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davemarccoleman
Reviews
Dune: Part Two (2024)
I can see where all the production issues were
Having enjoyed the sheer scale and artistic vision of the first episode of Dune, I couldn't not see this in the cinema. All those elements return, along with a host of perfect faces in the cast, standout performers clearly being Rebecca Ferguson and Javier Bardem. There were just 3 problems I had which knocked a star off my rating each.
The beginning was overlong and dull. I grew sick of Chalamets face and all the reverence by his people (perhaps that was the point). All this buildup for a Messiah character, ok we get it, it's quite boring to see the prophecy coming true too.
Plot advancement seemed to jump forward extremely quickly between scenes, one instance being when he's sent out into the desert on a survival trial, but the next minute he's back with the crew attacking the bad guys. Talking of the bad guys, the viewing experience was far more enjoyable to me whenever they had screen time, welcome relief from 'Mary Sue' Paul. The Harkonnens are a disgustingly evil bunch of folks and deserved more backstory.
Then the anticipated epic final battle, what a dud. It's over in the blink of an eye and wraps up the film awkwardly. I was expecting the film to end just before this part, setting up a mouthwatering finale in part 3, so I wonder if there really is going to be one due to this ending.
Overall a must watch if you've seen the first. +Strong cinematics, -weak storytelling.
The Ninth Gate (1999)
Poor ratings due to baggage
Polanski, boo. Depp, hiss. That's the only reason I can think of for the low score on IMDb. Infinitely watchable occultist noir-horror that manages to stay creepy yet knowingly hammy too. For a runtime of just over 2 hours, personally speaking it never gets boring as we follow Depp's underground book dealer on his task to track down an antique issue imbued with the power to summon Satan himself. A lot of unusual and convenient death seems to follow him wherever he goes, along with a mysterious young woman...
Some more words to finish the character count; Lena Olin is stunning, Frank Langella is sinister, and Johnny wears cool glasses.
I Spit on Your Grave (2010)
Gratuity
Plot hole: single young woman tells a bunch of creepy guys voluntarily where she will be staying in an isolated cabin, alone.
Unnecessary part: brutal rape in full detail, why? Did we need to see it? Did they need to act it? I skipped half of it. A good film maker would leave it to the imagination. Imply what happens.
Then everything following it has no logic. Incapacitated and weak from shock, she throws herself in the river (while nude) and disappears under water. Then miraculously reappears alive and well, fully clothed again, and casts revenge on the men who brutalised her. She has no trouble finding any of them (and one of their family). And disposes of each one with a kind of unhinged torture method - pretty much the only good parts about the film. Each one is given a star from me, for creativity.
Oh yeah, the acting is terrible. Casting definitely more to do with how comfortable the lead was in performing the rape scene above all else.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
It is for kids.
I was 10 when this came out. Anakin is also around the same age. That's where you need to frame it. And it's insanely successful at its core purpose: exciting quick cut action for youngsters to enjoy. Most of the dialogue and humour is deliberately simple for them to understand. The political backstory doesn't really matter, nobody is paying attention to that. We've got to sell the toys. Droids, ships, aliens. Podracing, the best part of the film. Lightsabers and frickin Darth Maul. Come on! George nailed it with this one, unfortunately the next couple felt duller as they tried a darker and more grown up tone.
Star Wars is for kids. Embrace your inner kid or turn it off.
Road Trip (2000)
'American Pie' with more heart
At the turn of the millennium Hollywood was flooded with college comedies that formed the backdrop of many teens lives at the time. American Pie was the seminal film, this one more like it's quiet cousin.
There's not much over the top wackiness or excessively gross out moments in this one, as it retains a sense of feasibility. There's no constant soundtrack accompanying it either, the chemistry of the oddball friends seems plausible (everyone knew guys like these) and the funny moments are more short laughs, where you find yourself quietly smiling without realising, than the roll on the floor creasing type. And it is filmed in a surprisingly skillful way, each scene is proper drama film quality in that sense.
A 2000 movie very much in the spirit of coming of age 80's teen comedy gems, underrated and entirely responsible for my own slightly unrealistic expectations of how university was going to be. Good times.
Erik the Viking (1989)
Total failure
A vanity project for Terry Jones, that fails on almost every level. Plainly obvious that this was an idea for another Python film which the rest of the gang rejected as it simply wasn't funny. Erik would be played by Palin. Chapman would be the blacksmith. And so on. But he decided to make it anyway with or without their help (Cleese shows up in a cameo that is a documented favour after Jack Lemon withdrew from the project). Maybe if they had worked on it together to flesh out the story and come up with more jokes it could have been another classic, but sadly the death of Graham Chapman, breakup of the group and ambitions of the other Python members left Jones with a turd he really should have scrapped.
Scanners (1981)
80's time capsule
Boom. Head explodes. Yeah ok everyone knows now, it's not even a spoiler.
All the negative reviews are correct about this film. Slow, dated, poor sound production, hammy, dubious understanding of technology, very few exciting scenes. It all adds up to the definition of the so bad it's good genre though.
Special mention to the acting of Stephen Lack(ing) - absolutely stone cold chilling. Robotic and psychotic. Monotone delivery combined with facial expressions that don't reflect what is being communicated. Like an android learning to feel. And this is supposed to be our protagonist! If you think it's just plain bad acting, watch it again and reframe it. Masterclass.
Lifeforce (1985)
Unintentionally hilarious
Classic Brit horror meets US sci-fi, "Lifeforce" appears to be the precursor to the 90s flick "Species", featuring the incredible Mathilda May.
The Space Girl is a spooky hypersexual vampire from another world, wreaking havoc on earth after being discovered in a cryochamber during a space mission to Haley's comet. Do you care about the plot? It's not really important, and doesn't make a huge amount of sense, so why would you.
We are here for the nudity. Gratuitous and showcasing Ms Mays talents fully. Eyebrow raising at the time, yet by today's standards, fairly tame. However, when you have an actress so comfortable with herself, it seems wasteful to barely have her feature after the first 20 minutes. Perhaps the producers became concerned that they were creating a softcore porn film and threatened to can it if there wasn't a switch in tone.
So for most of the runtime, we have an almost exclusively male cast, running round completely terrified of an impossibly gorgeous, 20 year old naked girl-turned-invisible spectre, with powers that can even force a man into a reluctant kiss with Patrick Stewart (his only purpose in the film). I found this concept hilarious. Next thing we know, London is burning, everyone's a vampire and the girl needs finding and taking out.
Whatever. It's plenty of fun. Props, special effects, gore, breasts. A must watch for B movie lovers. But it's not exactly shakespeare.
Shin Kamen Raidâ (2023)
Disappointing
Another random find available on Prime for free this month. A live action manga flick that looked an easy watch. Something about mutant insect-men fighting each other and riding bikes. Cool, I didn't want to brain today. Let's do this!
It starts well; with frantic action, quick cut Kill Bill/Power Rangers style camera work and lots of gratuitous gore and fake blood. Looked like this was going to be a treat. Sadly I was mistaken.
The film descends into the typical dull and boring melodrama coming from East Asia these days, as seen in things like Squid Game; perfect model looking actors talking about pure nonsense in the most serious way. The fun fizzled out. Waste of time!
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
"The studio said there was going to be a sequel"
...so Lana Wachowski said if anyone is going to butcher my intellectual property, it's going to be me. And there are no prime fillets to be had here.
For over two hours, I watched a fanfiction spoof of 1999 The Matrix. Seeing Keanu and Carrie Anne Moss back in the "game" if anything, dragged it down further. A low budget Matrix film WITHOUT Neo and Trinity could have been a fun ride. This was just vandalism. And I've no idea what the purpose of making this film was, other than that one very telling quote from the "agent Smith" character early in the story.
My biggest issue wasn't so much the basic cinematography; poorly choreographed fighting scenes; the cheap and tacky CGI; the jokey nature of 'Barney' as the main villain; Keanu still after all these years barely able to string a sentence together; time wasted by minor characters blethering on with backstory exposition; the general lack of threat or jeopardy... it was the idea of mental illness being a core plot device.
Once that one gets trotted out the story falls down. There can never be resolution to it. Is the entire plot just another of Mr Anderson's schizophrenic episodes? We can never know, and I couldn't invest in caring what is going on from that point.
While watching I too felt like the Merovingian in his short (pointless) cameo in this, ranting absurdly at nobody. Such a shame the world has come to this, a director feels the need to destroy the art they created so nobody else can. Or dare I say it, so nobody with greater competence in film making could create something better than them using their IP...
Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
Curious
I first saw this film as a young boy in a double showing with 'My Fair Lady' on TV in the 90s. I had no idea what was going on but I met my first crush that day, the incredible Audrey Hepburn. Rewatching it decades later for an adult perspective.
A bizarre element of an unnecessary phony Japanese caricature taints this picture badly - seems like there wasn't enough 'comedy' in the script so producers got involved and crammed an old timey sideshow in there. This was pre civil rights movement 60s so let's leave that one there.
Holly/LuLu is simultaneously excitingly playful, repulsive in her ridiculousness and ravishing in her beauty. A little girl who never grew up with daddy issues, playing the field taking cash from the wealthy older men in town. But when you find out her backstory you can't help feeling sympathy for her. This is the catalyst for 'nice guy' writer Paul falling deeply in love, himself seeking a way out of his own toxic situationship and believing he can offer Holly the missing element in her chaotic life.
As you'd expect with a film from this era we get a slightly unconvincing happy ending, but as noted thousands of times Audrey plays the part amazingly well - so much so that the camera just can't leave her alone and develop any of the other characters sufficiently to create a deeper story. I found it a fairly enjoyable watch, as a step back in time to post war America. "Kinda liked it".
Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities (2022)
Enjoyable anthology
Horror geek Guillermo del Toro presents an entertaining homage to one of his directorial heroes Alfred Hitchcock in this special Halloween release for Netflix. 8 self contained short stories with a macabre theme, filmed in a more cinematic way than the standard netflix production, as you'd expect from the presenter and featuring plenty of solid acting talent.
As expected from this kind of anthology, some hits and misses - Tim Blake Nelson's first episode struggles to get going and ultimately ends in a shrug, while the lovely Kate Micucci stars in hers, a kind of "The Shining" gender role-reversal tale (that seems to be the lowest rated on imdb, did nobody get it?)
Overall a decent watch over a couple of nights if you want a different kind of horror to the usual. Hopefully it spawns a regular series every year which could develop a cult following of its own.
A Quiet Place Part II (2020)
Boring boring boring
Review based on not seeing part one of this story, clear mind no preconceptions other than intrigue.
Bloodthirsty savage Aliens arrive in a comet and start killing everyone. Dad dies. Gotta hit the road to survive. We are sneaking through the countryside inexplicably barefoot (Except for Emily Blunt's bandage, presumably to put off Quentin Tarantino). And stumble across a boobytrap tripwire. Emily whispers under her breath "run!" To her deaf children... And so I was completely lost, after the movie barely holding my attention beforehand.
Absolute snoozefest, as you'd expect to find in a quiet place.
Clerks III (2022)
RIP nostalgia
Everyone knows Kevin Smith had a heart attack "did he mention it?" He and Jay Mewes both needed a quick buck so they made fan service movie Jay and silent Bob reboot. They now return doing two other pals a favour, the stars of their first film Clerk's. The tone here swerves from the famous motor mouth comedy in this final installment.
Both store keepers are hitting the mid life crisis times, and one has a heart attack, which spurs him to make a movie as his life's "achievement" - which happens to follow the plot of the original Clerks. We follow the escapade featuring brief appearances by some familiar faces, but the cast is basically 6 characters.
To me, the director who has traded on nostalgia for 30 years is saying enough is enough with this installment and ending his saga. Or at least I hope so, as while amusing and poignant in places, this film (with most of his later releases) doesn't hold a candle to the movies made by a bright young man with a vision. The wisecracking characters have become caricatures. The sad losers, the ones in town who never moved on. One is a ghost. One finally realises what a jerk he is. Even Jay and Bob just aren't as funny now they are old. The entire premise of this is Smith's critique of himself and his own ego.
There are some cheap laughs, good tunes, and a message in there, even if the drama is rudimentary. And the new addition to the cast steals the show, skewering the emo subculture in a gentle way (another nail in the nostalgia coffin for those who lived it and perhaps still do).
Time to move on and dream bigger, as Rosario Dawson says.
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
Cartoony
The return of Gonk and Zillagod, two for one, who can complain? Well, me. Comic book superhero rubbish completely kills the thrill of two classic horror characters duking it out to see who reigns supreme.
The films in this franchise all have a bad case of bogginess: weighed down by forcing some nonsensical plot with unnecesary character development rather than showcasing the terror that these beasts would truly bring to the world. Why is a deaf mute kid Kong's best friend? Is this Disney?
All we want to see are beasts smashing stuff up and a bit of jeopardy; who will survive the onslaught of the titans? But no, gotta pg-13 it, and make the children the heroes. Do better, Hollywood.
Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)
Idris does Arnold as Bond in Se7en
Idris Elba seems to be having the time of his life still as Britain's top action man. His tailor made character DCI Loofah is back, this time a feature length film. The director tries to maintain the brooding feel and tone of the TV show, he's a deep troubled soul you see. But it often strays into being the kind of over the top action-thriller that Schwarzenegger would do, before going back to serious business again. Such as the bullrun through a swarm of tough convicts, and some of the gruesome deaths. Fun but jarring.
Andy Serkis is Elbas nemesis, a creep who apparently never grew out of his Duran Duran phase (I mean that hair is something else). He's going round London butchering young folk seemingly for sport. As has been mentioned in other reviews, it's bond villain-lite. Almost as if Elba has given up on getting 007 gig and thought he would take on the mantle through his own TV character vehicle.
The film rolls along at a decent pace and is enjoyable enough. Maybe overlong. Temper expectations and it's a decent time pass. I enjoyed Loofah more than the overhyped Oscars award vacuum trainwreck this year.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
One of the more accurate portrayals of a nightmare captured in a movie
Oscar megabuzz made me find out what the fuss is all about. Free on prime at the moment, so let's go.
Self styled zany/wacky directing duo the "Daniels" ... present an unusual take on female midlife crisis.
The title character, raised in Asia but living in America, is coming to terms with a stressful time in her life. Her business under investigation by tax officials, a failing relationship with her husband, and having to accept her daughter's homosexuality. This plays out in the movie as a kind of anxiety fuelled fever dream, where you guessed it, "everything all at once" occurs.
We are then inundated with scene after scene of chaotic imagery, not unlike a vivid lucid dream we all have experienced at some point. Yeoh's everywoman character is somehow on a mission to defeat the "bad guy" through travelling multiverses, aka a metaphor for anxiety (infinite what if? Scenarios). It seems to follow a similar theme to the original Matrix, with value added bizarreness and sassy/crude attempts at humour, which makes me think intent might have been a kind of spoof of this trope.
And my review ends here. Have to admit, I didn't make it to the end, a particular plug-based sex toy scene was just too much to spend another hour of my life on it. Not for me, thanks.
Tl;Dr:
Tick the boxes:
Middle aged female leads
Asian-american
average family life
Gay daughter
Sci fi fantasy elements
Is it unique? Absolutely
Is it original? Kind of
Is it entertaining? Maybe to some, polarising
Is it Oscar worthy?
Absolutely not for any of the main awards and would make a mockery of the academy if they were to give it any. Watch a past winner after this and you too should come to the same conclusion.