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vitaly-tomilov
Reviews
Red Notice (2021)
Three Stooges
It took some balls to make this one...
And the recipe was:
1. Throw in plenty of Ryan Reynold's typical annoyance
2. Mix it with Gal Gadot's lost in the woods play
3. Put Rock on top, pray the pyramid holds, somehow
As for the story, there isn't any, there are only giant golden balls, which evidently inspired someone to create this nonsense. Except they got the colors wrong, they should have been blue, not gold, because the only thing that could have saved this movie is a threesome, but never happened.
Invasion (2021)
Better titles for this trash maraphon...
I've struggled to get through the first 4 episodes, and now I realize what they wrong in those was the titles...
They called those:
ep1 - Last Day
ep2 - Crash
ep3 - Orion
ep4 - The King Is Dead
Should have been called:
ep1 - Boring Day
ep2 - Trash
ep3 - Onion
ep4 - The Movie Is Dead
That would give it some justice.
Cosmic Sin (2021)
The new number 1 on my trash list
Bruce: I wanna play a character that's really baaaad!
Writer: I can do you one better, I got a whole movie that's really baaaad!
Bruce: I'm in!
The Hot Zone (2019)
Completely Unrealistic
I couldn't get pass the first episode, watching a bio-hazard team dissecting a possibly deadly contagion with absolute zero protection - no googles, no glasses, not even gloves.
This just beats them all, and an insult to your intelligence, to suggest that this is how dangerous contagions are handled by professionals.
Don't waste your time here! This one is a dumb as it gets.
Game of Thrones: The Bells (2019)
The Inferno
Denied the love she believed in, having to watch her friend beheaded right in front of her, with the mounting sense of treachery all around her, Daenerys rises above all that and does the only thing that's left - fulfill the promise she gave long ago, to see the King's Landing burn.
Kudos to the writers who had the integrity to show what had to be done, the hard choices, the true manifestation of faith, power and resolve to do what's necessary, all personified in Daenerys, to be true to the story and the main characters, and not to yield to the pitiful crowd who wants the story bent to the tune of a fairy tale.
One hell of a BBQ, with no strings attached, the fury is unleashed, streets red, death runs amok. This is how you clear the ground for the new foundation. It was beautiful, it was epic, it was violently orgasmic, it was Game of Thrones at its finest.
Game of Thrones: The Last of the Starks (2019)
Poor War Strategy
Any strategist would easily foresee Cersei dangle Missandei's life, and no warrior would go into this without a leverage.
With Daenerys going into the battle head in, without any leverage, it looks like a stupid endeavor, not worthy of a leader, which makes the whole campaign look amateur, without any thought.
She would never go into this knowingly, with her best friend's life hanging on the line, and no strategy/leverage for saving her.
This is just poor writing.
Game of Thrones: Beyond the Wall (2017)
Feast your eyes, but not your brain
Wonderful episode to watch, with an epic finale, but not so much when you think it over:
- Why did the Night King throw the spear into the far-away flying dragon when the one that mattered was on the ground right beside him?
- Why didn't dragons try to burn the Night King, which presumably would end the war and kill off all the white walkers at once? (suggested by the next question)
- When they attacked a small group of white walkers to capture one, it was shown that killing one white overlord immediately destroys all the walkers he raised from the dead. So how come there was one that didn't die? If he wasn't raised by him, what was he doing there in that group? It doesn't make sense. Looks like a convenience forged for the sake of the episode, not for the story.
- How did Daenerys manage to fly over all the way from Dragonstone in such a short span of time that not only people were still alive, but also combat-able?
- The way Uncle Benjen turned up out of nowhere leaves no questions, it was just plain ridiculous.
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Viciousness over logic
A small spoiler...
David commandeers the ship to the alien world, while learning about the engineers. As he arrives, we see just a small town, or a village more like, of aliens that look evidently different from the engineers we saw in the Prometheus, also primitive, cheap and scrappy. So, before even making any acquaintance, David decides to take them out of their misery, by flushing most of the goo supply upon their heads, turning the valley into some sort of a tar holocaust.
It is an original idea, to suggest that a civilization at its peak would become a small filthy scrap yard under a rock, with a few hermits, no signs of technology anywhere, except for interstellar spaceships and ample supply of super-vicious goo stuff, aka bio-super- virus that mutates all life forms into combustible monster breeders.
So, after the greeting party, David also kills Shaw, and sets up a lab on this newly found rock, to start developing even more vicious stuff, so on the off-chance someone flies by, he can kill them even in a more elaborate way.
I mean, all is making sense up to this point - right? Enough of the spoiler stuff though.
----------------------------------------------------------
For anyone who expected a logical continuation to the Prometheus, forget it, it is a continuation without any logic.
An interesting story cannot be predictable, but there is nothing interesting in a story that simply turns chaotic.
They could start and end it with one line - "basically, everybody dies", and leave it at that. There is hardly anymore merit to the story, it is dark, vicious and terminal. And it leaves the taste of an over-the-top, vampire movie.
For the Sci-Fi genre, it is a failure, as it provides no logical answer to any of the interesting questions raised by the Prometheus.
Nothing what you see there will make any sense to you, sadly.
Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Marvelously Stupid
The story goes, Marvel runs out of ideas. They got excellent stuff shown in the first movie, then something lesser in the second one, and then the third one was like - somebody damn insisted on making it, even though there was no story written...
When the evil is all defeated, the continuation is not due till the next movie, and all avengers are simply bored, in the shortage of anything interesting going on, why not have all the heroes beating the crap out of each other? That should do the trick, and keep the sheep happy.
The movie has no story, its conflict is superficial and borderline idiotic, even for the way the avengers split into two groups had no logic in it, and, of course, no explanation. They just really wanted to flex their muscles, and so they did, period.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Sentimental fodder for the fans
This movie isn't a continuation to StarWars, it is a tribute to StarWars, a glorified featurette created for the wide fan base to appreciate a brief return to the good old times when the movie was valued as a whole. It is a sentimental stretch on what once was.
This one focuses on characters much more than on the story, because let's face it, there is no story there, at least not one that wouldn't fall into the category of predictable and corny. With so many scenes built on pure sentimentalism and an attempt to relive the former glory, leaves little to appreciate for the younger generation.
The world of sci-fi genre has moved on since, and very far, and while the original StarWars was much to thank for, it took its rightful place in the history long-long time ago, is where it should have been left.
Why was this movie made in the first place, if not for Disney to return the 4bn they paid George Lucas for the franchise rights? No other reason whatsoever. The movie has absolutely nothing original in it, not one thing, just 2-hour long struggle between childish good vs bad absolutism, pushing forward the characters over the missing story and never-ending sentimentalism over the old actors.
Game of Thrones: The Rains of Castamere (2013)
All's fair in love and war
Starks made a pact with the wrong beast, one who likes trifling with his meal just before the kill.
They let the festivities take them off guard, enjoying themselves right in the belly of the beast, till the bloodshed unfolds, and the Starks bleed to the last.
Gruesome and agonizing ending to a wedding, but fair nonetheless, the medieval justice is served, the lamb gets eaten.
And throat-cutting ending looks like the right massage from the times.
Ironically, this was the closest that Arya got to her family, walking in at the dire hour, just to see them all die. And what will she grow up to be now, remains to be seen...
Bad Ass (2012)
Not as bad-ass as the screen writing
This isn't meant to be a full review, just one observation from the movie.
Never once I saw a movie that was made by way of taking a substantial part from another movie, and just replacing actors in the scenery using CGI.
This movie has the entire bus chase scene from movie "Red Heat" taken with actors replaced in them, down to the last detail - from destroying the landmark, rampaging through a glass shop, ending with playing chicken with buses and then one bus colliding with the train. And it wasn't a replicated scene, it was the exact montage taken from the movie and having actors replaced in them.
To say that this was cheap is to say nothing. Just how dumb the the director has to be to think that people who watch it a dumber than him and they won't be outraged by this is beyond me, unless he simply doesn't give a damn about those who will watch his movie.
And I am surprised if he didn't get sued by those who own copyright of the "Red Heat" movie, because he really should end up paying for this despicable and dumb theft.
This is just as bad as it gets in a movie, I felt so cheated when I ended watching it, just wanted my money and two hours of my time back.
Yuck!
Prometheus (2012)
Full of blunders
Below are just a few stupid mistakes that came to mind during watching...
1. Prometheus is a four-thruster exploration ship? This is nonsense. First off, four-thruster configuration is needed only on military ships, to provide utmost maneuverability. Exploration ships will be built with engine configurations optimized to reach farthest distance, using single-thruster engines.
2. For a mission of such magnitude and budget the ship would surely be weaponized, so there would be no need ramming into the alien craft to bring it down.
3. Not a word on how a spacecraft on four conventional thrusters managed to reach a remote world in just 2 years.? Really? Sorry, I didn't know there was yet another earth like planet in the solar system, because that's about as far as they would get in two years on conventional thrusters, or just about in the outer frontier of the solar system.
4. For a mission that cost billion dollars to hire a crew of idiots... Especially the guys with red irokez, who gives out this line: Not here for your damn friendship, just to make money . I mean, come-on, is this the best that a billion dollar can buy in the near future - a skank and a mule? The mission of such magnitude is expected to have the best professionals from the earth, not some trash. A real Mr. Weyland would be ashamed to surround himself with such people.
5. Prometheus appear to be using a lot of standing controls, i.e. one must stand in front of them freely, instead of being tightly strapped, like to see the captain standing at various consoles and shaking buttocks during the ship's landing looks real stupid.
6. In a mission like this to start instructing people on what it is all about only after they have reached their destination? Is that a quick top-secret military op? Really? I was under impression scientific missions are normally planned a little more thoroughly, like a few years in advance...
7. Just as Prometheus lands, nearly the entire jock bunch rushes into the alien caves. This one just beats them all. In reality they would acquire a complete scan of the place first, and then send android there alone, to evaluate the environment before any human attempt to go there, which would likely be a group of 2 or 3 people at most, never most of the crew as was shown. On top of it, they almost immediately remove their helmets, while an alien world could easily have undetectable to them contaminants, that's just outright stupid.
8. Imagine you are on an alien world, lost in a damn dark and creepy cave, full of dead aliens and scary stuff, and suddenly a creepy alien tentacle emerges from some disgusting-looking liquid. What do you do in this case? - Crap your pants and run away for 10 minutes scared to even look back? Well, that'd be my guess. But according to the genius of Mr. Ridley, you just pretend to be an American tourist - you start taking pictures, you try to give it a hug, and even tearful, you will probably try to kiss it - for real, my first alien, yo! 9. The discovered aliens appear to be the lost cause. They synthesized some genetic mutators that they failed to control themselves - how stupid of them! That was some buggy specimen they "engineered", however, they did make it creepy as hell, so we applaud them here...
10. Holograms manifest themselves almost spontaneously. It does look creepy, alright, but I think even in our underdeveloped age there is understanding that a hologram does take some equipment and energy to create, they don't just run through the rock by themselves.
11. DO NOT TRY AT HOME: The girl gets herself wide-open by an operation equipment, then simply gets stapled nearly all the way across stomach, and then just walks away. The droid says - that's the spirit, I like, and we applaud - Na-a-ii-ice! And to think that I was hoping for something more intelligent...
Haywire (2011)
Gina Carano is the real star
For all of you tired of Hollywood pretense on the screen, well, Gina Carano is the real deal, not just some pretty face groomed in studios, she is the whole glass of tequila, with the kick in the teeth and smashing aftermath (if you are still breathing after her hugs).
Talk about Matt Damon in Bourne series, who in reality wouldn't know to check for safety on a gun...yuk.
There are many videos on you-tube of Gina Carano's fighting - check them out, so you know who you are watching ;)
Throw me the real person any time, I will go to watch the movie. Maybe that Hollywood is out of ideas completely, they will start using the real people in movies, instead of muppets, for the screen to evolve.
Conviction (2010)
"Oh my God, they killed Kenny - u bastards!"
Sorry, couldn't help it with that South Park most famous quote, but it highlights what the state actually did to an innocent person.
It was however a truly inspirational story, about unbent spirit, commitment, about keeping faith through and through.
What's more to the story, once it has touched you as it did me, you'd want to know the truth about what happened in reality, which is easy to find out, just run search in Google for: Strength of 'Conviction' Boston.
The true story reveals two major differences from the reality: A. Apology about perjury was given right after the trial, and not after all those years; B. The unfortunate death of Kenneth Waters just 6 months after his release, not much of the shown happy-end and sitting by the lake. Sadly, they failed to mention it even in the epilogue.
Yet these movie inaccuracies do not in any way diminish the story, and having found out the truth only inspires you more about it.
Pride and Glory (2008)
New World Record: 250 F-Words
I watched for the second time just to carefully count and tick off how many times the F-word was used in the movie, and it came down to an impressive 250, which is somewhat of an outstanding achievement in scriptwriting, and a World Record in foul language over-use on screen.
For most part, the acting was very good, realistic, emotional, but it was greatly spoiled by the dialogs in which every second word was the F-word. And for this simple reason I would not recommend it for watching to people who appreciate eloquence and good articulation, you won't hear any well-spoken decency in this movie, it's all endlessly flat foul.
Unstoppable (2010)
Technically Unprofessional
Nice action, but so poorly thought out, it is insulting to one's intelligence: Descending a person from helicopter onto a train that runs at 70mph is a piece of cake for a professional rescue team, so the main idea in the movie is technically a BS, a real rescue in such events would have been way simpler. Not to mention the times when the train moved way slower, around 40mph, when even a jump-in was quite possible off a car driven in parallel, there was no need waiting for this simple action till the very end. Just all the way stupid, is what it was.
This is just thinking it through after having watched the movie, which doesn't occur to you immediately while watching it.
Get Him to the Greek (2010)
"Let's get ##cked!"
This movie is what you love when expecting nothing, thinking "this isn't my kind of movie", and then it blows you away. I'm not into rock-n-roll type of movies, but this one is just so beyond any music style as such, it glides on the border of sanity, and then slightly off. Using words from the movie, it is "not the kind of pretzels you'd put mustard on", an off-the-hook story.
If you enjoyed The Hangover, you're gonna love this movie, this one movie that pushed the envelope, showed the low end of naughtiness and lost control that for some people seems like normal life style.
Favorite funny moments and quotes from the movie:
Jonathan Snow: "Oh, I managed Aldous for the first two years of his career" Aldous Snow: "Yeah he managed me while I was in his testicles, the minute he ejaculated the management ended".
Aldous sees Sarah Marshall on TV: "Oh I used to have sex with her,...", then listens in to her sighing on TV and says "Yeah, you know, I did, I did."
Aaron is putting heroin up his ass in the airport, and Aldous comments loudly: "Come'n mate, we ain't got all day,... it's not recreational, it's not meant to be a hobby, just get it out,...close the door behind you, hurry up!". Aaron: "Oh no, I have no sneeze, but i'm terrified that bowels will evacuate if i do" Aldous: "If you sneeze, it is very important that you clench at the same time". Aaron: "I'm gonna clench and sneeze, i'm gonna clench and sneeze, Aphsee!!"
Destiny to Aaron: "Hallo, testing 1,2,3 - is this thing on? Hello-o, do you want to sing hairrieoke?"
Inception (2010)
I'll take two!
Another attempt at the proverbial "this is revolution of the mind" of quite a few others, but a very good one at that, in a unique way. Discovering or rediscovering the potential of one's mind can be treacherous, the maze of the subconscious web leads to many ways, it is a narrow path between obvious and subliminal, between divine inspiration and a mental ward. You don't know if you can find your way out until you have tried, and people always will, it is the last unknown, the last milestone to crack open to see what's inside, the curiosity backed up by the other proverbial of "Gnothi Seauton" to leave your mind restless, because perhaps after all that is the point.
Watch it with good attention, and the movies settles deep into your mind, it abates like a good smoke when you leave the cinema, creeping on the back of your head between "Gosh, if I went there, I'd just never come back" and "Ok, now how do I put it all together again...?".
Fun ride with a catch to figure out.
Iron Man 2 (2010)
It is the action you want... - it is the action you will get!
Metal clash watered with chatter, occasional loss of control, with your every-day cute hi-tech villains, deadly high-heel chicks, plus a healthy portion of jokes failed on most. Add to it some allegedly going on sense of love during and after the explosions, and you get Iron Man, dubbed 2.
It is unfortunate that the movie fell behind on 3D in making, which is the de-facto expectation today from any high-budget action movie, so it came out flat on a few things, figuratively speaking :) Also, contrary to the expectation of a longer movie, it came out even shorter than the original: 1:52m vs 1:56m, so it does feel short, especially after watching a 2:35m Avatar spectacle.
Still, I enjoyed it, but not sure if I'd see it again, unless it is re-released in 3D.
Shutter Island (2010)
Shutter your logic
Psychological make up for logical dead ends, built on the conventional pretence that everything goes in a loony market where logic is traded for suspense and the thrill ride of self-inflicting psychosis to justify the appearance and the cliché that in any nuthouse the patients and the staff are yet to be determined.
Quality fodder for the society failing or tiring to comprehend the real and preferring to "shutter" every so often with a drink or drug or whatever invalidates the real, at least for a little while.
There are so many ways in which a person can lose it, and none of them are in any way attractive to speculate about. And yet writers and movie makes are tireless jumping on anything that constitutes "suspense and mystery" of the insane mind.
Great acting with dubious storyline.
Up (2009)
More down than up
I found the story having a bit of a weird twist. I liked very much this animation from the very beginning till the moment the guys takes off in his house. All that was very touching and so realistic and full of life. But just as the guys takes off, everything from that moment completely loses the sense of reality, turns into a complete fairy tale without any foundation, and to my experience just bananas, spoils everything nice I first felt about the story, and the storyline never comes back to earth from that moment, it's all cheap Pixar bag of old tricks, nothing else, no substance. I was so pi$$ed in the end that the hyped me up with the first 1/3 of the movie just to let me down with the rest.
In other words, they made the first 1/3 of the story interesting for any age, and the rest is only for under 16 at best.
Avatar (2009)
Turok Macto the Great
I would give it 10 just to pi$$ off all those who gave it very low rating, as everybody who did so has simply no imagination.
But this movie deserves every credit it can get. It is above all is to envision where the future cinema takes us. And that future invites us to live the movies in a way unseen before.
I'm looking forward to more movies like this, and of course to continuation of the Avatar trilogy.
Sincerest thanks to James Cameron for sharing his dreams with us.
P.S. Where seeds of all spirits, root on thy tree of souls, may they lighten my path
Alpha Dog (2006)
The most disturbing example of American injustice
Away from any possible artistic value, I found this movie to be most disturbing. I was in such shock when the movie ended, appalled by what American "justice" system has for anyone on the crossroad and worse still, brag about it on TV. For God's sake, they are just kids, lost, confused, they fell victims to being just so naturally stupid, because they are kids, they must be directed, reprimanded where appropriate, explained where and how and why their life may go wrong.
And what do we see in this movie: One kid who saw this happening 9 years in prison, and one other gets death row.
The main character kid who pulled one stupid act because he was so angry (rightfully) at his business partner ends up with life sentence, and so does another kid.
But what's most appalling, was the saying in the movie that this kid once spooked and fled the country, was 5 years on the FBI's most wanted list. I mean, this just beats them all, the highest of the American hypocrisy that exists. While so many murders happen on every corner every day and every hour and nobody gives a damn about those people, one lost kid makes one stupid mistake to end up in jail for the rest of his life, and being placed on the list with Bin Laden and world threatening people alike
I was so disturbed by this movie and blunt American injustice, I couldn't sleep for two nights, disgusted by Americans whose hypocrisy reached the sky, in praying God yet knowing nothing of forgiveness, nothing of understanding and patience; they are pitiful, bitter and blindly vicious to their own kind, unchristian lunatics worshiping hatred and prejudice.