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Reviews
Lisa Frankenstein (2024)
Feels just like those weird early '90s comedies
Other reviewers keep mentioning Tim Burton, and I can absolutely see why, but nobody else has mentioned that there was a whole glut of weird, dumb comedies in the late '80s and early '90s -- Teen Witch, Lucky Stiff, Meet the Applegates, Rockula, Madhouse, Cemetery Man, and My Boyfriend's Back, just to name a few. Lisa Frankenstein nailed the vibe of those types of flicks.
I went into this blind and largely forgot it was a modern movie. The dialogue, the colors, the way it was shot, the performances -- it all felt like it was made circa 1989 or '90. However, if this had been made at the time, they would have used original songs rather than known music. That kept bringing me out of it (along with the Bob Ross cameo). It just seemed like they were not-so-subtly pushing the notion that it was a vintage movie, when they didn't really need to. That said, I have to note that The Pixies' "Wave of Mutilation" was well-utilized (as it also was in 1990's prophetic "Pump Up the Volume").
All in all, it was cute and memorable with good performances, but ultimately, it's nothing revolutionary.
Curse of Humpty Dumpty 3 (2023)
Back to Basics
Bailee returns to her childhood home with novelist boyfriend Tom in tow, but she begins having episodes and worries that she's going schizophrenic like her mum, not suspecting that the cottage's resident Humpty Dumpty doll might be messing with her.
The first movie was an effective low-budget schlocker, but the second one went off the rails with a story centering on a cult at a camp for teens... or something like that (it was unmemorably bad). This one tries to revert to the original formula, although its ties to the earlier film are pretty clunky (and consist only of brief cameos before and after the movie of the shopkeeper creating the Humpty Dumpty doll). It greatly benefits from a decent script with a few twists, although the doll doesn't quite get the focus that he should (even the second film was more successful at portraying him as creepy).
Nothing groundbreaking here, and it probably won't linger in the recesses of my memorybank the way that the first one has, but it's definitely an upgrade from the last film.
Asylum of Darkness (2013)
Patented Woelfel logic
Dwight Stroud (Nick Baldasare) is a dangerous psychiatric prisoner who breaks out of the asylum and assumes another man's life, but he's tortured and haunted by crazy visions that may or may not be delusions.
Writer/director Jay Woelfel has never gotten the budget or recognition of Croenenberg or Lynch, but like those filmmakers, he's got a unique style all his own. Most of his films are slowly paced, hallucinogenic, psychological mindforks with very low budgets, some amateur Ohio actors, and a Lovecraftian creature. If you're down with that, Asylum of Darkness is an enjoyable ride, but if you want a more "Hollywood" movie, look elsewhere for your entertainment.
Up front, I gotta say, the film's title and poster are misleading. Only a tiny fraction of the film takes place in an asylum, and the poster makes it look like some fast-paced monster movie. That's bad marketing, hence the low IMDb rating from folks who expected something very different.
The story and tone zigzag in a way that's engaging if you can roll with it. Every time it seems like the plot's settling into normality, something really weird happens -- but it feels a little long and could stand to be tightened by 15 minutes. The practical FX are generally very good, and the ones that aren't are serviceable.
Nick Baldasare has grown as an actor since "Beyond Dream's Door" and "Heartland of Darkness" (both shot in 1989), and he does a fine job in the lead. Amanda Howell is genuinely charming as his love interest, Richard Hatch camps it up as a crazed doctor, Tim Thomerson is Tim Thomerson, and likewise, you get what you'd expect from Tiffany Shepis.
All in all, I enjoyed it and don't feel like it was a waste of 2 hours, but I knew what I was getting into with this director.
Mortal Fools (2008)
Funny, engaging, strong characterizations
Helen and Alex are having a housewarming party/sleepover. The guest list includes Helen's ex, Dimi (who wants her back), Alex's coworker, Jen (whom he's secretly attracted to), and their gay friends Nigel and Eddie. NOT included on the guest list are Danny and Suzanne, who supernaturally and invisibly pop in from another realm. To amuse himself, Danny messes with the minds of all of the attendees, causing bed-swapping shenanigans to ensue.
This is a goofy adaptation of Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream." What it has going for it the most is characterization. Each character is very well-defined and the actors play them to the hilt. It was easy to became invested and remain entertained by the dialogue when the clothes began to come off.
Where I felt like the movie failed a bit was in establishing Danny's and Suzanne's origins. It became crystal clear by the very end (with a twist that I didn't see coming), but all throughout, I kept wondering what the deal was with these so-called angels.
Lots of funny moments, brief flashes of skin, and kooky sci-fi elements. Nothing groundbreaking, but not a bad little sex comedy.
A Voyage to Arcturus (2020)
A powerful stage adaptation, marred by sound issues
Maskull is an average 21st century guy, a little snarky and cynical, wondering what the point of life is. His friend Serra brings him to see a quack fortune teller, but the festivities are disrupted by the enigmatic Krag, who boasts that he can show Maskull the true meaning of life. Krag and Serra drop Maskull on the alien world of Arcturus and watch from the wings as the young man has a series of adventures with its eccentric inhabitants.
Someone recommended the book when I was a teenager, but I didn't like it. What I remember (going on vague 30+-year-old memories) is that a plot was difficult to discern, I didn't care about the characters, and I hated the ending. I didn't know how it could even work on the stage -- let alone as a musical -- so I clicked the video out of morbid curiosity.
The immediate thing that I discovered is that the sound mix is bad. The music frequently overwhelms the vocals, which is a kiss of death in a musical. But I was watching on Tubi, which includes accurate subtitles, so I decided to stick with it, and I'm glad I did. Not all of the songs are as difficult to comprehend as the openers, the music itself isn't bad, and the lyrics range from clever to downright profound.
As for the rest of the writing, I cared about the characters this time. Might chalk part of that up to the performances, but everyone seemed interesting and engaging, and there are lots of odd supernatural goings-on (conjurings, enchantments, a guy literally becoming a tree). The story is weighty and dramatic, but there are appropriate moments of levity scattered throughout, usually in the form of wisecracks uttered by Maskull and Krag. And I'm pretty sure the ending was both changed and improved.
Tom Kelly made a perfect leading man, able to be both strong and vulnerable, and Phil Moore was commanding as Krag. Due to the low-budget nature and the extensive roster of characters who briefly appear, most of the cast members play multiple roles. That's not a hindrance since there wasn't a weak link in the chain.
It's a shame that the sound issues will instantly alienate a lot of viewers, because this is a powerful piece of work, and I hope something else comes of it. It could absolutely work off-Broadway, or it could be an engaging Ozsploitation cult movie.
Lot No. 249 (2023)
Hollywood did it better
A young college student buys a mummy that he brings to life to do his bidding.
I haven't read the short story, but I had seen this adapted before as a segment of "Tales from the Darkside: The Movie" with Christian Slater and then-unknowns Steve Buscemi and Julianne Moore. I'm guessing Hollywood took some creative liberties -- but the BBC version did too, dragging in Sherlock Holmes and making a lead character gay.
Harrington is way too old to be playing a college student (I thought he was a professor at first), the characters are all utterly one-dimensional, the motivation for the mummy-attacks are murky at best, and most importantly, there were zero scares. The performances weren't bad given what they had to work with, and there's a nice British atmosphere, but generally it was flat and unmemorable. Plus, the Holmes cameo was absolutely pointless. That's a shame, I really wanted to like this.
As soon as I finished, I rewatched the "Darkside" segment, which I hadn't seen in over 30 years (it left a lasting impression though). The story is a little different, being relocated to the USA circa 1990, but it has everything that this version is lacking: strong characterizations, a clear motive, tension, and scares. The twist ending is equally corny, but at least it's logical, and it even runs a few minutes shorter than the BBC's adaptation.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Slow, tense, filled with subtlety and symbolism
The Sandford family rents a remote luxury home for the weekend -- which happens to be the same weekend that civilization ends.
I can't help but think that Rod Serling would have loved this movie, and I was a little taken aback to see the IMDb reviews. However, since there's an undercurrent of Xenophobia and most people can't stop scrolling on their phones, I guess that makes sense. This is the kind of movie that you have to immerse yourself in and be open to the symbolism. Paintings change as the story progresses, numbers and locations have deeper meanings, and there are even some Easter Eggs for Mr. Robot fans (this was written and directed by the show's creator). If you're paying attention, everything's explained, although it comes in drawn-out spits and spurts. My singular issue is that at 130 minutes (with another 10+ minutes of credits), it's a tad too long.
The performances are layered. Julia Roberts was brilliantly cast against type (although this isn't initially obvious), Ethan Hawk digs deep into his emotional well, Mahershala Ali oozes charm, Myha'la does a wonderful job of being alternately obnoxious and relatable, the kids give fine performances, and Kevin Bacon is pitch-perfect in his brief role.
People's big problem seems to be with the ending. It's not all neatly wrapped up with a bow, but it does hint at a future for the characters. It'd be great to see this spun off into a TV series but given the less-than-stellar reviews here, I doubt that's gonna happen.
Romeo & Julian: A Love Story (1993)
How can a gay porn musical be so dull?
There have been a handful of porno musicals, but as far as I know, this is the only gay one. And you'd think that being helmed by gay guys, it'd blow Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella and Grease XXX out of the water... but sadly, it pales by comparison to those glorious trashterpieces.
There's barely a plot, which is especially odd considering there are barely any sex scenes either. Julian has been living a hermit-like existence, so one night he goes to the bar and sizes up Romeo in song. The two have a whirlwind romance, but soon, Romeo begins shrugging him off, claiming that he's working late, while systematically seducing every other patron of the bar. Julian catches him with his latest John, so to make it up to him, Romeo drags him to an orgy. Julian gets mad and storms out, yet somehow, they make up and hump happily ever after. Roll credits.
I try to look for the good in bad movies, but I'm not seeing much of anything to redeem this one. The only person with some acting capabilities is Hank Hightower (and this was possibly his first movie), who lurks in the bar and performs at the orgy without uttering a word of dialogue. The orgy is one of only three sex scenes (which feels drastically out of place), the other two feature the title characters. None of them are especially erotic, and the two leads are lacking in chemistry -- which is even worse in the acting portion than the bland sex scenes.
The talking drones on and on, but nobody says much that's meaningful. The lipsyncing is, surprisingly, not bad, but I can't say the same for the songs. Unfortunately, the best one is the one that plays over the end credits, which is performed by a woman.
The Good People of Orphan Ridge (2023)
Enjoyable dramedy masquerading as horror
A pair of lifelong buddies couldn't hack it in the music business, but before they go their separate ways, they decide to record one final album in a house that's reputed to be haunted.
I went into this blind and was definitely entertained for 90 minutes, although it was not what I expected at all. The characters are likable, the story never went where I thought it was going to, the acting is above average, and the music is good.
The problem is that the story never went where I thought it was going to. The film has the trappings of a horror movie, and they sort of subvert expectations, which could really be cool if it didn't come off so... corny. I respect that writer/director Matthew Fisher had no money and was trying to do something different, but it didn't entirely work.
Still, it was an unusual movie and the leads were engaging, so I can't gripe too much. It's better than what we've been getting from Hollywood in recent years.
Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor (2023)
The only decent sequel thus far...
A lesbian couple and one of their siblings spend a few days in a mansion where a family was murdered right after the mass suicide at The Abaddon Hotel.
The original "Hell House LLC" is literally the only found-footage movie that I've ever liked. It felt realistic, the characters were compelling, and there were a few great scares. The first sequel made the mistake of trying to explain the history of the hotel, which the second pursued further (and with some of the most amateurish acting I've ever seen outside of '90s porn!).
Thankfully, this movie sort of went back to basics. The acting is generally natural, there are some decent creep-outs, and we're not bogged down with ridiculous details.
There are a couple of things that keep it from being truly great though. The first film, which centered on the opening of a house-of-horrors, had plenty of behind-the-scenes dramas among the characters. It felt like there was a full story there, where this feels like more of a Ghost Hunters sketch of a story. My other big problem is the clowns (and no, I don't have coulrophobia!). It made sense that the clowns were seen in a Halloween attraction, but the excuse for their appearance in this mansion seems pretty flimsy -- just like all of the other ties to The Abaddon Hotel.
Those gripes aside, it's well-made, a good popcorn flick, and recommended to anyone who liked the original. Also worth noting: a brief scene after the end credits teases another sequel.
The Sensational Cat-Man (2023)
A perfectly imperfect throwback
As an infant, David Merryweather was the sole survivor of an accident in the jungle, and he was taken in and raised by a tiger. When he grew and returned home to America, he became a detective by day, and superhero by night. In this pilot episode, "A Diamond in the Scruff," socialite Ellie Mae Williams hires him to track down her stolen diamond.
This is part of Austin McConnell's "Superzeroes" universe, which features reboots of forgotten comic book characters that have lapsed into public domain. And I gotta say, the Superzeroes are way more entertaining than the assembly-line crap that's being churned out of Hollywood these days. No agendas or overly convoluted plots, just old-fashioned entertainment.
Cat-Man's story evokes 1940s detective/superhero comics and radio dramas. It's undeniably cheesy, but it's played completely straight. Visually, it's an homage to Filmation's 1960s/70s superhero cartoons, with limited animation -- and I'm not knocking that, because it's aesthetically very pleasing. Animator Ian Wilkins went so far as intentionally include mistakes and recycle a few shots to mimic the shows of the era. Keep an eye on Wilkins, this guy's got genuine talent.
Nobody's reinventing the wheel here, but that's kind of the point. If you're into old-school detective/superhero stories, you'll probably find this as delightful as I did. Here's hoping they make some more episodes.
Crazy Fun Park (2023)
If you liked The Lost Boys...
After Mapplethorpe dies in a feat of stupidity at an abandoned carnival, best friend Chester discovers that Mapplethorpe "lives" each night from dusk til dawn, trapped at the park with a group of other ghostly teenagers who met similar fates. Chester sneaks off to visit nightly -- which interferes with his schooling -- and each episode delves into the life and death of a different character.
I went into this blind and was gripped practically from the start. The characters are lovable, there's not one weak link in the cast (Stacy Clausen is a standout as Mapplethorpe, and Judith Lucy chews the scenery as Chester's teacher/counselor), it moves at a brisk pace, there are some really funny moments, plenty of well-structured drama, and a whole lot of heart. My only two criticisms are that Nimrod's storyline devolved into pure schmaltz, and the big mystery surrounding leader Remus ultimately felt sort of... meh.
The thing that I kept thinking was that it reminded me of the 1980s vampire classic "The Lost Boys." That's certainly not intended as an insult, nor did it seem like some blatant ripoff, but there's a similar dramedy tone and many of the same elements.
With just dead air and bad reality shows coming out of Hollywood at the moment, this Aussie miniseries was a welcome surprise. Highly recommended.
Baby Oopsie (2021)
'90s Full Moon meets '70s John Waters
Sybil is a middle-aged overweight woman who answers a customer complaint line for a living -- and in her personal life, she deals with complaints too. It seems everyone is out to put her down, except for her sympathetic neighbor Kristy, and Ray-Ray a completely obnoxious neighbor who seems intent on inserting himself into Sybil's life. Sybil finds comfort in dolls and has created a web series to show her restoration work. One day, a mysterious package arrives containing a haggard Baby Oopsie doll, so Sybil gets to work on a restoration, not knowing that she's putting the lives of everyone around her in jeopardy.
I went into this not even realizing that Baby Oopsie was from Demonic Toys, and not really expecting much of anything, but I was shocked and delighted that it seemed like an upgrade over Full Moon's output of softcore porn and increasingly idiotic Evil Bong entries from the last 20 years.
The characters are compelling (even the ones who you love to hate), most of the performers act well, they packed in a little bit of production value, and there are some decent FX. Libbie Higgins is charming as the lead, Lynne McPherson devours the scenery as her tormentor, and Justina Armistead is deliciously over-the-top as Ray-Ray. These are not characters that you usually see in horror movies -- and if you do, you're certainly not meant to root for them -- they feel much more akin to something from a 1970s John Waters film. They're sad and sleazy, but totally lovable.
As for the title character, the puppets aren't great (particularly in the first season), but they do the job. Oopsie's personality is intentionally obnoxious but sorta like Chucky, she's weirdly cute. She gets a big physical upgrade in the second season, which also introduces us to Cowboy Roy and Frownie Clownie, her very-welcome partners-in-crime.
The story gets progressively sillier by the season 2 finale, but I can't complain because I'd become so invested in Sybil's strange saga that it was easy to roll with.
This was obviously a labor of love, and although it doesn't have the production values of the aforementioned Chucky series or even the earliest Demonic Toys (which was made when Charles Band was still utilizing Paramount's money), it's still highly recommended to anyone who enjoys the killer doll genre. It's best watched straight-through in a binge, either as six episodes or three feature films (both packagings are practically identical, the series just contains a few extra sets of credits plus an unnecessary recap show).
The Creeps (1997)
1930s homage, '50s sensibilities, '90s production
A mad scientist steals original manuscripts in an effort to zap a group of monsters from the page and into reality, but his scheme goes wrong and the villains emerge pint-sized. It's up to a librarian and a video store owner/amateur detective to rid the world of of these "deformed monsters."
Charles Band unrepentantly produces schlock, some of which is unwatchable, but I found myself really charmed by The Creeps. This Universal horror homage feels like something that Roger Corman or William Castle would have made in the '50s, and it's the sort of film that absolutely could have built up a cult following among children if it had gotten any TV exposure (and hadn't included one completely gratuitous topless scene).
The acting and FX are generally very good (by b-movie standards), with Phil Fondacaro giving a standout performance as Count Dracula, and Kristin Norton devouring the scenery as the head librarian. I can't comment on the 3D version, which I haven't seen, but Band was savvy enough to realize that most viewers would be watching in 2D, so he's not constantly throwing stuff at the screen. It was, however, composed for widescreen, so the fullscreen version (most notably in a widely-issued release hosted by William Shatner) suffers from characters being cut out of the frame. The only other big con here is the script, which is pretty bland and formulaic, but the cast manages to overcome some of its shortcomings.
Yes, it's a schlocky b-movie that was shot in a week, but it's one of Full Moon's better movies from that era.
Consuming Spirits (2012)
Visually stunning but slow and bleak
A poetic botanist hosts a radio show. A photojounalist drives a schoolbus and cares for her suicidal mother. An alcoholic newspaper typesetter keeps getting stopped for driving his dead father's truck, which was reported stolen. A nun oversees a mental institution. The film follows their mundane lives as their stories gradually intersect.
I sought this movie out because it was the only one on a list of underrated animation that I'd never heard of - and now I understand why! On a technical level, it's truly a marvel. The bulk of the film is done with a combination of cut-outs and miniatures, and they frequently devolve into trippy pencil-drawing flashbacks which are reminiscent of the works of Bill Plympton. 10 out of 10 for animation.
Unfortunately, the problem is everything else. The characters are aesthetically ugly, largely uncompelling, and consumed by sorrow, depravity, and death. There's also an unusually high ratio of dead deer, probably a metaphor for something that went over my head. It's paced at the speed of evolution, with the more than two-hour running time bloated by pointless scenes (like the radio host cruising the video store for pornos and repeatedly unloading groceries). Two hours feels more like five. In a bizarre J. D. Salinger-like way, practically every bit of writing that appears on-screen (and there's a ton of it) is misspelled. That was clearly supposed to be amusing, but it's actually more annoying. And speaking of annoying, the music is dreadful.
After numerous attempts, I only made it through the film because I was curious where the story was going, and it's only 20 minutes from the end (through an extended monologue) when they finally reveal exactly how the characters are all connected. Genuinely interesting twist, but by that point, I was too annoyed to be as bowled over by it as I should have been.
I hate to be critical of something that was so obviously slaved over as a labor of love, but it's really unpleasant. I usually love weird and deranged, but the aptly-named Consuming Spirits is so relentlessly slow and bleak that it felt more like a chore than entertainment.