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Reviews
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
Underrated movie... SO underrated
People... you have seen video reviewers review this movie like snooty ones, haven't you? They tear the movie a new one, all of them. Why? Because it's a Michael Bay Transformers movie, and therefor must ultimately be bad.
If you are openminded, if you love action flicks, and if you love Transformers - you WILL love this movie. And I'm about to tell you guys exactly why. This movie surprised me on so many levels. It has amazing CGI like the two first movies, it has colorful cool bad**s unique Transformers like the 2 first movies - and it has so much more. It has a plot from the animated series appearantly, which most of the reviewers mention. And really - that helps. This movie had good humor I laughed my **s off to, it has characters we care for (even the new love interest of our main character doesn't fail to make us investegated), it has a interesting and pretty well written story with a ingenious set-up at the start of the movie, it has some bad**s villains, it has some of the best plot-twists I have seen in a long while (and that says something to me) - and it really satisfied me as the last part of a trilogy. I've seen it twice already - it's just awesome. Does it have it's problems? Of course it has. It has for instance the classical dumb cliché of the villain giving exposition to one of the main characters about how they will take over the world for no apparent reason. And like in the last movies, I am very afraid to say Sam Witwicky's mother STILL is a very annoying b**ch (although, she is a lot less in this movie than in the 2 first ones, which is a big plus). She has a scene where she wants to have a family meeting with Sam and tell him he "should" sacrifice everything for his girlfriend to make her stay; and she even shows a book she says is good with the title "She Comes First". And guess what's even worse? This is a real book - you can actually buy that piece of s**t. Classy mom he has - trying to force on things from the 19th century about how the man should sacrifice everything to please his woman... sex equality is overrated, huh?!
But you know what? Those are actually the only problems I had with this movie. I do not get what people complain about. They say it's annoying to see Sam scream in the entire movie. But each time he does, it's either hystericly funny or just authentic giving the situation he is in. People and reviewers say the last Harry Potter movie was fantastic, huh? Let me tell this right away - I thought Transformers: Dark of the Moon was AT LEAST 3 times better than Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows Part 2 was... without overdoing it. People say Transformers 3 has plot holes? Yeah, maybe 1 or 2 - but the last Harry Potter movie literally got at least 10-15. Not to mention - everything felt rushed in the last Harry Potter movie. Nothing felt rushed in Transformers 3. NOTHING. Not to mention - the CGI is 4 times better in Transformers 3 than in Harry Potter 8. You think this is odd and/or dumb to compare? Oh, I think not. Everyone praises Harry Potter 8 as a masterpiece, while they bash Transformers 3 WAY too much. Heck - Michael Bay's Transformers-trilogy is a MUCH stronger franchise than the Harry Potter franchise is - they both got as long stories. Only differences are that Harry Potter pads it's story out way more, and is ironicly a lot more rushed when it's close to the end. And that really says something, people. And oh, guess what Transformers 3 had that Harry Potter did not have? A threatening conflict. Yes; I actually felt like the villains could more than well win in Transformers 3. The villain is a real threat - and it's established you just do not f**k with him, which also is easy for the audience to believe. In Harry Potter 8, we got Voldemort, failing as usual - and makes us laugh our a**es off each time he mugs the screen. Need I say more?
Transformers: Dark of the Moon inspired me. I'm not joking - this is a very inspiring movie to me. It made my imagination go wild with how I could make my own stories. It really feels like a movie showing how close to an end Earth can get. They even play a dramatic choir in the background when the take-over takes place. Oh, and another reason why this movie is bad**s - Shockwave and his Driller Decepticon! I mean, man - that Driller destroys EVERYTHING in it's path! It's quite literally a gynormous killer robot-worm! And other nice touches can be seen, like one Einstein-Autobot - and one predator-decepticon. Pretty sweet, if you ask me. Oh, and Optimus has his trey for him as a truck now finally, like in the animated series. And guess what? They gave it a genuine reason. It has all of Optimus' weapons, and even a jetpack! Simply genius.
This is to me the best Transformers movie. The first one IS a close second - but this one just surprised me SO well. No bulls**t in it barely, no annoying plot holes, a skyhigh entertainment value, fantastic conflict, great music and a satisfying feeling after you've watched it. A very strong 9 out of 10. Don't miss this movie, people - and don't try too hard to hate it. It really doesn't deserve it.
Troy (2004)
A Movie for homophobes
I would go on to review this movie, but... should I even have to? You know Achilles "cousin" in this movie, right? Patroclus? In actual Greek Mythology, Patroclus was Achilles' lover. Yes, his boyfriend. They where together. And they changed that to cousins in this movie. Why? BECAUSE THIS IS A MOVIE MADE FOR AND BY HOMOPHOBES!!!
Seriously, this is the most offensive thing I have ever heard of! Even Hitler would be like "come on - this is just low"! I know he has done some horrible things, but... it bites me so much this is how it works in media - especially in Hollywood. This is after 2000, people. Shouldn't we have grown more mature by now, you think?? I mean, come on... so Achilles and Patroclus where a couple in Greek Mythology. What is the big deal? Do you seriously do this to appeal more to the mainstream audience? Because in that case; it still IS very, very low. I mean, come on... COUSINS?! Shame on you.... shame on you!
The Dark Knight (2008)
Not the true Batman
This is in itself a pretty good movie. But as a Batman movie, it's an epic fail. Christian Bale is the worst Batman ever. No, he's not a bad actor - he's a really good actor, in fact. But he doesn't feel like a true Bruce Wayne at all. The Joker is too serious and realistically psychotic, and Harvey Dent does not suffer from having a split personality like he is supposed to have.
And yeah, the biggest flaw of this movie and Batman Begins - they try so hard to be realistic, it's kinda pathetic. If Nolan wants to make his own movies, that's fine. But Batman, realistic? I don't care what people say - there's NOTHING realistic about a guy dressing up like a bat to fight crime. Nor should it be. The fans of the movie claims it's realistic because we are supposed to take it as serious as possible. Uhm, really? I'm sorry, but are the fans of this movie that dumb? Since when does it require a movie is realistic for us to take it serious? Was Watchmen realistic? Was Lord of the Rings realistic? Was Pan's Labyrinth realistic? Of course they weren't. Yet, all of them are easier to take serious than this overrated movie.
It even breaks it's own rules of being realistic... and it does so all the time. Like when the Tumbler gets trashed, and Batman makes a bat-pod pop out of it. Now, this IS a cool thing to have in a Batman movie. Only problem is - this is supposed to be realistic... and that's everything BUT realistic to have such a convenient feature. And how about when Batman punches the Joker in the head several times without him fainting, or even getting dissy (except the first time)? Oh, and I guess it's really realistic near the end when Batman gets attacked by the rottweilers biting him and the Joker beating the living s**t out of him with a crowbar at the same time? And like I said, I don't get why they changed the Joker so much here. He seems almost insecure. And why does he have a plan to spread anarchy and chaos? The Joker is supposed to BE anarchy and chaos. But here, he's just a confused psycho who doesn't seem to know what he thinks himself. Oh, and the BS in the end when Batman tosses out the Joker - in self defense, mind you - to fall down the skyscraper, and then he manages to save him. What's that load of bull about? It wasn't even his fault... and how the heck could he catch him up so well? And really; if he was THIS careful about saving all the criminals from dying - wouldn't he have saved Ra's Al Ghul in the end of the first movie? He says "I won't kill you... but I don't have to save you". Uhm, that's technically to kill him, Batman. But hey, what do I know? Keeping the psychotic crime clown alive who will not stop for anything in his search for chaos might be a lot better than letting the one live who one could be able to discuss with, and who Bruce has a long friendship story with. Genius...
And really, Nolan... you're dissing SO much from the ACTUAL Batman universe for the sake of your realism. Like villains such as Mr Freeze, Killer Croc, Clayface, Poison Ivy etcetera. And you are even dissing Robin because you are "afraid people won't take that serious"? As far as I am concerned, Nolan is just too much of a coward to try to challenge himself to do things like they are supposed to be - and still making us take it serious. I mean, come on - Batman: Under the Red Hood did this. Sure, it was an animated movie.... but weird enough, it felt more authentic than the Nolan flicks. Isn't that saying something? Batman should not live in a realistic world, period. I mean, come on - they didn't even try to make Gotham City in the movies original and unique. To quote behind-the-scenes from Batman Begins, their Gotham City is "New York on steroids". This movie does not deserve it's praising.
Sin City (2005)
Overrated, but pretty good
Since I tell people I love Watchmen more than any other movie, they have constantly told me "Dude, if you love that one, you will love Sin City as well!". I've heard it so many times, I just had to buy it now. And now when I've watched it, I will give my honest opinion - starting with the good stuff.
I really, really love the style. Black and white with a touch of bright red or yellow colors or even bright white at places makes this movie really heavy on style; and I can not say I mind it. I actually prefer when movies are in their own style - that makes them stand alone more. That's why I hate for instance drama movies mostly, and generic comedies and such - they don't have their own style. The fact that they have actors in this movie I could never believe to be in here is just great. Bruce Willis is in here; and I love his character's attitude. Mainly because it's Bruce Willis, but anyway. Another one I was really shocked about he was in here is Elijah Wood. Did you seriously know he was in this movie? So, you would figure he is some sort of nice and worried side-character who's getting involved into all this by accident and just wants to be left alone? I thought at least that myself when I noticed he was in here. But I got a shock of a lifetime - he plays a villain here. And he is one of the most creepy and scary villains I have ever seen. He is this sort of stealthy acrobatic assassin who's also a cannibal, and wears a pair of glasses that usually shines white. And he never speaks a single word. He is so cocky and creepy in this movie; he doesn't react to being tortured and mutilated. He just stares at the one doing it, while looking completely calm and confident AND giving a subtle smile. This innocent and cute little hobbit from Lord of the Rings has now turned into a potential nightmare! I kinda dig some of the stories as well for what they are. It's splitted up into several stories - like in Pulp Fiction, sort of. You get a good look of how it is in this Basin City - or Sin City.
All that being said, I realize it is not by far the masterpiece people claim it to be. Let me explain. First of all, it feels a bit too slow-moving at times. I get the indifferent feeling at occasions, because there's just not that much happening. Maybe it's because I have the extended version - I don't know. But the real problem I have about this movie is... well, it's based on a story made by Frank Miller. The women are portrayed as being sexual and whore-alike, while still being worshiped as gods by the male heroes. And the males are just shown as "not-worthy" brutes who can sacrifice themselves for women anytime. Marv wants to avenge the death of a hooker to the point of him sacrificing his own life because... uhm, she slept with him. No, really; that's the only reason. Bruce Willis' character kills himself to protect a stripper who has the hots for him (I bet Frank Miller is dreaming about being him from certain perspectives). It's just really trying to show how little equality there is between the two sexes... and I really can't appreciate that. And of course, all the villains are evil and mean to women - especially hookers (Miller's in-official goddesses). Not to mention; all this just makes it feel like Frank Miller is one big fat homophobe. If nothing else, he is a dirty perv.
Regardless, I still really liked this movie. Did I love it though? Sort of. Is it a masterpiece? Nope. Is it better than Watchmen? Not by miles. It's just a very cool and stylish movie that feels like a live action comic book movie - and I still admire that. But this is undoubtly an overrated movie.
Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
So bad, it's good
Amazing. This movie is... really, really, REALLY bad. The acting is horrible and stale, the story has hundreds of plot holes and moments that makes no sense, the characters are incredibly dumb, everything is inconsistent, the slow-motion is ridiculously overused (even compared to Matrix: Reloaded), the CGI is terrible. ... so why can't I stop watching it?
This is one of those movies, people. It's like Troll 2, Anaconda, Battlefield Earth, The Room - you name it. It's a movie so interestingly stupid and bad, you just have to see it to believe it.
To mention some of the stupid things: * Alice is still the only one who's allowed to the important things here. * Alice uses coins in her shotguns disregarding the fact that she has lots of bullets in store - because it's her "hobby". * (spoiler) All the Alice clones dies in the opening scene, and they die way too easy; and they don't seem to know how to properly use their mental powers the last movie established she did perfectly well know how to properly use. * There's a guy in jail who's supposed to act cool. But think of him like this - he acts "cool" in the way a 6-8 year old kid would act like if you told them to act "cool". It's hilarious. * Alice picks up a signal of where she herself ASSUMES a safe haven from all zombies is located, goes over there to see it's abandoned, and then she "knows" the safe haven is abandoned. Later, some other people tells her the place is right in front of them as they stand on a skyscraper, and sees a boat with the name of that safe haven right outside of the city in the water (obviously). * Those zombies with tentacle mouths AND The Executioner from Resident Evil 5 are randomly added in here with NO explanation whatsoever.
So this is a really stupid movie, yes... but it's entertaining as hell if you can watch and laugh at it. We all know Paul isn't a good director (even though Death Race and Mortal Kombat are okay) - but this movie is almost down in level with Uwe Boll. But really; watch this movie. It's incredibly stupid, and really entertaining.
The Exorcist (1973)
Scariest movie ever?
I want to start by telling something - I love horror movies. I love to get scared. After all; what scares us, fascinates us. But I am a hard person to scare. Only at very few times, horror movies works for me. But to give you examples: I love horror movies like Poltergeist, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Alien. While those are movies that makes me get scared, there are movies people consider scary I only laugh at - The Shining is a good example. One so-called "scary" moment there is when we see the boy sit in bed and shake his head. Personally, it's THE most funny moment I have ever seen in my entire life. I laughed so hard, I had to pause the movie for five minutes. How could I get scared of a movie that makes me laugh? That's the same problem I have with The Exorcist. It's considered the most scary movie of all time. I heard of these before I watched it, and therefor thought it would really be scary. So I sat down to watch it, and... I seriously still have a hard time to convince myself it was not a comedy. A girl cursing, doing awkward stuff, looking butt-ugly, sounding like a person getting choked and tries to impersonate Gollum at the same time... what's scary in all of this? It's so over-the-top, I can't keep a straight face. The girl is possessed by the devil, who's a nutty perv! And at one time, she pukes big time on the priest... oh help, I'm SO scared. And what's up with when she crawls down the stairs upside down? It makes no sense, is a little confusing and disturbing - but scary? Not according to me, anyway. This movie is nothing more for me than a unaware comedy. It's entertaining to watch, though. If it was intended to be a comedy, I'd probably give it 8 of 10.
Up (2009)
Ridiculously overrated
I never wanted to watch this movie; I confess. But since so many people tries to shove it in my face to watch it, I decided to give it a try...
Even though I was sceptical as I began to watch it, I thought the beginning was pretty good... until they made a montage about their life. That was just stupid. I thought it would be so much more interesting to have a story about the love between those two, how it developed (but I know it wouldn't be about that, but still). The more I saw of the movie, the more I did not like it. It felt cheesy, and used a lot of annoying movie clichés. Kid follows old man even though he tries to get rid of him, the main person's child icon turns out to be evil, the characters manages to get out of unbelievably difficult situations out of pure luck, old man hates his followers and wants them to leave him but he gets attached to them near the end... there's just tons and tons of stupid clichés I can't stand. The movie doesn't even try to be original. But the worst thing of all, was the dumb, dumb ending before we see what happens to the old man and the boy. I am talking about after the house disappears, we see it has landed RIGHT EXACTLY IN THE PERFECT SPOT from the painting, and the camera zooms out to calm dramatic ending music... this moment was so cheesy, so utterly stupid, I felt like I was going to puke. No, really; I felt it coming down my throat. I found it THAT stupid. I admit, it WAS sort of entertaining. But it's way too serious for kids, and way too cheesy for adults. This movie is like Ratatouille, proving Pixar movies are popular just because it's Pixar. Only REALLY good Pixar movies are Toy Story, The Incredibles and Monsters Inc. in my opinion; period.
The Return of Jafar (1994)
Good
I am very pleased with this movie. It takes daring turns and it has a charm. Not to mention a pretty cool and dramatic opening. Iago turning good was kinda hilarious, since he is so greedy. And Jafar as the more powerful red Genie was pretty awesome as well. Very well executed. Too bad it wasn't on cinema with a higher budget, though. But regardless, I love it. By the way; another reviewer here named Mary (can probably see her the first review that appears on this article) stated a false fact, embarrassingly enough. She said "It's actually one of my favorite sequels, and not to mention Disney's very FIRST sequel." ... ever heard of The Rescuers Down Under, you schmuck?!
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008)
So bad, it's a sin
This movie insults history in so many ways. So, we see this boy Bruno play with his friends, as they run home from school, running and pretending to fly. And I mean ALL the way. Seriously, whoever did this movie; kids don't find this THAT fun to do. So when Bruno comes home, he gets to know they will move away from the house the next day. This boy shows his frustration over this, by showing absolutely no facial expression at all. Yeah, you could almost tell immediately, the actor of Bruno is a joke. So, they then have a nice party on the evening, as the boy looks down on the others, loitering from the second floor. Because he is, what? No idea - once again, the actor is too stale. And by the way, his dad works for the Nazis, as this takes place in Germany during WW2. Here, I must also mention, that even though this takes place in Germany - EVERYONE TALKS English!!! What?! If it takes place in Germany, they should talk German!!! So the next day, they move to the new house. As Bruno is in his new room, he looks out the window, sees a Jewish camp, and takes for granted it is a farm... right. So, his parents tell him to not go there, because they are "different". And he asks why they wear striped pyjamases... okay. So, as the boy is bored in the house, and he has no friends to play with, he sits in his bed and plays checker for himself. He is told to try to have fun though. And what does he do? He gets outside, and pretends to fly again... this kid is so dumb, the only way he knows how to have fun apparently, is to pretend he flies! So, then he tries to go to the backyard, as his mother notices it, and tells him to come back inside. Why? Because he gets to see the "farm", of course. And this mother is so stupid, she actually tries to stop him from going there, which will obviously lead him to run over there sooner or later. So, then the boy puts up a swing made of a tire.... ON THE BACKYARD!!! And appearantly, his mom does not mind! Can his mom make up her mind?! So, then Bruno swings, and falls. He then gets a slightly bloody scratch on his one knee. Appearantly, this was so serious, the jew helped him to put on a band-aid. And the boy is so stupid, he asks if he will bleed to death. So, then Bruno finds out the Jew is a doctor. But guess what Bruno says: "Well, you can't have been very good at it, since you peel potatoes now.".... this obviously makes the Jewish person cry. That blasted little evil kid... This kid is a ignorant, arrogant, selfish, mean, brainless little devil! So then, this "adorable" little boy sneaks out to go to... "the farm of the people with pyjamases", as he sees a kid on the other side of the electric fence, sitting down there doing nothing, as the others work hard in the background, and they are all adults. Two fails here: One, no one would EVER get the chance to sit in a corner and do nothing in a Jewish camp. Two, kids and adults where NOT in the same camps! Do some research! So, they then talk to each other there. And of course, they found the saddest person ever to play the jew. So, Bruno asks some stupid questions. And also, we get to know the Jewish boy is named Shmuel. So they then get to leave each other and such. I actually might from now on tell things out of order, by the way.
Here comes the worst, and most stupid line of Bruno. He once talks to Shmuel about occupations, as he says "Yeah, sometimes adults can change their occupations because they change their mind. It's like someone I know; he went from a doctor to peeling potatoes"........ HE WENT FROM A DOCTOR, TO PEELING POTATOES?!!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS EVIL KID?!!!! Oh, there's also a funeral scene in the movie. Which one? Bruno's grandma, who... we only see in the movie for about 2 minutes, and learns literally nothing about, which means this scene is entirely pointless. Oh, and the mom involves politics when she is there, as she tries to stop her husband to drop some flowers from Hitler on her grave. Even though Hitler is a evil douche, she fails to understand this is still a very nice thing of him to do.
I will now get to the last, and pretty stupid scene. *SPOILER ALERT* As the family decides to move away from the house, and as the dad still wants to stay, Bruno walks to Shmuel, as he tells he lost his dad. So, Bruno then gets the idea he could get a shovel and dig, so one could get to the other side of the fence! And then they run away, right? Nope. Bruno comes in and dress up like them, and helps Shmuel in the camp to find his dad.......... PERFECT, THEY ARE BOTH UNBELIEVABLY STUPID!!! When Shmuel finally sees a chance to run away, he thinks it's a much more genius idea to make Bruno get in, so they can try to find his dad in the Jewish camp? These two kids are both so stupid now, and Bruno such a mean-spirited and stiff character, I don't care if they die. And they do... convenient enough, they all get gassed, the same day the family decides to move, and the same day Shmuel lost his dad. Makes total sense... *SPOILER ENDS*
I guess you could say the message of the movie is good. But thanks to the author, this entire thing was doomed to begin with anyway. This movie, is pure crap.
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
I do not understand
Why is this movie considered a masterpiece? Only thing I can find it to be is a piece of s**t. When people tell why they love this movie, it's because they like the "style" of it, and because Quentin Tarantino made it. I am amazed how dumb people really are. Uma Thurman is a horrible actress. And in her leading role, she is in a coma for several years, and then wakes up to kick some baddies, and is completely invincible. The ironic thing is; the fight scenes are terrible. The movements are so stock and regular for a martial arts movie - and the blood looks silly. I can't take this movie serious.
And it encourage vengeance - what the heck?! Is that supposed to be a good thing? And do you know what else? She gets a katana in this movie, only to kill Bill; right? Then, why the heck does she not use it in the second movie?! And why can't we get to know the name of "the Bride"? It's not like the audience gives a s**t. Instead, they have a beep sound every freakin' time they say her name. Man, that's not annoying, huh?
Give me one; ONE single GOOD reason why this movie could be considered even anything above average!
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
A perfect movie!
People always like to complain. Nothing is never good enough for them. Everyone have already decided that almost every damn sequel MUST be bad, and that exactly every third movie in a franchise MUST be terrible, accept for The Godfather 3. That makes no sense; because The Godfather 3 is one of the lamest movies I have ever seen in my entire life. And with this movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End, people whine and whine and whine. You hear them telling you all the time that the first movie of these is the best, and that the second and this one can't be as good. Let me tell you this - I first saw the first movie. I thought it was great. Nothing major special; but still great. Then the second movie came, and I was sold to it. It was even BETTER than the first movie. More jokes, more stuff happening, more charming characters, and you just wanna see more. ESPECIALLY more of Captain Jack Sparrow! Then came the third movie... and boy, what a movie this is. It IS the best one in the franchise, without a doubt. I still think all three of them deserves 10 of 10 - but this one is still the far superior. But as I said before, people love to complain as small crybabies. They say that there's too many characters, which there isn't. It's a pirate story; what do you expect? And they say the plot is bad written... yeah, sure. I have never seen ANY movie use their imagination even CLOSE to what they do in this movie. The Harry Potter movies' imaginations is like a single cell in comparison. Then, they also says the jokes are bad and old... yeah, that's why everyone laughed their asses off in the cinema, huh? Thing is; if you are a REAL fan of Pirates of the Caribbean as I am, you love all three of the movies. These could possibly be the best movies ever made in my opinion. I think though I know the problem - people are corrupt. I mean, if they watch the movies, they should obviously love pirates, correct? Then, these movies are everything you can wish to see, and even more. It's like that old TV-series Pirates of Dark Water, that they sadly enough canceled. Or like One Piece; only less crazy though. But I mean, what is there to not like with this movie?
They are planning to make a fourth movie; and I can undoubtly say that it's just wonderful that they want to do that. Captain Jack Sparrow on adventures beyond your own imaginations will never get me tired. Jack Sparrow and the Pirates of the Caribbean movies will always have a special place in my heart. We can just pray they won't make the fourth movie CG.
I give 10 of 10 to probably one of the best movies ever made. If you don't like it, I don't understand why you even bother to watch any pirate movie at all.
Muppet Monster Adventure (2000)
Interesting, but repetitive
When you start the game, you are enchanted. The music is exquisite, the graphics are SO colorful and appealing to the eye, and you feel like you just wanna play around. But then, the more levels you play, you start to notice a pattern. After the first boss, you realize yourself getting rather bored. Although, the music is still fun to listen to. But the gameplay makes you bored, and you almost become a enemy with the control. The levels are challenging, but in a annoying way. The bosses are too simple to beat, and not so fun either. But since you can transform into several beings, it should make it more fun, right? As I said; maybe until after the first boss. And also, you can ONLY transform into one of the form in certain situations. This will make you feel somewhat limited. It's a mediocre platformer - nothing else. Gameplay: 4. Control: 5. Music: 10. Story: 7. Graphics: 9. Overall: 6.
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
Worst movie ever
If you who read this are one of those who hated this movie, I really feel your pain. If you are one of those who thinks this is a masterpiece, then you don't know what a good movie is. I have never seen a movie this bad ever in my entire life. The actors are really, really bad - and even though the main character plays a villain, he seems more like a sissy retarded wimp. All I can remember from this so called "movie" is pain... I suffered through it all the time. I would rather get whipped 100 times than watch this horrible piece of s**t ever again. People ONLY love it because of it's satire of society, which makes no sense. For someone who knows how you actually make a movie, this is a joke. I can actually tell you about the ONLY time I watched it - it was when I was studying the art of film making. In class, the teacher told us we should watch it. Afterwards, our teacher said she actually likes the movie (like most people unfortunately do), but still, she told us this is NOT HOW YOU MAKE A MOVIE. That says it all. And just for the record - this is the only movie that have actually managed to make me feel like a brainless weirdo who should go and bite my hands off, while I dance like a idiot.
War of the Monsters (2003)
A very entertaining game
I think it's rather sad this game hasn't been so well noticed; because it's really worth playing. If you like monster mashes, this is actually better than Rampage (!). And yes, it probably is also better than Godzilla Unleashed. For starters, this is a beat em up game. BUT you can walk free in cities, and face opponents (player 2, for example), and fight them, crash buildings, terrorize humans. You can fight as Congar, the gigantic Chimpanzee; who's like a bigger King Kong, and brown. You can fight as Togera, which reminds of Godzilla, but he can get spikes out of his body. And I must mention Agamo, the giant statue monster from some kind of cannibal island, I think. He can take of his head, make it bigger, grow a new one, and hit his enemies with the bigger head. THAT'S bad-ass. And we got Magmo, the lava monster; Ultra-V, the Japanese robot; Zorgulon, the giant brain-alien; Kineticlops, the big eye with a electric body, etc... And they are all unique to fight with. Also, there are characters with flying abilities. Only 2, though... Preytor, the mantis; and Raptros, the dragon. There also is a "story mode", called Adventure. You fight through levels there, and meet some unique and cool bosses. If you play with someone else, there's also 3 fun mini games. And this is the downside of the game - it gets boring if you play alone. After you complete the story mode with all the characters, you won't play this again if you don't have a friend to play with. It's kinda like Super Smash Brothers.
But I think this game deserves to be played. If you can find it somehow, got a PS2, and you love monster mashes, you really should buy it.
Braindead (1992)
Almost made me puke
I can't really find any story or point of this movie. The humor was a few times funny, and the effects where interesting. But nothing else made this movie worth to watch. It was gross, sickening, and pointless. The acting is bad, the music is bad, and the ending is embarrassing (The main character's mom turns into a big, gross zombie-monster). I only liked one single part of the movie - when you see the priest fight the zombies and says "I kick ass for the Lord.". Else, this movie is not worth watching. And it's not a joke - you can more than possibly PUKE by watching this movie. Peter Jackson really had a rough start in the movie company. I can't understand people appreciated his earlier work like this one. 3 of 10.
Nightmare Creatures II (2000)
Morbid, gory, and charming
To be fair, I haven't played the first game. But I've seen clips of it, and it didn't caught my interest. I think it's mainly because the main character looked too dull and lame. So, I've never played it. When I bought the second one, I hadn't even heard of the first one. But the cover was awesome, and it looked promising to me... so I bought it.
When I was about to start the game, I notice it seems like a intro video will come. Woah, is that psycho with the bandages, half torn apart hair, hollow eyes, crazy grin and zombie-alike coat the main character? I'm happy already! And then the intro starts a metal beat in the background that simply just KICKS ASS!!! The entire intro is pure eye- and ear-candy. And it doesn't matter it's PS1. So, as this crazy guy, you use an axe to kill zombies and those beasts called Nightmare Creatures. And I actually want to give the creators some credits for their monster creativity. And this game was one of the first you felt free and could go anywhere. Break or kick doors open if they are locked, because we are free here, BABY! And damn, it actually feels natural to play; because you don't always know where to go. And you get a shotgun, and then the fun really begins. The back part with that though is that you have limited ammo, and need to hunt for more, instead of buying it or something.
To be fair, there are some bad parts of this game. That's why I couldn't give it a 10. But one of them is actually not that the game lacks of colors. I think it's the game's style to be a little monochrome, and it works in a awesome way. But for example, it's sometimes a little too impossible to know where to go and what to do. For example, it's a pain in the ass to swim in the water. It's really dark, and you feel lost. And when you finally gets to the surface, you don't know how to get up on dry land. And I haven't cleared the game, to be fair. I got stuck after a while. But I don't remember where, since I don't own the game anymore (I got bored and sold it). And by cheating, I tried the final boss... which was kinda disappointing (I won't spoil). But still, this game is worth your time. If you are a better gamer than me in this category, I'll say buy this game. I don't think you should rent it, because I don't know if it will take long to finish it. Aaand I don't rent games myself, so... I give this game 7 of 10, if you missed it at the top.
Godzilla (1998)
So much better than the Japanese Godzilla
I am so tired of geeky fans of the Japanese Godzilla, stating this movie to be bad and suck. Excuse me, but they should shut the f*ck up... Yes; including AVGN. This movie is in so many ways better than the Japanese version. Okay, I know; the Japanese was first, and they created him. I totally respect that. Toho Studio did a great thing making him. But this movie is like a more realistic version of Godzilla. Like they did with the newer Batman movies. So there's nothing to be complaining about.
Let's start with the storyline. The Japanese Godzilla movies NEVER had a good storyline. The first one was just Godzilla destroying everything, and the others after that was technically just Godzilla fighting other monsters. It's cheap, and stupid after over 20+ movies. The newer, American one is about normal persons facing this beast, and Godzilla's actual feelings. And you got; you just GOT to admit, that the American Godzilla is WAY better worked on. A computer-generated well-made mutated iguana with the size of at least 20 blue whales, he doesn't breath any fire and he looks so damn cool. The Japanese Godzilla is a guy in a rubber-suit.... that's bad. And yeah, have you seen "Godzilla: Final Wars" from 2004? The scene where the Japanese Godzilla fights and win WAY too easy against the American Godzilla? ........ that's just childish. They made a cheap lazy-made version of the American Godzilla to face the Japanese. First of all, the American Godzilla is actually bigger than the Japanese, so they already made wrong with that part in this short fight. And then, the American Godzilla is at least 10 times faster at running. So this fighting scene is just illogic. Oh, you mean the Japanese should win because he breathes fire? Riiiight.... And the villain is calling him "tuna-head"................... why?! He doesn't look anything alike a tuna! He looks like a monster! If they mean the fish he is eating in this American movie, it's salmons! Not tunas - SALMONS!!! And if you want to criticize head looks, check the Japanese Godzilla's head. He looks like a cat crossed with a reptile. So, touché if so...
And the Toho Studio are actually calling the American Godzilla "Zilla"..... how childish. What's wrong with them - are they jealous or something?! Oh, and don't forget the whining about that Godzilla in this movie is "too invulnerable"..... it's more like the Japanese Godzilla got the "Superman" syndrome. He doesn't even get wounded by the army, so... I got to say; I respect the Japanese Godzilla as well. But after hearing a lot of people complaining about the American one, I thought it's payback time.
This movie is the best Godzilla movie ever. You just have to be open minded, and not a grouchy Japanese Godzilla fan.... such as the AVGN; as I said before. If you like giant monster movies, this is for sure one of the best ever made. It's epic, funny, charming, cool and full with action.
I give it 9 of 10. Yes, I'm serious. Out of my perspective, there is NOTHING bad about this movie.
Fainaru fantajî sebun adobento chirudoren (2005)
This movie can be good... for already Final Fantasy fans
Okay, this movie is charming. It has a shallow but interesting storyline, great CGI effects and makes you feel like you are in Final Fantasy.... but only sometimes. It felt like this movie is actually telling us: "If you are a hardcore Final Fantasy fan, welcome and enjoy the sequel of Final Fantasy VII, in a movie form. If you don't know anything about the games before watching the movie; screw off! F**k you!" Don't know what I am talking about? Hmm.... in the beginning of the movie first of all, they actually have a text that says that the movie is dedicated for the fans who loved their world and played through the game. I was thinking to myself "Isn't it the point to make movies understandable to anyone?". But it's a Japanese movie after all. And as we all know; Japan sucks at making movies based of something for new-coming fans. I mean; just look at Cloud (I have honestly not played the game before I watched the movie, to be honest); he feels guilty about something. What? Oh, there's a girl in.. some kind of ghost shape. Who the f**k is she?! He wants her forgiveness.... but why? Movie, please EXPLAIN!!! And look; Cloud got a black-haired friend from before as well... and he sometimes appears as a wolf, but is apparently dead... can someone please help me from this confusion?!! And when they fight the Bahamut (which they don't explain it IS a Bahamut...) suddenly a whole bunch of characters appears! Who the hell are they?! The first one is apparently called Barret, because Tifa calls him so... but the REST?! A ninja girl falling down from heaven, asking if "they" (?) where stealing HER (?) materia*, a blonde guy having a metal staff and a big airship for showing, and a weird cat with a crown, riding on the weird red wolf thingie we say in the beginning of the movie...... GAAAH!!!! HELP ME FROM THIS TERRIBLE CONFUSION!!!! (*why does Yuffie stating the materia is hers? Doesn't Cloud have it in the beginning....?) Ladies and gentlemen, we can only say one thing about what the company creating this movie did; disrespect the newcomers, who actually COULD be their new fans. But apparently, SquareEnix don't want any new fans for Final Fantasy when watching this movie.... why?
But even fans can get disturbed by this movie. This is a Final Fantasy movie, right? And they obviously made it to make us forget about the first terrible movie based on the games, known as Final Fantasy: Spirits Within (and this movie is A LOT better than that one, I might add)... but still; they have disturbing things in this movie. First of all, the city... when I think Final Fantasy, I am thinking colorful, epic, a welcoming environment and great imagination. But what does this city exactly looks like? A big version of... my toilet, my basement and the New Jersey ghettos combined into one pile of s**t. I can't say I feel too welcome in the movie... And is it just me, or doesn't Cloud have any personality at all?! His face is stiff, his lines makes him look like a stupid robot, and he always seems to be in his own mind! I mean, seriously... what do you think Cloud's hobbies are? I'll tell you; fighting bad guys, saving children... think about Aeris.... feel guilty............. what the f**k is wrong with this guy?!!! I can't stop wondering about if he even got a brain... And I have heard many people complaining about that Sephiroth returns in the end... but do you know what? If you think so, I would like to ask you to screw yourself. Sephiroth is one of the few reasons I actually liked this movie. I was waiting from the very beginning for Sephiroth to show up. So much, I was actually screaming out "YES!!!" for myself when I for the first time saw Sephiroth appear in the end, fighting Cloud. And man, you just gotta love Sephiroth's theme song...... Anyway; a pretty good movie; but disrespecting new Final Fantasy fans.
I give it 3 of 5 hats.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)
Harry Potter... no logic, but charming
I got to admit; when this movie came out, I loved it. It was charming and got a great sense of magic. But it's too cliché in someways... and is it just me; or are they stupefying Harry all the time in the movie? They are saying things like "Don't you know that?!" and "Everyone knows that!"..... I mean, jeez... have they no respect for beginners at all? Especially Hagrid and Hermione... And yeah, about Hermione; she is really disturbed. She believes her to be a better person than everyone else, and is always bitching around. And when Ron says the fact that actually disturbs her and makes her sad, she is actually running so near them when she passes; it's obvious she DID want their attentions to her... what a bitch. And let me ask you this; why does Harry's scar only hurt.... WHEN HE BLOODY TOUCHES IT?!! That's just plain silly. But I can't get too strict about this movie. Sure, the CGI effects sucks (pointing at the troll especially) and it's a little bit of a silly story. But it's charming, in it's own way. The problem is this though; they didn't stop after this one. J.K. Rowling was also stupid enough to have more books... but you could technical say Voldemort dies in this movie. But NO; he can come back in maaaany more ways.... and I really don't care.
I give it 3 of 5 hats.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Charming, but loose in substance too much
I gotta admit; I love Tim Burton movies. They are always charming. Even this one I think is good. But to be completely honest; this is the worst movie of him I have seen. (4 stars on his worst movie, I know it sounds weird...)
It's about a guy named Benjamin Barker, changing his identity to the title of the movie to take his revenge on a asshole judge. And guess what? He becomes a psychotic murderer, making pies out of his victims..... And one thing is really weird; he had brown hair in his flashbacks... and black hair in the movie, with a white stripe. The problem is that they didn't have hair colors during these years. It happens I call him "Mr Skunkhead" or "Cruel DeVil"...... The message of the movie is what makes me rate it a four; revenge is bad. Revenge makes you a psychotic murderer. But the most of the fans of this movies are goths and emos. They are taking side with this Skunkhead psycho.... and that's just stupid.
The problem about this movie? 100% style, and 10% substance. This movie is the worst or second worst made by Tim Burton, and the second or third worst act of Johnny Depp. He doesn't fit in this role at all. He honestly looks.... too cute.
Meet the Spartans (2008)
This movie is excellent
A lot of people seems to have big issues with this movie; which I can't understand. This is the best parody ever made in history. I laughed so hard in the theater. And so did all other in the audience. Sure, they have some really weird jokes... but I can't stop to love it. The reason why people hate this movie is often because they want to defend the movie "300". And I agree; 300 is a great movie. But if you can't take parodies about it, you should stay away from all parodies. This movie is worth to watch for any person who is openminded and can take harmless jokes. I love the movie. Everyone I know loves the movie. So I can't understand why people here are rating it so bad. As I said; I think they are defending the movie 300 way too much. Try to lighten up; or else you shouldn't watch the daylight.
The Mask (1994)
Just hilarious and wonderful
I can never get why some people say things about this movie like "it's a great movie, but average". Man, this movie is a masterpiece! Why? Because this is THE movie where it really seems like Jim Carrey feels home. And when you watch it, you get like a crossing between crazy and very happy when he puts the mask on. And I don't say this like a personal view of it. It is a wonderful movie. It got something really important: all movie elements. You know; such as love, drama, humor (especially), action. But not horror, thinking about it... Anyway; if you haven't seen this movie, you should. The most important thing about when you watch the movie is to try to look at it from the right perspective.
And even if it is PG-rated 11-13 in several countries, kids can enjoy this movie SO much. I remember I sure did... I was only 6-7 years old the first time I saw it.