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Reviews
The Reflecting Skin (1990)
Refers to spoilers
I agree with the review written by " zh84 / Scotland / Date: 3 December 2003 / Summary: It's hard to avoid the impression this was MEANT to be unpleasant "--this film is either pointlessly vile or so far ahead of my own intellectual capabilities that I didn't comprehend it at the time...frankly, I think the former applies and I only mention the latter for the sake of academic honesty. I would only ask, with regard to my possibly limited capacity, if anyone knows the symbolism or whatever about the muttering identical twins that twitter up the road--especially as I am sure it is them in the Tom Cochrane video "Life Is A Highway" (for me, this changed the inane video into an unpleasant recollection of "The Reflecting Skin"). I saw this movie about 11 or 12 years ago, and I still recall it as rubbish. I think it's the type of rubbish that people who find great pleasure in typical Hollywood offal (I refer specifically to "Scooby Doo" the movie) like to think is clever, or artsy, or whatever, when in fact is a poorly pieced-together collage of unpleasant imagery (see zh84's review for more details). This movie was utter s***--right down to the part when the main character watches his brother's girlfriend get into the car with the limosine perverts, knowing what they are. Arguably, the boy has had bad examples set before him, but my point is am I supposed to get pleasure watching this movie? Am I supposed to learn something? I initially watched it under the impression it was a vampire movie, and I really think the nodding reference made to vampires in the movie proves flagrant false advertising of the author of the blurb I'd read. What a total waste of time--95 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
One Hour Photo (2002)
This is a spoiler review...
This movie is a real waste of time. It's supposed to be about how a lonely and deranged photo clerk at what we all know is a parody of Wal-Mart wants to insinuate himself into the family of his favourite customers as some kind of adopted uncle, and what goes wrong when he discovers the husband cheats on the wife. Fine, whatever, another standard movie about deranged people trying to get close, being rejected, and turning violent. The problem with this movie is in the incidentals: the son tells his mother he feels sorry for the photo clerk who appears to be lonely and mocked, and the mother trains him to "send good thoughts" to the clerk rather than act--we all know that this photo clerk is best avoided, but they don't know that, so basically the mother trains her son to do meaningless nothings rather than forge genuine friendships. Of course, she doesn't seem to care too much that her husband cheats and acknowledges that he is emotionally absent or whatever, so maybe she thinks to "send good thoughts" is normal. The only mildly amusing part of the film was when the photo clerk imagines himself living in the family's house, watching tv &c., and there is a brief scene of him on their toilet with his pants down around his ankles--obviously the viewer is uncomfortable because his obsession is being shown, but it's also Robin Williams with a bad dye job sitting on a toilet. If anyone wants to see Robin Williams play a bad guy in a better film, watch "Insomnia". "One Hour Photo" was a stupid movie, but not as stupid as "Scooby Doo".
Kate & Leopold (2001)
This is a spoiler review...
First of all, the only thing even remotely tolerable about this movie was Hugh Jackman, but I wonder why he agreed to do it. Kate (Meg Ryan in YET ANOTHER role as the unfulfilled woman who needs her man more than anything, but is still quirky and looks good with artfully tousled hair) is the modern-time woman unhappy with her life: she's clumsy, smart at her job, wants a promotion, just broke up with her boyfriend, and her boss is using their working relationship as leverage to get sex. Leopold (Jackman) is the nineteenth century romantically unsatisfied impoverished aristocrat who is being pressured to contract a marriage for financial profit by his uncle. When Leopold is brought to the present, these two are attracted to each other but have to adjust to their cultural differences, and at the end Kate follows Leopold back to his time where we are to assume they live happily ever after, until her dark roots start to show and she dies in childbirth (why not?).
I found this premise to be more escapist propaganda about love at first sight and throwing everything away for love &c., and this movie was probably even more annoying than these typically are. Leopold treats Kate to a weekend of leisure time not unlike what he is accustomed to: relaxing, fine food, more relaxing, and drowsing. All this is supposed to be pleasures from his time period, unlike Kate's and our own rushed time--nothing is said about the terrible poverty of the poor in the Victorian era and how they struggled and suffered (read some Dickens if you can't handle straight history: Dickens wrote quite a bit about the Victorian poor and some was based on a youth that included working in a blacking factory as a child). We are to assume Leopold's leisure time has nothing to do with his own privileged background--maybe his family is hard up for money, but obviously not so much so that they live in squalor and scrounge for food: I think it's fair to assume his uncle's idea of poverty means something different than what the actual poor of the time experienced. Nothing is said about the improved standard of living for the poor in industrialized countries since the Victorian era. We are just supposed to link Leopold's time to relaxation and Kate's to stress, and her need to be rescued by love.
When Kate gets Leopold an acting job in a commercial, he complies until discovering he will have to lie to sell foul-tasting diet slop: he confronts her about the innate dishonesty of her job and tells her it is the reason she dreads her work week. Leopold also openly accuses Kate's boss of sexual harassment, which shames him into giving her the promotion. By resisting all of her boss's sexual overtures, Kate makes herself seem chaste and therefore appropriate to marry Leopold. Having broken the glass ceiling, she absconds to the nineteenth century where Leopold decides to marry her (instead of the un-photogenic rich contender his uncle prefers) and ensure "poverty" for the next generation of his family. One wonders how her disappearance will be explained--maybe all that policeman who tried to prevent her apparent suicide/jumping to Leopold's time off the bridge girder will remember is how the two men with her, her brother and ex-boyfriend, tried to stop him from stopping her. Their story will be what? 'We were respecting her decision to throw it all away for the love of a man she met barely a week ago who lives in the past?' How symbolic is it that the cop assumed Kate was attempting suicide? How stupid is she to elope with a man (who hadn't actually asked her to marry him before her leap of faith) she's known only a week? How stupid is he to marry a woman he's known only a week (and has already demonstrated she is willing to lie for money)? How stupid was I to bother watching it?
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
Contains spoilers
I saw this film some years ago on a big screen (smug smug smug) and again recently on tv--it's just as irreverent, silly, and funny as I'd remembered, and pretty much something for everyone: there are vampires, lesbians, goths, a criminally insane doctor, pro-wrestling, atheists, martial arts, a drag-queen "good Samaritan", the totally amusing way of switching scenes by spinning a crucifix and and chanting "Je-sus!", even some direct Biblical references for the literary/academic types (I exclude the Bible-thumpers since I feel they are more likely to protest this movie rather than actually watch it), and of course, Jesus. I can only assume the soundtrack and dubbing is that bad on purpose. Not something I could watch every day, but still funny.
One Way Ticket to Hell (1955)
This is a spoiler review...
This movie is so ridiculous in a negative way...I would have said in a positive (funny) way except it is far too long for what is basically a one-joke movie (yes, I am aware it intended to serve as a warning to young people and not to make people of later generations amused) (right?). At least we are not subjected to actual dialogue: the plot is revealed through a voice-over narrator. Watching these "actors" go through physical symptoms of narcotic withdrawal is either laughably pretentious or pathetically sad, I'm not sure which as of yet. I know this was a fresher concept in the 1950s, but I am SO sick of hearing about how marijuana is a gateway drug that leads to heroin addicition. On the topic of heroin, the creepy part of watching the big dealer force loyalty from the two women is was not that they were shooting up, but were sharing needles (admitedly, creepy because I have a perspective including knowledge of AIDS) and passively allowing what they knew would be a dangerous domination by the man (feminism is not dead...by-the-way, it's also a modern perspective that makes me suspect she turned back to drugs &c. because she was married off in her TEENS, stuck as a housewife with a husband who barely notices her boredom and figures a pet will straighten her out--how can anyone take care of a pet when they can't take care of themselves?). If this movie was shorter (maybe 25-30 minutes), I'd've thought it was funny.
Maverick (1994)
Spoiler, spoiler, spoiler
This movie had loads of famous/notorious people doing bit parts, which anyone familiar with this site's feature allowing examination of the entire cast & crew might know, but one cameo that remains unlisted is Alice Cooper (he of the girl's name, boa constrictor, and guillotine) as the Town Drunk in the early part of the film when Bret Maverick is walking down the long staircase--I heard an interview with Cooper on Memorial Day weekend in 1994 when he describes his cameo as such, and upon further observation I have to admit that looks like him. However, other than Cooper (and the host of other cameos), this movie is a mixture of romance, occult, greed, and racism. Seriously--the romantic interest is between Bret & Annabelle, obviously, so why bother blathering about it. The occult is Bret's obsession with being able to summon a needed card (the Ace of Spades) while gambling, and when he cuts the deck to reveal the Queen of Hearts as he contemplates his feelings for Annabelle. The greed is another obvious element--it's about gamblers, their tricks, adventures, and desire for money. The racism is certainly present--consider the scene that Bret impersonates an Indian Affairs government agent. I like this movie quite a bit, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Love at First Sight (1977)
This is a spoiler review...
Dan Aykroyd plays a blind man (Roy) being courted by a woman (Shirley) living with her controlling, unpleasant father: I know this is the 1970s, but Women's Liberation had already been underway & the ERA in the USA had not been quashed yet. Shirley's father won't let her maternal grandmother live in, won't let her work even at some crappy job like McDonald's, wants her to marry his assistant at the gas station he runs despite her antipathy for him, and openly mocks Roy's disability when he comes over for dinner. It is no wonder she & Roy eventually run away together to live in a different city: with a father like that you need a buffer zone. There are cheap laughs in the movie, like Roy attempting to drive, but the best part in my opinion was watching Aykroyd at a younger age, esp. with the mono-brow (was it real or added for humour? What was that stuff about Roy looking like a model?). One last question: the Colonel Sanders cameo and repeated references to KFC--what was that?
Zoolander (2001)
SPOILER
This movie, as we know, did not do so well in theatres. Yet it was hilarious--to list all the funny bits in this film would take longer than just watching it (and you may even need additional viewings to catch stuff you missed the first time). My favourite celebrity cameo was David Bowie, who adjudicated the Walk-Off--there are numerous celebrities that make tiny appearances especially at the beginning of the movie, but Bowie is the only one who gets his own subtitle while "Let's Dance" is excerpted. There are so many laughs in this movie that the obvious one about Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson as male supermodels stops being obvious--I found I started thinking it was normal. I was encouraged to watch this movie when someone (I apologise for forgetting exactly who) wrote that it stood alone in the sense that it was a movie wherein the female lead engages in an orgy, but is not punished for her sexuality but instead rewarded by marrying the title character and having a baby (admittedly, some of us may not think of marriage as a reward--quite the opposite--but let's admit that's usually the happy fairy tale ending for a heroine). It's eerie how Winona Ryder's character in the movie tells Zoolander that he's so smart to lie low after a public humiliation...was she anticipating her shoplifting arrest? When Zoolander is being brainwashed (apparently this took a week rather than 10 minutes), the imagery is trippy: it's the most visually odd part of the movie, including the mermaid commerical ("Mer-MAN!"). Some typecasting occurs: David Duchovny plays a secretive conspiracy busting hand model. My sweetheart & I occasionally quote some line from the movie to each other to elicit a smile.
Blood & Donuts (1995)
As usual, spoilers herein
One of the best vampire movies I've ever seen. It features average-looking people (as opposed to overly-glossed "beautiful" people), and the plot is solid. Moon-obsessed Boya is suicidal because all his relationships are doomed due to his unnatural lifespan and his refusal to create a permanent companion (despite an ex's pleadings for this exactly). The backdrop is Toronto, actually Toronto as Toronto, not Toronto as Detroit or whatever. David Cronenberg plays the crime-boss, who uses a bowling alley as his place of business. While the movie in its entirety is somber, there are funny bits: Rita being caught simulating a facelift by sneering customers, Boya's accordion (not a prominent part, watch for him digging up his possessions), Earl misinterpreting Boya's friendliness as a homosexual overture (in the scene when Earl gives Boya a new shirt), Rita admitting that her bullet wound was self-inflicted... The song "Twilight Time" is used as a theme song for Boya, and upon further consideration of the lyrics, I am almost positive The Platters may have been intentionally singing about a love affair with a vampire. When I first watched this film I was concerned that the quality of it would not be constant throughout, but it is: lots of symbolism, and the notion that things come full circle--the golf ball that awakens Boya is hit by the crime-boss, who is eventually killed by Boya, who has been carrying the golf ball as a symbol of his beloved moon, and Boya went to sleep to avoid the horror of people having walked on the moon's surface. This is a fantastic film.
Trick or Treat (1986)
This is a spoiler review...
Mindless, but amusing. Gene Simmons & Ozzy are barely in it (Ozzy is an evangelical tv preacher), but the rock-is-devil-music is a prominent feature: a big premise the the concept that if vinyl records are played backwards, evil messages are heard. One of the funniest bits in the film is about an hour into the story, when Eddie (Skippy from "Family Ties") is being grounded and given instructions about Hallowe'en candy, the overhead microphone is CLEARLY visible, and since that scene doesn't involve the destruction of a set or something that would make a re-shoot impossible, why it was left with the mike dangling is a testiment to the quality of the film. Mullets abound, high school bullies torment the nerds, and there is even a gratuitous scene where a teenage girl who has just had been intimate with her boyfriend is attacked by the demon in the tradition of sexually-experienced-teenage-girls-must-be-punished in silly horror films. It's silly, but fun, as long as you remember you are more likely to be laughing at than laughing with the movie.
Scooby-Doo (2002)
This is a spoiler review...
This is now the movie against which I judge how idiotic all other movies are. There were so many things wrong with it: * Daphne in the cartoon never struck me as a brainless brat; and she was a redhead, not a blonde. * Fred in the cartoon didn't seem 100% stuck on himself. * Scooby the cartoon was better, graphically, than the computer generated Scooby of the movie. There was a better Scooby Doo in "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back". * Insufficient pot jokes - insufficient references to the fact that human Shaggy ate dog biscuits. * Velma's ridiculous titty-shirt when Daphne was off-screen, because the producers realized nobody was watching it for the script/plot/&c. * Not enough adult humour - I know it's a kiddie cartoon movie, but face it: the people who watched the cartoon are all 20 - 30 somethings by now and can deal with Fred and Daphne having sex jokes and Shaggy being a pothead jokes. * Not enough to explain why Scrappy was the bad guy, unless you are an adult and suffered through his annoying cartoon self. * Total waste of Rowan Atkinson. He should be ashamed of himself for being in this scatalogical nightmare. I have seen many, many bad movies, but this stands out. It's so bad, it's unwatchable. It will not be amusing a few years from now, it's not campy and cute, IT'S CRAP.
Bowling for Columbine (2002)
This is a spoiler review...
This movie was excellent.
Moore's discourse is all about the high number of gun-related murders committed in the USA compared with other western countries. It may seem like he is bashing the 2nd Amendment but that soon gives way to the fear-mongering media services. He manages to get interviews with people who apparently feel justified in blaming gun-related crimes on ethnic background (I am specifically referring to Charlton Heston - and look at the part of his home he chose to be interviewed in: he is sitting in a director's chair with his name on it surrounded by movie posters of movies he was in). Marilyn Manson is interviewed, and he is one of the few coherent people, along with the South Park writer.
There is footage of murders being committed by soldiers, with subtitles describing how the American government has funded various terrorists and mass murderers abroad. Moore takes 2 Columbine survivors to K-Mart headquarters to complain that the bullets used against them were bought at K-Mart, leading to K-Mart agreeing to stop selling bullets in 90 days. By the end of the film, there seems to be a definite comparison between the USA and Canada. Some of the people Moore interviews are truly frightening, like the NRA types and the Anarchist Cookbook guy.
Prediction: Moore will not be winning any Academy Award for this.