bohicaranch Reviews

11.22.63 (2016)

Maybe the worst book adaptation ever

[1/10 · 5 February 2022]

This is my favorite book. I've read it at least a dozen times. But this movie is horrendously bad. King apparently didn't like the director of his other two great novels, the Shawshank Redemption and the Green mile and wouldn't let him do this one.

That's a shame, because this movie is awful, if you've read the book. If Frank Darabont had done this, it would have been great. Don't waste your time.

Here Today (2021)

If this movie does not move you, you're already dead.

[10/10 · 2 December 2021]

I laughed. I cried. This is what a movie is supposed to be. The writing is amazing. No CGI, no blood and guts, no explosions. Just great writing and acting. Thank you Billy Crystal and Tiffany Haddish.

Sex and the City 2 (2010)

The actors look old and tired, just like the script.

[1/10 · 8 September 2020]

What a surprise. Carrie meets up with Aidan in the Middle East and kisses him, cheating on Big. Then she calls up Big and confesses. Of course.

This self absorbed, air-headed female has been the same since the beginning of this series. Everytime she gets everything she wants, it's not good enough. Why the hell would anyone want her. She disgusts me. I wouldn't do this woman with someone else's johnson. I can't believe I've been watching this stupid ignorant character destroy every relationship she's ever had, all while blaming everyone else. ENOUGH.

Carrie looks old and worn out, as does Miranda. The same for Samantha. Charlotte looks okay. The characters are boorish and disgusting.

This movie starts out badly and then goes straight down the toilet. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.

Nate and Hayes (1983)

UNBELIEVABLE

[1/10 · 16 August 2020]

This pile of crap is, without a doubt, the lamest excuse for an adventure movie ever. Beautiful scenery, pretty girl, great actor in Tommy Lee Jones, but the biggest turd that's ever been filmed.

DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WATCHING THIS DISASTER. You have been warned.

Perry Mason (2020–2023)

I HATE FILM NOIR, BUT STICK WITH IT. IT'S WORTH IT.

[9/10 · 12 August 2020]

I tried multiple times to watch this, but just couldn't do it. Ten minutes in and I had to quit. Only after reading the reviews did I decide to grit my teeth and continue.

Like I said, I hate film Noir. Too dark. Too depressing. It took a lot to keep me going, but I'm glad I did. Yes, I feel tricked that they called this Perry Mason. I grew up on the original Perry Mason, and this is not that; never will be.

Having said that, I'm glad I was tricked into watching this. If they had called it something other than Perry Mason, I never would have watched it, so I forgive whoever misappropriated the name.

Once I slogged through the first episode, I was hooked, and the way they transitioned from deadbeat PI to attorney wasn't bad. Not completely unbelievable.

The cinematography is amazing; the clothing, cars, sets are magnificent. All in all, a thoroughly entertaining series. I am looking forward to more.

I did not care for the actress who played the baby's mother, nor the actor who played Paul Drake; neither of them fit for me.

Still; watch and enjoy this gem. Just like an Oldsmobile, this is not your father's Perry Mason.

Midway (2019)

Didn't like it al all

[3/10 · 6 July 2020]

I thought it was a poor movie; nowhere near as good as the original. None of the characters were likable and it looked more like a video game than a movie; just way too much CGI, and not good CGI. Don't waste your time.

Too Hot to Handle (2020– )

Vapid

[1/10 · 22 April 2020]

Insipid, uninspired, colourless, uninteresting, feeble, flat, dead, dull, boring, tedious, tired, unexciting, uninspiring, unimaginative, lifeless, zestless, spiritless, sterile, anaemic, tame, bloodless, jejune, vacuous, bland, stale, trite, pallid, wishy-washy, watery, tasteless, milk-and-water, flavourless.

"Beautiful" people who actually are anything but. TV has sunk to new lows.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe" Albert Einstein

Full Count (2019)

THIS WAS SO SAPPY, I ALMOST WENT INTO A DIABETIC COMA

[2/10 · 16 March 2020]

I like happy movies. I like movies that leave me feeling good when they're over. I don't care for violence and I won't watch a horror movie. Having said that, this was NOT one of those movies that left me feeling good. It has decent photography and production values and these will keep you watching long past when you should have stopped.

It is a complete ripoff of the Green Mile (A GREAT MOVIE) with the Angel grabbing peoples arms and blowing salvation upon them, allowing them to see the past as if in a movie, whereupon the truth is revealed. And light bulbs blow up, electrical systems malfunction and cameras stop working. Sound familiar?

Just by touching people on the shoulder, this Angel can comfort the souls of the those in need, and make prison guards leave their posts. The movie was dominated by somber piano music and sappy writing and acting. It was just too much, for too long. If you like this movie, you've been drinking way too much of the Kool Aid at your church for waaaaay too long.

It's a story of an american teenager who would never think about drinking, cussing, kissing his girlfriend, much less having sex, has no tattoos, never argues with his mother and tolerates his abusive father with understanding and grace. In short, a complete, unadulterated fantasy.

The moral of this story is that EVERYTHING bad that happens to you can be fixed with prayer and a visit from your own personal angel. (Who looks like the leader of a prison Aryan Nation gang) The drought will end, the police who framed you will be discovered and arrested, all charges will be dropped, people will give you credit when you're behind on your bills, you will have a bumper crop on your farm, money will come flying in to pay all your bills, you will get a ride in a hot air balloon, so you can fly closer to heaven to feel your dead father. Oh, and your permanently injured arm will suddenly and miraculously heal, and you might get to pitch in the Major League.

And they all lived happily after. Amen. Hallelujah. Praise God. The only thing missing was the Angel rising into the sky in a golden light, Heaven bound.

I'm going to be sick.

The Cowboys (1972)

One of my top 3 Westerns. True Grit, The Cowboys and Lonesome Dove

[10/10 · 10 November 2019]

SPOILER ALERT:

I watched this as a boy. This was the movie that made me love John Wayne and hate Bruce Dern. 5o years later, I still can't stand Bruce Dern. I know it was just a movie, but he killed John Wayne! Forgiveness isn't in me.

Roscoe Lee Brown was amazing in this movie. His acting. His voice. His delivery. It doesn't get any better. "I regret trifling with married women. I'm thoroughly ashamed at cheating at cards. I deplore my occasional departures from the truth. Forgive me for taking your name in vain, my Saturday drunkenness, my Sunday sloth. Above all, forgive me for the men I've killed in anger............ and those I am about to." Those words still send a chill down my spine.

I've watched it dozens of times; it never gets old. I have a photo of Wayne and the boys on my wall. I was shocked when John Wayne was killed. Simply dumbstruck. I couldn't believe it. But I cheered out loud when the boys killed the bad guys. And I cried and laughed when they couldn't find his grave at the end. Still do, 50 years later.

"We're burning daylight."

"It's not how you're buried. It's how you're remembered. It's how I remember him.

Young Einstein (1988)

One of the all time great movies

[10/10 · 28 October 2019]

I go to movies to be entertained, and feel better. Every time I watch this movie, I feel great. I dislike American slapstick comedies; this is clever and funny, and original. (I am American)

If you don't like this, you don't have a sense of humor. Amazing soundtrack, and the most original story ever.

Yahoo Serious is my hero.

Love Actually (2003)

My favorite movie

[10/10 · 24 December 2008]

I'm a guy, an old, straight guy, which means I like movies where stuff gets blown up, and this is quite simply my favorite movie.

It's not for everyone as the writing is clever and will probably go over the heads of some, but what an amazing film this is.

If you don't feel good after watching this movie, you're probably an ignorant schmutz. This is as good as it gets. I never get emotional watching a movie, but the Green Mile and this one get to me every time. Amazing acting and an intricate series of subplots cleverly woven together. My favorites are the author and the Portugese girl, Colin the Love God and the little boy.

If you like to be entertained and moved, and every movie doesn't have to have people and property blown to bits, this is the film.

The Man Who Sued God (2001)

Great movie

[9/10 · 28 November 2008]

Everyone seems to be taking this movie waaaaaaay too seriously. Billy Connolly is terrific and the story is wonderful. A great feel good movie and except for the non-stop obscenities, would be a great family film. Terrific writing and great delivery. It's not meant to be an academy award winning drama...it's a comedy for heaven's sake. I never even knew who Billy Connolly was, and now I'm a fan. He's irreverent and incredibly funny, kind of like a Scottish George Carlin. People are complaining about the end, but even though it's a little hokey, it's still enjoyable. If you want to watch a movie with an unbelievably bad ending, watch Russel Crowe in 3:10 to Yuma. Now there's a bad ending.