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Secret Society 3: 'Til Death (2023)
Perpetuating Stereotypes and Horrible Acting
"Secret Society 3: 'Til Death" is an excruciating exercise in cinematic failure. From start to finish, the film plunges viewers into a world of disbelief, with a plot so implausible it stretches the limits of credulity to their breaking point. The storyline is riddled with rushed narratives, nonsensical twists, and filler scenes that do nothing but exacerbate the agony of watching. As if the incredulous plot weren't enough, the acting plunges to depths of incompetence rarely seen on screen. Performances are delivered with all the conviction of cardboard cutouts, devoid of any semblance of emotion or authenticity. It's as though the actors were plucked from the depths of amateur theater, stumbling through lines and gestures with painful awkwardness. "Secret Society 3: 'Til Death" is not just a disappointment; it's a cinematic catastrophe that should serve as a cautionary tale for filmmakers everywhere.
Who greenlights this garbage?
The Family Plan (2023)
Retired Assassin, Car Chases, Shootouts...TIRED.
"The Family Plan" falls into the realm of mediocrity, weighed down by its reliance on endless shootouts and car chases. The film's central premise, featuring a retired assassin attempting a new life, is tired and lacks the innovation needed to stand out in the genre.
The action sequences, highlighted in various reviews, dominate the narrative, leaving little room for character development or a compelling storyline. Mark Wahlberg's portrayal of the assassin seems uninspired, contributing to the forgettable nature of the film. Despite the potential for a fresh take on the retired hitman trope, "The Family Plan" succumbs to formulaic shoot-'em-up sequences that fail to elevate the overall viewing experience.
In summary, the movie's overemphasis on action, coupled with a worn-out plot, makes "The Family Plan" a forgettable addition to the genre.
The Last Big Save (2019)
I'd Rather Get Hit In The Head With A Puck.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have witnessed some cinematic disasters in my time, but "The Last Big Save" takes the cake as a mind-numbing exercise in incompetence. Frank D'Angelo, the writer and director of this cinematic catastrophe, seems to have confused "filmmaking" with "torture." From start to finish, "The Last Big Save" assaults the senses with its incoherent plot, abysmal acting, and laughable dialogue. It's a film that leaves you longing for the sweet release of amnesia.
Let's begin with the screenplay, or lack thereof. D'Angelo's writing resembles the scribbles of a 9th grade drama student. The dialogue is a baffling mix of clichés, nonsensical ramblings, and poorly executed attempts at profundity. One can only assume that D'Angelo wrote the script on a cocktail napkin, because there's no other explanation for the level of incompetence on display.
But the real crime of "The Last Big Save" lies in its acting. I have seen more convincing performances from cardboard cutouts. Frank D'Angelo himself stars in the film, delivering a performance that can only be described as a masterclass in woodenness. It's as if he learned all his acting techniques from a dusty old book titled "How to Emote Like a Block of Wood." The supporting cast is equally disastrous, stumbling through their lines with all the grace of a herd of drunken elephants. Not a single actor in this film manages to rise above the abysmal material they've been given.
And let's not forget the technical aspects of "The Last Big Save" if we can even call them that. The cinematography is a jumbled mess, with shots that are either overexposed or completely out of focus. It's as if the camera operator was aiming for "amateurish" and hit "unwatchable" instead. The editing is equally atrocious, with cuts that are so jarring and haphazardly executed that I suspect the editor was trying to induce motion sickness in the audience. It's a visual assault that adds insult to injury.
Professional hockey...fuggetaboutit.
In conclusion, "The Last Big Save" is a cinematic abomination that should be avoided at all costs. Frank D'Angelo's misguided attempt at filmmaking is an insult to the art form and a waste of precious screen time. It's a film that leaves you questioning the very existence of cinema and contemplating the meaninglessness of life. If you ever find yourself in the unfortunate position of having to watch "The Last Big Save", I recommend you do what the title suggests: make a swift and decisive retreat from the theater. You'll thank me later.
Nope (2022)
Hell Nope!
The full trainwreck that this movie is actually made me angry.
I'll give it 1 star for the only likeable character in the movie; the chimp.
Boring, disjointed, implausible, and pointless are the only adjectives I can come up with to describe this disaster.
Don't take my word for it, read the other reviews. I wish I had so I could have done something more fun like gone to the dentist or something.
There are so many things wrong with this movie I don't even no where to start.
Who green lighted this giant pile of nopeness? Who has so much money that they can just light it on fire or flush it down the toilet.
"Get Out" showed promise..."Nope" should get Jordan Peele's Sag card revoked.
Nope is for Dopes.
Tales of the Walking Dead (2022)
Didn't Think The Walking Dead could get any worse...but it did.
I didn't think The Walking Dead could get any worse...but it did.
As per my original review of "The Walking Dead", I was the show's biggest fan. Here I thought Gimple and his crew would breathe new life into the franchise and honour what was offered during the first five seasons of the original, but as it turns out, it's almost like we're being punked.
How this TV franchise could go from a 10 to a 1 should be studied in Film and Production schools across the globe.
I like Terry Crews but the first episode was just awful.
I love Parker Posey but the second episode was just a giant WTF from start to finish.
I am soooo done.
Till Death (2021)
Its just ok.
First... Megan Fox is not a great actor. Second... is she not able to close her mouth? Third... having us believe that she could elude two crazed homicidal killers while silently dragging around a hundred and seventy pounds of dead weight is ludicrous at best. Total suspension of disbelief is required. I had trouble watching this as my eyes were too busy rolling into the back of my head.
With that said, I've seen worse.
I'm Thinking of Ending Things (2020)
Don't let the pretentious, "deep thinking" Art-house snobs fool you.
95% of the real-world audience will not understand one minute of this "movie".
3% will be pretentious art-house pseudo critics who watch it for a second and third time and will make all kinds of wild claims as to what they "believe" the movie to be about.
The remaining 2% will have read the book prior to watching the movie and will blog about it the next day; giving their interpretations; all of which will be all over the map because nobody really knows whats going on...even after reading the book AND watching the movie.
If you are part of the real-world audience, just find something else to watch.
With that said, the first 58 minutes are delightfully creepy and I was looking forward to something new, fresh, and darkly twisted. Unfortunately, the next hour and fifteen minutes were an exercise in absolute confusion, frustration and boredom.
As for the cast and their performances...BRILLIANT! Not much more to be said about that, except, what a shame that the vehicle they were driving was such a catastrophic dog's breakfast.
In conclusion, do what you gotta do, but you've been warned.
Black Summer (2019)
Not deep, just straight forward Zombie
This series (season one) is short on plot and dialogue. What it lacks in those areas, it makes up for with action and scary tension. Sure there are a few problems and plot holes but, for the cheap price of admission, you can forgive them. For example...
-nobody seems interested in arming themselves (earlier episodes)
-endless ammo (in later episodes)
-the power grid is still up...huh?
-with power up, nobody ever turns on a radio to listen for info/help
-and WHY does Sun (Korean girl) only speak Korean with no subtitles. She doesn't speak English and others don't speak Korean but they have conversations where they seem to understand one another. Why? No likey.
Sure, its got problems but if you are a true fan of the Zombie genre, you will probably enjoy this tense, fast moving, and sometimes surprising Zombie offering; just don't expect anything too deep.
Under the Silver Lake (2018)
Don't be fooled; This is the only review you will need to read.
This is the only review you will need to read.
This "movie" was made to satisfy and stroke the egos of all involved in its making. There can be no other reason or excuse for this kaleidoscope of mismatched and incoherent ideas and random thoughts.
Any ratings above a 5 are surely posted by cast and crew or lonely, pretentious art-house students with nothing better to do after a hard day at school trying to decipher the collective works of David Lynch.
To be clear, this movie makes absolutely no sense and has you continuously asking yourself, what, when, where, who, but mostly, why. Be forewarned; there are absolutely no answers.
And to top it off, we are held hostage for almost two and a half excruciating hours, squirming uncomfortably as we continuously wrestle with thoughts of just cutting our losses and turning off our TV never to speak of this again.
With that said, if you still insist on watching, don't say I didn't warn you and, think of me when the credits are rolling.
Revenge (2017)
Check your common sense at the door...and then enjoy.
Who doesn't enjoy a good revenge movie, right? Well...if you're a stickler for believability and details, this might not be for you. This movie asks the viewer to just play along with some pretty big leaps of logic. You'll see. And then there are some of the worst continuity infractions I've ever seen. If you're not scared away yet, ok, watch the movie; you'll probably find what you're looking for given the fact that the title of the film is "Revenge".
The girl is hot, the guys are evil, and the revenge is sweet.
But, why in the hell did she light that tree on fire? ;-)
Home Sweet Hell (2015)
Funny, Dark, and Light.
Don't fret; if you're looking for a dark comedy with genuine laughs and some sinister behaviour, look no further.
Its not a true story or a documentary, just a wicked good time.
All performances were spot on
And, Katherine Heigl is not hard on the eyes.
8 is probably generous but I enjoyed the movie, and in the end, isn't that what it's all about?
The Walking Dead (2010)
Was a 10...now a 5.
To keep this short and sweet, I was the BIGGEST fan of the Walking Dead. Unfortunately, several seasons in, it started to fall apart; straying from something we could relate to, to something that relied on improbable, unrealistic, and ridiculous situations, characters, and plot-lines that became increasingly unbearable and too cringe-worthy to watch. The introduction of the "garbage heap people" was a definitive turning point for me. I've continued to watch and will probably see it through to the end simply due to the fact that I have a morbid curiosity as to where this unfortunate train-wreck will end up.
Do yourself a favour and watch it from the beginning until it starts to offend your sensibilities and then just walk away: believe me, it won't/doesn't get any better beyond that.
10 stars to start...5 at the finish.