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Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
The armpit of summer blockbusters
Life is short folks. This movie isn't. It is literally three hours of money shots, each one with a more in your face product placement than the last.
Remember what happened to Shia Labouf the other night, with handcuffs and the arrest and everything? If this movie had gone on five minutes longer, the same thing would've happened to me!
It's not just lowest common denominator filmmaking, it's that the lowest common denominator isn't near low enough for this movie filmmaking. The dialog and the jokes actually clang louder than all the smashing metal. You might as well hold your breath until you see pretty colors then watch a bunch of commercials. Save yourself the twenty bucks and the IMAX 3D experience which btw, doesn't disguise the lousiness, it just enhances it.
I had made the mistake of choosing some (ahem) prime real estate for my seat. This of course surrounded me by other masochists who sat next to me. For the first five minutes of the movie, there was one who was messing around on his phone and the white screen was annoying me to the point where I almost had to say something. But, he turned it off. At about the two hour mark, I thought about asking the kid to turn his phone back on, because whatever was on it could only be more interesting than the feces I was watching directly in front of me.
I've seen better film on teeth.