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June 9 (2008)
It's a movie.
The scares are largely non-existent, there is no mystery, the violence is muted and dated, and the cast is a bunch of nobodies with nothing to do. That said, what I did enjoy about this movie was watching the cast. This movie is set in the summer of 1999 and is surprisingly accurate in capturing how it felt hanging out as a teenager around that time. I saw a lot that reminded me own teenage years in the 90s so for that I don't feel like I totally wasted my time. For anyone else outside this specific age range though, this is a hard pass.
Dark Figures (2020)
Want to go camping?
Your enjoyment of this film will largely depend on your expectations going in. This is largely a hang-out movie, with most of it's run time being simply hanging out and watching the antics of this group of friends. It's all pretty surface level stuff too, there's nothing really gripping or complex about these relationships. However, I was amused enough to keep watching, in spite of the lack of anything spooky happening in this "horror" movie.
When the scares do start around 50 minutes in, it's just as amateurish and lacking in any true originality. If you enjoyed the first half of the film for it's characters, I think you will feel a slight sting when they begin to die. I found a lot of what I enjoyed about the second half of the film was imagining myself in their situation and wondering how well or poorly I'd cope.
Ultimately, it's not a great movie. Maybe not even good. That being said, if you want something easy, inoffensive, and are feeling maybe a tad lonely, then turn this on before going to bed. I'm sure a horror movie doesn't want to be labeled as relaxing, but there you go
#Followme (2019)
This movie is literally nothing
Just don't watch it. Three girls filmed themselves on vacation and pretend to get murdered. I actually watched the whole thing and that's sadly all there is to this
Scare Package (2019)
Aggressively unfunny
Close to two hours of the most obvious, bottom barrel, elementary level jokes. Unbelievably stupid
[Rec] (2007)
Generic and uninspired zombie romp
It's hard to understand the glowing reviews that this film has received. What starts out as a boring, behind-the-scenes style filming for a show that, based on its title, knows no one would bother watching, quickly dissolves into the same old found footage clichés and tropes you'd expect. This was meant to draw some sort of dissonance between normality and horror, but there's little difference in the level of intrigue between the first latter halves of the film. The second half just has far more screaming and all the sins that plague this genre.
We have the cameraman whose only physical characteristic is being the cameraman and is unable to put it down even to help someone being killed in front of him. Then a constant thread of conversation is two people arguing whether or not to turn the camera off, which of course doesn't happen. The lights inexplicably turn off, forcing the camera to use its on-board flashlight, setting up for jump scares that are predictable the second the lights go out. The camera even manages to magically stay focused on the action at hand even while the operator is running backwards, is in a space far too small to accompany, or, most egregiously, *spoiler* while the cameraman is mauled to death.
The story itself isn't anything new or even exciting for that matter. The first scene of any horror in this film is the same we see in any zombie movie out there. A character has turned his back to an obviously unnatural situation and is bitten. From there we hit all the checklist boxes for a zombie film. People are quarantined off, no one is told or knows what's happening, police are useless, little girl is introduced for sympathy, people start coming back from the dead (which we never address but I digress), we find out it's a virus passed through saliva, and on and on.
I won't give away the final scene, not that I would need to, but towards the end our main character just gives up on acting all together. The last twenty minutes simply involve what can only be described as her attempt to rupture her own vocal cords before the film ends. Aside from this, we get to see her comically pull an entire desk drawer out and manically dump all its contents to grab a pair of keys that were clearly right on top of it and in plain view. Then it's a mad rush to find an exit that is completely forgotten about from one scene to the next in favor of introducing plot points superfluous to the movie since they're shown five minutes before the end.
I'm not a cynic of all found footage; there are a few I genuinely enjoy, so I don't want this review to make it seem that I disliked this film due to its choice of medium. Rather, if this movie was shot like a normal film I believe it would be even more monstrously dull than it currently stands. What this film suffers from is a complete lack of originality and style.