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Vision Quest (1985)
Unrealistic. But inspirational. Possible spoilers enclosed. I'll know when I get there.
From the winter of 1989 until the Spring of 1993, I was a high school wrestler. During that time period, I watched Vision Quest so many times that I wore out my taped copy of it. Recently I saw the DVD on sale for $7.99 at Best Buy (blatant plug for Best Buy?) and I said what the hey.
I suppose with ten years more wisdom behind me, it allowed me to watch the movie with a more critical eye. And allowed me to see how untrue to life the movie really was. Granted, it's not Saved By the Bell fake. You know, where Slater eats a pre-weigh in cheeseburger and proceeds to pound a supposedly tough opponet in ten seconds while wearing no headgear and Vans. If it wanted to be more realistic, the story would go more like this.
* Four days before the match, Lowden Swain checks in at 180 pounds. He then proceeds to go get five sweatshirts and a garbage bag, which will make up his outfit for the next couple of days. All eating will stop from here on out.
* Three days before the match. Lowden is probably down to about 177 lbs at this time. That's a good start, but not enough. Lowden proceeds to mess with the wrestling room thermostat, cranking it up as high as it can go. The end result with 40 other guys sweating in the room is a temperature slightly higher than a June Day in Saudi Arabia.
* Two days before the match. Lowden is at 172 pounds. But oops, he had a bite of post-coital pizza. He's now back at 174 pounds. It's your own fault for messing up your metabolism so badly Louden.
*One day before the match. Lowden works back to about 170 lbs. From now on, he won't be allowed any liquid or food. With the exception of Jolly Ranchers, which he'll use to generate saliva that he can spit out.
*Day of the match. The bottle Lowden has been hocking into is now nearly full with Jolly Rancher spit. He's still half a pound over, so he stands on his head for a half hour or so while spitting. It's time for weigh ins. Louden, you're over. What were you thinking wearing a T-Shirt to weigh ins? Take it all off and try again. After you make it, you can eat that deli sandwich you've been saving. Kick Kuch's ass, and coach may even take you out to Sizzler afterwards so you can get a week's worth of calories back in your system. But be ready, on Monday the pain starts again.
This would probably be a pretty horrible movie though, and what Lowden does to cut weight really isn't the most important part of the script. Elmo points out what this movie is about, "It's not six minutes, it's what happens in the six minutes." Which is part of it, but not all of it. As my old wrestling coach pointed out incesantly, if you believe in something hard enough and are willing to work for it you can make anything happen. I'm quite sure if they ever make Vision Quest II, Lowden Swain will be a Doctor in Outer Space.
Anyway, after watching Vision Quest for the million and first time, I proceeded to get off my butt and run three miles. It's been ten years since I last donned a singlet and headgear. But that doesn't mean there aren't other things out there for me to conquer.
Old School (2003)
It's no Animal House, but what is?
Unfortunately all comedies about college life are going to have the unfair comparison to Animal House. And it's very likely no movie is ever going to ever be the next Animal House, since part of what made that movie great was that no one had done the great American college comedy before that.
In Old School's defense it's a pretty good movie. Yes, there are plot holes, and Jeremey Piven falls flat on his face playing the antithesis of his character Droz from PCU. But it's definitely a very funny movie, and the laughs seem to come in rapid fire succession. And if that's what you're in the mood for, you'll like Old School.
Sure it's not Animal House. But being the next PCU isn't such a bad thing.
Wanda Whips Wall Street (1982)
How can anyone deny the genius that is Stocks and Blondes?
I'll never forget how I was first introduced to this film that quite possibly might make Citizen Kane obsolete.
I was 17, and the drummer in an off-kilter, mod-core, hard rockin' band called the Moondoggie P. Orkfire Experiment. My man Jay-sone and I were in the Waldenbooks at Northgate Mall reading through Leonard Maltin's film guide. Well, right there with a turkey next to it was the title Stocks and Blondes. Yes, Stocks and Blondes. Oh the hours the film's writers must have slaved to come up with a delicious pun. But I digress.
Anyway, you can guess that with a name like that, Jay-sone and I rushed to the nearest Wherehouse to rent this neo-classic. But alas, it wasn't to be. They said they hadn't had a copy of that since 1987. Something about it not renting well, which I find impossible to believe. The movie geek clerk probably wanted to keep this title to himself. But about a year later the gods smiled upon us. We were walking through Bradley Video looking for some games to rent, when what did we see but a box with "Stocks and Blondes" emblazened on it. Not a day had passed where we had failed to reference the movie, this was our reward. We greedily grabbed the box and rushed quickly to the nearest VCR.
And the reward was sheer brilliance.
I wish I could give you some spoilers, but quite frankly that's impossible. Quite truthfully because the writer's were so ahead of their time the true aim of the plot may not be known for several generations to follow. I asked my friend, our guitarist Nate, if he remembered any details of this of the film, but he reminded me that he fell asleep a quarter of the way through it-- an impressive feat by the writer's given Nate's usual insomnia. Talk about your great public services. And then there's the acting. Sure, it's about on par with the dialouge delivered in your average porn movie. But think of it like this, there are thousands, nay millions, out there who love the acting in porn movies but hate all the hard-core sex. If you find yourself a member of this group, then rush to Bradley Video and rent this film now.
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the haunting theme song though. The singer is so brilliant and punk he doesn't even hold the same pitch throughout certain notes. The result is a wonderfully inventive new form of vocals that sounds like a cross between a goat and a teenaged boy who's voice is changing. We tried to cover this song millions of times, but our singer Chadd just couldn't get the voice down.
Anyway, I could rave about Stocks and Blondes for another thousand words or so, but that would defeat the point of this post. There are three things in this world that are must sees before you die. The Mona Lisa. The Sistene Chapel. And Stocks and Blondes.
Rating: 100/10
The Rules of Attraction (2002)
Visually and aurally stunning. Shame the script never arrived
Saw The Rules of Attraction this weekend, and I must admit it was disappointing. Not that it's not without it's merits. Like most Lion's Gate productions it's beautifully shot, with all the split screens and reverse action shots giving the film a very distinctive look. The soundtrack, which runs the gamut from the Cure to Serge Gainsbourg, also adds a nice touch to the film. Roger Avary did a nice job adding the bells and whistles to the movie. Too bad he didn't use more of the time he devoted in this task to work on the script.
I'm not really talking about the "Oh no, not another no hope, Gen. X, everyone is so messed up" plot that has some people up in arms. It's an adaptation of a Bret Easton Ellis book, and Bret Easton Ellis doesn't believe in happy endings. If you aren't into those kinds of movies, I recommend you stop reading these reviews now. What is more troubling is how poorly the characters are developed and the dialogue that almost always feels forced and awkward. James Vander Beek does a good job in giving Sean Bateman that sort of cool edge to him, but nearly every other performance falls a bit short. Especially Jessica Biel's. The central purpose of her character is that she's so unhappy with herself and her own life that she tries to keep everyone around her just as miserable (we've all known girls like this). The problem is when she tries to show this aspect of her character she falls flat on her face, be it the contrived crying scene after having sex with Sean or the awkward, parading around the room half-naked scene when she's ruining her roommates infatuation with Victor.
All in all I'd give this film 2 out of 5 stars. Well worth renting for the cool filmwork, but not worth paying to see in the theaters.