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The Haunting (1999)
6/10
"WOW" -Owen Wilson Experiencing a Haunting
28 October 2023
Must a movie be great to be good? This movie confirms, no! Instead of quality, I invite more filmmakers to have the genius to invite Owen Wilson to the cast of their horror films.

This is not a good movie. This did not impede my enjoyment of the film. The pros: A young and gorgeous Catherine Zeta Jones playing a bisexual while fabulously dressed. Late 90s visual effects so bad they were comical (yes this is a plus). A fascinating set. Owen Wilson experiencing a haunting while running about talking like Owen Wilson. And I can not sell enough how entertainingly his story concludes.

The cons: Again, very cheesy late 90s effects (its a good and a bad). A very unnecessary twist to the original story. Ghost children??? "Family." The house haunts us very physically, instead of psychologically as the original did.

As a warning, this movie fails its original in countless ways . One of the most famous scenes of the original, the hand holding sequence, seemed to be added just to prove it was sticking w/ some of the original story. Nell in this also seems to go insane due to the outside forces of the house as opposed to her own mental turmoil. It also suffers from a serious case of showing instead of telling. Where the original used camera work, sound editing and atmosphere this one definitely chose instead to use over the top CG effects.

But that pro list is no joke. Owen Wilson delivers a line in his first minute of being introduced that had me in hysterics it was so funny. He explores this deeply cursed house, delivering his classic "wow!" and somehow it does not get old. I do not think it was at all intentional how funny this casting decision was, but it was a master stroke.

Catherine Zeta Jones also had no right to be as good in this as she was. She was not our main character and yet her character's concern and fear and ultimate sorrow is truly to me the heart of the film. Our lead goes frantically seeking out the mysteries of Hill House despite the danger on the behest of ghost children (???) and Zeta Jones goes chasing after her, trying her absolute best to keep her safe. All while in a stunning wardrobe, looking beyond amazing and proudly flaunting her bisexuality. Where the first film did a great job alluding to Theo being a lesbian, this version pulled no punches. Sadly, I will say they did not play up Nell's mutual interest in Theo. Zeta Jones certainly did her best to add some romantic tension but it doesn't really see any development past initial hinting.

None the less, this movie has it's charm. If you enjoy horror movies, both scary and hokey, this one certainly fulfills the later and its worth a watch for its comedic value if nothing else! Please, take the time to watch Owen Wilson reacting to ghosts.
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Malignant (I) (2021)
2/10
if horror cliches could be bred in a lab
9 October 2021
This film was so bad it was comical, but worse is it wanted so desperately to be taken serious. If you asked any stranger on the street to list the things that freak them out, it's in this film for one scene but because the scares are so broad and common place, every jump feels like you predicted it moments before it happened.

Every part of this story feels like a horror cliche taken to such an extreme that none of it feels believable. I didn't believe the main plot, didn't believe half the characters, didn't buy the sets or the costumes. I don't even believe the person who wrote the score knew anything about horror films beyond being told a scary story once over a camp fire when they were 10 that made them get goosebumps a bit, maybe. The only characters I liked felt as if they were pasted in to some comedy gore cartoon but weren't notified.

I can tell the director desperately wanted to make their dream B horror movie masterpiece but by shoving every trope into one clunky story, it all became a cliche you couldn't even laugh at. Only if they'd realized this could be a masterful camp dark comedy would this film have worked. I can tell from some of these reviews, some viewers think they pulled it off but I am warning you now, that is a lie. Instead they tried too hard to be the next "the fly" I'd describe this film as "how not to do camp horror."
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Supernatural: The Real Ghostbusters (2009)
Season 5, Episode 9
perfect proof why serious shows shouldn't always take themselves too seriously
12 November 2009
continuing with this season's phenomenal quality, this episode proved the writers of supernatural know what they're doing. and that they've been listening to their fans.

the basic premise of this episode is a bit lame, yes. dean and sam are tricked by their uber fan, becky, to attend a convention commemorating their own lives and while there, discover the bogus ghost hunt put on by the fans is more fact than fiction. but that doesn't mean this episode is pure genius.

first of all, this episode was hilarious. with loads of inside jokes, from calling upon the "homoerotic tension" between the brothers, to mocking how "supernatural makes grave digging look so easy," along with numerous dorky larpers trying their hardest to act the parts of dean and sam, and failing miserably and fantastically despite quoting the boys exactly from different scenes throughout the series, the humor of this episode is guaranteed to make any supernatural fan howl with squealing laughter. this episode is a perfect example for why serious shows should occasionally take the time to chill, and possibly make fun of themselves in the process.

however, despite the hysterical nature of most of this episode, it still managed to maintain a serious edge to it. during this episode, the brothers, dean in particular, had a chance to look at their lives through the eyes of their fans. it's well known by anyone who has watched this show that sam and dean are none too pleased to be living the life dealt to them. they have to carry more miserable and back breaking burdens than any normal human should. a normal person would go insane in their position. yet even still, there are fans who want to be them and the brothers can't understand it. but in this episode, two fans reveal to them why they are people to be looked upon with admiration, and even jealousy, and finally, they get it.

another great aspect of this episode: we haven't had a regular hunt episode in quite some time. the closest was the previous episode dealing with the trickster, but nothing involving the trickster winds up regular. it was good to have fight something that could be held back with just a bit of salt and iron. also, the plot twist near the end of the episode will definitely surprise you.

also, a very crucial bit of the plot was revealed within this episode. guess it's not just in fanfiction that people noticed how useful fans could be for sam and dean.

this episode was a true master piece. hilarious, yet oddly serious, supernatural reminds the fans once again why we love it so damn much. definite 10/10.
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