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Reviews
The Ray Bradbury Theater: The Wind (1989)
Near perfect example of the TV anthology form
Somewhat typical Bradbury, "The Wind". The story takes place in yet another parallel universe of our world circa late 1980s. This time, there is an evil wind that is driving a man insane in his own home. The wind's attacks on the man grow with intensity until something horrible happens.
No time is wasted explaining why this man was targeted by the demon wind. The episode ends suddenly, without answering every question in the viewer's imagination.
Great short form, vintage television anthology series and, I believe, one of the better episodes.
The Dead (2010)
zombies just feel like they originate in Africa, so lets take it to the motherland!!!
Not your usual (as of late) zombie black comedy, or low budget Italian zombie film, The Dead is a breath of fresh air for zombie film fans. But before I go on some tangent about a genre I adore, I must be completely honest with myself: The Dead is hardly without its flaws. Biggest flaw being (sorry Rob Freeman) the lead's cardboard, bland fleshing of his character. I understand, that with the almost nonexistent dialogue, its hard to breathe energy and life into an on screen personality.....Bull. This guy wouldn't have a career if films were still silent. Chevy Chase could not have played this role any drier than Mr. Freeman. Okay enough about Mr. Freeman's character, because, for all I know, the Ford Brothers made him act like, well, yet another hunk of walking clay. His performance is so wooden it could, COULD, have been a fatal flaw for the film. Fortunately, with the beautiful panoramic photography, and the sheer amount of the "Dead" constantly hovering nearby, this film saves itself and then some. Lets tally up some of the perks: Great, carefully placed gore. Strong performances from some of the cast. The use of a third world setting for apocalyptic mayhem. Lots of ashy creeping corpses who lose limbs, faces and brain tissue on a constant basis. And an impending threat at all times. All of these factors bless this zombie film. For those that have seen every zombie film, or close to it, this film nods directly to a few cult-classics. For instance (light spoiler), lets bring up Bruno Mattei's 1980 zombie romp "Night of the Zombies" aka "Hell of the Living Dead" aka "Virus" aka... (LOL yes that movie has a record amount of titles). In Hell, we also have primarily black zombies, and the protagonists are also surviving on the road in a third world hellhole, just like in 2010's The Dead. The village getting slaughtered at night by the undead is almost stolen from Mattei's B- epic. Also, the campfire zombie attack in "The Walking Dead" season 1 ep 4 reminded me of Hell's same sequence. I guess combining zombies with the outdoors is the new black. Not that Mattei didn't 'borrow' let alone steal ideas and , ahem, soundtracks....anyhow. also, has anyone ever seen the game Resident Evil 5? Its almost a carbon copy, with its Anglo main character facing starving black zombies. I'm just happy that Milla Jovovich didn't pop out with modded handguns blazing. Yes, finally, a zombie film that doesn't F around with boobs and CG headshots. Its slow and shambling at times, but always tense and sincere. I found the hostile setting to be even more of a menace than the hungry dead. Recommended to those who desire maturity with their horror.
Attack of the Alien Jelly Monsters from the Depths of Uranus (2011)
sleazy and slick
I witnessed the opening of this film at Horrorfind Weekend 13 convention. I went into the theater expecting the worst, and was pleasantly surprised. If you enjoy gritty humor, raunchy even, then you will find something redeeming here. The main female character is super sexy, I must add. Some cute cast selections help carry the unwary viewer. Lets get real here, the exploitation of aloof and ignorant Rednecks in horror has been abused heavily in the past. Strangestuff goes there once again, and they somehow manage to splice that overused concept with dashes of Revenge of the Nerds, Star Trek, and the Blob. The jokes run thick, and teeter between insanely funny and obliviously bad. All in all, I can see this oddball flick becoming a cult classic.
Lust for Freedom (1987)
What do these other critics expect? Ridley Scott? puhleeze
Okay, its a Troma Film... which doesn't hold much water personally. I'd say roughly 3 out of 5 Troma productions I've seen annoy the @#$% out of me, and I end up either sleeping or turning it off entirely.
But lets admit folks, every now and then those crazy quasi-exploitation nut jobs who call themselves the Troma Team make a truly entertaining flick.
And while Lust For Freedom is pure cheese, what the heck do most of the other reviewers expect? Fellini? Jodorowsky? Leone even? That is IMHO where most of these horrifying reviews go wrong. The critic obviously didn't go into this film with a light heart and a total lack of seriousness.
With that I wholeheartedly admit that I gave this action oddity a score of ten, solely for the purpose of (innefectively) giving this forgotten gem a slight boost in score. (currently at 2.9, c'Mon folks lighten-up!)
So for those that like a solid dose of imaginary yet strong exploitation, and isn't all film exploitation in some regard, this film pulls no punches.
Behold a few reasons why this film is underrated, with respect to its intended target audience, and without giving away direct spoilers..
+ I counted somewhere around 33 dead people by the end of this film.this should give the action fans something to get a kick out of.
+ almost every character except the protagonist is a villain, and its hard to determine which is more despicable.
+ A good portion of the violence and murder occurs off camera, and yet it still carries impact. Splash in some scenes that even got trimmed by UK censorship (poor blokes) and we have some versatility.
+ Yea I counted, and I could come up with over 30 felonies committed by the corrupt warden and his twisted staff. Drug Dealing, extortion, murder, kidnapping, rape (and actually done mostly off camera too), corruption of minors, Folks these bad guys are out of this world wicked.
+Lots of pretty women in prison. Its a WIP film, so right there you should know what you are getting yourself into.
+The acting drifts between lousy and noteworthy. kudos for Judi Trevor and her character Mrs. Pusker.
+the soundtrack fits perfectly and actually "rocks you to hell" as the theme promises repeatedly
Action craver's. Horror fans. Gorehounds. Open minded film buffs who can suspend belief for more than 5 seconds, I say go for it!
Everyone else, good luck.
so there you go. Its a WIP film, and a damn fine one indeed.
Virus (1980)
"You Brainless Monkey!"
My sole purpose of reviewing "HelL of the living Dead" or "Night of the Zombies", as some may recognize, is to give it a well-deserved boost in rating. The cheap cuts and jabs reviewers make about Hell are from watchers who obviously are brainwashed by the over-produced mainstream zombie titles churning out recently. Ideally, the slow, lurching corpses in this "Dawn of the Dead" rip-off are remarkably perfect as far as zombies go. They don't have absurd strengths, nor can they drive or use weapons. They are simply dead men who munch on their greasy Italian victims. This fun zombie flick plunders the structure and plot of Romero's second Dead entry, all while directly stealing it's musical score from the archives of Goblin! The inherent racial slurring made by the SWAT team's joker Santoro are simultaneously absurd and hilarious, if not slightly unnerving. The acting is at one moment dull and stone-faced, and at other times inexplicably over-the-top. The dubbed dialog is clearly written by someone who doesn't know the English language very well. Just when you think to yourself, "This s--t is unwatchable.." something cool ensues, such as bouncing breasts, or an impressive wall-splatter of blood. Don't mock this film: it was made with passion, at their creator's best efforts, and with whatever drug money they probably had stashed. Its a zombie classic despite all its quirkiness.
La tumba de los muertos vivientes (1982)
an 84 minute snooze
Ah, the Nazi-Zombie sub-genre... a comical combination of the fear of death and genocide-fueled hatred; or perhaps just another form of exploitation (isn't all film exploitation?).
Sadly, Jess Franco's "Oasis of the Zombies" falls short of the simple parameters of its own sub-genre.
This is one the worst zombie films ever made (in my humble horror vet opinion). One would think given that it's one of those rare films to cross Nazi soldiers with zombies that it would be great, but it makes "Zombie Lake" look like an Oscar contender and "Shock Waves" a masterpiece.
Some of the zombie effect are so bad you can see the eye-slits in the rubber masks.
The only swastika to appear in the film is clearly spray painted onto some rusted machinery in the oasis.
The war footage spliced into the film is more graphic and entertaining than the zombie footage, all 6 minutes of zombie footage.
I also believe this film was Jess Franco's thesis on bad day-for-night photography. Its so evidently daytime that I feel offended that one is expected to think otherwise.
Once again, buy this one only if your a completest and need every zombie film in your personal collection. Don't even bother renting this 84 minute power nap on disc. Check out Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive" or Fulci's classic "Zombie" before you decide to throw your money away on this poor attempt at a horror film.
This undead guilty pleasure was almost entirely shot on location at the Maspalomas Dunes in the Canary Islands, not actually in the Sahara like it pretends to be.
Cui hua kuang mo (1993)
Marginally entertaining and forgettable
Cynthia Rothrock is hot, and kicks major ass. That blunt and simple statement doesn't quite clear the way for this D-grade action film.
We are talking USA Up-All Night garbage with an extra splash of violence and skin. Speaking of...we glimpse more male skin than female, which hints at a possible homo-eroticism on the director's part. Despite the eye-gouging hook finale, and Cynthia's solid moves, I still can't give this brainless film more than 1 star. For action heads, otherwise beware.
The frantic nature and pace of the editing gave me recollections of Umberto Lenzi's or Nicos Mastorakis' style. This may be looking too deeply into a mud puddle, but what can I say? Certainly not a whole hell of allot more. My advice: netflix Enter the Dragon and watch something memorable.
Dead Fury (2008)
Definitely more funny than Sudol's first animated horror.
F. Sudol, the guy that brought us "City of Rott", returns with another example of hard work and insane gory animation. Definitely a horror spoof, this film grabs elements of "Evil Dead" and turns them upside down. Fans of the first Sudol effort will recognize the old man from "Rott" and will be delighted to hear the old man crack on all his comrades with hellish glee. Very cynical, black comedy here. A bit repetitive, but nonetheless funny and watchable. You have to give F. Sudol some credit for doing all the work himself, short of DVD distribution. Voiceovers, editing, stop-motion, script, all composed and handled by a single guy. Impressive.
Living Dolls (1980)
Captures the horror of mannequins perfectly
Have you ever found the stare of a mannequin to be morbid? Those plastic, unblinking eyes. A figure that is elegant, yet inhumanely perfect. The point is, if you have ever been unnerved by the dummy in the department store you will be able to relate to this little gem. Guaranteed to give you the willies, this short film has burned a place in my memory since I was a child. It used to run as filler at the end of USA Network's Saturday Nightmares. ah the days of real cable, alas.
Not much evidence of this film exists on the internet. Most of what comes up on google is attempts by me to arouse the memories of others. I have made attempts to contact the director, and failed.
"Living Dolls" shared the filler slot with a few other horror short films: "The Contraption", "The Dummy", and one about a fisherman who gets pulled into the lake by a hook.