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Reviews
Poor Things (2023)
Porn Things
Lots of gratuitous, explicit sex and nudity. Cringy to watch throughout. Hard to fathom an accomplished and respected actress as Emma Stone would participate in such classless trash. Critics fancy this sort of "artistic" garbage for reason that defy reason, better suited for an AVN nominion. "Well acted" porn is still porn. Academy rewarded it with four Oscars, including best actress (as did Golden Globes), and nominated for best picture. No reason to trust critics, industry, director or cast going forward following the acclaim they heaped on this abomination. Theater goers stayed away in droves grossing under $35 million domestic. Suggest you do, too, including streaming.
No Hard Feelings (2023)
Historic low for Academy Award winning actress
One would never imagine an actress with such credentials could sink so low. And, throw in full frontal nudity to boot. Surely she doesn't need the money. Only Netflix would invest in such a lame, sophomoric, and tasteless project. One day when, if, Lawrence grows up she'll look back on this stain on her career and cringe. At least, one can hope. Her son will. That about sums up, so to fulfill the minimum requirement, I'll just repeat.
One would never imagine an actress with such credentials could sink so low. And, throw in full frontal nudity to boot. Surely she doesn't need the money. Only Netflix would invest in such a lame, sophomoric, and tasteless project. One day when, if, Lawrence grows up she'll look back on this stain on her career and cringe. At least, one can hope. Her son will.
Secrets of the Elephants (2023)
Beautiful photography, narration not so much
Beautiful photography as is National Geographic's hallmark. Many interesting insights. However, Natalie Portland is a poor choice for narration, non compelling with neither voice nor the delivey of a professional. Should have hired Morgan Freeman. Also, often the writing is sophomoric at best.
(Repeating to achieve the required of minimum requirement this is all that needs saying).
Beautiful photography as is National Geographic's hallmark. Many interesting insights. However, Natalie Portland is a poor choice for narration, non compelling with neither voice nor the delivey of a professional. Should have hired Morgan Freeman. Also, often the writing is sophomoric at best.
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
Bizarre and deeply disturbing
What is it with Hollywood calling something a "dark comedy" with two main characters suffering from psychoses and neuroses. There's nothing remotely humorous in this story. Fitting I suppose in today's Hollywood it has nine Oscar nominations. Besides the superb acting and cinematography of a bleak part of the world, the story has absolutely no redeeming qualities. Who would dream up such a story. And, I would like to have been a fly on the wall to hear the pitch to a studio that greenlighted it. Very slow, difficult to understand the dialogue because of the heavy Irish accent, this is supposed to be some thought-provoking story about rejection and lost friendships. It's simply bizarre and I wish I could hit the erase button in my memory.
2:22 (2017)
Couldn't get through the first 5 minutes
They got so much wrong with the opening sequence with air traffic controllers and flight crews and atc communications I figured that with movie makers that inept the story can't go anywhere but down.
Controllers don't talk to flight crews on telephones, they have a captain in the right seat with first officer on the left, No one says "prepare for final landing clearance," commercial jets don't say "prepare for landing," much less on a quarter mile final nor extend gear that late, they have active intersecting runways for takeoffs and landings, which would never happen, So this story opens with a controller clearing one to take off in one to land at the same time. He wouldn't have a job the next day. So this controller, the main character, with an imminent collision That would have been one of the worst disasters in aviation history, simply tells one plane to "punch it" and everyone's not just fine with that but impressed because they didn't collide?!? That would have made international news.
Blonde (2022)
A 5 D rating
Dreadful, dismal, dark, downer, disappointing. Film industry gave it an NC17 , hard to understand unless that stands for No Class. Anna de Armas embodies Marilyn and is remarkable to a point but sadly wasted in the director's helter skelter mission to portray her as a tortured brainless woman child. I can't see how this advances either's career. What a waste.
I can't think of any more to add and even this was a struggle so will just repeat to meet the 600 character minimum.
Dreadful, dismal, dark, downer, disappointing. Film industry gave it an NC17 , hard to understand unless that stands for No Class. Anna de Armas embodies Marilyn and is remarkable to a point but sadly wasted in the director's helter skelter mission to portray her as a tortured brainless woman child. I can't see how this advances either's career. What a waste.
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Spider-Man dumbed down
Audience aimed at 11 to 15-year-old teenage boys. Sophomoric and loaded with woke crap. This iteration Peter Parker is not high school, he's in kindergarten. So long Spider-Man we'll miss you.
Sleuth (2007)
Revisionism gone astray
A master class of a two character play. Sadley, the third act was pure blasphemy, cringeworthy. Didn't see the original movie but saw the original on Broadway with Anthony Quayle. This adaptation turns the entire plot on its head, changing the climax that made the play a classic. Perhaps director, Kenneth Branagh, sought to steal set and match from those who know the the brilliant original storyline, failing terribly. Maybe next, Cinderella's ugly sister marries Prince Charming, Lincoln shoots John Wilkes Booth. Such a waste.
Murder in the First (1995)
Cinematic malfeasance. Should come with a warning label not a rating
"inspired by a true story," I was taken in by the story of the vicious, abominable treatment Henri Young was subjected to in Alcatraz and the Les Miserable esque petty crime that sent him there. So I did some checking. Turns out the only accuracies were 1) his name, and, 2) his murder indictment reduced to an involuntary manslaughter conviction. All, and do I mean ALL, the rest is absolute fabrication. Not just created from whole cloth but a plot/story so maliciously deceitful in claiming inspiration from truth that it would make even Oliver Stone blush.
Had it been presented simply as a work of fiction it would be a 5 our 10 at best.
I'd like to think the glowing user review comments were influenced by the afterglow of "victory" claimed in the bittersweet ending/epilogue of this not-in-the-least-true story made with the intention, from the opening scene, of creating for its audience a sympathetic character from a man who was, in reality, Charles Manson not Jean Valjean.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Bizarre mishmash plot heavy on special effects
Don't waste your time, even when they stream it (But do go to the movies theaters for something else). Reminded me why I never got into Doctor strange comics as a kid. Just bizarre storyline. Fell asleep once. Nearly walked out twice.
Beyond that, D is for Disney and Disney=diversity for diversity sake, and they checked nearly all the boxes in this one. Scene in the first 10 minutes looks like a UN gathering at wedding of a mixed race couple, one of whom is a lead and new husband is a brand new character that is on screen maybe 10 seconds. Another lead, a "the chosen one" trope, is a Hispanic teen with two moms and wearing a Pride pin, at least one of which is Asian.
Being the "multiverse" There is all sorts of reality tinkering. Dr Strange appears in at least 3 variations of himself, one from a corpse. Scarlet Witch shed her Avenger ways to threaten the the universe so she can have children. Captain America comes back as Captain Carter, formerly known as Agent Penny Carter played by Hayley Atwell, and gets killed. X-Men Professor Xavier is resurrected for 5 minutes only to be killed again. And on it goes. Like I said, bizarre. Did I mention confusing, uninteresting? How about not caring.
Got to hand it to Disney, they're leading by example, pouring bazillions into blockbuster movies to promote a world as woke as they are.
Luftslottet som sprängdes (2009)
Was looking for an English version which this isn't
I read the first 2 and saw the first two movies and was looking forward to this conclusion. Very slow, main character is not on screen a lot and speaks little throughout the movie. Maybe that's how the Swedes like their movies. Did I mention all dialogue is in Swedish, so unless you like reading subtitles for 2 hours Smart something else.
Munich: The Edge of War (2021)
Well written and acted but with a fatal flaw
Draws you into the tension of the times from the beginning. Wonderfully cast and cinematography beautifully captures the period. The one flaw lies in the predicate of the plot by following the novelist Robert Harris' speculation that Chamberlain gave Czechoslovakia to the Nazis not to appease but to buy time for UK and European allies time to prepare for war that came only a year later. Nothing in history supports such nonsense. That spoiled an otherwise terrific movie for me.
The Batman (2022)
D-r-e-a-d-f-u-L Bears no resemblance DC's Batman
I've seen sycophant professional reviews for movies but this is the Hall of Fame for a single movie. User reviews are as bad. One genius even proclaimed this the greatest in the Batman cannon. If this is what today's movie goers see as exceptional, civilization is doomed.
Movie 43 (2013)
It pooped on itself
Crude, coarse, and dreadful. Only explanation is this was made by Hollywood for Hollywood, in on their own inside jokes ?! But, does demonstrate their fascination with depravity.
The Last Duel (2021)
Waaaaay too long. Dreary from beginning to end
Goodwill hunting this ain't. Damon and Aflac looks so out of place cast in this movie. And they went to all the trouble making a film about a duel from 700 yrs ago to illustrate the remants of sexism and misogyny that exist to this today. Oh, please. No wonder it bombed.
The Suicide Squad (2021)
Gawd awful
Gory, senseless, unfunny, positively dreadful.
Gory, senseless, unfunny, positively dreadful.
Gory, senseless, unfunny, positively dreadful there, that's 150 characters.
The Power of the Dog (2021)
Unbearably slow but beautifully filmed
This is the cinematic version of Chinese water torture. Drags on endlessly to an obtuse ending. Unless you want to be depressed for 2 hours only to be cheered up when the credits finally roll, watch a rerun of something you like.
Mayor of Kingstown (2021)
Yuk
Seedy, scuzzy, Fbomb every other line of dialogue. Didn't get halfway through it. Not a storyline or characters I have the remotest interest in investing another minute.
Black Widow (2021)
Meh
Disappointing at best. Neither an origin story nor continuation. No background as to how she became a widow assassin, nor what motivated her to join the avengers and "do the right thing." Florence Pugh is a delight. Title character, Scarlett Johansson, zero to work with in terms of motivation. I found it pretty confusing, and a big disappointment. David harberg's Red guardian, is silly attempt at comic relief. Basically, a mess.
The Adjustment Bureau (2011)
Charming and enjoyable thrill ride
One of several short story adaptations from science fiction writer Philip Dick. Others include Total Recall, Blade Runner, Minority Report, paycheck.
Emily Blunt sparkles. She and Matt Damon have marvelous chemistry in a romance, suspense, science fiction thriller about fate, free will, and chemistry when two people are meant to be together.
Thoroughly entertaining and enjoyable.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Wierd, and not in a good way
Wierd. Wierd, wierd, wierd, WIERD. Did i mention wierd.
Bloodsport (1988)
The Airplane of martial arts movies
Surely this is a spoof on martial arts movies. It's just laughably bad.
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)
Yuck
Sick story with no redeeming qualities. Kind of imagine why anyone would write it or any of these credentialed actors would want anything to do with it.
The Humanity Bureau (2017)
Paycheck
Movie should be subtitled "a paycheck for Nicolas Cage" as that seems to be his only motivation in this dreary, barely watchable excuse for a film.
Fantasy Island (2020)
My fantasy is to unsee this train wreck
Frankly I'm at a loss for words, but I'll try.
Bizarre, confusing, movie takes viewers down multiple rabbit holes without end. Speaking of the end, it just gets more bizarre not to mention wholly unsatisfying.
Don't waste a minute of your life on this garbage.