stevedorsett Reviews

The Emoji Movie (2017)

Nowhere near as bad as the reviews would suggest

[7/10 · 17 August 2017]

The reviews have been way to harsh. This is a fun, lively film that kids will enjoy and giggle at. And dare I say it, the film is actually quite clever in places. A lot of how you receive this film will depend on whether you like James Corden. He is a polarising figure, but as the main comic character Hi-5, he has the brunt of the film's funny lines. I'm not the biggest fan of his, but he wasn't too obnoxious in this.

This is really a film of two halves. The first half is based in the city of Textopolis and about one emoji - a "meh" emoji and his attempts to fit in. This was funny for about 5 minutes, seeing "meh" interact will all the other emojis lead to some laughs but the joke went on for half an hour and ran somewhat thin.

The film came to life when the emojis-on-the-run left Textopolis and started making their way through other apps, such as facebook, youtube, instagram, candy crush, spotify, the trash file, just dance, a hacker app and dropbox on their way to the cloud. All the jokes about apps, their users, what people use apps for, how they waste their time on them etc. was really funny and on point. Although I think the gags would have flown straight over the heads of young kids. A joke about distracting the anti-virus bots by making them watch kitten videos on youtube had me roaring with laughter.

So as I say, the film is not that bad. It's nothing amazing, but it has some very funny moments, has a positive message and is not even close to the travesty the reviews and scores suggest. I'd say 7/10 is a fair score.

Dr. No (1962)

The Bond that started it all

[7/10 · 11 March 2005]

This is where it all began. 43 years later and 19 more movies, yet this one still holds up pretty well. A must for any Bond fan and also a great movie for people wondering what this franchise is all about.

The plot details the investigation of the death of a British Agent named Strangways. Strangways was in Jamaica as a favour to the American CIA investigating whether radio interference to their missile and rocket launches was coming from the Jamaica area. Bond is sent to uncover what happened to Strangways and to find out what he discovered.

The investigation leads him to a crime ring around Kingston, Jamaica. All are in fear of a mysterious scientist named Doctor No., who lives on the small island of Crab Key. Bond discovers that rock samples from Crab Key are radioactive and deduces Strangways also discovered this and was killed for it.

Once on Crab Key, Bond meets the elusive Doctor No and his nuclear reactor which provides the power for his radio interference of the American launches. Bond is imprisoned and has to use all his cunning and skill to stop the topling of the American lunar rocket, defeat Doctor No and rescue the drop dead gorgeous Honey Ryder.

This is an excellent, excellent movie which drags Bond deeper and deeper into this criminal world as the movie continues. Incredibly entertaining and a terrific introduction to this movie series.

WrestleMania 2 (1986 TV Special)

What the World is Coming to

[16 May 2002]

This was the tag line for the second Wrestlemania, the first Wrestlemania to be a Pay-Per-View Event. The WWF had to come up with a way to top the original Mania. To achieve this the event was split between arenas in 3 cities; The Nassau Coliseum, New York, The Rosemont Horizon, Chicago and the Los Angeles Sports Arena. Each arena held 4 matches and the arenas could link up with live satellite feeds.

NEW YORK

We have Vince McMahon and Susan St. James (who?) on commentary so off we go.

The Magnificent Muraco vs Paul "Mr Wonderful" Orndorff

Two big fellas in here. This match should be better than it is. Muraco works through a few power routines, Orndorff displays some of his technical work, but it doesn't seem to gel right. Crap finish as well. I expect more from the opening of Wrestlemania

Intercontinental Title Match: The Macho Man Randy Savage (Champion) with Miss Elizabeth vs George "The Animal" Steele

All f***ing right, the Wrestlemania debut of one of my favourite wrestlers of all time. Savage in my opinion is pure wrestling class, heel or face, doesn't matter to me, the man always puts on a show. Comes to the WWF, very quickly becomes IC champion. Anyway, back to the match. The styles of these two men don't gel too well although Savage tries to carry Animal. Not a bad match, but I am shocked and deeply annoyed that Steele felt he had the right to kick out of the elbow. Watch it, you'll see what I mean.

Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs George Wells

Hmmm, brand new heel with a killer gimmick vs some random jobber picked up on the corner of "jabroni drive" and "know your role boulevard". Can't think how this will turn out. Holy crap, the jobber is controlling the whole match, oh no, DDT all over. Next...

10 Round Boxing Match: Rowdy Roddy Piper vs Mr T

Two of the main eventers from the previous years Wrestlemania, now slug it out to close the New York segment. This is a hard match to rate as it is so atypical. A lot of people don't like this match but I find Piper hilarious, especially in heel mode so I quite like this one. Pipers flagrant cheating is very funny and T's efforts to play it straight is damn admirable.

CHICAGO

Now on commentary we have Gorilla Monsoon, Mean Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby

Women's Title Match: The Fabulous Moolah (Champion) vs Velvet McIntyre

Old Moolah, old old old Moolah. This is awful. Velvet, who was actually a pretty damn good wrestler gets squashed by the old lard ass herself. Very quick, very poor. Next...

Flag Match: Corporal Kirschner vs Nikolai Volkoff

Okay good all american, albeit Sgt Slaughter rip-off, Corporal Kirshner vs evil russian Nikolai. The WWF's answer to the cold war, a flag match. The idea being that each man enters with his country's flag and the winner leaves with both. Sounds pointless? Yes it is. Another daft and pointless match. This Chicago segment doesn't appear to be shaping up to much. Oh hang on the next two matches whup ass.

20-Man WWF/NFL Battle Royal

Guest Referees: Dick Butkus & Ed "Too Tall" Jones

Guest Timekeeper: Claire Keller

This battle royal contained WWF superstars as well players and legends from the NFL. The participants are as follows:

NFL: Jimbo Covert, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Ernie Holmes, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, "Refridgerator" William Perry

WWF: Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, The Killer Bees, Big John Studd, The Hart Foundation, Bruno Sammartino, Andre the Giant

Well this is pretty good fun, most battle royals are. You get a chance to see the future of wrestling in Bret "Hitman" Hart involved as quite a major player here. If you take a look at the participants you can pretty much guess who's going to win this. Good fun none the less.

Tag Team Title Match: The Dream Team (Champions) with Johnny Valiant vs The British Bulldogs with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne

Oh yes the Bulldogs are here. In my honest opinion, one of the greatest tag teams ever, and no not just because they're british. Seriously, Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid were ahead of their time, pulling out moves you only previously saw in Mexico or Japan. This match is absolutely brilliant, I never thought I'd say that about a match with Beefcake and Valentine in, yet here it works. Best match of the night bar none, fabulous performance, great story to the match, superb shock ending. They don't get any better than this.

LOS ANGELES

Okay, now on commentary we have Jesse "The Body" Ventura (yay), Lord Alfred Hayes (boo) and Elvira (god how I used to lust after this woman (still do)).

Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat vs Hercules Hernandez

I like both these guys, but this match just didn't do it for me. I don't think their styles complimented each other particularly well. Not bad, not great, just decidedly average. Anyway I think I'll skip on now.

Uncle Elmer vs Adorable Adrian Adonis with Jimmy Hart

Yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk. Two fat men, one dressed as a hillbilly and one in a dress gut-barging each other. In my opinion, worst match on the card. Next...

Tito Santana & The Junkyard Dog vs The Funk Brothers

This is more like it. Tito flying about all over the place, JYD smashing Funks through tables, the funks taking some superb bumps. This one is great fun. I love watching Terry Funk, because you know the guy's going to do some crazy shit to his body, in this case a big back drop on to the cement floor. This match is fast paced, the styles compliment each other quite well and this is the most entertained I've ever been by the JYD. All in all, top stuff.

Steel Cage WWF Title Match: Hulk Hogan (Champion) vs King Kong Bundy with Bobby "The Brain" Heenan

Guest Ring Announcer: Tommy Lasorda

Guest Referee: Robert Conrad

Guest Timekeeper: Ricky Schroeder

Okay main event time. Hogan in a cage that's pretty unusual. Here we see the start of the trend of having Hogan face guys even bigger than he is, other examples being Andre and Earthquake. This isn't a bad match, not great as cage matches aren't really suited for massive guys. Still some good action, a damn good story, bit of blood, Heenan receives a slap which is always good fun. Problem is, there's never a question of who's going to win. Ah well, can't have everything.

And so ends Wrestlemania 2, not as good as the first, but still worth a look. Especially for the introduction of Savage and Jake, and that damn fine Bulldogs Match. Anyway signing off for now, be back with a write up of Wrestlemania 3 sometime soon.

WrestleMania I (1985 TV Special)

March 31, 1985 - A tradition was born

[4/10 · 29 January 2002]

Well this was it, the grandaddy of them all, the original Wrestlemania. This was not much of an event by today's standards, but in 1985, there had never been anything like it. I'm going to try and give you a taste of the event with a brief run down of the matches. Anyway let the festivities begin.

An opening introduction from Vince McMahon (Jesus, he looks young) kicks us off, followed by some truly god awful 80's muzak, the national anthem, as sung by Mean Gene, we've got Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse "The Body" Ventura on commentry and we're off.

Tito Santana vs The Executioner Right, former InterContinental Champion vs Mr. Nobody Jobber. If you have never seen a Wrestling match in your life, you can guess who is going to win this one. Not bad action from both sides mind and Tito was pretty special considering it was 1985. We see the flying forearm and the figure-four, not a bad way to kick things off. Imagine though if Tito had been against someone like the newly signed heel Bret Hart, hell that would have been an opener.

King Kong Bundy with Jimmy Hart vs S.D.Jones 450 pound madman vs Mr. Nobody. A 9 second (actually more like 20) squash. Next...

Ricky Steamboat vs Matt Borne Hey it's the Dragon vs Doink (wonderful future gimmicks there). Solid match here. I love watching Steamboat and that arm drag. Technical well paced match. Not bad though says I.

David Sammartino with Bruno Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake with Luscious Johnny V. Dull dull dull. This match goes on for ever with a lot of chinlocks too. Epitome of boring 80's wrestling, and awfully cheap finish as well. Especially cheap considering this is the greatest event of all time.

Intercontinental Title Match : Greg "The Hammer" Valentine (Champion) with Jimmy Hart vs The Junkyard Dog I have to admit, I was never able to get in to the JYD, although the MSG crowd pops huge for him. Again, pretty dull match, not good for the IC division. However, the title would soon become the possesion of a young Mr. R. Savage, and things would get much better.

Tag Team Titles Match : The US Express (Champions) vs Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Sheik with Classy Freddie Blassie I like this one, two speedsters vs two huge monsters. Loads of extra-curricular activities on the part of Blassie and the heels and some great moves from the Express make ths one a goodie.

$15,000 Bodyslam Challenge : Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd with Bobby "The Brain" Heenan The stipulation here was thet if Andre could slam Studd within the time limit, then he would win $15,000 from Studd and Heenan. If he couldn't however, he would be fired from the WWF (pretty ahead of it's time). This isn't great wrestling, but it's good fun. It's always great to watch Andre in his face days - the gentle giant. With Heenan as well in full weasel mode this one is a favourite.

Women's Title Match : Leilani Kai (Champion) with The Fabulous Moolah vs Wendi Richter with Cyndi Lauper Okay, big time MTV Rock n Wrestling crossover going on here. The croed pops huge for Lauper. Anyway not a bad match, a few of the moves a blatantly botched, but better that 60% of women's matches today.

Hulk Hogan (WWF Champion) & Mr. T with Superfly Jimmy Snuka vs Rowdy Roddy Piper & Mr Wonderful Paul Orndorff with Cowboy Bob Orton Guest Referee : Muhammad Ali Guest Ring Announcer : Billy Martin Guest Timekeeper : Liberace Now this is the Main Event. A star studded arena, MSG jumping and the mighty Hulkster teaming with BA himself, Mr. T. This is a pretty good main event, all 4 men primarily brawling, but damn Hogan and Piper know how to work the crowd. When they are in together the crowd is hot. This is good fun, although I feel that this should have been Hogan and Piper one on one. This IS Wrestlemania after all.

So there you go, the tradition is born. If you're not a wrestling fan, you probably won't get much out of this. However, if you love this theatre of the absurd we call wrestling this is where it all began and you owe it to yourself to check it out.

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Quality little film

[8/10 · 21 November 2001]

This is a nasty violent little gem. Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs is about a group of gangsters after a jewellery heist gone wrong, and the events surrounding them within the following hours. The plot isn't as important as the relationship between the characters and the trust and dis-trust being built in their minds.

The acting is superb. Remember that this was Tarantino's first flick and look at the cast list: Kietel, Madsen, Penn, Buscemi, Roth. Those are some damn impressive names. The violence is nasty, but it is in keeping with the style and spirit of the movie.

Where the movie lets itself down is in the pacing. The script follows the stories of a few of the leads and shows how they inter-connect. This is done to a much better effect in his follow up Pulp Fiction. Here, however, it drags the movie in places. The Mr. Blonde story is excellent, whereas the Mr. Orange story that follows it, kicking in about 2/3 of the way through the film, really slows it down and loses the audience attention.

Overall though this is a good movie, really for the guys. Knock back a few brews and enjoy. - 8/10

Ammoru (1995)

Um............ interesting.

[6/10 · 19 November 2001]

Okay, obviously this is a Bollywood movie, a genre which I have no experience or knowledge in, but as it was on TV I thought I'd give it a go. The plot centres around Bhavani, a young girl who is the carer to the shrine of Ammoru, the mother goddess. She falls in love with a man of high standing, whose family object and do all that they can to stop the union in some violent and bizarre ways. Bhavani must call on Ammoru to save her from her plight. That's a rough idea of the plot, which seems to be just a set up for the amazing special effects around which the film was touted. Unfortunately, compared to western special effects they are not that amazing at all.

Typically with Bollywood, there is much singing, and for me, they were the highlight. There's one very dramatic action filled scene at the end, all hell breaking loose, and suddenly it bursts into song. It sounds ludicrous, but I thought it was fantastic. You'll understand if you see it.

All in all an interesting little movie. I would recommend this to anyone who fancies something a little different. It's not for everyone, but as someone who had never seen a Bollywood film from start to finish, I rather enjoyed it. - 6/10

Michael (1996)

Could have been Great

[5/10 · 19 November 2001]

I'm serious, this film could have been fantastic. It is a wonderful concept, in the hands of an accomplished writer it would have been. However, something really went awry. The plot concerns three reported looking for a reported angel living in Smalltown, anywhere USA. Michael is not what they were expecting, and oh how the hilarity ensues.

John Travolta is excellent, perfect casting. He steals every scene he is in. He is one of the few actors who can portray complete irreverence whilst maintaining a depth and sincerity in his eyes. The rest of the cast are useless though. Hurt, McDowell & Hoskins are all better performers than they choose to display here. Hurt in particular seems to be going through the motions.

There are some funny moments, every scene with Travolta as the focal point is fantastic, the other scenes just tend to drag. The effects are also nice and you do feel an empathy with Michael, although you couldn't give a rat's a** about the others (well maybe the dog).

Catch it if it's on, but don't worry too much if you miss it. Travolta alone pushes this rating up a couple of points. - 5/10

The Corporate Ladder (1997)

Fatal Attraction Playboy Style

[6/10 · 19 November 2001]

This is an interesting little film, basically a re-hash of Fatal Attraction, but made by Playboy, so a fair bit of T&A as well. The plot revolves around Matt, a high-flying Advertising exec, who hires a seemingly fantastic new assistant in Nicole. Nicole proceeds to........................ well you can probably guess the rest.

The acting in this movie was generally not bad, you expect it to be atrocious but are pleasantly suprised. This feeling kind of sums up the movie in general. You expect it to be dire but end up quite enjoying it. The plot is engaging and moves along nicely, and of course the ladies are fantastic.

Obviously it's never going to be oscar-fare, but that's the beauty of it, you know this in advance yet still enjoy the flick.

This is a very very soft erotic film, good to watch with the Mrs, and will be a pleasant suprise. - 6/10

Predator 2 (1990)

Alright I suppose

[5/10 · 19 November 2001]

Hmmm, the first thing I think of is, "well it's not as good as the original". Of course it's not, Predator was a seminal movie, a must-see. If we ignore the fact that it's a sequel, we can ask "does the movie stand up in it's own right". That's the problem, with the Predator history, it does continue the story well. As a movie in it's own right, it's just an Average Action Flick. The story revolves around Lieutenant Mike Harrigan who is trying to keep LA from blowing apart as two rival drug gangs fight over their turf. A new player comes to town and yep, it's that one ugly mother f*****r. It's basically a re-hash of the story of the first movie except relocating it to LA.

The acting is fairly solid. Danny Glover is pretty damn good, where as Busey seems a bit erratic. The action is nice to, although some of the effects are a bit ropey.

Overall, it's an alright action flick, but nothing great. Catch it if its on TV. - 5/10

Layover (2001)

Decidedly Average

[5/10 · 18 November 2001]

I used to love Hasselhoff. When I was growing up, Knight Ride was the show to watch. I used to collect all the memorabilia and my mother even made me a birthday cake shaped like KITT for my 7th Birthday. Then later during my adolescence he gave us Baywatch which, for a lad moving through puberty, again was the greatest show on TV. Then I see Layover. Now Hasselhoff has still got it, but the script itself is awful. The plot concerns a chance liason during a layover in San Fransisco, and the sinister chain of events he stumbles into. Unfortunately, I worked out the major twist a third of the way into the film and had to sit through the rest of the movie just waiting to be proved right (very irritating I can tell you).

The movie does have it's good points though. It is fun seeing ol' Dave kick ass and go nuts. There are also some fine looking chicks in this. The problem is this film could have been great, unfortunately it is nothing special. Catch this if it's on TV and you aren't looking for any thing challenging. - 5/10

Three Fugitives (1989)

Fun but nothing special

[6/10 · 17 November 2001]

This is a light 80's style comedy with heavy doses of schmaltz. The plot revolves around Lucas (Nick Nolte) who's been released from jail after 5 years for armed bank robbery. On his first day of release, he gets taken hostage by Perry (Martin Short), who tries to rob a bank in order to continue to care for his ailing daughter Meg. We've seen it many times before, Perry is completely inept, knowing only that he has to care for his daughter, Lucas is the tough ex-con with the heart of gold, oh you can almost picture the buddy-buddy hilarity to come.

Unfortunately, this movie completely under-utilises one of the great American comedic actors in Martin Short. These scenes that revolve around him just drag, and you end up longing for Nolte returning to the screen. The most poignant scenes revolve around the relationship formed between Lucas and Meg. Both of these two are fantastic in these scenes, and it's that which keeps you drawn to the film longing to see how it plays out.

The Three Fugitives is a fun little movie that won't bore you, is worth watching if you see it on TV. I wouldn't bother going out of you way to view it though.

All in all 6 out of 10

Paper Moon (1973)

Great Afternoon Movie

[7/10 · 17 November 2001]

This is a superb movie to watch on a lazy afternoon. Paper Moon is the story of Addie Loggins, a young girl whose mother has just been killed in an accident and who is being taken to her aunts by a womanising con-man who may or may-not be her father. The two form a relationship and form a duo as they try to scam their way across America.

We've seen the formula before but never as well done as this. Tatum O'Neil playing Addie is unbelievable, switching from the cutest little girl, to a chain smoking devil in seconds. At the start of the movie, you don't want to know, but by the end she has totally worked her way into your heart. The chemistry between her and her real-life father Ryan O'Neil is unbelievable and the scenes with the two of them bickering are an absolute treat.

There are a couple of problems with the movie, a lot of people feel that the black & white picture is an asset, whereas I personally see it as a detrement. I feel it detracts somewhat from the movie as a whole by dating it more than it needs to be. Also the film is a little slow at the start.

Overall this is a good film, perfect for a Saturday Afternoon. Everyone should see this movie once. - 7/10

Barefoot in the Park (1967)

Not bad at all

[6/10 · 17 November 2001]

I have to admit, I didn't expect a great deal from this movie, but I was very suprised. This is an adaption of the Neil Simon play about two newlyweds moving into their first place and the trials and tribulations that occur. During the film they found out character traits about each other and learn that in a marriage both parties need to adapt.

The film does have some very funny moments, with the scene in the Albanian restaurant being superb. The Victor Velasco steals every scene he is in and is worth watching the film for alone. An incredibly young Robert Redford & Jane Fonda are excellent, both showing some impressive comedic timing. Fonda has always been a favourite of mine, ever since I first saw Barbarella, and she does look fantastic in this.

There are a couple of problems however, the characterisation does go completely haywire in the middle, and you do question why the two leads are going so over the top. If there was no conflict though, how could you resolve it later I suppose.

Anyway, a nice little film, something you can watch with your parents without getting too bored. Just don't let the opening music put you off. - 6/10

Dragoon Wells Massacre (1957)

Pretty Good Western

[6/10 · 17 November 2001]

As Westerns go, this one is a little different. The plot is nothing new, Captain Matt Riordan has to guide a group of travellers across the plains to Dragoon Wells Camp after they have been attacked by Indians. Not all the members of the party is what they appear to be.

This movie is different in the sense that we appear to have a very standards stereotypical group of traditional Western movie characters. However the script is very different, in a sense trying to break the mould, filling out many of the characters. A lot of them feel very fleshed out giving a richness to the movie that you would not expect. The movie takes chances and personally, I like that, something that has the guts to be different. However, the downside of this means that there are several moments where a couple of the key players are acting extremely out of character. Not enough though, to damage the movie as a whole.

The film does have one major flaw. The Ann Bradley character is simply the most irritating woman ever seen in a film. The audience is meant to care about this character, yet for the first 3/4 of the movie all I wanted was to see an arrow put through her head.

Overall, this is pretty good fare, I would recommend this to anyone with even a passing interest in the genre. - 6/10

Practical Magic (1998)

It's not that bad

[7/10 · 14 November 2001]

The majority view on this site is that most people hated this movie, yet for the life of me I cannot see why. Alright, it's not going to win any major awards, but for what it is it's OK.

Firstly let me make it clear that as a general rule I am not a fan of romantic comedy, generally I find it insipid and it bores me to tears, however, I found this film quite enjoyable. The fantasy and horror elements took the movie away from the routine rom-com mush and moved the movie nicely. There were also some very touching scenes, the one with the sisters on the bed, with Sally crying for her(SPOILER)dead husband nearly set me off. The two aunts added some great moments (I've always been a Stockard Channing fan), and the two daughters were great. Obviously Sandra Bullock & Nicole Kidman were looking damn hot which helped this movie from a male perspective.

Overall this film is light fare, fairly entertaining and rarely drags. If you see that it's coming on TV and you haven't anything planned, kick back, have a couple of beers, make a few bacon sandwiches, and enjoy it for a couple of hours.