Bistoman Reviews

Nope (2022)

Nope, Just Nope.

[2/10 · 29 August 2022]

Will it ever be compared with Great Horror or Sci/Fi.... Nope Will You enjoy it?.....Nope Will You feel like you have experienced something groundbreaking? ....... NOPE Will You think the reviews here are very harsh? ..... Nope Will any of the cast get Oscar nominations......Nope Is Jordan Peel under rated...............Nope Its a strange one, reading all the reviews here, You could be fooled into think this is actually a worthwhile movie, Its Not. Overindulgent, introspective, peering up its own a***hole, literally in this case. Didn't like the two earlier movies, Over hyped underperformed, I hated this one.

Is it a good Movie?........................ NOPE.

Left Behind (I) (2014)

Beyond Awful

[1/10 · 24 August 2021]

Just awful Christian drivel, terrible terrible movie.

Stowaway (I) (2021)

Meh!

[5/10 · 23 April 2021]

After the first few minutes of the launch, that are stretched out for too long, it's clear its not going to be good. I kept watching to the end, and got exactly what I was expecting, A dumb movie that should have been a lot better. I don't know if it was the lack of Special effects or the script that had more holes than 100 year old Swiss Cheese, it just didn't work.

If you want something playing in the background of your home office, that won't distract you, this is the perfect movie.

As I said , MEH !

Sound of Metal (2019)

Really, I mean Really?

[5/10 · 19 April 2021]

Wow, Gives a new meaning to the term Over rated. Its not a bad movie, But it's also not that good. Sorry but It's a No from Me.

Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel (2021)

Interesting story, Ruined by Fools with keyboards.

[5/10 · 15 February 2021]

I heard about this story a couple of years ago, So was interested when I heard that Netflix was doing a show about it. Boy was I let down, The first episode is solid enough, Telling the back story of the hotel and a little background about Elisa Lam. Then the Keyboard Warriors show with all the knowledge of looking at Youtube videos and Old episodes of TJ Hooker, That is the extent of Their expertise in solving crimes. " I cant stop thinking about it", I need to know how it happened" " My gut feeling,," and so on, These people need to understand they got lucky to get on this TV show, But You are experts in nothing, Please don't take this as affirmation of your lifestyle choice. Its a shame, I would have liked to know what happened to the poor girl. But I wont waste any time to solve a crime that was probably just misadventure. If nothing else, it makes more people aware of LA's Skid Row, Hopefully that will lead to some change for those unfortunate people who live there.

p.s. A hotel employee was on the roof and noticed the open hatch, and closed it without looking in. Mystery solved.

The Liberator (2020)

A great war story retold with a Gamer Filter.

[7/10 · 16 November 2020]

Band Of Brothers with a gamer Filter.

Lets get straight to it, It didn't need the filter. I adds nothing to the story, In fact it gets a little distracting and takes something away from the experience.

Haven't said that, Its a great story, It very well made (filter aside) The cast a re great and tell a tough story about people who gave so much for so many. But, You have seen it before, Its a retelling of "Band Of Brothers", Its the same story told with different character's. That's not always a bad thing, If you are going to redo something that has already been done, Why not redo the best?

I san down expecting to watch one episode, I binged the complete series in one sitting, I pulled me in , after I got over the filter, And had me hooked right trough to the end.

Its worth Your time, Its very well told, But Band Of Brothers is better.

The Stranded (2019)

Lost in The Lord Of The Flies...

[4/10 · 5 November 2020]

This could have been good, A little imagination and originality would have helped. Instead they mashed Lost with The Lord of the Flies, Threw in a few teenage issues, Misunderstood leader, Wannabee popular kid and a gay couple. Nothing wrong with that, Except they forgot to bind it all together with a good story. Waste of time, watch Dark instead.

The Haunting of Hill House: Silence Lay Steadily (2018) Season 1, Episode 10

Such a shame, It was doing so well

[6/10 · 20 October 2018]

Hill House is by far the best Horror TV ever made, The tension, The jump scares and the terrifying story-line all pay tribute to one of the best horror movies ever made, Outstanding in this day of modern TV.

And then We get to the final episode, What a shame, It was doing so well. The tension was building up and up. And what do we get? A happy ending. Why oh why did they do this to Us, It was almost the perfect TV show, Everything You ever wanted. And its ruined by the awful ending. I'm giving this 6/10 for the 9 previous episodes that rightfully deserve 9/10, But if was a stand alone show i would give it 4/10 .

To add insult to injury they changed the last line of the Haunting from they walk alone to they walk together, Far too much of a Disney ending for what was a great show.

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

I'm glad I seen it, But...

[6/10 · 12 October 2017]

Far, Far, Far too long. trying to replicate (pun intended) the stunning vistas of the original s one thing, But to do so at every cut scene is unforgivable. If you just showed the scenes with that contained dialog, you would have a 40 minute move. The extra two hours is an attempt to grab onto everything that was great about "Blade Runner",and failing. The incomprehensible motives of the Jared Leto's Niander Wallace are an unnecessary distraction from what is already disjointed and confusing script. You would wonder if David Bowie would have managed to make anything better out of him. I still give it 7/10, I'm glad I went to see it, But I wont be waiting with bated breath for the 5 reedits and the ultimate directors edition Blu-Ray box set.

Twin Peaks: Part 1 (2017) Season 1, Episode 1

Complete and utter tripe.

[2/10 · 23 May 2017]

I'm Lost trying to find how this first episode has gotten any more than 3 stars in its ratings, It's awful. I wanted to like it, I was looking forward to it, I have seen the first 2 seasons and " Fire walk with Me" , I found them worth my time. But This? Wow. A first year director out of film school could not make such a bad TV episode. Is It the Hype? Are they all caught up in the nostalgia of Lara Palmer? I don't know, But they forgot about acting,Directing and script. Incomprehensible, Mind Numbing C**P. This lame attempt of art-house drivel fails in every aspect.

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

What's wrong with this Movie? Everything.

[5/10 · 30 June 2016]

OK Time for a bit of Ranting. Independence Day: Resurgence, ** Don't waste you money on this insult of a movie. Jesus if they set out to make a bad movie , They couldn't have made a better job. From the awful script with plot holes so large you could fly an alien mother ship right trough the middle with room to spare, The now very dated "Michael Mann" type of CGI and some of the most wooden acting you could have the misfortune to witness. This movie is nothing like its groundbreaking predecessor, Apart from the faces and names.

At this point I would normally say, If You have absolutely nothing to do on a wet Wednesday and nothing on TV, Go and see it, But I cant even say that. Go look at the puddles in the rain, that is more entertaining.

Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders (2016–2017)

It Has to get better than This.

[5/10 · 18 March 2016]

To be honest, I found the first episode story offensive, The Thai people are some the most polite and friendly people you could ever hope to meet who have turned smiling into an art form , This episode gives the impression that they are unsociable and standoffish. Then the idea that You could drive out into the Jungle and the first place you stop is the bad guys den, Totally unbelievable. I loved CM Suspect Behavior,And that got canned before the end of the first season. This show (based on the first episode) has not got a patch on CM Suspect Behavior. The Original Criminal Minds set a standard of good story telling and well made TV episodes, This is a very lazy attempt to recreate that success with great actors but cutting out all the style that makes CM a great show.

Jurassic World (2015)

Great Fun if You are under 12, Not much for the rest of Us.

[5/10 · 19 June 2015]

After the huge plot hole at the start I lost all love for this movie. Too much time is spent on the brooding older brother looking at teenage girls ( I know I'm not the intended audience ) But it gets real stale real quick. They should have spent a lot more time developing the park, You get a hint at what the park consists of, But only get to see a few of the attractions, Big fish tanks, Roaming Dino's ( That we have already seen in JP) and the obligatory T-Rex enclosure. The very thin plot of the absent aunt and divorcing parents added nothing. The moronic park owner? I wouldn't let him in charge of a doggy corner of a pet shop. The Military and Scientists were just Dino fodder, Waisted story lines. It should have been better . I like My big blockbusters, I want to be amazed, I wasn't.

5 out of 10 is being generous.

And that huge plot hole at the start??? Spoiler >>>>>>>>

Why in gods name did they not just look at the security Tapes of the enclosure to see how and if Gigantor (I know that's not it's name ) Got out?

And how did gigantor know that it was a tracking device that was implanted in it, Now I get He/She may have remembered that something was implanted in its body, But to know that it was an electrical tracking device? Come on?

Foxcatcher (2014)

Carrell at His best

[6/10 · 9 January 2015]

It is quite a difficult film to watch, Overly long in places, The wrestling practice sessions ware far too arty. The grunting of men and squeaking of plimsolls on a wooden floor don't add to a good movie.

Undoubtedly the acting is amazing,Tatum and Ruffalo are excellent in their respective rolls,But Carrell stole the show with his portrayal of DuPont and did his best work in the moments he just sat and brooded.

I like the slow moving aspect of this movie, It works well in telling what is a very strange story .It wont be to everyones liking.

Overall a good film, But not for someone looking for a sports movie, its not that.

The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)

Go for a walk, It will do You more good.

[4/10 · 3 June 2013]

Don't care if I offend anyone, But " The place beyond the pines" has to be the most overrated pile of crap this Year. It wouldn't have been so bad if they cut out the whole Ryan Gosling part and Just said the father was a scumbag, Instead You get almost a full hour of that slab of meat mumbling trough the story and chewing up the scenery. Bradley Cooper is always worth watching and does a fine job here with a limited supporting cast. The sure fire banker in this movie, Eva Mendes , couldn't even give the kiss of life to this 120 minutes of tedium.. Do Yourself s a real favor and watch some paint dry, At least You will have something at the end of that.

Suing the Devil (2011)

Utter Crap

[1/10 · 1 January 2012]

How they got some known actors to give their names to this awful piece of crap is beyond Me. The story had a good premise, but the acting is so bad that You would be looking a long time to find a kindergarten class doing a worse job. From the most mismatched bunch of supporting cast, Who must have been school friends of the producers, to the most ridiculous dialog You will ever have the misfortune to hear. this Crap movie has nothing to redeem it. Oh sorry , the cinematography is quite good, Full respect to the Guys behind the cameras. Its hard to find enough things to say about this film just to keep to the IMDb 10 line minimum. Avoid like the plague.

Senna (2010)

Shocking, funny, Wonderful and beautiful.

[10/10 · 14 June 2011]

First off, I have to say I'm an F1 fan, so take whatever You want from that. Senna has to be the best documentary ever made, It simply tells the story of the great man trough, Mostly. old TV footage. This brings back memory s of late night highlight shows of a race that happened hours before. Its Shocking to see the total unfairness of the sport at that time, Its trilling to see the racing. Its so sad to see senna's Last lap at Imola. Overall It's a peek into the life of one of the worlds greatest sportsmen, a wort's and all account of a good, but sometimes, flawed man. If for no other reason than seeing how well the old footage is spliced back together, Go and see Senna, You will not be disappointed.