freakfire-1 Reviews

Drillbit Taylor (2008)

Owen Wilson is not Clyde Drexler

[8/10 · 31 December 2008]

I have to say that Owen Wilson actually was quite funny in this film. Not only was there plenty nude showering on the beach, but petty theft and just insane suggestions for his pathetic squad of teen avengers.

Its Owen Wilson giving advice to teens that are at the low end of the totem poll in school. But its not even good advice And hilarity ensues in several instances, including his living conditions throughout much of the film.

I can honestly say I liked the film. It gave me joy to watch it. Although I hope Wilson doesn't have any more real life melodrama so he can continue his career. "A-"

Futurama: Bender's Game (2008 Video)

Its getting better. But it needs more Alf.

[9/10 · 31 December 2008]

None of the Futurama movies are perfect, although they are marking a steady increase of quality. And with this installment, Futurama fans are seeing the series they fell in love with. Or maybe the just liked making fun of Zoidberg. I don't care, as long as they give it a chance.

Fuel prices 3008 are skyrocketing and thus need new sources of dark matter. But the secrets about dark matter become more complicated, especially when they go to the crazy fantasy land in the middle of the film. Ah, if only I were Bender and destroyed his game.

At any rate, Professor Farnsworth, Fry, Leela, and the whole crew go through this mysterious "Dungeons and Dragons" game it gets a little crazy. It is hard to describe, but any Futurama fan should enjoy it.

Overall, very good. Can't wait for the 4th one. "A"

School for Scoundrels (2006)

Bad Santa meets Alf

[7/10 · 31 December 2008]

Do you like Billy Bob Thornton? How about the many wives he has had? His movies? All the above? Well, this movie is probably for you. Instead of being a mall Santa or flying into space, he runs a "class" for loveless losers and takes their money. Problem is, some people like John Heder get too good.

So Billy Bob proceeds to try to win over his woman (Jacinda Barrett) and starts an all out war with Heder. Things get a little crazy and some of the things that happen are quite hilarious, although its not always a 'laffer' at some points.

And how Michael Clarke Duncan got involved beats me. But at least he is shown some love in this movie.

Overall, not bad. I like the acting in this one. "B"

Iron Man (2008)

Can Alf be in Iron Man 2?

[9/10 · 31 December 2008]

What can't be said about Iron Man? It has an excellent cast with Downey Jr., Paltrow, and Terrence Paltrow. The action is great, even for superhero films, and the script is very good. And you get a brief glimpse into the history of the Iron Man character before he becomes Iron man, which isn't done very often.

I certainly like the original crude armor be made for himself. Seemed much darker in a way and how it was just very tough old armor that was put together. The newer armor, while it could fly, could not look as crude and menacing.

And its a shame Howard will not be back for the 2nd Iron Man movie. But that is OK, so long as it is well made I will watch it. And if its a train wreck, which I doubt, then I will still watch.

One of the best superhero fictions I have seen. "A"

The Bank Job (2008)

Jason Statham likes Alf with many lamps

[7/10 · 31 December 2008]

Jason Statham is, of course, the new Stephen Segal of our era. However, this film shows he does more than just simple action flicks. In this one, its all about the money and how to keep it secret until the right moment. Well, that doesn't always go well.

This one has a few subplots involving a woman in Jamaica that is hanging around some radical men. But her plot never meets that of Statham. Instead what he does indirectly effects everybody else. And because of that, everybody is trying to stop him.

So Statham and Burrows work together to try to get out the mess she created. Of course, this film is loosely based on some historical events, but much of it is fictional because not everything is known. Plus sometimes fiction is more fun than fact.

Overall, its not a bad Brit thriller. "B"

21 (2008)

Liza LaPira is dating Alf

[7/10 · 31 December 2008]

"21" should give away a portion of the movie when you see the title and the posters. Its a group of people who are in Vegas and playing to win - via card counting. Illegal by Casino rules, but it is practiced at times nonetheless.

Spacey trains a group of students to bring down the 'house' in Vegas with this scheme. So he takes them there - all the while getting the students off at the university and giving them automatic grades. But if you cross Keving SPacey, things can get ugly.

This film has three different mini-plots in the film. And they are weaved together in a very good way. It has that sort of everybody wins ending, but its Hollywood. That is supposed to happen so the audience can feel better.

But I liked it. But it needed more Liza LaPira. "B+"

88 Minutes (2007)

Al Pacino certainly is still good.

[8/10 · 31 December 2008]

I am surprised many people are panning this film. I actually think its a good thriller. While not the bloodiest film you will ever see in your life, it can keep you glued to the screen at times to see what happens.

Pacino plays a Criminology Professor at a local university. But he begins to start getting strange phone calls about how long he has to live. And that is when parts of his past, especially about his sister, come to light. Many mysteries are solved near the end. And I did like the ending.

Its not the flashiest movie in terms of star power, but Pacino still seems to pack a punch. He just can't have a mobster kill you anymore. "A-"

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (2008)

Its not bad

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

I have seen better films in this area and come to think these films of argument usually don't have much counter argument. Of course, there is more of it in this film, but that isn't always shown.

Anyway the basic premise of the film is to show that I.D. is not Creationism, which it does show. I.D. is merely the conclusion that life has a Creator at the beginning, some drawing other conclusions as needed. And while it doesn't always put their best argument forward, the counter arguments in the film, including some famous atheist professors, bring out even wilder claims. Which, in a strange way, makes Atheism itself into a quasi-religion with no official creed except God does not exist and will pull every trick to try to prove it.

Anyway, the effort by Ben Stein is nice. But I prefer his game shows and "Clear Eye" commercials better. "B-"

RV (2006)

Alf should be in the next Jet Li film

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

Robin Williams has delighted for many years. And while I appreciate that commitment, I will have to say that this effort in RV was OK at best. He has done better, but I can also point to roles where he has done much worse.

Williams is the father trying to take his family on vacation all the while not telling them that he has to do a secret presentation at the last minute. Thus be has to go out of his way for both job and family and stretches him to the breaking point.

Its funny how the RV in the movie keeps getting banged up, flooded, hit, and all sorts of other things. Must be some kind of rental insurance.

Its an OK family film. Give it a try if you like Robin Williams. "C+"

Juno (2007)

Michael Cera and Jason Bateman

[7/10 · 31 December 2008]

A teenage movie about pregnancy, music, Certs, and oh yeah pregnancy. None of that teenage melodrama you usually expect. Instead boy wins girl, its girl wins boy - after being knocked up by boy and giving up child for adoption. Yeah, not your normal teen movie.

Anyway Ellen Page plays the knocked up teen girl that had relations with Michael Cera. Since she doesn't plan to keep it, she plans on giving the child to Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner. Yet, it almost completely falls apart.

Its funny since Bateman and Cera were both on "Arrested Development" on Fox a few years back, so apparently they have some chemistry. And Ellen Page? Well I don't know.

Anyway, Page it pretty funny with her absurd wacky humor. So give it a try while eating Certs. "B"

Freaky Friday (2003)

Jamie Lee Curtis still has some moves

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

What happens when Lindsay Lohan pretends to be a grown up woman and Jamie Lee Curtis pretends to still be 16? You get this movie. And no, its not half bad either.

Curtis and Lohan are mom and daughter going through different relationships. But when a lady at a Chinese restaurant gives them a 'special' fortune cookie, all sorts of things happen. Lohan is in a band, but forgets to play with the cookie changes her minds with Curtis.

Its a somewhat corny movie. But hey, it turns out kind of funny at times and thus earns some respect from me. And plus Lohan doesn't always good OK movies. Some get pretty bad.

Overall, a nice little movie. Give it a try and you might like it. "C+"

The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

Well, its better than a sauce pan full of stale pretzels

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

Sometimes, Jet Li and Jackie Chan are quite funny in this movie. And sometimes they are not funny at all. And that is what this movie is all about: slightly above Luke warm.

We are presented with a odd story about a young kid who travels back in time to a China that was mystical, magical, had Jet Li and Jackie Chan, and spoke a lot of English. Yes, that would also be the time when Smurfs ruled Antarctica back in the 1980s, but I will not get into that. Its about training an untrained kid, sort of like Kung Fu Panda, but you have a smaller budget because Jack Black isn't there eating all the sausages.

Anyway, sometimes the action is quite good for martial art fans. But then it gets 'Hidden Dragon' on the viewer and they start doing abnormal things. I am not a big fan of that.

I am glad I got to see a nice young Chinese actress and plus the kid got to be slapped around by two martial arts film greats. "C+"

Man About Town (2006)

Ben, oh Ben

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

A movie about thinking about yourself? How exhilarating for the viewer. Well its not only about that. After all, John Cleese is also in the movie. However his role is more limited compared to Affleck. And that isn't always a good thing.

Anyway, Affleck starts attending a class to see who he really is. And while he is there, all sorts of wild things start happening. A woman gains his class notes and tries to blackmail him. He discovers his wife has been cheating on him, but is wanting to stay with him, and he is fighting a legal case to keep his company afloat. And oh yeah, he was robbed.

Despite all the craziness, Ben tries to stay sane. Dad is going crazy and talking to fish, and John Cleese wants something written down for class. It all ends somewhat on a good note and thats all I can really give it.

Not Affleck's best performance, but what can you get anyway? "C+"

The Love Guru (2008)

This was a movie?

[4/10 · 31 December 2008]

I shouldn't be surprised this turned into a movie. After all, Toxic Avenger, The Evolved, Space Jacked, etc. are all movies too. But then again this movie has some actual talent with Myers, Alba, and even Timberlake has some acting talent too.

Anyway, Myers plays a Hindu guru who seems to be an expert in love with everybody but himself. He tries to help out a black hockey player win back his woman from Timberlake, whom somehow gets his woman. Then crazy sex themed scenes come into play.

Myers seems to be a one-show pony. But you might as well ride it until it falls down and dies. You only live once, right? Still I would have thought a little bit more effort would be put into this film.

Overall, its sub-par. Could have been better. "D+"

School of Rock (2003)

Jack Black keeps on going

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

Jack Black as a rocker is something that has been done before. He seems to emphasize the 80s in some untraditional ways. And in this role, well, its his style. Something not to brag about, but not to keep kids away from either.

Black plays himself as a sub at a private school. While he is bored of traditional learning, he discovers they can play musical instruments and decides to use it for his last chance at rock stardom. Parents, of course, don't like the development and neither does his best bud's woman, who tries to sabotage him.

But, in the end, Jack Black gets his under-15 band and they all seem to work well together. I doubt it will be like that 5 years down the road. "C+"

The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

Matt Damon in snow shoes

[7/10 · 31 December 2008]

The Bourne series has certainly surprised me in how good it can really be. Based upon a fictional book series, Bourne is pretty much your super-spy without the endless relationships with women like James Bond. And in a strange yet exceptional way, I like that.

Bourne is the name he is given and his missions were fore a black government program. But when that all shuts down, they try to kill him and frame him for certain murders. And when a certain person in his life is killed because of it, Bourne takes exception to it all.

There are some nice car chases and shootouts in the movie. Plus some of the kills were just nice. While it isn't "Hitman" or "Shooter" in that regard, it does a good enough job.

Overall, nicely done. I actually want to see more now to see if they get better. "B"

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Mila Kunis is like Lucy Liu, maybe.

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

This is like "Good Luck Chuck" meets "Along Came Polly". The result is a movie that has more male nudity than female. And also some strange cut scenes that somewhat resemble Family in a strange and perverted way.

Anyway, a man loses his famous girlfriend. Somehow they meet up in Hawaii when he is trying to get away from her and she is trying to have a relationship with a rocker. Throw in some odd ball honeymooners and Mila Kunis as part of the wait staff and you got some sort of movie on speed pills.

Jason Segel, who is not the best looking man in the world, shows the world who he is in more than one way. And I was intrigued with Mila Kunis in this movie, whom I have seen in "That 70s Show". She is more beautiful than many actresses that I have seen and should be given that.

Overall, strangely funny. "B-"

Mongol: The Rise of Genghis Khan (2007)

Good beginning, but where is the ending?

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

I am pleased that finally somebody is beginning to take seriously the life of the great Temudjin - Genghis Khan. Too often we read about him and too often many, especially from the Middle East and Central and Southern Asia as some sort of proto-Hitler. Nothing could be further from that and this film helps begin that look back.

Yet the film certainly blends fantasy and fact, changing historical occurrences (like his family life after his father died) to more fact, like his relationship with Borte. Although the film alleges Borte had a second child that was not Temujin's and that isn't really accounted for.

There is also a lack of warfare for such a movie. Then again its more about his early life. I am wanting a more rounded picture of the man that I can be proud of.

Overall, its a nice job. But more work needs to be done. And how about filming in Mongolia next time instead of China? That would be even better. I don't mind Russian directors if they do a good job. "B-"

Enchanted (2007)

James Marsden is the next Jaleel White

[7/10 · 31 December 2008]

For something that looked entirely corny. this became somewhat of an absurdist view of the enchanted fairy tales. It is a "what if" scenario. What if fairy tale characters got to come to the real world and experience the ups and downs of real life? The answer isn't too far off in this film.

Set in New York City, each character experiences life for the first time. Much like 3rd Rock from the Sun, the characters have a hard time making out what things do. So you get James Marsden arguing with the TV, Amy Adams using rats and roaches to clean an apartment, and Susan Surandon being Susan Surandon. And don't forget James Marsden stabbing that bus - thinking he is freeing some peasants.

In the end, it becomes more normal like and loses its buzz. But its still nice. "B"

Run Fatboy Run (2007)

Special Squirrel Time

[4/10 · 31 December 2008]

This could have been much better. Simon Pegg has done much better films than this. And where is his partner at? The fatter guy that was with him in his two previous films that made international waves? I guess Simon Pegg thinks he can do it himself. Boy is he wrong.

This movie is about a man who tries to run. He tries to run from his troubles, from love, from the woman he knocked up (Thandie Newton), and from his dreams. Dreams be being a man and a respected one. Until Simon realizes he needs to do something drastic to keep his woman around Occasionally it has something worth of value. The antics before and during the race are OK, but they don't make it into a cult classic. And that is disappointing.

Overall, its a slight miss. Better luck next time Simon and Thandie. "C-"

You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)

Emmanuelle Sophie Anne Chriqui

[4/10 · 31 December 2008]

Well, well, well. Adam Sandler has made another movie. And he apparently has lost some talents in comedy. But he more than tries to make up for it with sexual exploits with older women in this movie. And no, it wasn't sexy.

Sandler plays Zohan, an Israeli with extra ordinary abilities who comes to the USA to hide from those who thought they killed him. But while hiding, he tries to become a hair dresser who can only give one haircut from the 80s and proceeds to nail many old ladies while giving it to them. Sounds very crazy and indeed it is.

Some of the plots have been reused from previous Sandler movies, while others were added. The ones that were added were OK, but nothing special. At least Emmanuelle Chriqui looked good at playing the Palestinian girl who ran the salon. But the action in this movie wasn't great.

Not the best Sandler movie you will ever see. "D+"

Disney Princess: A Christmas of Enchantment (2005 Video)

Jodi Benson isn't my Santa Claus.

[1/10 · 31 December 2008]

Well, this is what you get when Disney needs a quick $100. Its just a bunch of clips throw together with little original animation. And even the original animation looks like cardboard animation. Yet somehow, it doesn't come across as a surprise.

There is nothing much to discuss here. You have a bunch of Christmas clips from different Disney sequels and specials and you call it a DVD. I have seen better effort by rodeo clowns trying to ride wild horses. That isn't the best analogy, but it works for a shoddy piece like this.

You should not watch this unless you have the time to burn. And once you burn that time, you can never get it back. So do something else. "F"

Holiday in Handcuffs (2006 TV Movie)

Mario Lopez should never be naked

[6/10 · 31 December 2008]

This movie sure did have a lot of sexual puns for an ABC Family holiday special. It wasn't just here and there, but it was damn near every 2-3 minutes. And Mario Lopez seems to still be a man of affection for lonely and/or rich girls. Because he got the attention of 3, including the grandma, in this movie.

Anyway, Mario Lopez is taken hostage. Yes it can be done and no you should not do it. Because if you do that, he might think its an acting gig. The reason for this kidnapping is because Melissa Joan Hart lost her boyfriend and needs a new one to take home to the family.

And this just opens up a whole bunch of sexual innuendos and secrets the family is keeping from each other. Yet somehow Mario and Melissa end up happy together. Huh. A corny Christmas love story.

While the ending is casual, the material is not. So because it was actually funny at times, it gets a decent grade. Aside for the scene at the beginning, it all ties in too. "C+

WarGames: The Dead Code (2008 Video)

A video game with no ending

[2/10 · 31 December 2008]

A below average looking video game is turned into some sort of conspiracy to have the next terrorist discovered in the USA backyard. Welcome to the lunacy of cheaply made direct to video movies. Its full of no-name actors and actresses with little valuable plot.

Anyway, this strange game goes on and our "hero" bets real money and does good at it. It is sort of like gambling, except the gambling part is gone and it sucks. Instead its an online game with little real value and you get authorities on your tail if you do good.

What makes it even stranger is that two strange computer programs battle it out somehow and all is saved in the end. I will leave the viewer to see how it all comes to fruition.

Overall, not even worth a $1 rental. Borrow it, please. "D-"

Hoodwinked! (2005)

Little Red was here...?

[2/10 · 31 December 2008]

What in President Washington was this? Little Red Riding Hood on on LSD. It turns into some sort of mystery as to who is responsible for theft and other things. Each one tells a different story. Its "Who Done It" + "Little Red Riding Hood".

The end result is something you wish upon nobody. It sort of confuses the roles of all the characters involved. Somebody is working for somebody else and it just gets kind of silly in a bad way. And the character that ends up being the bad guy is not the one expected originally.

Did I like the remix? No. But at least they tried and thats all I can give it. Overall, not very good. "D-"