[e-mail] Reviews

Chloe (2009)

Very formulaic... Weak version of Fatal Attraction

[2/10 · 10 March 2010]

This is probably the worst film I've seen this year despite having a lesbian scene! It has a predictable climax, before descending into a ridiculous finale.

Before then, there is gratuitous sex... in the form of descriptions and scenes. This includes a barely believable lesbian scene between Julianne Moore's character, and 'Chloe' who has bedded her husband at her request. Except Chloe hasn't really. She made up fictional encounters with the husband just to make Julianne (sorry, can't remember her name in the film) jealous and upset. When Julianne realises the truth, Chloe is busy seducing their son. Then Julianne and Chloe have a confrontation in Julianne's bedroom (her son and Chloe are lying in bed), resulting in Chloe falling out of a window to her death.

Don't bother, really.

A Prophet (2009)

French prison drama without a purpose

[4/10 · 10 March 2010]

Went to see this after the rave reviews. However it's actually not that great. In fact, it's a very muddled film: there's no sense of identification with the quiet, cunning lead, Malik. By the time he's released from prison, at the end of the film, he has a gang of henchman that follow him in a car and van at a respectable distance.

What goes on in between is his rise to power, playing off the Corsicans (who he works for initially) and the Arabs (who are his kinsmen). It is definitely gritty, and the scene that stands out most is him practising putting a razor blade in his mouth for one of the earlier scenes. The prison life is also 'grim grim' (not 'clean grim' like The Shawshank Redemption!). It is also a crime film about the rise of a nobody through the ranks, via his own ingenuity and networking.

But so what? It's not as entertaining a crime film as many others. The actors aren't fleshed out memorably, including the lead, who broods a lot and talks little, so who knows what he feels (except for scenes when you see the first person he murdered, haunt him again). It just isn't all that exciting after being told it was.

One point that sums it up: he is called a 'prophet' on his way to meet a drug dealer in a car, when he shouts out to stop after seeing a warning sign by the roadside for deer. A deer then leaps out a second or two later and hits the car. That's it. No other explanation, and one of the guys in the car nicknames him 'The Prophet'. It's not even alluded to again later on.

Micmacs (2009)

Another virtuoso effort by Jeunet

[9/10 · 10 March 2010]

Excellent. This is more Delicatessen than Amelie.

However Jeunet does infuse this with more warmth and lighter colours than Delicatessen. It is really a slapstick comedy spliced with a revenge action film and a bunch-of-misfits-succeeding film ('Micmacs' roughly means 'misfits').

The essential plot is that the hero gets a bullet in his head and can die at any moment from it. His dad died in a landmine explosion. He decides to take revenge. Not at the perpetrators themselves, but the heads of the two companies that make arms and sell them around the world to shady organisations. The people who help him and the form of his revenge makes up the film. There are some brilliant sequences and the humour translates well into English too.

Ivans xtc. (2000)

Waste of time

[2/10 · 27 April 2008]

It's very interesting that the most positive review for this film is written by someone who used to work in the same industry. But it makes sense, because to anyone else this film is just mind-numbingly dull. It's basically about a man who is diagnosed with lung cancer and so hides it from everyone and continues his usual life of hookers and drugs. Its best redeeming feature is that it is short so you don't waste too much of your life.

Ivan is played by a decent actor, but quite a few of the others seem like amateurs. Being shot with a hand-held camera just compounds that feeling, although it's different I guess. This film was so dull, that for the first time, IMDb has said my comments were too brief even though I can't think of what else to say.

Zodiac (2007)

Not horror, not drama, not suspense, not a thriller - classify as dull

[3/10 · 20 April 2008]

I saw this because of the positive reviews about it. I have to say I have never heard of Zodiac before this, and didn't really care about the facts when I heard about them in this movie. However that's what this is all about. The whole script, written by someone who grew up in the area at the time and was fascinated by the Zodiac killings, painstakingly and painfully follows the investigation for him. Every ten minutes, the film cuts to a random date in the future (and tells you) when the next interesting event happens. It is like a blow-by-blow reconstruction. There really is no dramatisation at all. Even by the time of the second murder, the scene was dragged out so much, you wish Zodiac would just get on with it.

Then the inept, bureaucratic nightmare of police investigations starts (multiple officers are involved as the murders happened in different counties). Yes, it's great to see that it took the police 1 and a half years to get a warrant for one suspect and so on, but did I really care? To compound this, there are so many suspects and threads of evidence and handwriting samples that you get detached from it all and again lose interest.

Then there is Graysmith himself. He is utterly unconvincing. He comes across as a bit of a lunatic who is even more obsessed than the screenwriter about this case. Sevens year later he turns up at a police station after dark to demand to see their files there and then. He keeps harrassing one of the old detectives who had been in charge of it years earlier. He even doesn't care when his family leave him and he gets anonymous calls every week. I have to say I was hoping Zodiac would come and finish him off just so the movie could end.

Asterix and the Vikings (2006)

The Vikings and the pirates save it from being completely dull

[4/10 · 22 March 2008]

This Asterix is very similar to modern Disney cartoons. Soulless, technically good and the usual in-jokes for adults. Maybe it's because this is the first cartoon I watched after Laputa: Castle in the Sky, but it was quite disappointing.

The plot is contrived and forgettable but it involves Asterix and Obelix going to the Viking's territory to rescue a spoilt teenager who then learns humility and finds love as well. Oh and initially they don't get on but after facing adversity they all share a deep bond of friendship... yadda yadda.

The best bit is to watch out for the little jokes. The Vikings get all the best ones. Such as Vikea (the Viking's chief's wife) giving a list of furniture and skulls to bring back from the next raid. Or the Vikings not knowing the meaning of mercy (literally). Oh, and Olaf the dumbest Viking is actually hilarious (as much for the voice acting as the dialogue).

For example, aboard the Viking ship: (After a speech by Abba, the captain's daughter) Olaf: Who is this new guy? Captain: That's my daughter, cod-brain! Olaf: Your... daughter's... a man?

Castle in the Sky (1986)

Another lovely Studio Ghibli cartoon

[9/10 · 23 February 2008]

In some ways, this is a classic tale. A lost princess meets a village boy, a ruthless baddie searches for power, friends who help the good guys overcome the odds, and a happy ending. But it is so much more three-dimensional and original than that. There are also enchanted rocks, robots, military fortresses, and a devastating weapon that destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah! Studio Ghibli again weaves the mundane with the magical and throws in the usual mix of interesting characters for the journey. The main characters are innocent youngsters but that's what makes it heartwarming. The themes of friendship, love and nature are beautifully illustrated here too.

I don't know how much the new Disney version has altered the dialogue, but certainly at times it did seem inappropriately saccharine or blunt. Also I should say I really liked the main theme (used in the end music too).

Mission: Impossible (1996)

Cruises along

[6/10 · 16 February 2008]

They weren't wrong with the tagline: Expect the impossible. I've never seen helicopters flying in tunnels despite oncoming trains, and I've not seen people break in to the CIA headquarters as firefighters.

But the film starts off well, and I very much enjoyed the idea of having a mission that messes up to start everything off. From then on, Ethan (Cruise) tries to find the man responsible for the ambush and death of 4 of his agents. He does this whilst being hunted by his own organisation which suspects him of being behind it. There are plot inconsistencies - why does Ethan decide to infiltrate the CIA's vault just to arrange a meeting with a cyber-terrorist who knows who the mole is? Why when he knows who the mole is, does he not go after him? Some loved the final sequence of a helicopter attached to a train, but it was that kind of enthusiasm that led to scenes like Boeing jumbo jets being split in half by lasers in later action films! Note most of this film is about Cruise being a hero with that occasional trademark smile. He does a good job of it.

Stardust (2007)

Finally... a fun fantasy film

[8/10 · 16 February 2008]

Maybe it's because it wasn't written by Hollywood, but by a real author. Maybe it's the tongue-in-cheek fun, from a camp Robert de Niro to the dead princes. Maybe it's just the refreshing originality of having a star (the kind in the sky, not celebrities) being a girl. In any case, Stardust is actually the first modern fantasy film which is very good. It really is not cheesy or wooden or predictable. Actually it is somewhat predictable as all fantasy films have to be - the boy and girl get together, and good wins against evil, etc. The best aspect was the ghosts of the dead princes - I loved their comic role here. The worst aspect... probably the Take That song at the end. But you don't have to stay for the credits so go and immerse yourself in it.

The Lives of Others (2006)

Informative and dramatic, but cold

[8/10 · 16 February 2008]

This is a film about the extent of the Stasi's activities and the climate of fear in the GDR, and as such it is a film that needed to be made. Wiesler is a Stasi operative who is asked to monitor the activities of a playwright, Dreyman, and his partner, Christa-Marie Sieland. And that's what he does in 12-hour shifts each day. Amidst the greys, browns, yellows and greens of the camera, we see the lives of all three intertwine, although the couple are unaware of the extent. Gradually Wiesler comes to take pity on them and his actions for them provide the dramatic content of the film.

It is a good film as many others have said, but I don't think it is exceptional. There is no real explanation of why such an imposing Stasi interrogator (we see Wiesler doing this at the start of the film) suddenly becomes such a softy. Other than that, it is not the kind of film that I could sit through again, not because it is powerful (it can be at moments) but because it is cold; we are spies watching an agent watching the couple. Still, the last line in the film was great.

Minotaur (2006)

Tries to be stylish, forgets to be a film

[4/10 · 25 December 2007]

This is a film that is loosely derived from the Greek myth of Theseus. Here the hero Theo also goes to join a contingent of youths taken to be sacrificed to the minotaur. He is also helped by a woman - the consort of the evil Bad Guy. Bad Guy incidentally is a cross between Morpheus from The Matrix (and thinking about that, Theo is a bit like Neo) and the evil person in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Lastly it is set in some bygone classical age as well.

However it has a dark moody backdrop throughout, strange jarring cinematography, and alternating pseudo-philosophical dialogue and clichés. The characters are all trite and very annoying. It is amazing how dull the film is for the first 3/4. Even the labyrinth is not creepy, just a boring excursion looking for lost girlfriends, random vagabond dwellers, and exits. It does get slightly better once most people die though.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Hope it is the last one

[3/10 · 25 November 2007]

I don't know why I still watch this series of underwhelming films. As in the best tradition of superhero films, they go slowly downhill from the first film, and then start accelerating towards the depths of Batman & Robin, Rocky 5 and so on. This was a muddled adventure. Half of the movie resembled teenage tantrums with superpowers added in. The other half had a mish-mash of perplexing action scenes. Almost every scene is predictable. Aunt May is not so much a character as a string of clichés. I don't understand what happened to the Sandman - why didn't he sit down and chat to Peter Parker earlier and save the need for the last hour of the film? Does he know that he can fulfil his aim by voting for the Democrats next year for universal health care? Evil/Emo Peter Parker was just bad, not evil. Three villains is a silly idea, and not one of them is memorable or outstanding. Hostage scenes, friend/family-in-hospital scenes, innocent-victim-being-rescued scenes - all been done before and have even been done in the Spiderman series itself!! In the end, I haven't bothered to structure this review and make it sound coherent, much like the scriptwriters for the movie itself.

Braindead (1992)

Tongue-in-cheek but with probably every other organ featured too!

[7/10 · 5 September 2007]

I have to say I'm surprised how anyone agreed to put up $3 million when reading the synopsis for this film back in early 90s New Zealand! But I'm glad they did, as this is one of the most irreverent films ever made.

Peter Jackson's King Kong fascination is revealed by the start of the film on Skull Island, and like his recent remake, this takes a while to get going. Interestingly Jackson also used the location in a much more sombre scene in Return of the King.

Then there is an introduction to the characters: the crazy mother, the unassuming hero, Lionel, and the plucky Paquita. Afterwards there are some comic moments as the now-undead mother (and later, the infamous kung-fu priest, the nurse and the biker dude) are being looked after by Lionel in his mini-zombie nursing home. Then there is the reappearance of Lionel's uncle - another great character - and soon after, the zombies are all over Lionel's house. From here on, it's just a non-stop barrage of limbs, blood, entrails and the cringe-worthy dismemberment manoeuvres that precede them.

From a single viewing, I'd guess that about 80% of the budget must have been for fake blood substitute, but it's still a better use of money than paying 1/10 of Tom Cruise's salary ;-)

There are downsides: the plot is adjusted to fit the scenes, it feels like the movie has too little action in the first half and too much in the second half, and if you take away the slapstick and initial shock at how far it pushes the boundaries, it is actually not that hilarious.

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Maybe the first but not the best

[5/10 · 25 August 2007]

I can't say this was a great film. I was reminded of Texas Chainsaw Massacre when watching this - certainly it's gruesome, dated and a landmark horror film, but no more. The dialogue isn't gripping, the acting is no better than the zombies, and the plot is somewhat predictable, admittedly with the advantage of having seen films that are descendants of this one.

But even so, the best part of this film is still the plot - the concept of a group of survivors fighting off an evil menace surrounding them. However that is better done in Aliens, Predator, or The Thing. In terms of zombie films, Dawn of the Dead and Braindead are much better. Maybe it's because they use satire - can you make a serious horror film where the enemy is a group of slow-moving retarded undead people?

NB. One comment says there is a sense of 'impending doom' in this film - there is no such thing! Dawn of the Dead is far more bleak, yet funny too.

A Merry War (1997)

Light entertainment

[7/10 · 25 July 2006]

This is a very pleasant film that floats through the plot of George Orwell's novel of the same name. In an nutshell, the hero, George Comstock tries to live as a socialist and refuses to conform to middle-class society, as represented by the aspidistra! This begins with him leaving his job, and into an uncertain poverty.

All the main characters are well-acted, the cinematography and costumes are excellent at portraying London in the 1930s. The dialogue is nothing exciting, and the plot unmemorable, but the film works as an entertaining diversion.

Compared to the book of course, it lacks any of the seriousness. As others have said, the poverty to which George descends to is not really touched upon. However, that is not a criticism of the film - I think the director's intention was to make a more light-hearted version, in which case I'd agree it was disingenuous of him to keep the same title for the film. In the end, I'm surprised there was sufficient interest in making a film of it, and more surprised at how faithful it stays to the main plot elements.

Superman Returns (2006)

Why the world doesn't need Superman (Returns)

[5/10 · 21 July 2006]

Superman returns from the planet Krypton at the start of the film. Astronomers had discovered its location five years ago, and Superman went there and back. We don't really understand why he felt the need to go nor how it has changed him. The film is more about how the world has changed since he left. Lois Lane, his love interest is now in a relationship and has a little boy (who incidentally looks at least 6 years old, yet Superman is shocked to hear Lois is a mother).

*INSIGNIFICANT SPOILER BELOW*

Lex Luthor (Spacey) overshadows the hero, as in most comic book adaptations, but he is probably the least scary villain devised. He is a third-rate con artist essentially, who if it wasn't for Superman would probably be found peddling counterfeit Rolexes in a Manhattan street stall. He swindles an old lady out of her fortune, and then goes to Superman's arctic base (deja vu?) to steal a crystal. So after we've seen plots of nuclear threats, world wars, and global destruction in previous superhero films, what does Lex want to do? Build more land! He wants to create a continent in the Atlantic Ocean that he can rule. Right. I doubt the UN or indeed any country will allow that willingly, so what forces does he have? Five henchmen with pistols. Incredible.

*LITTLE SPOILER BELOW*

The best scene in the film is when Superman is lying in hospital at death's door (these new superhero films try their utmost to show the mortality of their characters). There is very strict security, and nobody seems to be allowed to go and visit. But Lois and her funny-looking kid are ushered straight in unaccompanied for a little crying, and then she leaves. Outside the hospital, we see her walk past Superman's mother who is out on the street and squashed in the midst of a crowd that has gathered to hold vigil! Classic.

*BIG SPOILER BELOW*

The worst part of the plot is surely Superman finding out he is the father of Lois' child. I am having nightmares of a future Superboy film or tag team films with Superman and his kid saving the world...

Maybe the problem is that Superman is too powerful a superhero to make a decent film about - you either need Kryptonite or a relationship drama for any excitement. As Lois Lane put it so aptly in her Pulitzer Prize-winning article, the film shows 'why the (cinema-going) world doesn't need Superman'