XpocalypseSurvival Reviews

Troll (2022)

As much fun as watching people club baby seals

[1/10 · 20 February 2023]

I rarely hate movies, even bad movies, but I hate this movie.

The whole premise of the movie is that trolls are real (were real) and not intentionally harmful or dangerous, but humans many centuries ago, in their great wisdom decide to wipe them out. All except for one who they lock away in a mountain. Flash to modern times, human activity wakes up (or frees) the last troll while digging a tunnel through the mountain. The troll emerges and starts to look for his family and of course, since humans suck, they attack the troll and try to kill him. They finally succeed when they lure it to an ambush site by strapping one of the Troll's dead kid's skulls to the back of a truck. It's disgustingly cruel. And if that's not enough, after it is dead, they stand there joking about what to name its corpse.

If you don't mind humans killing innocent creatures, this might get a rating of 4. The locations were good, a couple of the performances were decent, and I liked the troll.

Survival Lesson: Avoid humans.

Mercenaries (2014)

Lazy and insulting waste of film.

[1/10 · 8 May 2021]

Rating: 0/10. A movie's opening scene usually is a good indicator of what the viewer is in for. That is definitely true in this case, whose opening scene shows the President's daughter in a convoy get stopped by a guy with a cart in the road and then ambushed. With most of her protection detail dead, one of the last remaining men tells her to run for it, and he will cover her. There is so much wrong with this scene:

1) It is highly unlikely that the President's daughter is going to be driving through a warlord-controlled area of Kazakhstan at all, 2) If she was, she would be far better protected, the route would be cleared, etc., 3) A convoy like that is not going to be stopped by a guy with a cart in the road, 4) The convoy wouldn't stop. Even if the road was blocked, they would stay moving, 5) A protection agent isn't going to tell the protectee to run for it.

This sort of inane stupidity is constant throughout the entire film, and unfortunately, there isn't any ridiculousness (like the Expendables) to make it ignorable.

So next, the agent in charge decides to put together a rescue team comprised entirely of women (because the warlord who kidnapped the President's daughter (Ulrika, played by Brigitte Neilson) has a severe mistrust of men (yet every single person under her command is a man)), and apparently, even with all of the resources available to America, they don't have anyone qualified except for four women who are currently in prison, one of whom is a former CIA agent who betrayed the agency and killed one of their own. Not only is it absurdly stupid that they don't have anyone qualified for such a mission, but there just is no way in the world they would put together a team of prisoners, especially one with such a fatal flaw (who of course ends up betraying the team - I mean who would have seen that coming).

Now that they have the team together, they complete their dumbest mission operation in the history of the world by sending them on their way with no preparation or support in a transport van which looks like it is about to die, driven by a random local smuggler. The smuggler is supposed to get them through checkpoints, but of course, that doesn't work, and the first checkpoint they run into turns into a gun battle that destroys their van, so now they have to walk.

One would think that being in a remote area of a country with an extremely low population density that they might have to walk a long distance, which would be problematic, but they show up in a town without any time seeming to have passed and showing no signs of exertion, so evidently, that wasn't the case. Being that they are obviously American mercenaries, wandering through the middle of town should be a bad idea. In this case, it is perfectly fine since there isn't another human being anywhere in sight except for a teenage girl who comes up to them and wants to join the team. They tell her to piss off, and as she runs off, she manages to steal the sat-phone from the one lady's belt, as if that would happen. This leads to a pointless scene of playing hide and seek with her. Eventually, they catch up to her, and she divulges a juicy piece of information that can get them into the warlords base: a truck convoy that regularly passes through town to the warlords base. Conveniently the truck always takes the same route at the same time, and wouldn't you know just happens to be right at that moment.

So they hijack the truck, open up the back, and what do they find? A couple of missiles. What are those one lady asks, and the explosives expert replies that they are ICBMs. Then they ask what are ICBMs. Are you frickin' serious? All these women who are either CIA or in the military don't know what an ICBM is? That would be like a sportswriter asking what the NFL is. It's stupid, stupid, stupid. She proceeds to give a definition that is word for word from Wikipedia: "...with a minimum range of 5,500 kilometers primarily designed for nuclear weapons delivery."

Obviously, these aren't ICBMs. Anyone with even moderate knowledge would know that, and even if you didn't, anyone with moderate intelligence would know that missiles of that size aren't going to fly halfway around the world. ICBMs are enormous. They are launched from silos or submarines, or in some cases huge, specialized trucks. A real ICBM would crush the truck they found into a pancake.

Now that the team has the truck, they arrange a meeting with Ulrika, and to sweeten the deal pretend that the Asian member of the team is the daughter of the third richest person in China, which is proven by checking a Wikipedia entry that the team edited (eyeroll).

Now, if you are Ulrika and a team of Americans show up with your stolen truck and a valuable kidnap victim the day after kidnapping the President's daughter, what do you do? You shoot them obviously, but no, not happening in this stupidfest of a movie. Instead she takes them back to her base and despite flat-out saying she doesn't trust the team leader, she allows the other team members to walk freely around the base. Come on man...

One more scene as final evidence of the dumbness: They bring the President's daughter food and include a knife on the tray. Which is bad enough, but it's not even a knife you would eat with; it is a giant chopping knife. To no surprise, she picks up the knife and manages to get behind Ulrika and push it against her throat. Unfortunately, the knife in reality is a rubber prop knife, and you can see the thing bending.

I wouldn't normally lean into a movie like this, but this is beyond bad and into insulting. It isn't just the dumbness but also the laziness. To plagiarize definitions from Wikipedia, to be too lazy to actually research what an ICBM is, to film a movie allegedly in Kazakhstan which Kazakhs predominantly inhabit, yet everyone in the film is Slavic, to film a scene where the prop knife can be seen bending...

These people do not care about movie-making, and they do not care about their audience. They don't deserve a single star.

The Last Sentinel (2007)

Decent premise ruined by silly combat scenes.

[3/10 · 8 May 2021]

A soldier, the last of his unit, rescues a hot chick and together they set out to destroy a drone army that has virtually wiped out humanity.

Rating: 3/10. There are a couple of okay things about this movie. It's an interesting premise, so had the chance of being a good movie; the settings and props are pretty good; and Katee Sackhoff. Unfortunately, everything else is pretty dismal. The story itself makes no sense. As far as I can tell, their mission, which outside of movieland would have been impossible, was to infiltrate a massively patrolled enemy base to steal a disk from a computer in the enemy's nerve center, in order to find out how to destroy the nerve center? Just blow it up, like he does later in the movie and all of the drones stop working. Even if you didn't know that would stop the drones, what possible reason would you ever have to break into an enemy command and control center and not destroy it? It is ludicrous.

Equally ludicrous: the drone army's base is guarded by a relatively short chain-link fence, with no barbed wire, no guard towers, that you can simply hop over, infiltrate the base and then just kick in the door of the critically important command center (which by the way is a 100 square foot room with 3-4 computers from the 70s). This is a drone army that wiped out the entire United States military?

All of that could be forgivable if there were entertaining combat scenes (which took up a good chunk of the movie), but most of the 'combat' was ridiculous scenes of the two sides standing in the open at close range shooting at each other, as if not a single one of them had any notion of what cover and concealment were. There were two scenes (at least) where the main character charged an enemy firing line with a melee weapon and came out victorious. Realistically, each of the main characters would have probably been hit with 2,000 bullets. It was all just really silly.

Survival Lesson: "The first rule of action is to survive by any means possible. Contact with the enemy should be avoided at all costs."

Max Reload and the Nether Blasters (2020)

Decent movie for soem gamer geeks.

[6/10 · 4 May 2021]

An evil gamemaster tricks a developer into inserting a Sumerian spell into the code of a game which grants the gamemaster control of the minds of anyone who plays it.

Rating: 6/10. They made a good effort with this one. If you are not a gamer, it will likely be less entertaining to you. It is an interesting story and there is definitely some appeal to the old-school gaming. The young leads do a pretty good job and there are some great side characters, like the always off-her-rocker Lin Shaye. The effects and the fighting sequences could use some work.

One of the things I love about the movie Turbokid was that everything about the movie felt retro, including the outfits, props, music, and even the way they filmed it. This movie didn't have to be all retro, but still there was something about the old-school gaming elements that just felt applied rather than immersive, and fundamentally, that is what the movie really missed on.

Survival Lesson: Remember to shield the breach with a DNS and IP encryption so that the bots won't detect the re-route source. I have no idea if that means anything, but at the very least, you might sound cool saying it.

Your Highness (2011)

Fart-joke level comedy

[4/10 · 2 May 2021]

Synopsis: A loser somehow becomes a hero and saves the day against a cliche evil wizard bent on sacrificing a virgin.

Rating: 4/10. Overall, the movie is well-made. It has a good pace, the scenes and effects are good, and the story makes sense (in a nonsense fantasy way), but ultimately what the movie comes down to (in my opinion) is how one feels about Danny McBride. While I am not above laughing at his fart-joke level of comedy, I just don't find him funny.

From a mere story perspective (which maybe doesn't matter so much for a crude comedy), I take some objection to the loser (McBride) suddenly becoming a hero. This sort of transformation isn't unusual for movies, but there is usually some actual transformation; a process of inner reflection, successfully completing a challenging task, etc., but in his case it just sort of happens and I find that to be unsatisfying.

Survival Lesson: Be tight-lipped with strangers. Trust takes time and there is no reason a stranger should have it.

Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader (2012)

Giant topless cheerleader fight

[3/10 · 27 April 2021]

A beautiful scientist, who doesn't think she is beautiful, wants to be a beautiful cheerleader so takes an experimental skin rejuvenation serum which works at first but also has some unexpected gigantifying consequences.

Rating: 3.5/10. For what the movie is - a campy, party-college throwback, it isn't awful. The acting (for the type of movie) is pretty good, the scenes and sets are lackluster, visual effects are passable to poor, and there is a fair bit of gratuitous nudity and slow-motion jiggling. Honestly, I think this was mostly an excuse to have a giant, topless cheerleader fight.

Survival Lesson: Cheating never works out in the end, and sometimes turns you into a giant cheerleader.

Revenger (2018)

Pretty good if you fast forward to fight scenes

[5/10 · 23 April 2021]

A former detective gets sentenced to a prison island so that he can confront the man who killed his family and basically the entire island ends up dead.

Most of the points for this movie come from a few minutes worth of the film. In particular a couple of fight scenes, one of which included a fatality that I have never seen before, which always warrants some extra points. The non-fight scenes aren't really very good. There is a group of buffoons that I think are supposed to be funny, but it really didn't work for me, though, that it might be that it was just lost in translation. Overall, the story doesn't really make sense. The locations were good.

So being a martial arts movie, the fights are really all that matters. I did very much appreciate some of the full scene, long take action sequences. It is always nice to see compared to many of the closeup, shaky cam scenes you often get these days. Also, the actors are legitimate martial artists and it felt like there were some real impacts taking place. Unfortunately, most of the fight scenes were very one-sided and consisted mostly of dudes kind of waiting around to be hit. The exception was the two boss fights, which were excellent. Still, the action sequences were entertaining and makes it worth a watch. You wouldn't miss much if you skipped to the fight scenes.

Turbo Kid (2015)

Delightfully gory and ridiculously over the top

[10/10 · 20 April 2021]

A boy and his always cheerful android girlfriend battle a local warlord whose power comes from a machine that turns people into drinkable water.

One of my favorite movies - delightfully gory and ridiculously over the top. The retro vibe of this movie which includes the costuming, props, music, and videography are really well done. The movie is filled with outlandish characters and cheesy one-liners. The gore is wonderful. No one at any point in this movie said "that's too much blood". It just keeps coming in buckets and some of the scenes are very unique and memorable (like the multi-body man). The girlfriend character named Apple is one of my favorite characters of all time. Nearly a perfect movie.

The Yinyang Master (2021)

Visually stunning and wildly imaginative fantasy movie

[8/10 · 20 April 2021]

A band of outcast monsters, humans, and demons work together to defeat the evil demon king who has been loosed from his prison.

This is an excellent visually stunning, and wildly imaginative fantasy movie. The effects, scenes, sets, creatures and costumes are exceedingly well crafted and beautiful and are by themselves well worth a watch. The weird and creepy 3-faced masked ferret creature is one of my favorite characters I've seen in a while. The plot itself is pretty simple, just a classic good vs evil story with a dash of romance. It is subtitled, so it is hard to comment too much on the acting, but it seemed well done and believable. My only complaint, and it seems to tend to be a feature of Chinese films, but there were parts that had a bit too much exposition in my opinion. Overall, though, excellent.

Ditch Party (2016)

Important message but poorly done.

[3/10 · 28 March 2021]

As entertainment goes, this is not a great movie. It is plodding and slow and makes little sense, but it really isn't meant to be about entertainment. It is about messaging, so that is how I will evaluate it. Unfortunately, the messaging isn't very good either. Most of the movie is essentially a series of skits stitched together which put on display a variety of issues faced by teens, a lot of them related to absent or poor parents. While these are important and real issues, they are treated very superficially, so you just get this smorgasboard of issues with no real depth or conclusions.

A bigger problem, though, for me, is that the whole point of the movie is essentially being against stereotpyes and not pigeon-holing people into subgroups and isolation, yet all of the characters are horribly stereotypical: the Hispanic janitor who gives inspirational encouragement to the stoner, the rich kid fondly reminiscing about trying on Versace shirts with diamond cufflinks with his dad, the gaming geek hackers, the random question out of nowhere asking the jock how long he has been using steroids, the list goes on.

Maybe it is just because I am in my 40's. Perhaps teens would find this relatable and engaging, but my gut feeling thinks that they will feel like this is talking at them and not to them, and that there isn't anywhere close to the depth of understanding to really provide any guidance for the things they are dealing with.

Another huge problem, for me, is that the school shooting part of the movie, actually isn't really necessary. Essentially it serves as the backdrop in which to stage these series of skits. Not only did it feel secondary, but it seemed very unrealistic, and being a topic of such importance deserves so much more than that.

I thought the young actors did a pretty good job with some tough material, and the ending was impactful, which is unfortunate, because I'm not sure everyone will make it that far.

Jiu Jitsu (2020)

Average martial arts exhibition

[5/10 · 24 March 2021]

If you watch this movie for a story or plot, you will be disappointed. The story is essentially Predator (an alien with weird vision comes to Earth to hunt humans), and the plot just makes no sense at all. Basically this movie is just a framework for showcasing a series of fight scenes.

Unfortunately, I didn't find the fight scenes very satisfying. And that is probably a bit unfair. In most other movies I would have said they were good, but considering the talent available here (Tony Jaa alone), it just didn't seem anywhere near what it should have been.

Overall the acting was okay and locations were good. They tried to do some interesting camera work, which sometimes was interesting, but often was just distracting. A long one-shot take fight scene in the beginning was cool (even if it made no sense).

I'm no martial arts expert, but It seemed to me that very little of the moves were actually Jiu Jitsu, so that was a little weird as well.

Dark Web (2016)

Maybe 2 good minutes.

[2/10 · 21 March 2021]

Movie opens following a vehicle column comprised of a tank, 2 armored vehicles, and an SUV. Along the way they blow up a NATO tank, which nobody in NATO seems to mind, and then somehow sneak up on a group of soldiers who charge into open ground and kneel to face off against the tank. Obviously they are slaughtered which is why no one in the universe would ever do that...all of this so they can kidnap an unarmed farmgirl that only required one person with a pistol? This sort of complete lack of sense is pretty much what you get for the whole film.

The only scenes that were worthwhile was one scene of the tank driving over a car and the slow motion scene of the girl changing with the nice backlit window and sudden, mysterious steam all around her. Honestly, I think that scene was the only reason they made the movie, because it seemed like the only scene they put any thought into.

And then there is Danny Glover, whose speaking scenes at least had some modicum of gravitas, but later he has an embarrassing scene of his blowing-a-gasket routine that he seems to do in every movie: arms flapping all a round, spittle streams everywhere...

The rest of the movie is a bunch of people randomly running through the wilderness, but all somehow constantly running into each other to have a few moments of bad dialog or siezure-inducing camera-shake fight scenes. In a couple of instances, the only way someone could have made it where they did is if they had transporter technology.

One could go on for awhile mentioning everything which makes no sense in this movie - the sniper with ghillie suit and bright red lipstick, the guys shrugging off arrows through the chest and leg, what the point of the masks where considering they were off as often as they were on - but I think the point is made.

Also, the music was terrible.

Setting was good.

Outpost Earth (2019 Video)

Creative and well-crafted old school effects

[6/10 · 20 March 2021]

Aliens wipe out the world and a small band of humans try to survive and find a way to fight back.

This isn't an original story, but it is a classic one, and while being low-budget, this movie tells the story well. The locations are excellent, the main actress did a really nice job and the main actor was an interesting anti-hero type. This movie is kind of like Lo-fi music. If you need polished work to enjoy something, this probably won't be for you.

What is going to stick out for most people about this movie are the aliens and their spaceships which are done using old school techniques: stop-motion, models hanging from strings, guys in suits, etc. and for some, these are going to look ridiculous, but there is a huge difference between inexpensive effects and bad effects. These effects are actually very creative and well-crafted and they are used well to tell the story. For me they are a million times better than much more expensive, poorly done CGI effects that really serve no purpose other than filling time that you see in so many movies.

I would actually rate this higher except there was a main plot element that I found problematic. Overall though, great effort.

Survival Lesson: Booze is valuable - For barter, dulling pain, cleaning wounds, and perhaps even interfacing with alien tech.

Boo (2005)

A few really good moments but overall disconnected.

[6/10 · 17 March 2021]

A group of friends trapped in an abandoned building is hardly original, but this movie actually had a deeper story that was pretty good and would have served as a fine framework for a horror flick.

Parts of this movie were really good (like an 8), but unfortunately much of it was also a 4. It just wasn't consistent. Some of the horror elements and effects, for example, were very creative and creepy, but many were also bland, like a body on a gurney under a sheet sitting up. *Yawn. The acting too ranged from pretty good to pretty not good.

Overall, while a good story, it was a bit disjoint, skipping around a lot and hard to follow. Too much of it felt like someone walking through a haunted house going from one scare station to another and not really connected well to the story. Also, the dude-popping-up-behind-you scenes are okay in a handful or less, but I think there was about 20 of those.

In totality this probably isn't a 6, but it does have those few moments that were really well crafted and worth a watch. If those moments could have been consistent throughout and there had been another round of editing, this could have been really good.

Vipers (2008 TV Movie)

The 3MPH 'car chase' sums up this movie well.

[2/10 · 15 March 2021]

Pretty sure this movie had the slowest car chase in the history of movies. Most of the movie consisted of a few seconds of people talking followed by a few seconds of slithering snakes. Just over and over. It was insipid.

It didn't start out bad: Had a decent set-up, there were some good actors in it, and the location could have been fantastic, but was completely under-utilized. Overall, not a good effort and forgettable.

Survival Lesson: Do not fill up radio space with inane banter, especially during an active operation.

Postal (2007)

This isn't a movie, it is a sequence of insult scenes.

[4/10 · 14 March 2021]

I think this is what Uwe's script looked like:

Scene 1: Insult Muslims Scene 2: Insult women Scene 3: insult cops Scene 4: Insult Asians Scene 5: Insult disabled people Scene 6: Insult Jewish people Etc.

Yes, he did string these things together in some semblance of a story, but ultimately, I think he just wanted to offend people, which is fine, if that is your thing, but it probably worked better 10 years ago. Partly because perspectives have shifted, but also because the shock your audience strategy isn't quite as potent anymore.

The movie did have a good group of actors and I thought the lead was effective. There was one scene I thought was legitimately funny, but ultimately I don't know many people who I would recommend this to.

Survival Lesson: Concentrated fire at a chokepoint can devastate an opponent.

Cooties (2014)

Starts slow, but great once bodies start dropping

[7/10 · 13 March 2021]

Part comedy, part, spoof, part horror, but ultimately I take it as satire, and satire which tends more towards the cerebral than superficial, isn't for everyone. It is also fairly gory, and while many movies don't cross the line of violence against kids, this one has no such compunction.

Overall, I think the zombie-like children eating their teachers is an interesting take on the genre. The setup starts out a little slow, but once the bodies start dropping it moves pretty quickly. That sort of fast paced, chaotic comedy isn't easy to pull off, but I think they did a really good job. I love some of the one-liners they throw in, like the "follow me, I do Crossfit" guy.

There are also some legitimate creepy horror moments in the movie, including a delightful montage in the middle where teacher body parts are incorporated into playground equipment.

It is not a perfect movie, though. There are numerous threads in the movie that seem random, or just don't go anywhere, and the ending feels abrupt, which overall makes the movie feel somewhat incomplete. Also, the Jorge Garcia character feels completely wasted...

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

Everything in this movie shoots rockets.

[6/10 · 12 March 2021]

Rating: 6/10. High production value and special effects. Movie is filled with action and gadgets which keeps it entertaining. It is a comic book movie, and it definitely has a comic-book feel to it. Characters and events are very typical for action movies (car chases, silly romantic interests, etc.) The ninjas were interesting. If you like Michael Bay movies, you should be good.

Survival Lesson: Nobody wins all the time. You must be mentally prepared to faces losses.

Terrordactyl (2016)

Watchable if you like the main characters.

[5/10 · 11 March 2021]

Meteors from a meteor storm turn out to be pods containing hungry pterodactyls who have been floating around space for millions of years.

Rating: 5/10. The creatures effects are decent, but the story is fairly predictable, and it has some pacing issues. There are some good one liners. I found the main characters likable, especially the lead actress, and thought they did a good job. For me, this gave me an investment to want to see how it all ends, and overall I enjoyed it. If you don't find the main characters likable, you probably won't enjoy this one. The creatures and story alone aren't really enough to sustain it.

Survival Lesson: If you steal eggs, be ready to deal with angry parents, and generally, the larger the egg, the larger the parent.

Tribal Get Out Alive (2020)

Start good but fades. Good fight scenes.

[4/10 · 10 March 2021]

A martial artist lady and her brawny partner punch and slash their way through a group of homeless turned cannibal maniacs by a mad scientist's glowing serum.

Rating 4.5/10: Another movie with a great setup devolves into tedium and cliche. This movie was good when you didn't know exactly what was happening, when bodies just started showing up and there were flashes of movement in the shadows, but then it starts showing and explaining what is happening and who they are up against and it loses that mystery and dread and becomes a bit dull. Good fight scenes, though, with legitimate martial artists.

Survival Lesson: Make sure you have a way out of a hole, before jumping down in a hole.

Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013)

Good premise, but lacks effects to carry it out.

[4/10 · 9 March 2021]

Synopsis: Paul Bunyan practices his axe swing on some doofus teens.

Rating: 3.5/10. Good location for the film, and it's actually a good premise. The characters are all very stereotypical and the dialog is bland. All that is really needed for a good creature film is a good creature and some good kills. There were some okay kills, and the creature wasn't bad when he was by himself, but the interactions with others devolved into these ridiculous scenes of humans cowering on the ground while a giant hand reached out for them. These scenes aren't silly enough to be funny, and not serious enough to maintain any tension or dread. It just doesn't work. Bunyan was actually better in the beginning of the movie as a regular sized man.

Survival Lesson: Don't mess with totems. you never know what power they hold or what they mean to other people.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

Jim Carrey's mustache alone.

[7/10 · 7 March 2021]

I love Jim Carrey. I'd recommend this movie for his mustaches(s) alone.

There was nothing groundbreaking about this story. it actually reminded me of the Smurfs: blue creature from another world, befriends a human, and together they battle an evil maniac...but that is okay. it is a classic story and they executed it well. The production values and effects are excellent, and the acting was very good, especially the main character. It isn't always easy to portray a convincing relationship with another character who isn't even there, and I thought he did a fantastic job.

There seem to be two types of people who don't like this film. Those who aren't big fans of Carrey's and those who have a strong affinity for the original Sonic and felt like this movie didn't stay true to it. I have no such affinity, and love Carrey, so really enjoyed this film.

My one criticism is that it is unclear to me what audience they were really targeting. In some ways it seems too old for young kids, and in other ways, too young for older kids, while me in my 40's liked it just fine. Point being, I'm just not sure how kids will like it. For me, I'd give this an 8, but knocked it down to 7 for that reason.

Survival Lesson: It is unlikely that an emotional outburst from you will generate an EMP that will wipe out power for 100 miles, but a lack of emotional control, in a survival situation can still have serious consequences. Take care of your brain health as much as your physical health.

Ice Twisters (2009 TV Movie)

Good effort for a made for TV movie

[5/10 · 6 March 2021]

For a made for TV movie, this was pretty good. It is a pretty standard disaster story. It makes sense (if you just accept that the science is correct). Tends to be a bit cliche and predictable. The effects aren't great, but work well enough. Many reviews complain about the acting, but I thought they did a pretty good job. Yes, there are muted reactions that you get when you tell actors to pretend a bunch of ice tornadoes are about to kill you, but that is to be expected. Overall, a solid middle of the road film for me.

Survival lesson: hugging is good for your health, and for surviving ice tornadoes.

Zoombies 2 (2019)

Slightly better than the first

[4/10 · 5 March 2021]

Same basic premise as the first movie: zombie animals run amok.

Like the first one, the setting is good and I think the actors did a fair job with what they had to work with. The science still makes no sense, but the story in this one made a little more sense. The CGI is equally poor.

What makes this one a tick better is that there were at least a few interesting animal attack scenes, one of which thankfully saw the demise of a truly obnoxious character.

The Wandering Earth (2019)

Fantastic world building

[7/10 · 4 March 2021]

Synopsis: Humanity unites to turn the Earth into a rocketship to escape the exploding sun.

Rating: 7.5/10: The world building is excellent in this movie. The costume and machinery and detail of it all are amazing. The story itself is fairly standard disaster-fare (e.g. vehicles barely surviving buildings crashing around them), and the character development feels like incomplete thoughts, but it is entertaining and worth the watch.

Short version: If you enjoy world-building and "ooh" and "ahh" at gadgets, you should like this film. If you focus on deep character building and complex story-telling, you may be a bit disappointed.