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kodabar
Reviews
Best Little Whorehouse in the North (2011)
Slow and occasionally slightly funny
It's hard to know what to say about this. The script feels like there was one draft. Some of the actors do any okay job with the weak script they've got, but they can't do much. The three main actresses feel like they've got good performances in them, but not for this film. A couple of the minor actors do a good job in places, but most are poorly cast and struggle in poorly-defined roles.
It all just moves too slowly and there's really very little humour in it. It relies on a certain awkwardness to be funny and that doesn't really work. Ultimately, it's boring.
The production is ultimately a one man show and that shows. It's difficult to be a good director, it's difficult to be a good producer, it's difficult to be a good writer and yet Ian Vernon spreads himself even more thinly and it shows. There's a lot of strange incompetence, like not lighting things properly, using white balance or overexposing some shots, but mostly the camera is pointing in the right direction, even if the shots could be framed better.
It's a weird film as there's an idea here that could be done well, but it just feels like Vernon was a little too sure he could write a script when he really should have got someone else. The three leads could definitely have delivered better performances if the script was there, but it just isn't. The film is also too long and I doubt anything was ever cut out.
And then I look at the other reviews. One of them gives it a 10. But has never reviewed another film - not in itself suspicious (this is the only film I've reviewed), but 10? Really? The other two reviewers give it a 9 and a 10. One of them has only reviewed two films and both are by Ian Vernon and the other has reviewed five with three of them by Vernon. What's the betting they know him?
The Mike Reid Show (1976)
Not bad. Not bad at all
For the kind of show that it is, it's not a bad example. The comedy sketches can be a little clumsy in execution, but they're sometimes written very well. The music is good for what it is and Mike Reid is clearly more talented than people give him credit for. Not a bad show at all, even if it is a little forgettable. The trouble is that there were so many of these types of show at the time, so it doesn't particularly stand out.
Bula Quo! (2013)
Not great, not terrible. Just a bit bland
I like Status Quo. I'm not a big fan, but I enjoy their amiable, fun rock music. In many ways, they don't get the respect they're due, perhaps because they never managed to break into the American market.
Bula Quo isn't a good film. It's not even bold enough to be terrible. Everything about it is just a bit bland and lacking.
Stuart St. Paul is a great stunt coordinator with a long history of good work. But as a director, he's awful. His films remind me of Willy Bogner, the ski film maker: Bogner's great with the ski films, but when he tries to make actual films, it all falls flat. And so it is with St. Paul.
The story is weak and predictable, but that isn't necessarily the kiss of death. If the acting was stronger, it could have been okay. Parfitt and Rossi aren't terrible, but they are terribly directed. There's some nice banter and back and forth between them, but it just doesn't come across well. With some acting lessons and a lot of rehearsal, there could have been a good performance there.
Craig Fairbrass does what he always does, but he's wasted and he's not a strong enough actor to deal with a poor script. Jean Heard isn't much good either - she's not convincing and has this funny habit of pausing after each line, which just drains the life out of her performance. The only good performance comes from Laura Aikman, who just happens to be St. Paul's daughter.
Most of the audience for Bula Quo are going to be Quo fans and they can probably overlook the shortcomings of the film just to enjoy see the band on-screen. And that's fine. It's just a shame that with a bit (well, a lot) of work on the acting and an actual film director, this could have been a decent little film - nothing that would set the box office on fire, but something mildly fun for a rainy day.
(PS The music is fine and they even play Pictures of Matchstick Men - their first hit from the 1960s)
Full English Breakfast (2014)
Positive reviews come from brand new accounts with only one review
This is a film that might have been. It might have had a good story. It might have had good sound. It might have had good acting. It might have had good editing. It might have had good pacing. But it doesn't.
Dave Courtney has always been an odd sort of chap. He was a gangster, a terribly bad man as he never tires of telling people. I don't know the story behind it all, but when an awful lot of underworld figures accuse you of embellishing your past then one has to wonder. The thing is, he's actually quite a decent actor. He had a small part in The Krays film which he did well. But ever since he's been trying to get himself into gangster films, but they've always been very low budget and unambitious. And he always plays the kind of character that he'd have liked to have been in real life. And this film is more of the same.
I really would like to see Courtney given a character part in a decent film with a good director and crew that can get the most out of him. I think he'd shine.
Full English Breakfast is a bad film. It's not terrible, just terribly mediocre. It's very clear that most of the crew are very inexperienced. Listen to the sound - it's all been dubbed on afterwards and not particularly well. I don't know if they didn't have enough money to pay a sound man or if they just screwed it all up, but the sound is bad. The camera work is almost okay, but it's uninspired and fails to give much sense of drama. The story is weak and predictable and, worst of all, not very believable.
The editing is bad - it's been done in a hurry and the whole film would have benefited from a couple of months of editing to pare it down. As it stands, every scene and almost every shot drags on for too long, losing any sense of tension or drama.
If you want to watch people learning how to use film equipment for the first time, then this is your film. It's a shame, as a more experienced crew could have turned this into an okay, but unspectacular little film that might have been a nice surprise when stuck with nothing to watch. The story and plot aren't good enough to turn it into anything beyond a 5/10 with even the finest at the helm, but it could have been okay. Trying to hype this up as a British Scarface just makes it even more of a disappointment when you see it. As it stands, it's boring. And to be able to make gangsters, violence, betrayals, etc into a dull film is the only real crime going on here.
The positive reviews are obvious shills. They're just way too positive. Here's a tip, review-fakers: don't just give nines and tens, give a few sixes and sevens and you'll seem a lot more believable. And don't all register your accounts at the same time. And maybe post a couple of reviews for other films too. Then we might just believe you.