jarret-h Reviews

Wrong Turn (I) (2003)

a steaming pile of....

[1/10 · 11 November 2003]

a hour and a half of a time waste... the premise is bad, the physics are off, and all topped off by a bunch of stupid killers and their even more stupid and vacuous victims... 20 mins into the movie, the "heroes" had a chance to kill off the sleeping killers and put and end to this fiasco of a movie...but didn't...why?

-crappy writing, that's why.

If this were 1983, I'd have given it a 5, but this is 2003, don't even try this in this decade, this crap's been done all before...and before...and before...

I hope this comment prevents just one fine viewer from ever laying their eyes on this stank!

1/10 for poor directing, writing, and wasting my time...

shame on you!

28 Days Later (2002)

who in heavens thought this dreck was scary?

[2/10 · 30 October 2003]

I was expecting this movie to scare, to shock and to delight me. Not since Godzilla has hype for a movie came up so short. At least in zombie movies the beasties are UNDEAD, in this one the "infected" are still human, just not "all there" but yet still continue to live for weeks and weeks without food or water...who writes this stuff? 3 "ooh scary" parts, and a WHOLE lotta fluff...

All in all CRAP, and a waste of time.

3/10

Embrace of the Vampire (1995)

Another forgettable film.

[2/10 · 15 September 2003]

Great to see Alyssa naked, (for the guys) but Bad in every other respect. I can't believe that the director wasn't sued for intellectual property theft, as she edited Bram stoker's dracula a couple years earlier, and let's just say "borrowed" dialogue and shots and camera techniques. A sorry pitiful waste of time, rent this dreck if you're in need of a non-prescription sleep aid. 2/10 ( I save 1's for total losses)

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

An epic struggle between two horror titans!

[9/10 · 16 August 2003]

I was pleased to see a slasher movie finally do what they're supposed to do. Scare. a definite must see for any horror fan and action movie lover alike!

8.5 out of 10

-Jarret

Final Destination 2 (2003)

More holes than 10 pounds of swiss (cheese)!

[4/10 · 23 July 2003]

There may be a few spoilers here, but since most of us have seen the first one, we pretty much know whats gonna happen in this one.

I guess suspension of disbelief is paramount when watching a movie with ties to the supernatural or the like.

However, when a movie establishes the boundaries, or parameters of the mechanics for us (the viewer) to see, it is sad when they (editors or movie makers/producers) fail to stay within them. SEE MATRIX:RELOADED for equally sucky crappiness.

Having said that, I have three points for those who have watched, and for those about to rent or see it:

1- RED SUV in beginning of movie was protected on the left from a concrete highway median divider(you see it many times), enough to at least deflect the car transport trailer. Let alone it was on an off ramp.

2- Cop died first.

3- Lottery winner died last before the protagonist.

There, that should provide some interesting conversation for at least the first 15 minutes of the film or so.

Spider-Man (2002)

A worthwhile watch, with one cautionary note...

[7/10 · 27 February 2003]

Well done movie, effectively transitioned from one to the next of the various stages in the burgeoning crime fighting career of the wall-crawler. One note of importance, and this may be a *spoiler*:

Mary Jane has amorous desires/relations with 4 DIFFERENT men in the span of the movie. (3 months max- movie time); -Flash Thompson -Harry Osborn -Spiderman -Peter Parker

Yeesh!

I find this a little disconcerting, and a very poor example to have for leading ladies alike...

Daredevil (2003)

superb, epic struggle between good and evil!

[9/10 · 26 February 2003]

The character development, the inner struggle with good/evil, and the fantastic sound and visual effects elevate this wondrous movie far above all expectations I had for this film! A definite thrill and a total pleasure to watch! A easy successor to the SPIDERMAN movie!

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

A fetid waste of celluloid!

[2/10 · 22 October 2002]

Packed with all of the typical cliches, you find yourself screaming at the film for the protagonists to actually do something whilst the baddie cuisinarts his victims... but do they say something, do they do something, do they scream and run away....or do they just stare at the murder strangely take place as they look upon slack-jawed and glassy-eyed... Yep!

I feel dumbr fer havin ceen the muvie alredey... 2 out of ten. *stinker*

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

MORE KISSY-KISSY THAN IN THE "TITANIC"...george! stick to sci-fi!

[2/10 · 29 June 2002]

All SW movies require some suspension of disbelief. But crap like this can't be ignored.

-who all thought annakin was gonna lose his arm on the robot stamping line? Wow!.. that was a red herring!

-Not enough boba...er..jango fett, who is perhaps one of everyone's most appreciated secondary characters in the SW SAGA.

-once again, the apprentice puts up more of a fight than the mentor against the villain in the end.(annakin SW:ep2 Obi Wan SW:ep1)

-More kissy-kissy than TITANIC! with cheap cinematic shots STOLEN from SOUND OF MUSIC (padme coming up over the lush green hills of switzerland while a stupid unnecessary CGI'd annakin rides some animal). only to fall over... to await the worried arms of his true love...*sob* I expected the "oops I fell over, now let's NECK!" technique was last used in AUSTIN POWERS to punctuate the CHEESE, I didn't expect Lucas to pine: "Hey! that's sexy...and creative...I'm gonna use it!"

-A stupid hobbling yoda turns into a Japanamation-esque hand blender with the 'sabre, only to return to his crippled self afterward.

-An arena firefight worthy of the FINAL battle of SW:ep1 that takes down Jango Fett, a staggering number of robots, AND a dozen jedi's with all their powers... OH LOOK!... Padme's still fighting! GO Padme!

-The clones were great, but it was too little too late... after the movie was done, my girlfriend turned, and slapped me for wasting 2.5 hours of her time with such a hokey movie! AND I thought she liked Star Wars!