horroregg Reviews

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena (2011)

Far exceeds expectations

[9/10 · 21 February 2011]

I enjoyed Blood and Sand, but as a guilty pleasure. Outrageous sex and violence, some truly terrible dialogue and dodgy acting from Kiwi accented muscle men. It was fun, but not gripping nor truly addictive.

I was happy to sit back and enjoy more of the same, but Gods of the Arena is a major evolution.

There's less blood (although still more that any other show, ever) and less sex (likewise) , but far more dastardly pots and intrigue. The dialogue is more Shakespearian and the accents are reigned in. A (small) dose of Deadwood has gone a long way to making this show a cult classic. I hope they keep making these.

Awake (2007)

Awaste

[4/10 · 10 July 2008]

The blurb on the movie pretty much gives away the story, so it's hardly a spoiler to say that it involves around a patient remaining aware whilst under anaesthetic and witnessing a plot against him unfolding. Sounds good doesn't it? Well it could have been.

There are lots of problems with the accuracy of the medical procedures and the frankly insane plan of the conspirators, but the movie keeps the whole thing going fast enough for you to go with it anyway.

The problem is the fact the outcome of the movie is unaffected by the central character's experience as others step in to solve the mystery in a rushed ending that ties the whole thing up in 5 mins. I was enjoying the movie up until the hour mark, there seemed to be so much left to happen. Then it just ends. It's all a bit bizarre, like someone said part way through the shoot "We;ve run out of time, you have to finish the movie today".

This one is a real shame as with the basic premises and the cast, they could have done something really good.

Inland Empire (2006)

Luddites beware

[3/10 · 3 September 2007]

If any one else made this it would be panned as pretentious dross. But no one does because they don't want to look like the one idiot who didn't understand Lynch's genius.

The critics just sit through it nodding and smiling as if they've got a bloody clue what Lynch is one about. When asked what it was about they say "oh it's a film to be felt, not understood".

Does has anyone else think they're being had? Perhaps he's not on about anything at all. Perhaps he just messes about for a few weeks, filming whatever he feels like, then when he's bored, he throws it together. It doesn't make sense, and it's 3hrs long (2 hrs film, 1 hr pauses). Is it crap? No you fool! It's clearly genius. The cast, crew, and nobody else, no one, not a single person understands it. But they all say it's fantastic. Why?

Perhaps it's because it's so beautiful to look at? But Inland Empire is not. In fact, it looks shite, it's full of student film ultra close ups and (presumably) intentionally bad focus. Apparently it was shot on a cheap camera. Why? What's so cool about shooting a big budget film on high street cameras? I'm so stupid I don't know.

So, as a piece of surrealist art, this may have some merit that I don't understand. But, as a movie, it's bloody rubbish.

Puritan (2005)

Looks aren't everything, unfortunately

[5/10 · 28 August 2007]

I liked the production and costume design, the clever way it looks Victorian whilst being set in the modern day. I liked the colours and the camera, and I liked the cast. I also liked that it took itself seriously and the makers clearly went out to make a good film rather than a commercial one. In fact, its only nod to commercialism seems to be the casting of Hutch as the self help guru (he's fine, but this really could've been anyone).

I didn't like the snail like pace and numerous references to ultimately irrelevant historical characters that are clearly a bit of an obsession for the writer. The identity of the burned man is rather more obvious than I'm sure it was intended to be and the Aleister Crowley bit is laughable.

It deserves credit for being brave & really lovely to look at, but it's very,very slow with no ultimate reward for your patience.

Nature Morte (2006)

Horror Movie in Good Story Shock

[9/10 · 6 August 2007]

I saw his film last week at a test screening in London. I read some other website reviews on this before I saw it and to be honest I expected to like it. It as it had been compared to Jean Rollin and commented on by Jess Franco, two of my favourite lunatic directors. Buit I didn't like it, I loved it.

A word of warning, it's a pretty complex tale for a low budget horror flic and you really have to watch, the guy in front of me didn't understand it at all. Perhaps it was George Bush.

But, I like complicated movies as long as they make sense, and this does, and it's got lashings of kinky lesbians and general sex and violence.

A story and sex and violence? In the same film? Shurley shome mishtake? And there's more....it's got a fantastic villain in the skeletal Frenchie Laurent Guyon, and a really great sultry female lead in Carole Derrien as his bonk- anything-mentalist girlfriend.

Nature Morte is a massively ambitious project, get this: it takes place in London, France and Asia and features cool old cars, weird costumes (check out Lec's suit), massive houses, a boat, some pretty seamless SFX, and it looks terrific (particularly for a DV movie) with a lot of wild use of colours. Oh yes, and the excellent score is by ex-Banshee Steven Severin and his missus, Arban Severin.

Before I get too carried away, there are some so-so bits, and the budget occasionally creaks under the strain of something that was probably written with a much, much bigger production in mind.

But it's original, and that's a big big plus, there's nothing like this out there. A refreshing change from the current crop of Hostel copies, oh- so predictable Hills Have Zombie Saws III and desperately unfunny horror comedies (Severance excluded, I loved that one).

As it turned out, Nature Morte isn't really much like Rollin (apart from the kinky lesbians), and it's less like Franco (not enough kinky lesbians for that) but, I tell you what, I absolutely loved it, and not just because of the kinky lesbians. Highly recommended.

La mano de un hombre muerto (1962)

Franctastic!

[9/10 · 3 August 2007]

Every one knows Franco is off his rocker. But this film is from a period where it wasn't so abundantly clear from looking at the screen.

For those that think Franco is a hack film maker with all the sleazy zooms of his later films, see this and you'll discover that he does that because he likes it, not because he doesn't know how to do anything else.

This one is made very nicely. It's shot in black and white holds up very well today, comparing favourably with many other films from this era and genre. Plot wise it's a serial killer movie, but it has that real timeless feel and atmosphere that places it firmly in the horror category.

The understated performance from Franco regular Howard Vernon is outstanding, but all the cast are great. I'm not sure what the original language is, probably Spanish, I've seen it in English and French and although they're both acceptable, it's a shame not to hear the real actors voices (although Vernon probably dubbed himself).

It's also amazingly daring for 1962, in fact way too daring for its day and the dungeon scene was removed by bastard censors. But it's back now and it's great, if you like that sort of thing of course, which, as you're reading a review of a Franco film, you do.

I love this film.

Requiem for a Vampire (1972)

Brilliant

[9/10 · 3 August 2007]

No one would be expecting a meaningful social commentary from a film with this title, but please bear in mind when watching that this a Jean Rollin film, so don't expect a meaningful story either. My guess is that you're probably expecting some mad nonsense with kinky lesbian vampires. You won't be disappointed. This is mad, it has kinky lesbians and they're vampires. Happy days!

It's quite light hearted for a Rollin flick and is at the fast end of his snail like pacing, but that isn't saying much on either count. It's no Daughters of Darkness either, so don't try to make sense of it, you'll end up as bonkers as Rollin.

Instead laugh at crap vampires and revel in the kink fest in the dungeon. It's bloody great and is a bona fide Eurotrash classic. Highly recommended.

The Black Dahlia (2006)

A huge let down

[3/10 · 2 August 2007]

I was looking forward to this movie. If you haven't seen it yet and are expecting a dark, sultry, disturbing noir based the on this legendary unsolved murder, prepare to have your expectations crushed.

To start with, it really only uses the title of the Black Dahlia case, not the story, it offers no possible hypothesis of the reasons for the murder, instead basing the story on total fictionalistion of the events surrounding the death of Elizabeth Short.

The reasons why the writer (Leornard) and this, the subsequent film, use a real and horrific murder the basis for an entirely impossible story can only be commercial ones.

Given a complete free hand, not constrained by facts, you'd imagine that such a talented team of writer and director would come up with a gripping movie. Unfiortunately what you get is a mess. The detectives are charmless and don't discover much, Scarlett Johanssen is there to look pretty alone as her character has no input to the story at all (she's fine, just pointless). People say and do things that seem significant, only for them never to come to anything. There's a mistaken identity part of the plot involving people who look absolutely nothing like each other and some insane over acting towards the end where the deranged plot is revealed. Don't expect to be able to work it out either, I defy anyone to guess the ending, and not because it's a clever twist but because it's so contrived and unbelievable. Look on the forums here and you'll see many people trying to work out the motivations of the characters by using the more detailed book. Not a good sign is it?

As you'd expect, it looks fantastic, but it's a complete waste of time.