when the show diverts from the source material, it's *usually* for the better and serves to flesh out characters in ways that we hadn't previously seen.
Some of the changes in this episode were good. For instance, I really liked Sam and Henry's dynamic in the show- not just for the dramatic element they provide as a parallel to Joel and Ellie's story of survival, but also aiding in giving Ellie an early-on moment of charitability that she wouldn't have otherwise: attempting to transfuse her blood with Sam. Whether she believed it would actually cure him or not is left up to the viewer's interpretation: if it was the former, she did what she thought was right and failed to the cruelty of the universe, and if it was the latter, then she was trying to provide this young boy with some small semblance of comfort in his final moments. It's effective, heartbreaking, and will leave the character with feelings to unpack for the future- all in all, I really liked it.
This episode, however, made certain changes that I'm decidedly less of a fan of. Kathleen as a villain was completely unbelievable, and the Chekhov's Gun of all the zombies being driven underground is somehow less believable than Kathleen's dialogue. The dialogue also takes a sharp turn for the worse, and I'm starting to believe that each new character's (as in, a new addition to the show's plot, not characters that were in the games) just going to be repeating the same theme over and over again: "I'm evil and I know it but I do what I have to." This level of self-awareness in the characters was unspoken in the games- Joel was a psychopath that murdered dozens upon dozens of men, but you didn't have to hear him say anything about it to know it just by watching Troy Baker's performance. The game didn't really need a villain because, in a way, Joel was the villain. The show seems to be going out of its way to make Joel almost exclusively heroic in a way that I feel is comparable to how some viewers might look at an antihero character like Walter White and think "oh, no, he's correct" without critically examining what they're watching.
When Joel shoots 4 guys in a store after getting into a truck wreck, that's fine. It's not entirely believable that he'd be able to fend all of them off without Ellie's help (hell, in the game she actually does assist you), but it doesn't matter all that much. FEDRA driving all of the zombies underground, however? I'm sorry, what? How would that even be accomplished? It's an incredibly weak, unrealistic plot planting that leads to a payoff that ultimately misses the point. Bigger and louder is not better. The scene where Sam, Henry and Ellie get held up by Kathleen and her goons and the ensuing gorefest of hundreds of infected is maybe the worst part of the show so far, and the fact that this episode is getting such high acclaim after E3 getting reviewbombed by bigots is a sign to me that some people really only liked the games for the guts, gore, and misery. I'm hoping this episode is just a lone low point in a series that has previously proven to be pretty good.
The Walking Dead: Days Gone Bye (2010)
One of the best television pilots of all time.
Frank Darabont, the director of The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, and The Mist, knocked it out of the park with this pilot episode that more or less functions as a feature film. We witness a character's introduction to the world of the dead and the damned from the perspective of a single, disoriented man who has had all power, relations, family, and resources stripped away. We see how two other people have adapted in that context, and grieve not only the loss of their loved one, but the world at large, and how two people in a world that has gone mad quickly learn to cooperate and develop synergy, with the hope of rebuilding the ties that bind.
The production value on the pilot is excellent, and not used in a way that one would expect. Expansive views of the highway leading into Atlanta, the outbound road flooded with cars and the inbound virtually empty, just a lone man on his horse braving the storm against all the signs telling him to exit. Andrew Lincoln's performance is understated, but conveys such a wide range of emotionality and, at points, confusion and disillusionment. Lennie James is especially phenomenal as a man grieving the loss of his wife, and we witness his transformation on screen over the course of the episode in truly cinematic fashion.
Sound is also appropriately used- instead of a loud jumpscare sting accompanying the appearance of every zombie (whose makeup is excellently designed by Greg Nicotero, horror veteran), we only hear the murmured groans and deathly gurgles of the recently-reanimated, which is far creepier and more immersive. We are Rick, observing the horror of our surroundings through all the confusion and disorientation.
Sadly, I hate the show after the first season- AMC executives dropped Frank Darabont as showrunner after an argument regarding budgetary constraints. Later seasons became dominated by contrived soap opera plots regarding minor squabbles between characters over insignificant issues, seasons-long villain characters that aren't compelling so much as they are vicious in the most boring way possible ("oh, wait, that guy bashes people's heads in rather than chopping them off? He must be crazy!!! Gotta watch that!!!" -the focus group, apparently). However, this episode provides an insightful glimpse into what the show could have been: an exploration into humanity, and how it is steadily lost and regained by the tides of time. 10/10 pilot.
We Own This City (2022)
An Adult, Marxist Critique of Police
David Simon strikes gold with another mini-series that's definitely worth your time. Fans of The Wire may be expecting high drama, symbolism and depthful characters as seen in your standard prestige TV drama, but We Own This City takes an entirely different approach to Baltimore. Each scene is functionally a microcosm of systemic failures- whether it's a police officer illegally seizing cash from a law-abiding civilian or a Department of Justice Civil Rights division attorney learning their job will be obsolete in the next presidential administration, there's always some form of basic mechanical failure in the machine that's to blame.
While it would be easy to look at Wayne Jenkins, played by Jon Bernthal in this series, as a sole villain and psychopath that created waves within the system, the truth is that someone (actually, multiple people) groomed him to be the way he was. There were simply more incentives to be corrupt than to be a proper police officer. Rather than looking at civilians who are distrustful of police as obstructionist, Simon takes more of a nuanced approach in viewing their concerns as very real and valid. Everyone in this show is a human being with drives and ambitions, for better or for worse. My only complaint about the series is that the visual style is a little lacking in flair (perhaps purposefully, the intent was to ground the show as much in the reality it came from), but otherwise, this is a phenomenal 6-episode stretch that serves to educate and inform its audience regarding police misconduct and the institutions that create it.
God's Not Dead 2 (2016)
Dishonest
I'll start this off by saying I'm agnostic- I don't really have a "dog in the fight" between atheism and Christianity, I'm beyond the point of caring, but this film uses deceptive practices to gaslight its audience in an incredibly transparent way. The core premise is that a high school teacher gets led into quoting Jesus as a part of a broader lecture on movements for non-violence, an offended student secretly records it, leading to the teacher's firing, which does not happen. The film says that its basis is in real-life court cases, and even provides a list of citations immediately before the main credits: however, if someone cared to look through those cases, the situations depicted in those circumstances are far different from the reality of the film. Selling self-authored religious books on the job, refusing to sell products to gay people, and so on are not at all equivalent with a teacher mentioning something about Jesus in a history lecture. I'm afraid that this film, in retrospect, has convinced otherwise well-intentioned Christians that their faith is under attack in schools, which simply isn't the case.
If you're a Christian and reading this review, you don't have to watch this film just because it's Christian-made: Martin Scorsese's Silence is a fantastic movie about the struggles of Catholic faith from a devout Catholic man, Paul Schrader's film First Reformed is a beautiful piece about the struggles between religion, advocacy, extremism, and materialism, and if you have kids, Veggie Tales is a wonderful and intelligent program to put on for them instead. God's Not Dead 2 is little other than dishonesty meant to rile you up into a fervor over a problem that doesn't exist.
On a "movie" level, the film also fails. It's shot and lit like a Lifetime TV movie, most of the writing and acting is subpar, maybe with the exception of the always-entertaining Ray Wise, who plays an evil ACLU lawyer that hates God. I was half-expecting him to turn into Bob from Twin Peaks and kill somebody! When the movie is focused on him, suddenly it gets a whole lot better, from the cinematography to the acting, Ray Wise plays a very engaging villain. However, the rest of the cast fails to stand out or are just plain bad (the Duck Dynasty family's daughter has a cameo as a student, and it seems like she didn't even read her lines beforehand) and the script is a highly predictable three-act structure. Also, the film seems confused as to how courtrooms work. People keep bursting in and screaming, counsel continually directly addresses the jury, the bailiff really should have been tackling somebody, but I guess they were asleep at the wheel. Don't watch this or other Pureflix films: I'm convinced they're a scam preying on good-intentioned Christians out there.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
You can't help but chase the white rabbit.
This will be a non-spoiler review that will probably cater to neither the excessively negative nor the rapturously positive reviews of this movie, as among what I've seen online, there seem to really only be a lot of hyperbolic opinions on this film in the context of the full series in the same way The Last Jedi had.
The first 10-20 minutes of the film were slightly embarrassing with constant flash-cuts to previous films' already-iconic footage that felt less like an interesting twist on the existing narrative and more of your standard tentpole-studio member-berries-esque content that's meant to simply remind you of the feelings and emotions you have surrounding your nostalgia. The dialogue is bad in this opening, but not in the way the original trilogy's dialogue was bad: the original Matrix films had sickeningly sincere, but blunt dialogue, while this film's opening felt like a Joss Whedon script penned circa 2012 ("Oh Em Gee", "Doubleyou Tee Eff", etc., the dialogue is juuuust out of date to not even be ironically funny in the way it was trying to be).
*This is, to my understanding, completely intentional and works to reinforce the narrative of the film.* I'm pretty sure the first 20 minutes were an attempt to just reel in the general audience expecting The Matrix, but with newer special effects.
In the film's second act, we quickly snap back to a much newer, much more interesting premise than we've been led to believe. The mention of The Last Jedi earlier was very intentional, as I was having flashbacks to the way that movie deconstructed the film's universe, and I suddenly thought less of that movie (I liked it at release) because this film really feels like Lana Wachowski had complete creative freedom from Warner Brothers, which is excellent to see.
No, Morpheus is not played by Lawrence Fishburne, and no, Agent Smith is not played by Hugo Weaving, but without spoiling anything, there is a reason why these characters are played by different actors that is explained somehow both in-universe and on a metatextual level.
The film plays with the metatextual nature of being a film reboot in a saturated market in a similar fashion to the video-game adaption for the PS2, The Matrix: The Path of Neo, which I definitely didn't expect going in. I went in just thinking this was going to be generic Hollywood reboot #492 to be tossed onto the pile, and certainly, the trailers would lead you to believe that.
But, as the movie progressed, I grew out of my jaded hatred for most of what I was seeing in the first act and pulled back to look at the finished product- I don't really think there could've been a better Matrix sequel. All I can say to the naysayers of this film is: imagine handing this product to some normal, "in" screenwriter or director like Colin Trevorrow. You'd get some dreck about our main character having Neo as some type of father-figure and needing to retread the steps of the first film in the most boring, bland studio way possible. The film would get an 82% on Rotten Tomatoes, generally positive reviews, but let's be *really* candid here: nobody would remember it in 5 years.
For better or for worse, this movie is its own beast separate from the other Matrix films, and for that reason, I enjoyed myself and I'm actually excited at the prospect of a potential sequel! That being said, it's not a masterpiece, there are many better movies out there to watch, but if you're looking for an interesting ride, you could definitely do worse than this one.
Goodbye Honey (2020)
An Actual Waste of Time
Oftentimes, when discussing more artful films, a general audience member may feel that the slower pace actually hinders their experience because "nothing is going on". In good movies, sometimes this complaint is disproven by the subtler details of a film, like an interaction between characters that holds a lot of depth beyond simply the narrow perception of what the characters are saying. A director has a specific vision for what they're attempting to accomplish and feels as though they can take their time to really develop it.
Goodbye Honey (2020) is not one of those films.
The direction is very bland and basic, showing a fundamental understanding of the core mechanics of filmmaking and nothing beyond that. The acting from the two principle characters is serviceable, while all the other actors are subpar. The soundtrack is a grating, thin John Carpenter-esque synthesizer loop that simply plays over and over throughout the whole movie in a way that's supposed to convince the audience what they're seeing is intense when it's really just a flaccid attempt to thrill. However, the biggest problem with this movie is the script and how frequently it wastes the audience's precious time on Earth.
Dawn is a trucker that, while attempting to sleep in a state park overnight, is interrupted by Phoebe, who is desperately attempting to flee her captor. Phoebe and Dawn waste time for about 20 minutes in attempting to discern whether they can trust one another enough in a repetitive sequence of scenes that mean fighting over the most minute details. Then, once that plot point has been exhausted, there's a banging at the cargo door of Dawn's truck. Phoebe hides, Dawn opens it up to attempt to ward off kidnappers and phone 911 (Phoebe accidentally broke Dawn's phone for convoluted reasons), and bartering for a phone call takes 20 minutes and goes nowhere, with the only development in the plot being that Dawn's hair is now soaked in Mountain Dew.
But wait, weren't those Phoebe's kidnappers? Well, evidently not, as once this scene ends, Phoebe reveals the two idiotic young men Dawn spoke with for 20 minutes weren't her kidnappers.
So my question is, like many other sequences: what is the narrative point in including these scenes? Nothing happens, we don't learn anything meaningful about our characters. There is no theme that is developed or spoken on. It's just scenes of our characters experiencing trauma with nothing more added.
Then Phoebe tells the story of her kidnapping in a hilariously-terrible sequence where a judge attempts to argue Castle Doctrine in shooting his own daughter and traps Phoebe in his basement ("I WAS WITHIN MY RIGHTS!"). The editing in these scenes is particularly obnoxious, reminding me more of Saw III than Room. After this overly-long flashback sequence is over, it's revealed that Phoebe's captor is actually the client Dawn is helping to move houses. (Cue canned audience gasping.)
Then, in the final minutes of the movie, Dawn and Phoebe kill the kidnapper by trapping him in the back of the truck and lighting him on fire with a molotov cocktail. This scene accounts for the *1* star I would give this movie, as it was the only moment where I felt my synapses firing at all.
Rarely does a movie actually make me angry, even terrible movies can be fun to laugh at. Plan 9 from Outer Space is a terrible film made by a terrible director, but at least that movie had a theme and a purpose for existing. Goodbye Honey doesn't, so what does that make it? Don't bother.