johnrp-1 Reviews

Xanadu (1980)

A great soundtrack - everything else was dreadful

[3/10 · 1 February 2006]

Okay, maybe dreadful is a bit much. Horrible? Well, not that either.

Oddly enough, with the campy plot, cheap wardrobe, cheesy settings, talentless acting, bad scripting ... one might think that this movie deserves a zero.

But the soundtrack is marvelous. And heck, let's face it ... Olivia was in her prime when this movie was made. She was SOOOOOO cute! And Gene Kelly did add a bit of flair to the movie.

But if I were to give advice on watching the movie, I'd say... DON'T. Just buy the CD and listen to the score. If you love ELO, you'll love the soundtrack.

One note: I found it surprising that so many actors and actresses in this movie seemed so bad at acting. My suspicion is that the director purposely had everyone acting that badly in a failed effort to make Olivia's acting seem better. It didn't work.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

I don't care what the book says. Panic!

[1/10 · 1 January 2006]

This movies is simply horrible. I read the books and loved them. I saw the original BBC rendition (made for TV) and loved that too. When I heard that they were doing a new rendition, I was looking forward to a wonderful movie! But they blew it. They didn't stick with the book. And their poetic interpretations of the characters sucked.

As for the special effects, they rated a 1/10. At LEAST they could have had neat special effects. The costumes were mediocre and the acting was High School grade.

Fortunately, I didn't spend any money on this. My brother had gotten a rental copy of this for a buck, which was about 97 cents more than it was worth.

Monster (2003)

Do NOT watch this if you are feeling depressed

[9/10 · 1 January 2005]

This movie is great. Depressing but great.

Charlize Theron won a ton of awards for her performance and if it were my choice, I'd give her twice as many! She was unbelievable. A hooker trying to survive in a world that (metaphorically) had killed her long before she gets executed. I don't know how closely this movie follows the real story, but it's riveting.

Now, this is not the type of movie that I plan on seeing again anytime soon. But I did buy the DVD because it's worth watching several times. I just think that I need a year between viewings to catch my breath! The acting by the rest of the cast is pretty darn good too. Lots of character actors and smokey bar types. You watch stuff like this and wonder if this type of life exists anywhere for real - but sadly you know that it does.

The moral of the movie? Not sure I know.

Uncle Buck (1989)

Uncomplicated simple and pleasant

[8/10 · 27 December 2004]

I gave this an '8', which is one or two more points than it really should get, but the simple fact is - I enjoy watching it over and over. John Candy shines as Uncle Buck. He brings the character alive and you can't help but wish you had a crazy guy like that as an uncle.

Well, maybe a distant uncle, but still he's warm, lovable and helpless in so many ways. As one would expect, the story is simple, the scenes mostly predictable (except maybe the ax-murder scene?) and of course there's a happy ending.

The little kids, Maisy and Miles, played by Gaby Hoffman and a slightly younger Macaulay Culkin, are simply adorable! The teenage daughter (Jean Louisa Kelly) perfectly portrays a teenage girl in the throws of that classic imbalance between childhood and adulthood.

Anyway - no one dies. No one loses an eye or an arm. No houses burn down. There are no explosions, no fighter jet scenes, no wild car chases - just plain old silly fun.

Go watch it. This is not a request! Uncle Buck says watch it!

A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004 TV Movie)

Not bad, not great but not bad

[28 November 2004]

First of all, let me say how surprised I was to find out that Jason Alexander could sing so well. As the rest of the world probably knows, he did win a Tony award for Best Performance as a Leading Actor in Jerome Robbin's 'Broadway'. Had I known this, I would have lobbied for a musical Seinfeld!

But I digress. Kelsey Grammar did a wonderful job as Scrooge. Very mean, very nasty, very unlikeable. No surprises there - Grammar is a great actor.

My problem with the show was ... well, it just didn't have the best writing. Making a musical like this takes away from the time needed for character development and so they relied on the viewer having already seen twelve renditions of A Christmas Carol. But on its own, there were way too many holes in the story.

Anyway, I did enjoy it, but I wouldn't buy the video. Seeing it on TV once was enough.

Man on Fire (2004)

Great acting, mediocre script, horrible cinematography

[1/10 · 1 November 2004]

I gave this film a low score. Denzel Washington was astonishing! Dakota Fanning (the little girl Pita) gave an Oscar winning performance! The other characters in the movie were equally great. Simply great!

So why the low score? Paul Cameron's cinematography was horrible. No wait, horrible isn't bad enough. Putrid? Hmmm, maybe that's still not quite the right word.

How about mind-numbingly awful? Dreadful? Really really NOT GOOD?

Man, I just can't describe how bad it was. At time, I found myself purposely not watching the film and just listening to it instead so that I didn't have to watch Cameron's display of total lack of talent.

Cameron has done some good stuff before. I think that maybe he tried too hard to add some "artistic flair" to the movie or something.

But I do recommend seeing the movie. Rent it, don't buy it. It's very depressing and the ending is a bit stupid, but it's worth a watch.

Man on the Moon (1999)

Very interesting movie ... interesting

[6/10 · 12 October 2004]

Very interesting, yes. Interesting is a good word for this movie. If I had to call it something, I'd call it ... interesting.

But good? Hmmmm, not really. Entertaining? Hmmmm, not really. Enjoyable? Hmmmm, not really.

But definitely interesting. I would in fact recommend seeing this movie. Andy Kaufman was an - what word comes to mind - ah, interesting guy! And this movie fits him to a tee.

And Jim Carrey gives an Oscar-deserving performance here. He brings Andy back to life. And that is saying something, particularly if you ever had the pleasure to see Andy in person.

You see, Andy wasn't a comedian. He didn't excel in drama, or mystery, or any common form of entertainment. Andy was the quintessential essence of performance. I don't mean that he was a performance artist. I mean that literally ... Andy WAS the performance.

And this movie does capture that. My only problem with the movie is that it does in fact capture Andy so well that ... it's unnerving. The 'entertainment' factor disappears as you feel more and more uncomfortable watching it.

But uncomfortable was Andy's middle name.

He would have liked this movie.

Sweet Liberty (1986)

A classic feel-good film

[9/10 · 3 September 2004]

First of all, let me say that Michael Caine is pure genius in this film. His portrayal of a screen-idol that "makes the girls wet their pants" is perfect!

Michelle Pfeiffer's part is a bit 2-dimensional, but she does have her moments. Even Alan Alda is surprisingly good (gee, I had never realized before that he could act!).

Anyway, the film is very light-hearted and easy on the mind. Some good laughs, some nice scenes, etc.

I'd recommend renting this, making a nice disgustingly buttered tub of popcorn, a nice big glass of sugared soda ... sit back and enjoy!

Running (1979)

Movie is much better when you're running AWAY from it

[3/10 · 19 August 2004]

Okay, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but at least they tried, huh? Uneven writing, ridiculous plot, unconvincing acting, and not the best filmography either. But I do love Michael Douglas and if not for his being in the movie, I'm sure it would have never made it off the cutting floor.

Oddly enough, he does portray the lead character precisely as it was written. Screwed up. Messed up. Aimless. Hapless. Hopeless. He's a walking thesaurus of 'loser'.

The ending is horrible. Totally unbelievable and it misses the point. Finishing the competition was never his problem. Having the courage to start it was. I compare this to the mental challenge of diving off a diving board.

Making the leap is difficult. Going the rest of the way down to the water is easy.

Octopus (2000 Video)

Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad and Bad

[1/10 · 6 August 2004]

So let's see ... what word best describes this movie?

Bad - Awful - Terrible - Dreadful - Ghastly - Horrific - Unpleasant - Appalling - Poor - Shoddy - Abysmal - Rotten - Putrid - Rancid - Lousy - Pathetic - Atrocious - Dreadful - Vile - Stinky - Laughable....

Uh, I don't think my Thesaurus has enough disparaging words to describe how totally miserable of a movie this truly is! Even the worst episodes of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea weren't THIS bad!!!

They should retitle this movie - "Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the movies!"

PUKE!

Quantum Leap (1989–1993)

A great series - one of the best ever

[22 July 2004]

What can I say? I loved this series! It had humor, it had sorrow, it had drama, it had suspense. It spanned the dimensions of every emotion, even when the plot was painfully thin.

Sure, there were some episodes that would have been better left on the cutting floor, but for the most part each episode was a single contained enjoyable event.

I didn't like the ending, but as it has been said the network decided to end the series and so they didn't care much how it ended.

I'm waiting for the entire series to be out on DVD (the first season is already out). I could watch these over and over ... and I will!

Star Trek: Voyager (1995–2001)

Bring back Doctor Smith!

[2/10 · 10 July 2004]

As a life-long Trek fan, I am SO disappointed with this series! It is bad. It is SO bad. It is so WAY bad. It is just terrible! It stinks! It reeks! It... did I mention that it's bad?

Janeway is a pathetic leader, but given the crew she has, her limited abilities are far more than needed.

This series is "Lost in Space" all over again, just without the Doctor Smith character. As horrible as he was, even he would bring some life to this otherwise horrible production.

The worse part of this series is the total lack of imagination by the writers. Every other episode is a time/space discontinuity. Maybe we could luck out and Janeway and her entire pathetic crew could slip into some time warp and we'd never hear from them again? Even the final episode was a time/space discontinuity.

Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Turn off the TV set, now!!!

High Road to China (1983)

A pleasant feel-good film

[7/10 · 4 July 2004]

Okay, giving this film a 7/10 might be being overly generous. The writing is substandard, the acting is over the edge, and the plot is .. well, there really isn't any plot to speak of.

But still, I enjoyed this film immensely. Bess Armstrong is a babe(!) and Tom Selleck is his usual wonderful self. Selleck typically acts like Selleck (much like John Wayne always acted like John Wayne and Cary Grant always acted like Cary Grant). But the fact is, I happen to like how Selleck acts. He always has the slightly-evil smirk that makes you stand back just a bit.

Bess Armstrong is the only one that keeps the film from dying on its feet. She was a rising star when she did this movie and it always amazed me that she didn't do better afterwards. Bad manager I suppose.

Anyway, the movie has its moments and if you don't mind the obvious high-school-like plot and bad costumes, you'll enjoy it also!

Heaven Can Wait (1943)

A genuinely heartfelt movie

[9/10 · 4 July 2004]

I've seen this movie several times on TV (waiting for it to come out on DVD) and each time is a good as the previous. It is so funny, so charming, so well done. The acting is purposely on the side of "hammy", but it works.

Don Ameche is absolutely charming as the lovable husband who just can't seem to say no .. or hear it anyway. He loves women and spends his life trying to get them to love him. But how can anyone resist that charm?

But what really makes this movie a gem is the writing. Line after line of comic genius delivered with precision timing.

I highly recommend this movie for your library. It's a movie that all ages can enjoy despite the B&W old style filming.

Spartacus (2004)

Different from original, surprisingly good

[8/10 · 19 April 2004]

Goran Visnjic gave a very credible performance as Spartacus. Instead of the superhero-style portrayed by Kirk Douglas (which I happened to LOVE that movie), Goran added more depth to the character ... the strengths AND the weaknesses. I also liked how the show developed his skills as a gladiator by having him do some real fighting rather than how it was done in the original.

Crassus (played by Angus MacFadyen) was likewise very three-dimensional. It was a shame that the movie was only 2 hours long (4 hours if you count the commercials). Given more time, it would have been enjoyable to see more of Crassus's political maneuvering. If that character had been born in our century, he'd be king of our country by now.

And there were surprisingly strong performances by others in bit-parts, like George Calil as Pompey, Ben Cross as Glabrus, and Henry Simmons as Draba. You can see that they did their homework and put real work into their character developments.

All in all, I give it an '8'. I'd like to give it a higher score, but I thought that the fight scenes were less than spectacular. Add a few thousand more stand-ins and maybe it would have been more believable. But I just didn't get the sense of volume that should have been there.

The Musketeer (2001)

The BAD Musketeer

[2/10 · 19 April 2004]

Clearly, I didn't like this movie. It was entertaining in the way that watching an infomercial is entertaining. What's the word I'm looking for? Uh... NOT?

The fight scenes are so corny it hurts. I used to think that the old Japanese martial arts films were bad, but this one set a new level of bad. Swords flashing, people jumping around, the hero dancing on the floor, on barrels, on the walls, on the ceiling?

Okay, enough with the special effects (they're anything but special). The acting is the saving grace of the movie, right?

Nope! That stinks too! Watching people act this badly and getting paid for it makes me think I should have gone into acting. I'm sure I could have been just as bad!

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Wake me up when it's over

[6/10 · 15 April 2004]

I was a huge Star Trek fan back in the 70's. At college, my friends and I would faithfully watch the reruns without fail, over and over until we knew every line in every show. The shows were campy, the plots nonexistent, and the acting painfully bad. But we watched nonetheless!

And so when the first movie finally came out, I rushed to the theaters hoping for the best. Sad to say, it was even worse than the TV show! I wouldn't have thought that possible.

The movie starts out great! The Klingons are nasty and vile and exactly like I thought Klingons always should have been. But after the first scene with the Klingons, the rest of the movie ... well, sucked.

If you haven't seen the movie, I'd say it's worth renting, if not for historical purposes. After all, we ARE talking about Star Trek. But if you are looking for a useful purpose to buy the DVD, I'd recommend skeet shooting.

Kismet (1955)

Simply horrible

[2/10 · 13 April 2004]

We can only hope that the Middle East never sees this movie ... or they'll attack us for sure! This is SO campy and stereotyped, it hurts to watch it.

Okay, so this was the style of musicals back in the 50s, but there are many others that were produced back then that aren't so embarrassing! This movie is really bad.

But I didn't give it a '1'. It did merit a '2' if not only for the occasional humor. The dialog is so bad that sometimes it is funny, and I wasn't quite sure if it was or was not intentional. So I gave them the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, I wouldn't recommend this film. It amazes me that some people out there actually gave it a good score. Go figure.

Dangerous Minds (1995)

Ah, but WHICH minds are dangerous?

[7/10 · 4 April 2004]

Living in a gangster's paradise? The question becomes to identify the god of this 'paradise'.

Michele Pfeiffer does an adequate, not great, job of portraying a tough teacher. Okay, maybe a little less than believable, but like I said, not great but good. The kids are the true heroes of this movie, filling the screen with the emotions one might expect in such a horrid environment. This is education?

And so as the movie progresses, the bad guys win (of course). There is no happy ending and anyone expecting one clearly thought that the movie would be a science fiction theme rather than drama. In fact, it's not really true that the bad guys win ... no one wins.

But as I walked out of the movies, I found myself feeling that I had 'discovered' who truly possessed the 'dangerous minds'. The movie leads you to think it's the kids - drugged up, carrying guns, street shootings - but the real danger lies in the minds of those in control, the unbending uncompromising minds that refuse to allow anyone to succeed in any other way than via their own rules.

Hence in the end, the dangerous minds prevail.

Autumn in New York (2000)

A so-so movie with so-so acting

[4/10 · 23 March 2004]

In all fairness, Winona did a pretty good job of acting. She was warm, intelligent and genuine. But then again, she usually portrays a warm, intelligent and genuine type.

But Richard Gere (who I also usually like) just didn't fit the part. It was like a square peg in a round hole. Either his acting wasn't up to par, or the chemistry just wasn't there.

Another problem was the directing. It seemed choppy at times, as if the director couldn't figure out how to get from one scene to the next.

Whatever the case, it's not a movie I'll watch again. It was okay, but barely good.

The Milagro Beanfield War (1988)

A truly feel-good movie

[10/10 · 15 March 2004]

I gave this movie a 10 simply because every time I watch it, I can't help but feel good. It's simple, predictable and not very deep. But like I said, it just makes you feel good.

Nice music, beautiful scenery, and colorful characters. A few scenes are a bit muddled and the movie doesn't always flow smoothly, but hey ... did I mention that it makes you feel good?

This was the first time I saw Ruben Blades. He had a simple role, yet it really allowed him to strut his stuff. And as always, Christopher Walken was fantastic.

Enjoy the movie!

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Excellent - simply amazing

[8/10 · 13 March 2004]

First, let me point out that I am an atheist. Raised Catholic, I understand the basis of the movie and went to see it for the sake of entertainment. That may sound weird, but I love a good movie.

And I got one. This movie deserves the accolades it's been getting. The effects were amazing, not just on the screen, but in the audience. Mel Gibson has managed to capture on film the essence of true passion as related by the "good book".

I could relate the details of what makes this film so good, but there is little one can say to measure up to watching it. Go see it and feel the passion yourself. Reading about it will never even approximate watching it.

Boston Public (2000–2006)

Too complicated for the general viewing public

[22 January 2004]

You'll hear a lot of people complain about Boston Public, calling it stupid or contrived or even sappy. But the sad fact is, it's main failing is that it addresses serious topics for an audience that would rather watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. People don't want socially relevant television ... they want South Park entertainment.

Well, it IS a great show. The character development is done with finely tuned precision, making one often forget that they are watching and not actually "there". The people on the show meld into their roles so well that it makes me shudder to think back to High School.

But one thing this show does NOT do is make me want to be a teacher.

Michael (1996)

Corny, but fun

[8/10 · 13 January 2004]

That pretty much sums it up ... corny. MacDowell's inability to act is at times painful, and Hurt must need money to take such muted roles, but I still enjoyed it.

Why? In a single word, Travolta. He is GREAT in this movie. Still, I can't give the movie too high a score, but it certainly deserves better than it seems to be getting.

Arachnophobia (1990)

Little Miss Muffet would be embarrassed by this

[2/10 · 11 January 2004]

Okay, this wasn't the WORST movie I've ever seen. No, Hollywood has been able to make worse movies (e.g. They Saved Hitler's Brain), but this one tries hard. Yes, I can safely say that it is in fact a trying movie.

It's trying to find a reasonable plot. It's trying to keep you awake despite the horrible acting. It's trying to make you believe that spiders could terrorize a town - well, maybe they just didn't have enough cans of Raid?

Please tell me that they didn't make a sequel!