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IkanoKato
Reviews
Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings (2002)
Not The worst movie ever.....
Anyone who claims that this is the worst movie ever has simply not seen enough movies. If you want to see some things that are truly reeking, smelly crap fests, I suggest checking out some of those Brain Damage or York Entertainment horror and/or urban SOV/DTV programmers. Those flicks are so bad, they don't make it past the category of home movie. At least MAX MAGICIAN can boast the fact that it's actually shot on 35mm film, has some decent make-up effects and a professional original score. That said, this film is indeed one of the absolutely lamest films I have ever inflicted on myself. Basically take a standard issue Disney/Family Channel movie, take it down ten notches and remove any all production value and talent and you're left with this turd. Editing is lousy, the cinematography is pedestrian, the writing is laughable and let's not even get started on the acting. Throw in a squad of LARPers and Ren fest refugees and you've got a five car pile up of a movie. It makes you wish MST3K was still on the air because would be a great follow up to FINAL SACRIFICE.
As a parting shot as I must mention the truly abominable special effects. In this day and age when Star wars fan films can boast to having an impressive level of scale and gloss, the only effects this movie can boast of are an occasional matte, a sparkling effect that shows up waaaaay too often, and that reaally tacky effect where you put the camera on a tripod and then start and stop it to make somebody vanish. Lame? You betch your arse!
Hip-Hop Task Force (2005)
Less A Film And More A War Crime!
Again the triple tragedy of the easy availability of miniDV cameras, desktop editing, and the low standards of the Urban genre is again unleashed upon the world. Little more than a bunch of random, poorly edited scenes this film makes the average summer vacation video seem like a work of unparalleled cinematic genius. The people behind this film (not to mention the distributors) are either the worst kind of cynics or mentally challenged if they think this worthy of any attention or praise whatsoever. With bad acting, bad directing, and bad everything, this film doesn't lower the bar for Urban cinema, it pounds it into the ground and hammers it six feet under. Utter, utter, UTTTER crap.
Ghostwatch (1992)
The best of the "Reality Horror" genre
Thanks to a glowing review from Bad Movie Report.com and the fine folks at Cinefile Video in Los Angeles, I was able to get my hands on a PAL DVD of this classic and it was worth it. I'm a genre aficionado so I've already seen "Blair Witch" (incredibly overrated) and "Cannibal Holocaust" (also incredibly overrated) so I'm pretty much immune to the Hype Machine, whether it be from Mainstream Establishment or Indie Film Webnerds. Also, I didn't grow up in the UK with the myth and legend that sprouted like kudzu from bootleg videos or traumatic childhood memories. I went into "Ghostwatch" with no real expectations and I can honestly say it delivers. It's easily the best horror movie I've seen in years.
The film starts harmlessly enough and its actually kinda dull for the first 20m, but then the weirdness kicks in and it just escalates into a genuinely chilling finale. Now the movie was damn creepy to begin with but it becomes creepier on reflection with the subliminal appearances of the ghost and when you go back and freeze frame certain segments to see "Pipes" staring out at you, it makes you break out in goosebumps. It's similar to the urban myth of there being a ghost in "Three Men & A Baby"; that happened when I was in High School, and when I saw the shotgun and the kid...brrrrr! "Ghostwatch" is just like that.
Highly Recommended!